Thank you for sharing this with me. It takes a lot of courage to even think these words, and you are not alone in your feelings. Based on the shared experiences of many people who have walked this path, here are some key themes that might help you understand what you're going through.
The Power of Experimentation One of the most common ways people explore their gender is through safe, low-pressure experimentation. This isn't about making a final decision, but about gathering information about yourself by trying things out. You can start with small steps, like trying on different clothes, asking a trusted friend to use different pronouns for you, or changing your hairstyle. The goal is simply to notice how each change makes you feel. As one person described, their process was one of gentle curiosity: "There was no point where I 'figured out' I was trans, I just let myself be curious. Gunna wear something different, see how I feel, gunna cut my hair, see how I feel..." – ilovemytablet source [citation:7569aea2-fd3a-4bdc-b4d6-e22edb2353fc] This approach allows you to discover what brings you a sense of comfort, rightness, or happiness.
Common Early Signs and Thoughts Many trans people report having specific thoughts long before they had a label for their feelings. A very common one is the persistent wish to be another gender. It’s important to know that this feeling itself is often a significant sign. As one person explained, "it’s very common for 'i wish i was [gender]' to be an early sign of someone being trans. many trans people (myself included) have the thought of 'im not trans i just really really wish i was [gender]' before eventually realizing that we’re actually trans" – space-piracy source [citation:7accacb6-00e6-4cb9-96a5-8786253bd6bf] Other signs include feeling a "strange sense of happiness" when being referred to correctly, or finding yourself drawn to the idea of physically transitioning.
The Feeling of "Faking It" is Normal If you're worrying that you might be "faking it" or that you're not "trans enough," please know that this is an almost universal experience. Doubt does not invalidate your feelings; in fact, it's often a part of the process. The key is to shift your focus from "Am I trans?" to "What do I want?" One person shared this empowering perspective: "If you want to be a man chances are you are one. Or if you want to be nonbinary you probably are. Because people who aren't trans generally don't want to be trans." – boredhomosexual source [citation:4f8750df-45f8-49e4-bb07-26b784ae08fc] Your desires are a powerful guide.
Your Identity is Yours to Define It's crucial to remember that there is no one right way to be trans. Your identity is valid regardless of any medical steps you do or do not take. Being trans is about your internal sense of self. Your journey is unique, and "your transition can be whatever you want it to be" – warningscaries source [citation:1cae1416-af3f-4ab3-8298-dab4f4a450fc] What matters most is what makes you feel comfortable and authentic.
In summary, questioning your gender is a deeply personal journey. It’s okay to not have all the answers right now. The feelings you're having—the curiosity, the wishing, even the doubt—are all shared by countless others who have discovered their true selves. Be kind to yourself, take small steps to explore what feels right, and trust that your desires are pointing you toward your truth. You are the only one who can define who you are.