Hi! I was on testosterone for 6 years, started questioning/ tapering down then was diagnosed autistic by my therapist recently. There are two major things I thought were caused by dysphoria but turned out to just be autism (most likely).

1. Social expectations

I came to a realization that my discomfort around gender was partially because I didn’t understand how I was supposed to act/behave. There are so, so many rules and some you’re supposed to listen to, some are just opinion.

I felt so behind everyone socially. Then after passing as a man for a while I realized I STILL didn’t understand how I was supposed to act but living as a gender different from my birth made me feel even more out of touch from the people around me.

2. Body relation

I’ve always had a contentious relationship to my body and dysphoria was this beacon of an answer when I learned about it. But after passing for a while I realized I still related to and missed some feminine traits I had.

Then I learned somatic techniques used to get you in touch with your body/emotions and realized that’s what I was missing; a more direct connection between my body and brain.

For some, hormones can help with this a lot but for me it made it worse for years without me realizing. All I actually needed was somatic therapy and time.

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There are autistic trans people and you could be one. You also might be someone who never had an answer for why you felt so different and “wrong” all these years, like me, and when presented with an option you took it. Whatever you find to be your truth I hope you are supported and loved through it.

Triggered was a term originally used to describe an involuntary PTSD-related reaction to external stimuli. I know it’s been co-opted and watered down as a word, but I just wanted to point out that it is or used to be a legitimate psychological term.

As someone with OCD it sounds like you might be latching. But if you do have PTSD around trans related stuff it might just be triggering. Maybe it’s a little bit of both. You could consider the receptionist as exposure therapy, and talk more with your possible therapist about this.

I hear you! The best advice I heard when questioning is to take your time. People on all sides might want you to do this or that but at the end of the day you are the only one you have to live with. Journal a lot, even in a note taking app. Eventually you will see themes, commonalities etc. and might be able to draw conclusions. Eventually you will find your way, dear.

For what it’s worth I’ve known several trans men who took no hormones but maintain their identity. They present in ways they are comfortable.

The reality of being a minor and not having a safe social net isn’t something to be diminished. You have many many years of life yet and if it’s not safe for you to be out, it is what it is. It’s not absurd to be attached to your grandparents.

I’m an adult and am tapering off hormones. I often wonder if it’s because of political climates or if I actually want to do it and to be honest I don’t know. Do you think you could pursue mental health help, maybe antidepressants? I often wish I had been on them before hormones.

I try to think of it in a way like, yes it would have been better for me to accept myself without transitioning… but since I did transition, there’s certain unique understandings that I wouldn’t have had otherwise. I’m in the same place as you: coming off hormones and freaking out, not knowing where my place is or where to find validity.

The selfish part! It really throws me for a loop looking back on it. I just didn’t experience caring in the same way. I cared for humanity/the world but there was a disconnect in my social life. It felt empty. But similarly to how I feel when I’m on too many antidepressants, I didn’t really mind. BPD symptoms are also worse on E for me but I also feel more aware of them if that makes sense.

I flip between regret and not-regret daily. It hasn’t caused me any medical issues that I know of but I’m really curious what autoimmune issues people are facing. The body hair and beard started feeling weird and alien one day, like it’s not supposed to be on me anymore. Head hair thinned out a lot. My nose got bigger which I like and dislike. My voice is in a weird mid range now which I don’t particularly like. Basically losing cis-passing privilege is the big one. That shit use to come in handy for sure.

Thank you for replying! As visceral as it feels I wasn’t sure if the empathy thing was placebo. It’s so comforting to know someone has experienced this type of timeline as well. I hope you continue to feel more and more like yourself, and thanks again for taking the time to share your story.

I feel the same and been off 7 months. Half the month I’m useless and would truly rather rot in bed than do anything. It’s really thrown me off and I’m not sure what to do about it. I do know I’ve lost a lot of muscle mass after stopping T which I’m sure is a factor. I think we could go on progesterone for higher energy? I’m not sure. I think it also helps to eat high protein and iron after you bleed.

I also wish I hadn’t been prescribed hormones shortly after a suicide attempt. They put me on antidepressants for the first time at the same time as hormones so I literally couldn’t tell which medication was doing what. I get why they did it but it still sucks