I remember I used to believe people were being deliberately transphobic when they used the pronoun they thought was right for me, when I made no effort to correct them unless they specifically asked. I was 21-23.

I feel really sad for people (especially young people, neurodiverse/autistic people, and mentally ill people like me) who are now exposed to the belief that using the wrong pronoun, and refusing sex, are no different from being physically attacked.

I never corrected someone when they used the wrong pronoun for someone else. Whether the person being misgendered was trans or not. I just used the right one consistently and hoped the other person would figure it out. I still do this.

I resented the one time someone informed me that she was going to do it to me (thanks, I don’t consent to being outed though). I noticed the loudest ‘ally’ voices in this situation were the ones who went out of their way to publicly misgender me, demand that I pick one pronoun, assume I was not trans but homosexual instead, and/or ask me out of the blue what my “identity” was.

This is partly why I object to being called “cis”, even though I also don’t consider myself trans. I don’t “identify” with the female label or even really with women. I just accept that my body is female and that anyone who’s being honest will be able to acknowledge the same thing. I’m not choosing a label at random to describe myself, I’m just using an accurate label, in the same way that calling myself human is accurate and neutral.

My sexual orientation fluctuates, and when I’ve experienced same-sex attraction, as well as when I feel like I’m asexual, I still reject the “queer” label.

So in both cases I’m rejecting a label that most people would say describes me, because I just don’t consent to using those labels. And people who forcibly label me either, or continue to call me “they” after I’ve asked them to stop, are not being progressive or inclusive.

I’m assuming this is the person who set up a sub with “detrans” in the name, wanting it to be like this sub but “without all the transphobia”. I’m sure I’ll recognise their (?) username if I see it. Now I’m annoyed that I can’t remember either name. I too haven’t seen any transphobia on this sub. Just people supporting each other and questioning the dominant narrative, which is not the same as attacking trans people.

I admire you for doing that though. I studied the same thing last year and held my tongue the whole time.

We’re not allowed to diagnose a child with autism based on our observations of their behaviour and personality (which I agree with) because we’re not medical professionals.

But if a toddler puts on a dress, we have to assume he’s suffering from body dysmorphia, because it’s okay to wear a dress and be a boy; therefore, anyone who puts on a dress is automatically not a boy. Circular “logic”.

Yet if a girl wears shorts or pants, it’s less okay to bully her and tell her she’s not female enough. So far, anyway. When she’s a woman people will ask her if she’s sure about that. Because pretending you can’t guess someone’s pronoun unless you ask them is considered progressive now.

I agree with most of this, but I just wanted to point out that I’ve come across people calling Buck Angel, Dave Chappelle, and Graham Linehan the t-slur. But I get that it’s usually used on women.

There are also a lot of people nowadays who are very fixated on the belief that dysphoria is not an essential aspect of being trans, and that if you disagree, you’re worse than Hitler

I don’t like being brushed aside because I desisted and therefore apparently deserve to be ignored.

But in my case it’s actually true that I desisted due to social factors. Constantly being misgendered, called a lesbian, and asked whether I sit or stand to pee just got old.

I didn’t start the process of accepting my birth sex until I started reading rad fem stuff years later. So now I don’t feel like I’m “trans but closeted” anymore.

Nah. I don’t “feel male” anymore. I don’t look at men with envy. I recognise that in my case, I just wanted to not be dismissed as a person, and thought that being perceived as male would make that happen.

I’m glad I didn’t take T. Still don’t really like having breasts, but at least it means I can breastfeed if I ever am fortunate enough to become a mother.

Sadly I can’t find it, but there was a good article that had some suggestions. The only one I remember was saying “I am a woman” (or man as the case may be). Short, sweet, and brings attention to the absurdity of asking for someone’s pronoun. I actually graffitied a poster at a university that asked “Do you identify as female?” with that exact line. And I use it when asked the question, which thankfully is not very often. Only when I’ve applied to join meetup groups specifically for lesbian and bi women (so, online).

To answer your other question, yes I have had similar experiences. At one university I briefly attended, then left (for unrelated reasons), every time I needed something taken care of in administration, emails from staff to other staff always referred to me as “they”. My name isn’t androgynous and I didn’t even dress butch back then, but heaven forbid they accuse me of being a WOMAN! Eventually my head exploded and I told them “I would really appreciate it if you could use my correct pronoun, which is ‘she’.” Psychologists have expected me to write down my pronoun on a form before they’ll agree to see me, which I think is sad. Last time it happened I just politely told her that we wouldn’t be a good fit after all. Another asked for my sexual orientation on a form, which is perverted and disgusting, and when I refused, she laughed and called me “queer”.

My family member said something similar about his workplace: everyone has to wear a name tag, but including your pronouns on the name tag is optional.

One thing I read that I thought was a really good point was related to customer service: forcing all employees to wear a pronoun badge does not help people who are currently questioning their identity in this way. They need time to figure out which pronoun they’re most comfortable with. Putting someone on the spot and expecting an answer straight away is cruel.

It also doesn’t help a person who’s keeping it private for now (closeted). You’re asking the person to either out themselves before they’re ready, or to lie and say, for example, “I want to be called ‘he’” when actually she’d like to be called ‘she’.

Imo it’s almost as rude as asking a stranger what their sexual orientation is right off the bat.

There’s nothing technical about it. I once had a conversation with someone during which I repeatedly asked her to call me “she” instead of “they”. She didn’t stop. This was offline

Fortunately this behaviour is not common, for now, outside of reddit. But it’s unacceptable anyway. The people who brag about being open-minded and progressive are the same ones insisting that everyone has to accept being deliberately misgendered.