This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The comments display:
- Personal, nuanced detail: The user shares specific, emotionally charged experiences (e.g., singing as a bass-baritone, complex feelings about their penis linked to personal history).
- Internal consistency: The views on autogynephilia, self-acceptance, and the distinction between identity and anatomy are consistent across posts.
- Appropriate passion and stigma: The language reflects the expected anger and frustration of someone grappling with detransition/desistance, not the repetitive or simplistic phrasing of a bot.
The user identifies as a desister who continues to live as a trans woman while accepting their male sex, which is a valid and documented perspective.
About me
I was born male but felt a deep discomfort with it, and my journey was heavily influenced by a condition called autogynephilia. I started to associate my own male body with being a bad person because of negative childhood experiences with men. I initially transitioned, believing I had to become a woman to survive, but I became disillusioned and realized I needed to address my mental health separately. I now accept that I am male and see living as a trans woman as an empowering choice I make for myself, not a necessity. I've finally made peace with my body and no longer see it as something disgusting.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been complicated, and it’s taken me a long time to understand my own feelings. I was born male, but for a long time, I felt a deep discomfort with that. A big part of my experience is something called autogynephilia. It’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t felt it, but basically, the idea of being a woman is deeply arousing and beautiful to me. Wearing women's clothes or imagining having a female body brings me a sense of liberation and joy that I never found trying to live as a masculine man. My brain just seems to think I'm supposed to be a woman.
This feeling was tied up with a lot of negative views I had about myself and about men in general. I started to associate my own male body, especially my penis, with being a bad person. I think this came from my childhood. My dad was a travel nurse and was gone a lot, and I grew up hearing my mom warn me to be careful of men. We were even harassed by a man for years. I started to connect male anatomy with untrustworthy people, like the horrible men you hear about in the news. I never felt I could trust men as intimately as I trust women, which is why I consider myself heteroflexible rather than bisexual. I felt my own body was disgusting.
For a while, I believed that transitioning was my only option for survival. I thought I had to become a woman to be happy. I started living as a trans woman. But my thinking has changed. I’ve become disillusioned with the idea that I am exactly the same as a woman born female. I’ve come to accept that I am a male who is living as a trans woman. I'm like a goose that looks and acts like a duck, but I'm still a goose. My journey was influenced by my own internal struggles, not by friends or online communities.
I also struggled with body image issues that I now recognize might be Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). I was being way too critical of my body and had unhealthy views about myself. I realized that no surgery or major change to my body would fix that underlying problem. I needed to address the mental health issues separately.
Now, I see my choice to live as a trans woman not as a desperate need for survival, but as an empowering choice I am making for myself. I don't want to compromise on wearing feminine clothing and having a feminine appearance because it makes me happy. But I’ve also made peace with the fact that my male anatomy doesn't make me a bad or unattractive person. I don't regret my journey because it led me to this understanding, but I do regret the self-hatred I carried for so long.
A big part of my life is singing. I'm a bass-baritone, and singing was my escape during the worst of my dysphoria. I love my voice, and I want to sing in a church choir. I think it's important that it's not seen as shameful for someone who appears female to have a deep, rich singing voice.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on the thoughts I've shared:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Childhood/Teens | Developed negative associations with male identity and my own body due to personal experiences and societal messages. |
| Early Adulthood | Began living as a trans woman, believing it was necessary for my happiness. |
| Early Adulthood | Started to understand my experience through the lens of autogynephilia and began to separate my identity from cis women. |
| Early Adulthood | Realized I had Body Dysmorphic Disorder and unhealthy self-perception that needed addressing separately from gender. |
| Present | I accept myself as male but continue to live as a trans woman, seeing it as an empowering choice rather than a medical necessity. I have made peace with my body. |
Top Comments by /u/AGPThrowaway2020:
Yeah I've wanted to start dating but I feel like either way my dating pool is very narrow. I can't be the "man" of the relationship in any sense. I prefer my partner to take the lead. And I also am autogynephillic (not into bimboification), and I want to wear feminine clothing, makeup, and have a feminine appearance. Suppressing that would make me miserable and I'm unwilling to compromise on that.
I think being disillusioned from the idea that I'm exactly the same as cis women is liberating and validating. To use another's analogy I'm a goose that looks, walks, and talks like a duck, but I'm still a goose. I was raised as a boy in contemporary western society. Sure that comes with its own unique struggles, but I'm not a cis woman and it's useless for me to feel sorry for myself and wish I was one all the time.
I'm sorry to hear about your ex. That's what scares me most about dating another transwoman, is that I wouldn't be able to find a comptible mtf partner due to our ideological differences.
I think this all comes with understanding and acceptance that my penis and testes don't make me disgusting or unattractive. They don't make me a bad person. Sure I may prefer the cosmetic changes on hormones but they don't change who I am.
I think ultimately I want to see what I'm doing as an empowering and uplifting choice that I'm making, not an element of survival that I must do lest I die by my own hand. idk sorry for the ramble.
ADDENDUM: I'm also a bass-baritone singer, and I loved singing. It was my escape during the worst of my gender dysphoria. I want to sing in a church choir now, because it shouldn't be shameful for someone who appears female to have a rich bass-baritone voice.
Yeah it can be hard to imagine it if you've never been through it. But like having female anatomy or being a cis woman is the most erotic and the most beauitful thing you can imagine. Like your brain thinks that you're supposed to be a woman. I wish I could describe it better, sorry.
yes!! i want so many males to realize that their genitals don’t make them a bad person!!
If I'm being honest this is the thing that's been fucking me up lately and what prompted me to accept myself as male despite still intending to live as a transwoman. I'm not sure how it got in my head in the first place, but I associate my penis with a lot of the untrustworthy men that I grew up around since my dad was gone half the time as a travel nurse, the men my mom told me to be careful of, to stay away from. The man who harassed us as a family for years.
I associate it with Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, and the countless men who use(d) theirs to abuse and harass women and (hell) other men at times.
I'm not sure why but I've never seriously trusted other men as intimately as I trust women, even before those came to light. It's why I consider myself heterflexible instead of bisexual. idk, this has been interesting to work through.
Basically you're sexually aroused by the idea of being a woman. It can be anything from getting aroused when wearing women's clothes to getting aroused imagining having breasts or a vagina or getting aroused at your own breasts or vagina or aroused by someone thinking you're a beautiful woman.
It's very hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it though but presenting as feminine or as a woman, I kinda feel this liberation and joy that I had never found as a masculine male, despite the stress about passing.
I hope this helps
Maybe your delusion wasn't at the beginning of you transition but right now. I think you're way too critical of you body right now and you have a lot of unhealthy views about yourself.
This is BDD. No surgery or detransition or other massive change to your body will fix it. I also don't think psychoanalyzing yourself will gove you peace either. Talk to a licensed mental health counselor as soon as possible. If you can't afford it, see if you can talk to a friend just about how you're feeling.