This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user provides highly specific, personal, and emotionally resonant details about their detransition experience (e.g., specific physical changes from testosterone, the emotional process of realizing they weren't trans, the financial and social costs, and the long-term aftermath). The language is consistent, passionate, and contains the kind of nuanced, lived-experience details that are very difficult to fabricate convincingly. The account's stated timeline (detransitioning over a decade ago and only recently finding the community) also aligns with the tone of relief and isolated reflection in their posts.
About me
From a young age, I saw being a girl as a trap and was terrified of puberty, a fear that came true with a severe endometriosis diagnosis. I found a community online that convinced me transition was the answer, and I took testosterone and had top surgery. The physical changes were harsh and not what I wanted, and I eventually realized my real issue was internalized misogyny, not a male identity. I stopped everything over a decade ago and have been detransitioned ever since, finally feeling free and content. While I regret the years I lost, I am now happier and focused on moving forward with my life.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started when I was really young. I remember feeling, from my earliest memories, that "girl" was a bad thing to be. I saw it as a trap. I thought that when I turned 13, my personhood would expire because that’s when you become a "teenager," and I saw that as the point where girls get sexualized and lose their freedom. I saw myself as just a person who was going to grow into a taller version of myself, not a woman. I drew a comic on my math test on my last day of being 12, mourning the loss of my freedom because I knew puberty was coming for me.
And then it did, and it was worse than I imagined. I got my period and it turned out I had really bad endometriosis from a young age. It felt like a conveyor belt to slaughter. I saw how women were treated and I felt a deep sense of dread and disgust, especially about pregnancy and anything related to it. I felt like I had been right all along about womanhood being a raw deal.
When I was around 17, I stumbled into online trans communities on places like Tumblr. It was a mentally ill undercurrent that sucked me right in. I was pretty average before that, but I got dragged out to sea for a long time. It gave me an "aha" moment and a sense of community, but looking back, it was really unhealthy. Everyone was just circle-jerking each other's depression and egging each other on that medical transition was the one true way to feel better. I fell for it completely.
I started socially transitioning in my early 20s. I was so goal-oriented, and I made a whole timeline for my transition. It felt like accomplishing goals, and I got so much praise and support from the online community—it was like having my own personal cheer squad. I started testosterone. I was on it for about 2-3 years. The changes were intense and not what I expected at all. I thought I’d become a twink, but instead I got covered in thick, dark hair. The ass hair was the absolute worst; it was like a forest and would shred toilet paper. I started getting acne, a gut, and I was worried about balding. My face hurt from the hair growing in. I also started to get heart palpitations, which I still have to this day.
Even while I was on T, I started to have doubts. I remember posing a question online about internalized misogyny, wondering if that’s what this was really about. I got ripped to shreds for even suggesting it. That scared me back into the comfort of the community because I was afraid of losing my support system. But the thought was planted, and I couldn’t unthink it.
I got top surgery at the very tail end of figuring out I wasn’t trans. I saw it as the final step, "the end, finally." But right after that, I realized it was a huge mistake. I stopped testosterone cold turkey over ten years ago. I didn’t tell anyone or change my name or pronouns back; I just quietly stopped and focused on how I felt. And I felt so much better. I was happier. People told me I looked healthier and more put together.
The body hair mostly decreased, but a lot of it stayed. A few years ago, I invested in laser hair removal for my ass and electrolysis for my neck beard. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. It gave me wild confidence. I love that I don’t smell like cat piss and bologna anymore, that my face is smooth, and that I have cool hair and don’t have to worry about balding.
Looking back, I see now that what I had was extreme body dysmorphia and internalized misogyny, not gender dysphoria. I viewed being a woman as being less than human, and transition felt like an escape from that degradation. I abandoned women and I feel guilt about that. I regret transitioning so much. I wasted most of my twenties. I was a high achiever, but I blew off scholarships, nearly failed my first year of college, took a leave of absence, and ran away with someone I met online. I funneled all my money and energy into transition instead of my actual future. I’m now in my thirties and so far behind my friends in terms of career and life goals. I’m playing catch-up and doing damage control.
I don’t regret detransitioning for a single second. I’m happier with each year that passes. I’ve been detransitioned for over 13 years now, and I finally feel free. Finding this community recently was a huge relief because I had no idea there were so many of us. I spent over a decade thinking I was just defective and alone.
Age | Event |
---|---|
Early Childhood | Felt that "girl" was bad and that my personhood would expire at 13. |
12 | Felt deep dread about impending puberty, drew a comic about losing freedom. |
13 | Started puberty; diagnosed with severe endometriosis. Felt betrayed by my body. |
17 | Found online trans communities on Tumblr, got deeply involved. |
Early 20s | Began social transition and started testosterone. |
20s (2-3 yrs on T) | Experienced unwanted body/facial hair, acne, weight gain, heart palpitations. |
20s | Got top surgery at the tail end of realizing I wasn't trans. |
20s | Stopped testosterone cold turkey, began detransition. |
30s (5 yrs ago) | Got laser hair removal for body hair. |
30s (Recently) | Got electrolysis for facial hair. |
Now (30s) | 13+ years detransitioned, managing endometriosis, finally feeling content. |
Top Comments by /u/120carborundum:
I honestly, truly wish I hadn’t stumbled upon the trans forum I did in my teens. I never thought I would feel this way. I used to justify it and be like ‘it gave me friends and a community’, ‘it helped me work through my feelings’, etc. But not really. The community was so unhealthy, everybody was kind of circle-jerking each other’s depression and egging on THE ONE TRUE WAY TO FEEL BETTER because we were all obviously supposed to be the opposite sex.
I could have made other friends who weren’t basically in a cult. I could have met lesbians and feminists and ACTUALLY sorted out my feelings instead of taking the huge, laborious route of smoke and mirrors. Confronting my problems rather than running away from them.
I wouldn’t have squandered and strained YEARS of relationship with my dad with my ill-fated, misguided narcissism.
I could have focused on ACTUAL goals instead of stupid transition goals- I had so many fcking scholarship opportunities that I squandered because ‘transition had to come first’. I’m kicking myself because I could have had my masters by now, but I’m struggling to get back on track in the wake of the transition fiasco. I’m so far behind so many of my friends in my age group in terms of career goals and housing because I got sucked into this damn cult. Damage control is what I get to do now.
I haven’t been a huge downer on many of my previous replies, but this one I’ve been feeling quite hard recently because now that I’m back on track, it’s taking a tantamount or effort to get my actual life back on track.
Haha. Wild.
I know it sucks to be labeled ‘the enemy’ just because you’re gasp thinking critically, and OH MY STARS voicing it as opposed to collecting woke points. On the bright side of things though, no amount of teenagers shit-talking on the Internet is going to damper the past ten years of contentment I’ve had since stopping hormones and slowly descending the staircase back into reality/sanity.
It also sucks that more people are destined for the cult-like spin cycle of a lot of trans culture. But I’m happy I’m out. Be happy you’re out!
It is a little strange to be watching them waving their pitchforks, it’s like I’m peering through the looking glass. I remember being there, desperately clinging to those notions because I really DID want to do what was right. Just so many of us were so misguided.
(crashes through the ceiling)
FEAR NOT! You don’t have to be relegated to being coated in hair! I also experienced this. I’m very fair haired and blond and was basically hairless up until T. I honestly DID NOT expect to be covered in a carpet of thick, DARK hair especially. My naive vision of becoming a stupid internet twink was dashed early on. Oh well, moving on!
The ass hair was the worst. It pissed me off to no end. So when I actually started viewing laser as an option for ME, and accessible to ME, it was a huge relief. It’s done WONDERS. chef’s kiss. Thanking my lucky stars that hair removal is a thing.
Damn I think I’m actually at 13 years detransition now, and I’m happier with each year that passes. I’ve also not been in any echo chamber, I’ve literally had nowhere to discuss detrans stuff this whole time and only coincidentally found this sub a couple weeks ago.
There’s an awfully big load of insecurity in that post there.
(I also wonder what rights they think we’re fighting against by just simply existing?)
I blew everything off while staying up late researching trans shit and talking to people in trans forums, nearly failed my first year when I’d previously been a high achiever, took a leave of absence and ran away with someone I met online since we were on the same trajectory, made my gpa so bad I could no longer go back to places I could have initially, etc. I took on extra jobs and funneled all the money into this crap because ‘If I transitioned first THEN I could live the rest of my life.’ Bullocks. I just wish I’d have been able to keep my eyes on the prize, my actual FUTURE. But I let my focus slip from that to medicalization for a while.
YEAH! DOOOO IT! WOOO! STOP THAT STINKY T! This is me, doing a cheerleading routine for you, haha.
It’s scary, I know, any life-changing decision is scary as you’re staring down from the threshold. Once you take that step, it will be a relief.
When I realized it, it was still over a year before I let myself even hear that thought. But for that year I was a little bit ‘I made this choice and I’ll die with it’, which is honestly not worth the suffering. The waffling on my decision and the reasons for it were the worst part.
I secretly decreased my dosage while I was waffling bc ‘see I’m still on T i’m Still with my decision!’ And then took an honest look at what I was doing- I was getting NOTHING I wanted from T, but I WAS gaining a gut, balding, getting acne, growing the friggin Black Forest in my butt crack, what the hell was the point?? I went off cold turkey. I Didn’t really tell anybody, didn’t go by a different name or pronouns or literally anything, I just... let it happen. It’s best to go into it this way because then you can really focus on how YOU feel with the changes rather than focus on what OTHER PEOPLE think and feel.
For me, it was good- and I stayed off, kept staying off, and now it’s just over 10 years and I’m where it’s lead me.
I looked different within a year, people were telling me I looked healthier and more put together. I was happier.
The body hair, for the most part, decreased naturally. My leg hair and pubes still stayed a bit denser so I got laser hair removal to thin it back out. The facial hair never went away and I got electrolysis.
Now when I meet people, they wouldn’t know I’d ever been on T. (I had been on T for maybe 2-3 years, it’s kinda foggy now.)
This was so uplifting! I really relate, and we are close in age. I literally just found this subreddit in March, and like you said, I had NO idea that there were SO many people that have these experiences. I’d been trudging along for YEARS, not talking about anything.
Finding trans stuff was kind of an ‘aha’ moment, but THIS feels like actual enlightenment. I feel like I finally know. I feel free.
I did not know there was a discord! Now I’m curious!
Ok, so I psyched myself out of it for A LONG TIME. And even years after stopping T, I would tell myself things like ‘laser is for the fancy people, not for day old pizza eating tank-girl looking schlubs like yourself’. Or the fact that it cost money. And then I sat down one day, and thought about the fact that I was duping myself out this thing because I viewed it as cosmetic and costing hundreds of dollars when I’d previously justified ANYTHING trans even though that shit was also$$$$.
So, yes, I went professional route. Ass laser was the first thing I did, and that was almost 5 years ago when it was still the ‘it feels like a rubber band snap’ method. Which honestly was still not that bad.
I decided this year that I kinda wanted more, and I’ve been going to a lovely person who uses an alexandrite machine. It’s basically painless.
My neck beard I chose to do electrolysis!
My take is, if it will make you feel better, go for it. It just takes a little saving, but we did all this stupid transition shit, so why have we been talking ourselves out of this? This is how my body would have been naturally without my intervention, and the return to this has been a RELIEF.
Don’t tell yourself you don’t deserve it! Both you and your body have been through it. It’s time to take steps towards healing. You’re worth it!
Edit: also, my ass hair was SO FRIGGIN BAD, it would SHRED TOILET PAPER. I remember going off about it and apparently it was worse than the men at my job because they said they didn’t have that problem 😬
“extreme body dysmorphia and internalized misogyny which on paper looks like gender dysphoria”
Yup. I really relate to this. I found the online trans stuff around 17, but I wasn’t able to start medically transitioning until my 20s, and now I’m SO happy that I couldn’t start younger.
I’m also very goal oriented- I was setting goals and accomplishing them! I made a whole timeline. And even added to the personal sense of fulfillment accomplishing a goal, you get the adulation of the trans community too. It’s like you have your own personal niche cheer squad.
When I started initially questioning stuff (social transition and passing as escapism for other problems, internalized misogyny, etc) I posed they ‘hey guys, has anyone ever thought of this?’ type question and brought up internalized misogyny. And I got ripped to shreds. Which made me take a hard step back into the comfort of my cheer squad- too much questioning could make me lose them, my support, and everything!
It sucked. But like, the idea had taken root, and I couldn’t unthink it. Took me a while longer till I knew I could handle falling flat on my face before I could be completely honest.
Anyway. I too got procedures with Medicaid, and I also hate children and am basically tokophobic (like babies and pregnancy things disguuuuuust me! Just wanted to bring that up because I don’t usually see people talk about it). Idk. Thanks a bunch for bringing this up. From what I’m seeing people post, we should really be less intimidated to contact our surgeons about reversal procedures.
I like that I don’t smell like damn cat piss and a bologna log after working out or just... existing anymore.
I hate facial hair, even it growing on my face hurt. It’s such a relief to have it be smooth and low maintenance again.
No balding!! Having cool hair! And I pretty much don’t age 😆