This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the comments provided, the account "2bfexx" appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or inauthentic. The user demonstrates a consistent, nuanced, and personal understanding of dysphoria, desistance, and the detransition experience, including detailed personal anecdotes and empathetic advice that aligns with the known perspectives of many desisters. The writing style is human-like, varied, and contextually appropriate, showing genuine engagement with the community's topics.
About me
I started feeling like a boy as a kid because I never fit the female stereotypes and hated the sexism I faced. I considered transitioning to escape my severe body dysphoria and the pain of my female physiology. Through therapy, I realized my distress was rooted in internalized misogyny and trauma, not in being female. I learned to appreciate my body for its strength and to reject the narrow boxes society creates. Now, I see myself just as me, a woman in the biological sense, but finally free from letting that label define my entire self.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and complicated, and it’s only in recent years that I’ve found a sense of peace. I never medically transitioned, but I spent a huge part of my life deeply dysphoric and seriously considering it. A lot of my struggle came from growing up female in a world that felt like it had a very narrow, frustrating idea of what that meant.
From a young age, I never felt like “one of the girls.” I didn’t fit the stereotypes and it made me feel like a weirdo. Most of my friends were boys, but even then, in all-male groups, I’d sometimes end up being “the girl,” which was hurtful and alienating. I hated the everyday sexism and the constant pressure to fit into a box. I remember even as a young schoolkid, I’d always “see” myself as a boy in my thoughts, and the idea of “me as a girl” felt strange and not like home.
Puberty was especially hard. I started my period at 11 and suffered from severe dysmenorrhea—cramps so bad they were debilitating, with stabbing pain that made me feel suicidal at times. I was also frustrated with my female physiology overall. I felt weaker than men, and since I’ve never wanted kids, my reproductive system felt like a useless, annoying burden. I work in trades, and a stronger, more muscular physique would have been so much more practical for my life. I hated my body and felt disgusted by my female parts, a feeling that was definitely made worse by being sexually assaulted as a young teen.
For a long time, I thought the solution was to transition. I felt that if I were a man, my body would finally match my personality and my interests. The idea was incredibly alluring—a straightforward way to cure all the pain at once. I even went so far as to go to the registry office to change my name, but the guy there was intimidating, so I backed out. In hindsight, that probably saved me from a path I would have regretted.
What really helped me wasn’t transitioning, but therapy. I worked through a lot of my self-hatred and anger in talk therapy. I had to untangle a lot of things. I realized I was projecting my whole negative self-image onto my birth name; it represented the dumb, ugly, clumsy, nerdy, autistic failure of a girl I thought I was. I learned to forgive myself and sympathize with that hurt girl who never deserved any of it. It took years.
A big part of my healing was understanding that my dysphoria was rooted in internalized misogyny and a deep-seated devaluation of female anatomy. I intellectually knew being female wasn’t inferior, but on some deep level, I had absorbed that message. Working in a care facility also changed my perspective; seeing people who had real, serious health problems made me appreciate my body for what it could do, rather than hating it for what it wasn’t. I started focusing on the positives—like having no allergies, healthy teeth, good endurance, and a strong back.
I also learned to see the sexist stereotypes for what they were: cultural baggage, not reality. I decided that if I was obviously female but not like society said a woman should be, it couldn’t be me who was wrong. I started redefining womanhood to include me. If someone said a job I was doing was “for men,” I’d just say, “No, it’s a woman’s job because I’m doing it.”
I don’t regret not transitioning. I’m at a point now where I see myself as just me. I’m a woman because I’m an adult human female, but that label doesn’t hold much meaning for me beyond the biological facts. It has medical and social implications, mostly annoying ones, but it doesn’t define my personality or my worth. I wish people would just stop putting everyone in boxes.
My thoughts on gender now are that it’s a social construct built on biological sex. The idea of an innate “gender identity” has never made sense to me. How can a brain be born knowing about the skirts or suits of a culture it hasn’t even encountered yet? I think the only way out of the current mess is to strip all that gender baggage away from the words “man” and “woman” and leave them as simple, biological terms. That leaves everyone free to be individuals.
Here’s a timeline of the key events in my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 11 | Started menstruation; severe dysmenorrhea and pain began. |
| Early Teens | Deep gender dysphoria started; felt I was a boy, not a girl. |
| Teens/Early 20s | Considered transition seriously; went to registry office to change name but did not go through with it. |
| Mid-Late 20s+ | Underwent extensive talk therapy; began to understand and overcome internalized misogyny and body dysmorphia. |
| Adult (exact age varies) | Found peace by focusing on my body's capabilities, rejecting stereotypes, and redefining womanhood on my own terms. |
Top Comments by /u/2bfexx:
Yeah, that "asking pronouns" stuff is in fact a futile charade right now. I honestly think it won't solve any issues, but instead it brings up all kinds of new dumb insecurities and interpersonal shit.
The "always ask pronouns" crew suggests we just make it a new cultural habit to ask everyone and everytime, so no one is "othered". The big problem is that this it will likely never take off, as it's too complicated and mostly impractical in everyday life. Most people go with the pronouns you'd assume, so why would anyone bother with asking a question that is self-answering in like 99.5% of cases?
Even if you mean well and start asking (like as a business owner to your clients), you'll run into new issues and probably end up "offending" more people than before: "Damn, did he just imply I look weird or what? Does he make fun of me??" For people with hormone disbalances and other body issues, this might be even worse and outright humiliating, as you'd point out their perceived bodily flaws. This would likely be similar for detransitioners or people who present more androgynous.
Also, it doesn't even help all trans/nb people. For example, those who worked hard to pass might feel clocked and exposed. Then there are also trans or nb people who wanna go stealth or are still figuring out, and they might feel exposed or forced by such questions.
That said, I would personally love to just have one single "gender-blind" pronoun (like "they" or whatever) to be used for each and every person no matter their gender, as it would do away with all misgendering issues while being much easier and more practical than "asking" and remembering individual variants/grammars every time.
But as I said in the 1st point, I wonder if even this can happen, as most people probably just won't ever care enough ... dunno. In any case, it'll be somewhere at the far end of a long rocky road.
As with every fetish, it's possible they'll stick to you forever. Not to disillusion you, but that's just the way it is.
So the most helpful thing is to ask yourself how you want to live while having that fetish? You need to find a way to handle it in a healthy way that doesn't interfere with your life. Here are some strategies:
- Don't let addiction get hold of you. Cut away the porn!! It's a highly addictive drug that messes with your brain and sexuality.
- Don't try to suppress the urge, it'll just flood out in a binge session. Rather accept that you have it, and be mindful of yourself. Do NOT be ashamed either - there's no need to, and also shamefulness can exacerbate the urge to compensate by indulging in fetish fantasies (which are to a large part an escapism).
- Do lots of sports to use up your excess energy and calm you down.
- Have a diverse schedule to keep your mind busy w/ other interests n stuff that aren't sex-related.
- Focus on meaningful relationships. Try to open up & explore other sexual experiences that don't serve your fetish. The fetish probably isolated you from that, but you can become more diverse and free in your sexuality.
Good luck to you!!
Yup I'm with you. I only "see" myself as a woman because my reproductive system is a female one, and adult human females are called "women". It doesn't hold any meaning beyond that for me anymore. It has some medical, physiological, and (mostly annoyingly) also social implications. Same as me "being white" or "being German". I'm just me; and I wish folks could just stop putting everyone in boxes already.
Agreed with that one, as "phobic" can also mean aversion. So it has a double meaning.
Nevertheless, criticising a concept or theory, or its practical application, isn't already "phobic" and it definitely gets thrown around too much. In OP's context I also don't see anything "phobic".
Didn't transition so I try keepin' it short. Just read such experiences umpteen times meanwhile. I think when your core problem actually lies elsewhere, you just carry your inconfidence with you and it will settle on the next thing as you go. Also your changing physiology might bring up new insecurities, like transmen on T might get even more conscious of their breasts as they match their new male looks less over time ... just one thing leading to the next. It's certainly not trivial, and imo such decisions should thus be pursued only with appropriate risk awareness and caution.
OP, even if you're distancing yourself from your gf due to their transition, I don't think it's really "transphobia" in this case. You're currently both going very different paths in your life, and your experiences and wishes are not easy (if not impossible) to match.
In the end it is true that everyone needs to chose for oneself; and I mean this also in a pragmatic sense: it's usually just futile to try and reach someone who has already made up their mind. It mostly ends in misunderstanding and division and doesn't help anyone. My stance is that it's still completely legit to be worried and also to tell your partner about it, but ultimately it's on them alone what to make of it.
I've been at similar points with very good friends that I lost over the years (not trans related but other serious stuff); sadly it's an inevitable part of life. Don't wanna be a smart ass, just found that sticking around and hoping in vein just ends in frustration if your worlds don't align. That's why it's better to let other people go in peace, leaving out a hand to reach, and focus on living your own life. Take care of your needs and do things that matter to you. (As a positive sidenote to keep in mind, it may be possible to catch up again at a later point in life.)
About the gender stuff, I get that frustration (couldn't stand it for a minute tbh, as gender stereotypes have always been a major trigger for my dysphoria). The weird thing is that you'll always hear how no one in the queer scene believes in gender stereotypes and it's all completely unrelated to dysphoria and transition, while at the same time statements of that sort are just all over the place. However, it's apparently not the right environment for you at the moment, which is sad but you'll have to find yourself a new place in your life. Wish you the best!
Those "statistics" are a scam anyway. None of those studies was actually designed in a meaningful way to properly assess the numbers of detrans people. The "1%", for example, is pulled from a survey that explicitly(!!) excluded most detransitioners (USTS 2015 I think it was)
Also, detransitioners are largely "invisible" to statistics cos there's no tracking of people who for whatever reason stop going to the doc's. You also can't reach them as easily by LGBT centers and alike.
Sadly this ain't even an exaggeration. I read up on the "gender exploratory therapy" concept recently, and the 1st paper coming up on the topic was by a (not too surprisingly) trans woman who argued it's "conversion therapy" and thus transphobic. Why, you ask? Cos it deviates from the unquestioning affirmation mantra, and we can't have that. Yes, that was the whole critique. It's ridiculous.
Regarding the numbers and if it was rarer ... I strongly suppose that to be a statistic bias. People stopping to do something are generally very hard to assess. In case of detransition, they might without further ado just cease doing hormones or not pursue further transitional steps. Therefore it is kinda "invisible" to medical statistics.
And if you wanna target them directly in your study: how would you even "find" them? For trans people, you could for example advertise your study in your local LGBT center, but detransitioners might not visit those places so often anymore.
Next difficulty: many detransers might just wanna leave that topic all behind (as it could bring up bad feelings/regret etc, or just doesn't feel relevant anymore); so even if you "reach" them, they may refrain from participating.
Therefore it all seems very plausible that detransitioning has always been highly underestimated. Even more so in the past: if transitioning is itself a fringe topic, detransitioning will be even more so. On the societal large scale, it would thus be disregarded as a non-issue, but probably not "rightfully so".
Which is so crazy to me, because even if there was something like "true transness" (I personally don't believe it, but let's just grant it for now) then wouldn't it be especially(!!) important to help people and their movement by doing some basic safeguarding? Wouldn't such stories be an incredibly important contribution to gain more insight and solidify your strategy??
It's just basic truth for every ailment that people can wrongly assume they have it, which is exactly why we have professionals and strict diagnostic guidelines. Imagine if the ADHD community was like "everyone who feels like having ADHD has it and is thus eligible to get Adderall". Just think of the absolute outrage!! It not only would cause problems by inevitable misdiagnostics but furthermore delegimitize the whole field in the long run, which would be detrimental to the very people it cares for.
To be very honest, I think this whole schtick just reveals that deep down even the strongest TG proponents don't actually believe their claims would hold up, which is why they're all too often have some paranoid dictators' attitude.