My mom's side of the family was never very receptive to me being trans and had trouble using my name and pronouns even after I began passing as male. I reached a point of 'looking cis' and realized that I was actually treated as male by society, because they couldn't tell I was trans, and my dad's side of the family treated me as such. Now that I'm detransitioning, both sides accept it and want me to be as happy as I can be. What's amusing is that it's flipped now: my dad's side seems to have trouble not seeing me as a man, and my mom's side was happy to 'go back.' I love both parents and understand that transition was just part of my story.

People who love you love YOU -- not a given set of words used in an attempt to express yourself, but your actual self, your soul. We can call ourselves and our spatial bodies "trans," "detrans," and any other made-up combo of letters and sounds, because that's all that language is: attempts to fully express the self. My advice would be to continue seeking a core sense of self that is only tangentially related to gender, unless gender brings you joy.

Earth is in a strange place in terms of consciousness right now. Many people are unhappy and can't figure out why, and we make strange decisions in our search for meaning and exploration of our autonomy. As long as we all understand that we are trying to find ourselves, we have no need for remorse or animosity toward each other and our choices. We are all characters in the same story; our individual lives have significance on their own and in the larger narrative. The point of being human is to be happy -- but what's powerful about us is that our happiness is based in choice. It is not forced upon us, it is organic and comes from our true selves if we allow it to. That is part of our test, whether you believe a higher power is testing you or that you are testing yourself.

We cannot change the past, so there is no need to dwell on it. It happened for a reason -- and the only way to believe there's a reason for anything is to keep going and find it.

Please do extensive research on the side effects of testosterone. I can speak from experience that places like Planned Parenthood do NOT warn patients of the full risks, on the informed consent paperwork or verbally. It's irritating because the risks are absolutely known of these days. I've seen a lot of testimony indicating that 'gender clinics' do the same barebones introduction that PP does. It may be industry ignorance, but it's unacceptable regardless because they prescribe it to very young people now.

I am primarily referring to the damage caused to internal organs that depend on the presence of estrogen to function. Side effects like acne and whatnot are not the issue. It's common to get severe abdominal cramps once you've been on T several months or a few years, depending on your body. The cramps are your body indicating that the reproductive organs cannot maintain themselves, and the consequences can be serious, even requiring emergency surgery in some cases.

The doctor will prescribe you local estrogen creams to counteract the effects if/when you begin experiencing cramps and chronic pain. Speaking again from experience... It's not enough. At all. You're still injecting a foreign hormone regularly and creating a challenging environment for those organs.

It's crucial to be happy in your body, including in terms of gender identity. It's also crucial to have a healthy body. Unfortunately, medical transition and overall physical health are not as compatible as they're made out to be. Try to think in the long term and make sure you consider this logistically as well as emotionally.

I can't speak for the effects of E, but as far as T goes, I recommend looking up Buck Angel's hysterectomy story for an example of what extensive damage can be done to the reproductive organs. The damage is internal and very, very sneaky.

After about a year and a half on T, I began to experience extreme vaginal dryness and cramping after each weekly shot. These effects got worse and worse until I saw my doctor for it. She gave me an estrogen cream prescription which helped with the topical discomfort. This did not stop the cramping, which intensified more and more until it was almost unbearable. I would take Pamprin to counteract it. I did further research and learned that if I kept going, my cervix could fuse shut with my IUD stuck in it, and then I would need emergency surgery like what Buck got. These changes are serious and the social politics need to dial back so that people can focus on logical and safe medical solutions.

Trans, NB, and GNC people are being lied to and abused by the medical industry. While I remember how unpleasant it felt to hear things like this while in the thick of it, I have no agenda now but to spread word about how biologically dangerous this can actually be. I am lucky to still be intact after 4 years of a high dose. The 'informed consent' shit does not involve fully informing the patient of the risks.

There needs to be genuine, unbiased research into methods of alleviating gender dysphoria. Gender is a social construct, but our bodies function based on hormones and opposite hormones are not compatible with organs whose biological function depends on the presence of natural hormones.

I had top surgery scheduled twice in 2021 with two different doctors but just couldn't get it to work out. Now I'm glad it didn't. I was very certain of my trans identity, but extremely uncomfortable and unhappy with how much I would have to change my body to match my mental image/construct of myself. I was also distraught that I had to trade off biological damage to my uterus and ovaries for psychological comfort. The social movement and my own pain convinced me that it was necessary.

At the end of last year, my brain chemistry underwent a massive shift due to positive changes brought on by psychedelics, particularly Salvia divinorum. I gradually became genuinely happy as a masculine woman / GNC female / nonbinary woman again. As much as I like males' appearance and relate to so-called male personality types, I learned that prioritizing my health wasn't compatible with the changes I thought I 'needed' to make. I'm thankful for the body I have and want to take care of it.

I'm almost 25. I was on T for almost four years and my first severe dysphoria showed up at 16. I would not have seen detransition coming and am glad I did not remove body parts before my brain was able to change. I used to get very upset when it was suggested that changing the brain is safer and easier than changing the body, because that version of myself felt like "the real me" and I did not want my autonomy violated.

I would not discourage people who identify as trans to stop if they're happy, or really discourage anyone in general, because we've all got different bodies and lives and purposes here. I do want to encourage people to bear in mind that feelings of certainty about something can adapt and change over the years. I think there are people who can live happily and healthily as trans, even with medical changes, but objectively it comes with a lot of biological risks that have to truly be 'worth it.' If there is any doubt at all, exercise caution, as it's all very permanent.

Every single thing that happens in a person's life plays a crucial part in the development of their full soul. This includes even the most painful challenges and so-called mistakes. When we view our lives as stories, the definition of a 'mistake' changes greatly, as everything that happens is simply part of a larger narrative with a cohesive meaning.

It can be hard to see past pain while in the thick of it, but breaking down concepts into smaller ones helps with analyzing emotions. For example, the concept of "I regret a decision" breaks down into the memories of the decision, the realization that the decision may not be made in the present, the feelings that led to the decision and how they've changed over time, and many more elements. Each element is on its own a unique concept which can in turn be broken down and analyzed too. Separate overwhelming notions into their core components and handle them individually until it's time to divide them again.

Seeking companionship in the form of a partner is healthy and positive. Waiting for someone who truly accepts you -- including your past and how it impacted your current self -- is worth it. Like you said in another comment, you're done changing yourself; stay confident, stay determined, and try to see each moment of difficulty as a lesson designed to grow your soul bigger and stronger.

You are a person worth loving the same way a partner is worth loving. Nurture the love and respect you already feel for yourself; we are all composed of consciousness/perception and self-love is a very important manifestation of that.

Going back is smoother than I expected so far. I took T for almost four years, and getting off it for health reasons came before parting ways with trans identity. I am surprised by how quickly my natural hormones are changing my face and body again after only three months.

I did not rush to tell people; becoming comfortable internally, and with my own body, was and is my first priority. Only once I was comfortable with myself did I tell my parents, as I had to get in the right emotional state and develop the right understanding to be able to share why I took the route I did.

I now understand even more than I did in the past how much my family just loves me and wants me happy and healthy in whatever way is best for my life. Your family sounds respectful, and I imagine/hope based on what you said that they would listen to you just as they did with transitioning.

Go easy on yourself in general and take all the time you need to think. The past is already the past, and any type of future can still be built. What's important is giving yourself the right materials to build that future.

I would also suggest to temporarily detach yourself and read your post as if a different person wrote it. There is such a divide on these topics right now and no one knows your personal history and goals better than you do. What advice would you give a person going through your exact scenario? What feels the healthiest and the most in line with the future you wish for? One day you'll be talking about this part of your life in past tense; what story do you want to tell when you do? (Those are rhetorical, just meant as prompts for self-exploration.)

Having a sense of independent self -- and the ability to customize that self -- is a beautiful part of nature and of being human. What matters is being happy and healthy, in body and in mind. Your story is still being written and you have a lot of future left ahead of you. While it can be tempting and easy to let regret take the reins, regret is best used as an educational tool for creating a happier life and identity -- which eventually yields no regret, only lessons learned. Make sure you stay kind to yourself on your journey.

Wonderful, accurate answer and a good reminder of what's most important. It's a slippery slope back into politics and stress when discussing the medical aspects, which I know I tend to focus on after my experiences, and which get a lot of attention on this sub. Your approach is the best one to have. Our souls/personalities are composed of pure information and that's what matters.

Here and here are two comments I made about side effects and my experiences with them. The abdominal pain got very severe for me once I was a few years in. If it's anything like the usual, your prescriber will likely not convey the seriousness of the risks posed to the reproductive organs. I would say just take it slow and listen to your body's signals along the way, and research stuff like Buck Angel's emergency hysterectomy.

Around and before puberty: Recognizing that I was not built like most women, but not feeling an attraction to other women that would have led me to happily identify as butch. I noticed early-on that I was tall, had wide square shoulders, big hands, a 'masculine' jawline, an apparent inability to match most female speaking patterns and tones, and just generally could not fit in or get along with girls. However, I didn't like being with boys either because I felt like an object of mockery with them too, just in different ways. As I got older, I would sometimes get mistaken for a trans woman, and was even confronted in a bathroom once while wearing construction clothing. I barely understood the trans concept at the time and was so confused.

As an older teenager, I developed an attraction to women (more like realized it was always there but stopped feeling shame about it), identified as bisexual, and began presenting as goth/punk. I wore a lot of makeup and liked my appearance... but still felt like my body was not 'female enough' and remembered all those childhood years of wishing I had been born a boy so I could at least feel and look normal. Then came the discovery of trans identity. I put aside politics and decided hormonal transition was the most logical option to be happy with my mannerisms and body structure.

Misogyny -- particularly that which comes from other women, like internalized misogyny -- was a huge factor. I was always no-nonsense about women's self-defense. I felt like my mom wanted me to hide from the world instead of challenging the world to allow me to exist -- defending myself however necessary in the process. My dad was on my side about doing what I want and throwing down with anyone who tried to attack me. However, it was very easy for him to see these traits in me as male, so he supported my transition more than my mom.

If anything, the paranoia elements were a result of the misogyny and repression my mother experienced herself -- but she was not conveying the right safety concepts to a growing young woman in that regard. Women do NOT need to hide. The 'safety' culture that so many (well-meaning) mothers partake in perpetuates the notion that women are inherently in a victim position just by nature of our sex.

There is a reason that so many detrans people were born female.

Edit: Trimmed this down a bit, it's too easy to ramble with personal sorts of answers.

I can relate to feeling Two-Spirited for lack of a better term. I feel there are two souls in me, a woman and an 'anything.' I also avoid using the term for cultural sensitivity reasons, but it seems to be a very genuine expression of the human spirit that has existed a long time.