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Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's narrative is highly detailed, internally consistent, and emotionally complex, reflecting the nuanced and often painful experience of a desisted butch lesbian who medically transitioned, regrets it, but continues to live as a man for safety and social convenience. The language is personal, vulnerable, and specific to the detrans/desister experience.
About me
I am a masculine lesbian who started transitioning in my early twenties because I felt immense pressure that there was no place for someone like me in society. I took testosterone for a year and a half and had top surgery, but I stopped due to serious health concerns and regret over losing a part of myself I valued. I now see my medical transition as a response to social prejudice, not an internal need, and I've worked hard to accept my altered body. I still live being seen as a man for my own safety and simplicity, but I know my truth is that I am a woman. My biggest regret is that I ever felt I had to change my body to be accepted.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition is complicated and deeply tied to my identity as a masculine woman and a lesbian. I was born female and am naturally androgynous; even before any medical intervention, I was mistaken for a man about 70-80% of the time. This confusion started when I was a kid and continued into adulthood, especially after I stopped performing femininity and embraced a butch identity.
I decided to medically transition in my early twenties. I felt a lot of pressure from the people around me and the broader social environment, which was very negative towards butch lesbians. It seemed like I had no place in society as a masculine woman, and transitioning was presented as the only viable option. I was on testosterone for about a year and a half and I also had top surgery.
The testosterone gave me a deeper voice and helped me build muscle a bit faster, but I started to worry about the health risks. I learned that it's a carcinogen and can lead to serious issues like heart problems, liver and pancreatic cancers, and it caused me physical issues like genital atrophy and fragile skin. I realized the risks weren't worth the minor cosmetic benefits for me. I stopped taking T because I didn't want to get any hairier and I was scared of the long-term health effects.
My top surgery is something I have mixed feelings about. On a day-to-day basis, I didn't like having breasts, but I did appreciate them in sexual situations. Now, years later, I wouldn't make the same choice again. Sex is a huge part of life and I regret losing that part of myself. I still have pain from the surgery over two years later.
I now see my transition as a response to societal pressure and a deep discomfort with how the world treats gender non-conforming women. I believe what I experienced was a social disease; no one could develop this kind of sex dysphoria living alone on an island. I was trying to fix mental distress caused by society's non-acceptance by making my body sicker.
Even though I've stopped all medical interventions, I still live my life being perceived as a man. I use a masculine name, speak in the masculine form in my highly gendered language, and use men's bathrooms because I know I’d be kicked out of the women's. I don't feel the need to socially detransition or change my name back. It’s simply easier and safer for my daily life. I know I am a woman, a butch lesbian, and that’s what matters to me, even if no one else sees it.
I’ve worked hard to accept my body as it is now. In therapy, I learned that I can both regret the decisions I made and still find a way to like my body and feel good in it. I don't have to live in a state of grief. I go to the gym, I take care of myself, and I'm trying to build a life where I can be happy.
My biggest regret is that I felt I had to change my body to be accepted. I wish the world was different and that there was a strong, healthy community for gender non-conforming people that didn't push medicalization. I'm ultimately a female, masculine, lesbian. That’s the truth of who I am, and no amount of transition could ever change that.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early 20s | Started taking testosterone. |
| 23 | Had top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 24 | Stopped testosterone after 1.5 years due to health concerns. |
| 26 (Present) | Living as a post-transition butch lesbian; off hormones for years, still perceived as male. |
Top Comments by /u/1infinitel00p:
No, gender nonconformity is common in homosexuality and in the general population but that’s different than hating your body.
I believe sex dysphoria is a social disease, and that no human living alone on an island could develop it.
Living in the opposite sex role is what makes someone transgender, full stop.
hi, not gonna pressure you either way on trans stuff but i want to commend you for stopping marijuana. I used marijuana heavily during the lockdown and it really messed with my memory. time away from it will help you and hopefully your memories will come back one by one.
do you have access to counseling through your school? you should see if you can take advantage of that
another thing i want to add but not make another post: In therapy I was able to articulate and finally work through the feeling that I can both like my chest now, and feel good in my body, and also regret the surgery and hormones. It's okay that I wouldn't make the same decision again, and I wouldn't recommend this to anyone else, but that doesn't mean I have to hate my body as it is now and live in a state of grief and anguish over my decision. I can be okay with how my body is, there's nothing wrong with that.
yeah, I think this an aspect of female sexuality that is really culturally repressed and shamed.
I grew up in a secular environment that was very negative towards childrearing (especially young marriage/pregnancy) and I personally didn't experience this in puberty, so i never thought about it until i started talking to friends as an adult who grew up in religious communities that were more positive about childrearing. some of these female friends have shared with me pregnancy fantasies starting at puberty. I think this is an aspect of female sexuality that is very suppressed because it does not benefit males at all.
now that i'm developing a better connection to my body i at least understand it a bit better and can think of it without extreme dysphoria. i have a bit of an insemination kink, which is awkward and complicated because i am exclusively SSA.
You said you’re 16? Female puberty is mostly done. Hormones affects a lot of things other than appearance, including brain development. It’s much healthier to be on your original blueprint, and if you’re having any doubts it’s better for your long term health to get off T.
I recommend learning a lot about female reproductive anatomy and the functions of different parts of your body as a whole system. Breasts are important for hormone regulation, the uterus supports other internal organs and isn’t simply a “babymaker”. This has helped me with dysphoria more than anything
Hey, I actually did the same thing (detransitioned in high school) back in the late 2010s (I then transitioned again in my early 20s and I’m here again bc I regret that oops) People will think you’re a trans woman. You have to get past the fact that people might not see you for who you are. It will be okay. High school will end, and you will have your health, which is most important. Best of luck to you
I felt similarly when I got top surgery, I didn’t want my breasts on the day to day but I liked them in sexual situations (always felt some conflict around this, but ultimately liked them) and now I really wouldn’t get top surgery if I could go back and make the choice again. Sex is a huge part of life.
Cross sex hormones are a major health risk. They treat us like we have gender diabetes and we need cross sex HRT or we’ll drop dead, so it’s not worth speaking seriously about non-cosmetic risks. I don’t know as much about the MTF risks but for me as an FTM transitioned person I know I have risks to my heart health and increased my risk for reproductive, liver, and pancreatic cancers. When I was on T it interfered with my genital function as well (fragile skin, couldn’t self lubricate) And I still have pain from my double mastectomy over 2 years later. My voice is weaker than it used to be because the deepening made it so I can’t control it as well.
I have genetics such that I already passed upwards of 80% before hormones and surgery, and while top surgery helped dysphoria, the hormones did little other than change my voice and help me put on muscle a bit faster. I regret the hormones, i think surgery was the right decision in the circumstances but I wish the world was different overall.
I’m a masculine person and I date women and I would rather live in a world that accepted me with those facts and my natal physical androgyny, than be encouraged in my gender dysphoria and pressured/supported to alter my body to make society more comfortable with me.
I stopped taking testosterone but I still speak my language in the masculine gender and I like how I dress, so it wouldn’t improve my quality of life to switch my sex marker back or anything like what I see others doing here. I see myself more as post-trans than detrans, if that makes sense? I wouldn’t undo my transition, but I’m upset at the society for creating and enabling this “medicine” and making me sicker physically to fix mental distress from societal non-acceptance of androgyny
hey friend, i'm a lesbian and i have the same situation, except i'm not attracted to men, i just wish i would be one because i don't believe that a woman will love me like this. i recommend stopping porn as much as you can, it's the only thing that's helping me. also i recommend therapy. here if you want to chat
I’m out right now and I don’t have time to send you more stuff, but I researched the effects of T in female bodybuilders (as opposed to trans men) and also I watched a lot of videos from Isle of Ex on YouTube where she reviews medical literature on sex differences (if you chose to watch her, I will warn you that she’s sometimes a bit mean). There are other things but the most important one is that there are several internal organs that are sex-differentiated on the cellular level and need the proper levels of hormones to be healthy long term. The pancreas specifically is like this, and anecdotally I keep hearing pancreas cancer reports from people who are long term on T (like 10+ years). Testosterone is a known carcinogen. Additionally, testosterone causes uterine and vaginal atrophy and raises the rates of the associated cancers.
The way I look at it is, being on HRT was like smoking for a few years. I can’t change the fact that I did it and it’s not the end of the world, but I don’t want to continue because the risks aren’t worth the benefits.