This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The user demonstrates:
- Personal, detailed experience: They share specific, first-person details about their 7-year transition, detransition timeline, and personal realizations.
- Consistent, nuanced perspective: Their views are complex, self-critical, and avoid extreme rhetoric, acknowledging both their past mistakes and the good intentions within the trans community.
- Varied, empathetic engagement: They offer tailored advice on practical issues (laser hair removal, electric shavers) and provide emotional support, often using personalized language like "for me it was..." and "in my case...".
The account exhibits the passion and personal history consistent with a genuine desister/detransitioner.
About me
I started my transition at 23, believing becoming a woman was the answer to my self-hatred and discomfort with being male. For seven years, I lived that life, but it was consumed by an obsession with my appearance that I now see was the real problem. I realize my reasons were complicated; I had a very negative view of men and saw femininity as an escape from myself. I stopped hormones a year ago and letting go of that identity was a huge relief, as my unhappiness was never about my gender but about self-acceptance. Now, I’m just focusing on being a person, not a man or a woman, and I’ve found a much more peaceful life.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was 23. For as long as I could remember, I had hated my body and felt uncomfortable with myself. When I discovered information about being transgender online, it felt like the answer I had been searching for. I became convinced that all my problems were because I was a man and that I needed to become a woman to be happy. I came out as a trans woman and started taking estrogen.
For seven years, I lived as a woman. I got laser hair removal on my face and was deeply involved in the online trans community. During that time, I also published scientific papers under my new name. But the whole time, a big part of my life was focused on "passing" and trying to force my body to look a certain way. I now see that this obsession with my appearance was a huge part of the problem.
Looking back, I realize my reasons for transitioning were complicated and not really about gender dysphoria. I had a lot of internalized issues about men. I associated being male with being dumb, aggressive, horny, and ugly. I saw femininity as being everything good: smart, caring, sensitive, and beautiful. I wanted to escape from being a man because I had such a negative view of masculinity. I also had very low self-esteem and was deeply depressed. Transitioning gave me a clear, but impossible, goal to chase.
I was also heavily influenced by what I saw online. The communities I was in were like an echo chamber; they had a very strong group identity and didn't allow for much criticism or doubt. While I don't think it was a cult, the thinking was very closed-off. It was easy to get swept up in the idea that transition was the only solution.
I stopped hormones about a year ago, when I was 31. It took my body about three months to readjust, and now, almost everything is back to normal physically. I’m grateful I never had any surgeries. Letting go of the trans identity was like a weight being lifted. I realized that my unhappiness wasn’t because I was a man, but because I didn’t know how to accept and care for myself. I had been using "dysphoria" as an excuse for every other problem in my life.
My view on gender now is that it’s mostly meaningless. I’m not trying hard to be a man; I’m just trying to be a person. I’m focusing on my hobbies, my work, and being a decent human being. I’ve kept my female name because changing it back would be a huge hassle with my career, and honestly, I just don’t care that much about it anymore. A name is just a name.
Do I have regrets? It's complicated. I regret the years I spent obsessed with my appearance and the activism I did that might have encouraged others to go down a similar path. But I also see my transition as a phase I needed to go through to get to where I am now. It was a mistake, but it was my mistake to make, and I’ve learned from it. I’m now trying to help others by sharing my story so they can make truly informed decisions with all the pros and cons.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 23 | Discovered trans communities online and came out as a trans woman. Started taking estrogen. |
| 23-30 | Lived as a woman for 7 years. Had laser hair removal. Published academic work under my new name. |
| 31 | Stopped hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and began detransitioning. |
| 31 | My body returned to its normal hormonal balance about 3 months after stopping HRT. |
| 32 (now) | Living as a man again, but my primary focus is on moving beyond gender and just being myself. |
Top Comments by /u/8bitdont:
You are not "forced" to be a man, you just are. The same way you have a certain hair color, a certain height, more or less melanin in your skin... It's just a small part of who you are, no matter what society tells you.
Focus on everything that you are, not just a side of it. What are your hobbies? Your values? Your relationships? Your character? Your beliefs? Breathe deep and look at the world: we are all sacks of flesh after all, not that different.
Where you trying to harm people? Where you evil, horrible, a groomer? I think you probably weren't. Pretty much none of us were. These artists think they are on the right side of history, they just get the "good stories" and think the rest is fabricated and blown out of proportion. They think they are protecting vulnerable people.
It is sad. But they are just wrong on this, and we can only hope they realize sooner rather than later. For now, we all need to remember that we can't avoid everyone we disagree with.
(I mean, I'm pretty sure they are wrong and we are right. But to be fair 6 years ago I thought the exact opposite, soooooo... Better to keep our minds open and try to have some hope in the rest)
Summary: enjoy the punk, and if you ever get close enough to them, don't be ashamed of your posture. Maybe you get them on the day that they start listening.
I just realized that I could actually be a man.
For me it's like hair. I love dyed hair, in weird and neon colors. It looks amazing. But my hair it's not that color, right? I could invest the work in making it be. It's not really healthy for the hair, and I would have to battle against roots forever, but I could.
Ooooor. I could not. Me liken dyed hair doesn't mean I have to have it. I can like things in other people without having to be it myself, or without possesing it.
So yup. I love women. And I like some trans women. I kinda envy people that look certain ways. But I don't envy the work behind trying to force my body to be a way that it's not. I'm man, with a man's body, and I guess I'll have to be happy with it 😊
*random internet hug* Honestly, a time off social media can be really healthy, so absolutely do if you think you need it. But if you are feeling suicidal, be careful with isolating yourself, please, and ask for help wherever you can.
Social media can be terrible often, but the Internet also means that you have a good portion of the alive population a couple of clicks away. This is a place to find each other, to share, to talk. How healthy it is tends to be more of a matter of how we use this power, than of the medium itself. If you keep looking, and try to put yourself in a better place overall, I'm sure you can find some healthy communities even here.
Best of luck in any case. And please, seek help and take care of yourself <3
Female yet, to be honest. But it's only a couple months, it will take some time yet for the changes to show on the face.
I also detransitioned after 7 years (around a year ago), and to this day, I still get gendered as a woman sometimes ^_^U I guess it's bound to be when we retain some female aspects, such as the hair.
Ufff, this is hard. For me, it has taken 7 years of hormones and trying to be trans to realize that it was not the solution. In these years I transitioned, yes, but fortunately I also started working on myself and my issues, and now I'm quite confident that I was using "dysphoria" to explain any problem that I had. Now that I have learned to accept and love my body as it is, that I've made peace with being a man (in my case), the idea of being trans feels so... weak? empty? absurd?
But it took those years. I don't know if there was anything that anyone could have said to me at the beginning that would have made me avoid the journey. And in a way, my "mistake" is a good part of who I am today. I guess I needed to make this mistake, but I'm also happy to outgrow this phase.
That said... my situation is easier. I didn't fall for surgeries, and estrogen at 23 seems way easier on the body than testosterone at 19. I have a trans symbol tattoo that will keep me company, as a reminder xD
I guess I can only say: for the way that you write, if you don't lean a bit into this, you'll probably feel like you are repressing yourself. So maybe let yourself make some mistakes. You are thinking about detransitioners from the start, so you already know the road back. You can be smart enough not to f- up your body too much. You already know the potential consequences. And you can also see some of the really unhealthy patterns of the trans community, so hopefully you won't be so absorbed by all of it.
If you are able to uncover the real issues behind your "dysphoria", and work on them, I'll be more than happy for you. If you need to go through a trans phase for a while, you won't be alone in the road back. And if you find a way to be happy as a trans person, your happiness will be the important part.
Best of luck, whatever you choose!
I didn't want to be a man. I didn't want to be rude, menacing, aggressive, violent, non-emotional, sexual, ugly. And in my brain, all of those were part of the same thing: being a man.
I've now understood that, yes, I like a lot of the attributes of "femininity" better than those of "masculinity". But I can work with what I am and improve. And some things I'll never have, but I can appreciate them in the people around me, even if I don't have them directly. Women can be beautiful in an amazing way, are way more caring than us, are sensitive and soft. They don't have to be (they should never be forced or influenced to be), but either nature or nurture they are more likely to have some characteristics that I won't probably have in the same way.
So yeah, for me it has been a simple: don't force myself into changing everything to avoid my "dark side". I want to embrace who I am, including the products of a sexist education, and just pick the bad parts and work on making them better. I don't have to avoid strenght just because I felt I couldn't be emotional. I don't have to feel shame for my lust if I learn to channel it into something playful and caring, and not something aggresive. I don't have to feel ugly for not being beautiful, if I can take care of myself and try to be handsome.
Best of luck! 🍀
Take care of yourself.
Don't think that transitioning is going to solve everything, don't let being trans become your whole identity. Take care of yourself, and realize that not all your problems are connected, that you still have to work on so many different things to keep you health and wellbeing. The more you work on all facets of your life, the more you'll be able to isolate what are your reasons and possible outcomes of a transition.
I strongly believe that you can be happy with both a male and a female, a cis one or a trans one. But you need to make sure that you can give it exactly the importance that it has, no more. It is your body, not your whole you.
The only important thing is for you to be happy. The world doesn't really care whether you live your life as a cis man or a trans woman.
The biggest problem for that choice is that we all suck a lot when comparing our current life with other options. The grass is always greener on one hand, on the other we are dead afraid of the unknown... Honestly, you need to stop obsessing over passing or not passing as either sex. You need to stop looking outside for validation. Work on yourself, on having a good life and hobbies that are not related to the trans stuff, on knowing yourself and finding sources of happiness in your life. At some point, you will realize how nice can your life be transitioning or not. And whatever is easier and more practical at that point, will be enough.
If you are like me, when you get to that point, natural hormones are cooler and healthier, if available :P
My (MtFtM) name is definitely a female name, but I have decided to keep it. I'm a scientist, and during my transition (8 years!) I published papers, so changing it now would be a royal mess.
Honestly, half of my detransition has been coming to terms with the fact that all of gender is stupid and meaningless. I'm not trying to be a man now, I'm trying to not care about what being man or woman means, and trying to be a decent person to everyone.
So yeah, even if you don't want to find an excuse for your name, if you like, just keep it. It's not that the name works for women, is that it's a name that you like, and you have the right to have it.