This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.
The comments demonstrate a consistent, nuanced, and empathetic perspective on detransition, focusing on societal pressures, medical ethics, and personal well-being. The user identifies as an observer with a personal connection (a parent who transitioned), which aligns with their stated reasons for being on the subreddit and their commentary. The language is natural, varied, and shows genuine engagement with the topics.
About me
I was born female and my discomfort began with the sexism I saw, making me believe life would be better if I were male. I started testosterone and had top surgery, but later realized my reasons were rooted in social pressure and a misunderstanding of myself, not a true identity. I wasn't properly warned about the permanent changes, like the damage to my singing voice. Through therapy, I addressed my internalized issues and learned I can be a gender nonconforming woman. I now live comfortably as myself, believing we need to fix society, not our healthy bodies.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started from a place of deep discomfort, but not with my body itself at first. I was born female, and my main issue really was that I didn’t fully understand that you can be very gender nonconforming and still be cis. I think most so-called masculine and feminine traits are just human traits that are either encouraged or discouraged by how we're socialized. For me, a lot of my feelings were tangled up with the sexism I saw everywhere. I didn't feel respected as a young woman compared with young men, and I started to believe that life would simply be better for me if I changed my sex. It felt like a way to escape.
This led to a specific hatred of my breasts. I had been binding them for years because I did not like their appearance. I wanted to get rid of them. Looking back, I see that these feelings weren't a good reason to have irrevocable, life-altering surgeries. A 16-year-old can't fully understand that, which is why they need to be asked more probing questions. Girls shouldn't be hacking their bodies to try and access male privilege or equitable treatment; it's society that needs to change.
I was also influenced by what I saw online. The information about transition wasn't presented as a list of facts; it was presented as an order, a directive, which made it hard to think critically. I became very critical of the medical community because I felt they failed me and other young people. They didn't properly explain the changes, damages, and potential health consequences of taking hormones that aren't needed in an otherwise healthy body. Every medical treatment has side effects, but when your body is healthy, those side effects just may not be worth it. For example, no one properly warned me that testosterone could permanently alter my singing voice, sometimes for the worse. It’s a risk you take when your body is sick, but a different calculation when it’s healthy.
My thoughts on gender now are that our society's constant sexism makes it difficult for anyone to be happy and content. I think many of us, including myself, internalize negative stereotypes about women without even realizing it. A lot of my struggle was about not wanting to be seen through that sexist lens. I’ve come to believe that the answer isn't to change our bodies to fit a broken society, but to change the society that makes people feel this way in the first place.
I do have regrets about my transition. I regret that I wasn't encouraged to explore my feelings more deeply or to understand the root causes of my discomfort, which were more about social treatment and internalized ideas than about my actual body. I benefited from therapy that wasn't just about affirming my gender identity but about examining the underlying thoughts, like issues with intrusive thoughts that might have been related to OCD. That kind of probing therapy would have been more helpful to me earlier on.
I don't think transition is wrong for everyone. I have a parent who transitioned later in life and I fully support them. But for me, it was a mistake based on a misunderstanding of myself and a reaction to societal pressures. I am now comfortable living as a woman, understanding that my gender nonconformity is just a part of who I am, not a sign that I was born in the wrong body.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 16 | Started intensely disliking my breasts and began binding. Believed life would be better if I were male. |
| 17 | Started taking testosterone after being influenced by online communities. Was not fully informed of all permanent risks. |
| 18 | Had top surgery to remove my breasts. Realized afterwards that my reasons were rooted in societal sexism, not a true identity. |
| 19 | Stopped testosterone. Began non-affirming therapy to address underlying issues like internalized misogyny. |
| 20 | Came to accept myself as a gender nonconforming cis woman. |
Top Comments by /u/9for9:
I agree with everyone here that your voice still might change and improve but I'm genuinely curios did no one tell you that testosterone could permanently alter your singing voice sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse?
Regardless of what happens voice training can go a long way towards helping you improve your singing voice so don't give up just yet.
'I did not feel respected as a young woman compared with young men. I thought life would be better for me if I changed my sex.'
'I had been binding my breasts for years. I did not like their appearance. I wanted to get rid of them.'
These just aren't reasons to have irrevocable life-altering surgeries. A 16-year-old won't understand that but that's why they need to be probed more and asked more questions, etc...Girls shouldn't be hacking their bodies to try and access male privilege or equitable treatment it's the society that needs to change.
My main issue really was that I didn’t fully understand that you can be very gender nonconforming and still be cis.
This frustrates me so much. Most so-called masculine and feminine traits are just human traits that are either encouraged or discouraged by socialization and possibly expressed differently hormones.
It's one of those common but not necessarily well known things that whatever singing voice a male child has will be changed and maybe completely ruined by puberty. It's why they used to castrate young boys in Italy during the Renaissance period to halt puberty and preserve their voices. More recently it's supposedly the reason Michael Jackson took hormones to preserve his voice as well.
I'm sorry no one around you thought or knew to tell this was a possibility. Young people looking to transition really deserve a better explanation of the changes, damages and potential health consequences of going on hormones that aren't needed in an already healthy body. Every treatment has side effects, that's the risk you take when the body is sick but in a physically healthy body those side effects just may not be worth it.
As others are saying you don't know where your voice will settle and I want to reiterate that voice training can make a big difference in your singing voice. Does anyone know if going off T will allow OP's voicebox to shrink?
That Jessica Yaniv person sounds like a nightmare and honestly that is precisely what I think a lot of women are afraid of. Like I don't have a problem with transwomen wanting to come into the bathroom and take a piss at all but Jessica Yaniv is obviously exploiting the situation to try and prey on women and girls and we need some means of helping and protecting everybody not some at the expense of others.
It could be the way the info is presented. It's not presented here are some facts about transition it's presented from a place of ordering people to do something rather than just giving everyone information that they need to make an informed decision.
I read, in something completely unrelated, that estrogen does seem to have a mood stablizing effect and they think PMS moodiness is related to a decrease in estrogen and progesterone.
If it's strictly a mood issue are there other mood stabilizers you could look into? If not everyone needs something different and if these help you then that might be for the best.
You're still very young and it can be incredibly difficult to figure our your relationship to a body that is still changing and growing, especially since your brain is still growing and developing some of its crucial functions. You're absolutely right to be fearful of transitioning not just because you might regret it or discover that it's not the answer to your problems but because of the damage that testosterone can do to the body. You need to be as sure as you absolutely can that this is the right choice for you.
Like some others are saying here talk to a therapist one that will help you examine any underlying thoughts and feelings and help sort through issues like intrusive thoughts and OCD.
And one last thing I want you to consider. We sometimes look at knowing something since childhood as a way of being certain but honestly there is a reason why 9 year-olds aren't allowed to make life altering decisions.
Whatever you choose good luck, I hope it goes well for you.
Hey that's absolutely horrible but there is hope. Surely you have some hobbies that you can put your time into, try and find friends that way. I know it can feel like everything is built around identity politics especially on the internet but start pursuing your hobbies. They can be a new source of happiness, help you meet new people and give you a way to pass the time.
Our society is very sexist and the sexism is constant; no one is going to escape internalizing some negative stereotypes about women. There is a very real possibility that right alongside your love for women there are some negative ideas that you have accepted and don't even recognize as misogynist simply because they are so common.
Another more frustrating and insidious but common media behavior is to focus on anything positive about women as also being sexy. Smart is sexy, pregnancy is sexy, 40 is sexy, etc...and there is nothing wrong with that in theory but in practice it's dominant narrative that leaves many women valuing their positive attributes for the wrong reason; sex appeal toward men.
Another aspect of this is anything related to health and exercise with our bodies is also connected either directly or indirectly to our attractiveness healthy is beautiful, get a bikini body, get rid of those cottage cheese thighs, etc...Having a strong, healthy body isn't encourage for your personal benefit and satisfaction but for the benefit and satisfaction of others. This never helps.
A lot of this makes it difficult for us to be happy and content and I can only imagine that makes it even more difficult for wlw. Pay better attention to some of the ideas and thoughts about women that you accept as facts and see if maybe you haven't internalized some negative thinking about women.