This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The user's comments are nuanced, empathetic, and show a consistent, personal perspective. They offer practical advice, reference personal experience as a parent, and express a balanced, libertarian-leaning viewpoint that is common in the community. The focus on autism correlation is a genuine, recurring topic of discussion among detransitioners.
About me
I started identifying as non-binary in my early twenties because I felt different and it seemed to explain why I never fit in. I now believe a lot of my discomfort was from social anxiety and not feeling I met female expectations, not from being a different gender. I’m glad I only explored this socially and never pursued medical options, as it was a necessary phase for me to understand myself. I’ve since accepted myself as a female and don’t regret my journey. I just want to help others by sharing what I learned.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been complicated, and looking back, I see how many different pieces fit together. I never medically transitioned, but I identified as non-binary for a period of time. A lot of my questioning came from feeling different and not fitting in, especially during my teenage years. I think a big part of my experience was influenced by spending a lot of time online and seeing friends explore their identities. It felt like a way to explain why I never felt quite right.
I’ve come to believe that a lot of people who question their gender might be struggling with other things, like being on the autism spectrum. I’m not autistic myself, but I know a few younger women who are, and I see similarities in their experiences. Things like feeling uncomfortable with certain clothes or social expectations can easily be mistaken for gender dysphoria. I think any professional working with someone who is trans should suggest screening for autism, because understanding that part of yourself can explain so much.
I also have thoughts on gender itself. I think gender is a social construct, but that doesn't make it any less real. It's like money—it's an idea we all agree on, and it has real power in the world. But because it's a construct, I can also see why someone would want to move away from strict gender divisions. Clothes, for example, could just be organized by body type and style instead.
I don't have regrets about my social transition because it was a phase I needed to go through to understand myself better. It was part of my journey. I’m glad I never rushed into medical steps. The technology is still new, and it's okay to be hesitant about it. For some people, it's life-saving, but it's not for everyone. Now, I’ve accepted myself as I am. I think we live in a very complex time, and it's easy to get swept up in new ideas. My main feeling now is that I want to be able to help others by sharing what I’ve learned.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Teenage years (exact age unclear) | Started feeling general discomfort and not fitting in during puberty. Felt influenced by online communities and friends. |
| Early 20s | Began identifying as non-binary as a way to explore my feelings of being different. This was a social transition only. |
| Mid-to-late 20s | Started to question my non-binary identity. Realized my feelings might be linked to other issues like social anxiety and low self-esteem, not an innate gender identity. |
| Present (exact age unclear) | Stopped identifying as non-binary. Accepted my birth sex. I feel my journey was necessary and don't regret the exploration. |
Top Comments by /u/Able_Improvement4500:
As a parent I will say I would be glad to hear you've accepted yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself - we're living in a very complex time with new technologies, new understandings about neurodivergence, & lots of different cultural responses to all of it. This has been your journey, for better or worse, & hopefully, when you're ready, you can help the next generation navigate the realities you've dealt with.
I would recommend writing out what you want to say to your dad, then maybe editing it down to the most important points. You don't have to read it to him, it's just to help you clarify your thoughts & allow you to get through the most emotional parts.
Your true friends who know you will know you didn't do anything for attention. You're young enough that you should be able to make new friends if you need to, but I don't think you will. If there's one aspect I've noticed about the trans & queer communities, it's that they're very tolerant & very accepting. Being trans wasn't right for you, & that's just fine.
Remember that the possibility of medical transitioning is really quite new, which is part of the reason it's so controversial. If you feel confused & hesitant about a brand new technology, that's ok - it's probably a good thing. While it might be life-saving for some people, if it's not for you then you don't need to do it. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
I'm really sorry to hear this. Where I live, even though it's a very conservative area (by Canadian standards at least), people are still generally respectful of others' pronouns, no matter their appearance. I hope you can come to some kind of resolution or compromise that balances both your physical & mental health.
I agree that it's not funny, & I'm not laughing. Stay strong & keep working away at finding a path that fits who you want to be. Maybe that means detransition, but moving towards something more non-binary?
That's awful - these "jokes" & insults are new from when I was young. Instead it was just accusations of being gay, often using the f-slur. "That's not what your mom said last night" was a common comeback - equally tasteless, but it tends to shut things down. It deflects with a bit of humour, it's insulting enough that it's clear you didn't appreciate their comment, but not so insulting that they'll feel directly attacked.
Another strategy is to question how they "know" - "It takes one to know one to know one, I guess". Alternatively you can just respond completely defensively without lashing out at all: "You don't know shit about me" (which may very well be true!). This last one makes it clear it's hurtful without leaving much of a crack for further bullying.
A final strategy is to completely agree with the "joke" in order to disarm it's hurtfulness: "Yep, you got me, I'm both trans & a lesbian. Actually I love plants more than people, so maybe I'm also a tree-hugger or something!" But it really sounds like these bantering "friends" aren't friends at all, especially if they continue to make these kinds of "jokes" at your expense. Is there any chance of avoiding them or making new friends?
Is it possible you're on the Autism Spectrum? I'm not myself, but I know a few younger biological females who are, & they appear to have similar feelings. The oldest one I know is in a relationship with another female (early twenties), but the others show no particular interest in dating anyone at all, at least not yet.
Autism is associated with tactile sensitivities, which can help explain the distaste for tight clothing & makeup, but of course those could also just be a fashion preferences. It has also been associated with asexuality, & with lower rates of heterosexual orientation for autistic women than autistic men. Autism appears to manifest in different & more subtle ways in women than men, so we're still learning about it.
At the same time, there are plenty of non-autistic women who are gay, straight & everything else, who don't wear tight clothes or makeup or paint their nails. Our brains don't finish growing & maturing until our early or even mid twenties, so it's ok to give yourself time. You might not be on the autism spectrum at all, I just wanted to mention the possibility. If you think you are, you can try to find a psychologist who can test you, which could be helpful for understanding yourself a bit better & maybe give you some additional tools & support for navigating through this.
But studies can't follow up with people forever
They actually can in longitudinal studies, & that's probably the only way to get reliable numbers - but of course that takes time & significant funding. Based on your comment above & what I've read in this sub & other sources, I think regret could easily be 5%, & desisting could be much higher: 15-20% maybe?
The other element that really needs to be studied is how autism spectrum disorders & other types of neurodivergence interact with gender dysphoria & transgender inclinations. While it's possible that neurodivergence is somewhat global throughout the brain, it's also possible that ASD folks have begun to think "I'm different, therefore I must be trans". I personally feel that any professional (including teachers) who becomes aware of a trans client (including students) should be suggesting screening for ASD.
The idea I've heard is that gender is socially constructed, but that doesn't mean it's not real. Money is also a social construct - I think we can all agree it's definitely real! Even if cash becomes obsolete, abstract concepts like money still have real-world impacts because the vast majority of us collectively agree to them & act accordingly. I've never heard that clothes should be genderless, but I suppose I could see why someone might feel that way... They could be designed & organized by body type & style rather than strict gender divisions, for example.
While there's lots of room for doubt, I'm also some kind of libertarian - if someone tells me they feel a certain way & I say "Are you sure?" & they say "yes", that's all I can do. But I do find the answer is more often "No, I'm not 100% sure" or even "I don't know", & that's why I'm glad this sub exists.
Along with a therapist, maybe consider getting evaluated for being on the Autism spectrum? It seems to be correlated with gender dysphoria, & may explain a lot of the experiences you're having.
You should definitely address your parents about making fun of you & reminding you of unpleasant times. I think you can keep it very short & polite: "Mom, it really bothers me when you bring that up, can we please talk about something else?" Try to have another topic ready to discuss that everyone enjoys, like a positive memory, a tv show you all like, or an activity you are interested in doing in the future.
If they continue to harp on that topic, you can just quietly leave the room, or even the house, for at least 15 minutes. Don't stomp or slam the door, just make it clear you don't want to be around them if they're not going to respect you. You're an adult now & although you still depend on them & love them, you don't have to tolerate being disrespected.