This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The user's comments are highly personal, emotionally varied, and show a consistent, nuanced feminist perspective on gender dysphoria and trauma over a two-year period. The writing style is natural, includes self-deprecating humor ("LOL"), and offers empathetic support and specific resources, which is typical of a genuine, passionate participant in this space.
About me
I'm a woman in my forties, and my struggle with my body started as a teenager when I felt a deep disconnection because of the pressure of the male gaze. I now understand my feelings as a trauma response to sexism, which I used to escape through addiction. The most important part of my healing was trauma therapy and feminist principles, which helped me reconnect with my physical self. Today, I am a happy butch woman who is finally at peace with my body and my identity. I believe that if we stopped gendering every behavior, a lot of this pain wouldn't exist.
My detransition story
My journey with my body and my identity has been long and complicated, but I’ve never actually transitioned. I’m a woman, and I’ve always known I’m a woman, even when I felt completely disconnected from my body. I’m in my forties now, and looking back, I’m grateful that when I was a teenager, transitioning wasn’t an option that was offered to us. If it had been, and if I hadn’t been raised with such a strong feminist foundation, I might have gone down that path because my feelings were so intense.
The main issue for me has always been dissociation and body dysphoria. It’s not a gender dysphoria; it’s a deep unhappiness and disconnection from my physical self. I now understand this as a trauma reaction. For a long time, I used drugs, specifically DXM, to escape. It was an addiction, and it was hard to break because the altered state made reality make more sense to me. It snapped me back into a version of myself that felt right, but I knew I was taking too much.
A lot of my pain came from the oppressive experience of being a woman in a patriarchal society. Growing up, I hated the male gaze. I felt weird about my curves and wanted to hide my body because I knew it was being judged and consumed by men. I developed a very cold, icy demeanor as a defense mechanism—square shoulders, no smile, a serious tone—to tell men with my body language that I wasn’t interested. I learned to act like a “bro” to get them to back off. This feeling of being locked out of certain behaviors or communities just because I was a woman was incredibly lonely. It’s a terrible feeling to be taught that your body limits who you can be.
I believe that what many people call gender dysphoria is often an unrecognized trauma dissociation. It’s a valid reaction to the horribly oppressive sexism we endure. It goes hand-in-hand with things like eating disorders; hating and trying to control our bodies is a common trauma response. For me, healing has been about addressing the root causes of my unhappiness. The only way I could stay alive was through therapy focused on trauma and dissociation. The treatments that work for body dysphoria are the same as those for eating disorders, OCD, and self-harm: it’s about centering yourself in your feelings, learning to feel your body, accepting and loving your physical self, and understanding the traumatizing world that shaped these feelings.
I’m a butch, bisexual woman, and it took me a long time to accept all of myself and present the way I feel on the inside on the outside. I love seeing other gender nonconforming people find their way. The key is having the soul strength to be yourself in a world that pressures you to conform. You can dress or act however you want—feminine, swishy, butch—because these are behaviors, not something defined by your body. If we could stop gendering every little behavior, a lot of this pain wouldn’t exist in the first place.
I don’t regret not transitioning because I never did. My path was one of digging deep into my trauma and my feminism to find peace with being a woman. I have no regrets about that journey. It made me who I am.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on my experiences:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Teenage Years (1990s) | Experienced puberty discomfort and a desire to hide my body. Understood these feelings as a reaction to the male gaze and sexist oppression, not a sign of being trans. |
| Early 40s (around 2020) | Struggled with dissociation and body dysphoria, leading to DXM addiction as a form of escapism. |
| Early 40s (2020-2022) | Engaged in trauma therapy and used feminist principles to work on body acceptance and healing from trauma. |
| Present (Mid-40s) | Living as a butch bisexual woman, comfortable with my identity and body, and advocating for understanding the roots of dysphoria. |
Top Comments by /u/54321_Sun:
Thank you for saying it.
I experienced that awakening about 20 years ago when I went to my first trans meeting. I saw it was all men, defining women through a very misogynistic lens. There wasn't one woman in the room except for me.
And when I tried to speak about my trans feelings, I was literally silenced. And then also silenced by the peer pressure and the normal stuff I was used to- men talking over me in a room. Lol
Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing. Vulnerability is the real test of strength, and you've got it- strength. I repeated it because I wanted you to know as a woman you are strong as hell- from a sister woman :-)
I am so happy to see that people are realizing the internalized misogyny that creates a lot of the trans dysphoria. I have D.I.D. and dysphoria in my body, but it is not a trans dysphoria. But it is enough that I had to really really lean on my feminism to get through my healing. If you want any books that are fun and interesting about badass women, let me know. I can give you non-fiction, novels, science fiction, whatever. I am a book nerd.❤✌👍
•The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love - teenage baby butch raised by her butch aunt (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Incredibly_True_Adventure_of_Two_Girls_in_Love)
•Princess Cyd - more teenagers, girl has butch love interest (https://m.imdb.com/title/tt6053440/)
•Signature Move- loved this one! Soft butch (https://youtu.be/1LsH6HWpeBA)
•ONE MISSISSIPPI Great show about butch comedian/writer Tig Notaro (One Mississippi - Season 1. Check it out now on Prime Video! https://watch.amazon.com/detail?gti=amzn1.dv.gti.26ab880c-b8a7-e823-9ad6-2abe5dbf1e71&ref_=atv_dp_share_seas&r=web)
Good for you! I'm a woman who has always been butch and I am now learning to own it more, and it is hard. So I understand the concept of really internally sitting with myself and understanding my body is my body and how I want to present it is how I want to present it. Good on you!
Welcome to the world of being a woman, and this is probably why you have dysphoria in the first place.
We live in a very patriarchal society where women are seen as other and to be flirted with or cajoled or asked to smile and be cute.
My two cents, I have developed a very cold physical demeanor and an icy stare. I've probably overdone it, LOL. But part of living in the world as a woman is learning to butch up and tell men with your physical body and face as well as with words. Square your shoulders, have zero smile, talk seriously and they will get it.
Look them right in the eye, with no pandering niceness in your face and tell them you are not interested. If you start acting like a bro to them they will get it.
Edited for grammar
Reading this entire thread is reminding me so much of myself and going through dissociative trauma therapy. I think because I am older and matured before the Internet, I did not try to transition, but if that had been a choice and/or I had not been such a feminist at such a young age I may have done. It is a really lonely place to be a woman and completely not accept any of the roles that are put on you and try to walk through the world. I hear you.
As to the dating scene, as you do more therapy/self love work and a LOT of internal communication which can be done through meditation, yoga, (whatever works,) you will find what artistic display of gender will work for you.
And somebody will be very attracted to that! I would LOVE to date a very butch looking women who has style and self confidence. (HAWWWTT) That is literally what makes me the most turned on. I don't know if you're gay or not, but if you're interested in women, butch is hot! If you're interested in men I also know lots of men that like butch women.
The key is to have the soul strength to be gender nonconforming in the world and it is a hard one.
I just want to say I hear you and I understand the incredible loneliness
edited for typos/grammar/style
Yes, but you cannot appropriate womanhood. You can choose to wear all the chains women like me have been put in for thousands of years. The chains I mean of gendered clothing, you can put those on, you can wear makeup, etc, but that doesn't make a woman.
I apologize if you've heard this already, but at least for me in my personal journey, going to therapy to realize what the root causes of the unhappiness are and then work on the root causes is the only way I could stay alive.
Reading this thread, it comes like a neon sign to me that the problem you're having is your identity in the world with your woman's body.
I can feel your pain through the words. It is very terrible to be taught you are locked away from behaviors because of your body. That you're locked away from community because you're a woman. You do not need to perform any femininity whatsoever.
And yes it is a BIG crux to get over that we got screwed in being born in this time and place as women.
Perhaps because I am older, in my 40s, I identified strongly with my oppression as a woman as a child and read a lot of books that centered women.
I hope you can find a confidant, a therapist, someplace, to help you work on accepting your body and the history of trauma that you inherited with your woman's body.
Working on acceptance, distraction, self talk.
It seems like you are working on the acceptance stage. I know that I have had to write all my thoughts down in a journal, or talk them out to myself.
To accept that you are your body, and that it does not define how one needs to behave in society takes time.
But remember, you can do whatever you would like to do, in your body. If you would like to dress girly or swishy or whatever, you can do that, you can act as feminine as you like, because those are behaviours- not bodies, not sexes.
If humans could get out of this whole thing of gendering every behaviour, movement and clothing then the obsession would not have been forced onto you by our culture in the 1st place. You can get through it.
I love that you are ready to take on the challenge of being a femme gay man!! I am a butch bi woman, and it was a long road for me to be able to accept all of myself and present the way I feel on the inside on the outside. Gender nonconformists are my favorite! To paraphrase Alice in Wonderland- all the best people are ;-)