This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments display a consistent, personal, and emotionally complex narrative about internal conflict, social anxiety, and the specific experience of a desister (a gay man who considered transition to fit in). The language is natural, self-reflective, and contains specific personal details that align with a genuine lived experience. The passion and criticism expressed are consistent with the stated viewpoints of some detransitioners and desisters.
About me
I'm a gay man who felt pressured to transition online to escape my own insecurity and internalized homophobia. I started hormones and liked some changes, but the mental exhaustion of constantly performing as a woman made me feel like an imposter. I realized I was prioritizing others' acceptance over my own truth and that the community I sought was built on a forced narrative. Now, I'm stepping back from it all to address my self-esteem issues directly. I believe true peace comes from accepting yourself, not from changing your body to fit in.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started because I just didn't feel like I fit in anywhere. I was a gay man who wasn't very confident, and I spent almost all my time online. In those spaces, it felt like there was a silent pressure to be a certain kind of "woke," and I saw how celebrated trans people were compared to how gay men were often looked at. I started to feel like if I transitioned, I could finally fit in and be praised instead of standing out and feeling like a target.
I think a lot of this came from my own internalised homophobia. Seeing other gay men felt like looking in a mirror, and it made me uncomfortable because it highlighted how I was perceived. Some messed-up part of my mind thought that becoming a woman would be an escape from that. I liked who I was until I went online or thought about how we stand out in public. My mom always told me I needed to stand up for myself, and she was probably right.
I started taking hormones, and I did like some of the changes to my appearance. People weren't as standoffish with me; they treated me differently. But the mental load became exhausting. It felt like I was constantly "playing a woman." I was always worried about my voice, my walk, my mannerisms—were they passing? It was so restrictive and it made me feel like a complete imposter. I realised I was placing everyone else's opinions of me above my own, and that was a huge problem.
I started to see that in the West, there's this covert pressure to transition. It's wrapped up in celebration and community, but it feels like a forced path to belonging. The medical industry has a huge financial interest in this, too; it's their cash cow. I came to believe that a lot of people are suffering from the sunk cost fallacy—they've invested so much they can't turn back, so they advocate for it even if they know the truth might deter others.
I've been trying out just being a man who takes HRT, but I'm realizing that continuing down this path will never lead to calm waters. It will always be stormy. I think gender nonconformity should be the first option for people, not medical transition. It's like how some people can function on heroin, but you'd never recommend it to anyone.
I don't regret exploring this because it helped me understand myself better, but I do regret not addressing my internalised homophobia and low self-esteem first. I'm stepping back from it all now. The online community can be so toxic, and I'm tired of the fake activism. I just want to find peace with who I am.
| Age | Date (Approx.) | Event |
|---|---|---|
| Early 20s | Mid-2023 | Spent most time online, began feeling pressure to transition to fit in and escape standing out as a gay man. |
| Early 20s | August 2023 | Started taking HRT. Liked the appearance changes and noted people were less standoffish. |
| Early 20s | August 2023 | Felt exhausted from "playing a woman" and constant worry about passing. Began to question the entire path. |
| Early 20s | August 2023 | Started trying to live as a man taking HRT while reevaluating everything. |
Top Comments by /u/AdOrnery2201:
I used to think so too but I've come to realise that there are a lot of trans people that are suffering from the sunken cost fallacy and they still go and advocate for transition as the first option by relaying a fake experience because the truth would deter many people from undergoing transition.
I'm not talking about gay, lesbian or bisexual people. I'm talking about the people who have rainbow flags in their bio. I'm talking about the people who cheered for Lia Thomas. I've seen many more lesbian, gay and bisexual people recently who have also distanced themselves from the LGBT madness. People are tired of the fake activism and toxic positivity.
How can the LGBT community keep quiet as 6'3 quarterbacks invade women's spaces. It's because of the toxic positivity that scruffy looking men think they can just put on a wig and call themselves a woman.
There were gay and lesbian activists who fought in New York back in the day that didn't want trans people to be attached to the movement. Gosh how they were right. They probably knew what attaching the T to the LGB would cause. Unfortunately the commercial interests and then soon the medical interests backing the T in the LGBT, would create a scenario where it's the most profitable part of the LGBT community.
So of course the medical industry is going to support the T because why would they want to lose their cash cow.
Yeah, I guess you're right. I pretty much spend all of my time inside online, unless I have to go to work or college. Online makes it seem like if you voice an opinion that isn't woke enough, you become a fugitive. Just thinking back I've never had any gay friends, I'm wondering if I also have some internalised homophobia.
Going out and interacting with an actual irl community, sounds like a good idea. I guess I don't have to speak I can just observe and see if it's for me.
Exactly, now there's a social credit attached to being trans and of course many people are going to take advantage of that and then force people to join them and/or affirm them so they feel justified in their decision to become trans for social gains.
Amen! I fully agree gender nonconformity should be the first option, not transition and in this day and age with the changing political climate transition costs a lot more money because passing is more crucial now. Some people can function and even thrive in life while using heroin but I'd never recommend it to anyone.
Yeah, I've been finding it really exhausting lately to "play a woman", it's what it feels like. Is my voice passing?, Is my walk passing? Are mannerisms passing? It feels so restrictive. I'm trying to get into my head that continuing down this path will never lead to calm waters, it will always be stormy and rough and I'll always feel like an imposter.
I think the fact I place other people's opinions of me over my own opinions of me, is probably a big problem.
Thank you for your support. Yeah, it sucks I had to delete my last post. Also I agree, the LGBTQ community is okay to call out wrong doing until it's actually someone from that community that's doing the wrong. I can't believe someone tried to find out where you work, like what are they planning on doing, some people are just brainwashed.
Okay, I think I get what you're saying. The west views itself as the good guys as a truly accepting place and that must mean the east is the bad guy a not accepting place. But what it actually is in reality is that both the west and east aren't truly accepting, the east is more extreme in that non acceptance, but the east is not accepting in a different way.
It's almost as if in the west there has become this silent pressure for you to transition if you want to live a happy life where everyone praises you for masculinity as a trans man or femininity as a trans woman, as opposed to ridiculing or ignoring you if you don't transition.
In other words it seems that the west covertly forces people to transition through the guise of celebration, community and belonging. While the east forces people to transition in a more blatant manner, through death or forced surgical transition in other parts of the east.
I guess you're right about not having to let go of the essence. There's a YouTuber I watch, Chris Klemens and he used to be a twink but now he seems to be embracing a slightly more bear look I guess. Achieving that sort of confidence and peace with yourself and the aging process, is definitely a goal of mine.
Why do you think we're all so obsessed with staying young? Before it seems that we couldn't wait to get older because that's when life would start but now it seems in society being younger is better and more lucrative because of the online space. Whereas before kids were kids and could come into millions until they were older. It's almost like we don't have to age to become a grown up, if that makes sense.