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im amab, ive been identifying as transfem but ive been having a lot of doubts that im a girl, and ive kinda liked the idea of being a boy, should i consider detransition?


Questions and answers for people who are questioning their gender identity.


Of course. It's completely normal to have doubts and questions, and it's okay to explore what feels right for you. Based on the shared experiences of others on a similar journey, here are some key themes that might help you think through your feelings.

Doubt is a Normal Part of the Process

Feeling uncertain, even after you've started identifying a certain way, is incredibly common. Doubts can surface when transition starts to feel more real and permanent. One person shared, "Self doubt is a thing, I doubted I was a girl even when I was three months into stabbing my leg with a needle full of estrogen and wearing women's clothes and using she/her pronouns."MajorFulcrum source [citation:dd49ed12-d623-4d42-a230-e2410c248dae]. Having these doubts doesn't automatically mean you're not trans; it often means you're thoughtfully considering a major part of your life.

Experimenting Can Provide Clarity

Sometimes, the best way to understand your feelings is to test them out in a low-pressure way. You could try presenting as a boy again for a set period and pay close attention to how it feels. As one person suggested, "Try it out for a few weeks and see how it feels. If even just the thought of doing that is distressing, that's a sign that you probably are indeed trans..."elianna7 source [citation:b5e30835-e986-44b1-b579-9231426706fd]. For some, this kind of experimentation confirms their identity. Another user shared that a "feminine phase" made them miserable, which ultimately showed them how sure they were about being a man.

Distinguish Between Identity and Expression

It's important to separate who you are from how you express yourself. You can be a man and enjoy feminine things, or you might be someone who enjoys a masculine expression but doesn't have an internal identity as a man. One user pointed out, "theres a huge difference between liking to be read a certain gender by other people vs how YOU feel regarding your own gender."warningscaries source [citation:1cae1416-af3f-4ab3-8298-dab4f4a450fc]. Ask yourself: Is the appeal about being perceived as a boy, or is it a deeper feeling of being one?

Think About Your Long-Term Happiness

Look toward the future. Can you picture yourself growing into an old man and feel comfortable with that image? How does it feel to imagine yourself with a deeper voice, facial hair, or being perceived as a man in all aspects of your life? One piece of advice is to "be honest: if you really looked like a 'perfect' girl right now, would you feel happy with how that would change your body? Your regular, non singing voice? The way people perceive you?"Crazy-Marketing-5779 source [citation:e55c6132-c9a1-4fc5-821a-80c6e980b474]. This long-term perspective can often cut through temporary doubts.

Your Journey is Unique and Valid

Remember that there is no single "right" way to be. Your path is your own. As one person wisely said, "Keep exploring and when you know what is right for you, it's your life... Also keep in mind that you could also do girly things without being a girl maybe that would be another option"Moon_Boy4ever source [citation:1a54e5ca-2951-4fb8-b8f9-f092e1dd9a5a]. Whether you ultimately identify as a trans woman, a feminine man, non-binary, or something else entirely, what matters is that you find what brings you peace and authenticity.

In summary, your doubts are a sign that you are taking your identity seriously. Give yourself permission to explore without pressure. Experiment with presentation, think about the future, and remember that your interests and expression don't have to define your gender. The goal isn't to find a label quickly, but to find the path that makes you feel most like yourself. You are the expert on your own experience, and whatever you discover will be valid.

The truth is that gender non-conformity will set us all free!

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