I’m actually a transsexual man, not detransitioning nor do I plan to, I also lurk here because I absolutely support these people and want to know what they’ve been through and what let them to this point.

I feel like clinicians are severely failing us. Legitimate or not. My psychiatrist was a wonderful and knowledgeable person who made sure I was doing what is right and my doctor was the same. I’m lucky. But the majority of the people I see that I can absolutely tell are not doing it for the right reasons are going to informed consent clinics.

I’m always going to be an advocate for going through the right pathways (through a specialized psychiatrist and doctor) and I will always want to abolish informed consent. This is my takeaway here. At the very bare minimum.

We need more doctors that are educated on the difference between being transsexual and being transgender and stop sending transgender people or nonconforming people home with hormones because they want to be an ally.

I will gladly take extra steps to transition if it means protecting hundreds or thousands more from that kind of pain.

Please don’t let anyone gaslight you with “but the suicide rates”. Don’t let anyone hold you hostage with that threat because it’s empty and manipulative and that’s just not going to be the outcome for anyone told they need to get a letter or see a psychiatrist (or any other thing that’s going to help them). I was ecstatic to have an appointment with a psychiatrist because it meant I was on my way. The people who say they’ll die if they wait a little longer are damaging the system and if they’re that distressed, obviously they need to address those thoughts first.

I’m sure none of this is news to you, but all I ask is that you please advocate for the removal of informed consent.

I think that’s why a lot of us become transmeds. The tucute community is absolutely abhorrent and full of afabs that fetishize young boys (I know a large group of adults that suck in other young trans boys to give them drugs and alcohol until they move in). And excusing adult men who prey on young people because they’re gnc adult children. I’m not making generalizations, I know these people. Transmeds typically just want to live our lives normally. Not to justify horrible behavior because someone identifies as non-binary so criticism of them would be “transphobic”. I literally uncovered a large group of “MAPs” hiding out in the Facebook group “transgender shitposting”. I was banned for speaking up about it because you can’t criticize someone with fae pronouns even if it’s just an actual bearded man in a diaper and onesie who exposes themselves openly to minors and has a group chat of people fetishizing children.

I promise it’s not all, but there is a very large group that are preying on people because they feel secure hiding under the trans label so they can gain protection from people who will claim some kind of phobia.

I’m so sorry about your experiences.

No worries. Transsexual refers to people who transition to the opposite sex medically and have the desire to live and be accepted as that sex. They are the ones clinicians have historically provided transitional care and where all the studies you hear about originate from.

Transgender refers to one who’s gender or gender identity (presentation) is different than what is expected of them on the basis of their sex. It’s an umbrella term that encompasses non-binary, GNC, crossdressers, intersex, and anyone else you can think of that defies social or cultural norms (some say that transsexual is also under that umbrella but the most of us reject this as I would assume many intersex people would as well). It has no real meaning outside of self-identity. Transgender people were not historically given transitional care. Media, however, decided they like the term “gender” over “sex” and now we have a huge crisis where people who are transgender have been conflated with transsexuals, meaning that people who would not ordinarily seek medical transitional care, now feel like that is just part of it.

I’m not here to tell you who you are or are not. But if you are having thoughts of hurting yourself, you need to speak to a professional. Whatever issues you’re having that causes you to transition/detransition are obviously causing you a lot of distress and you shouldn’t try to handle that alone. I would recommend seeking specifically a psychiatrist who works with those questioning gender or something along those lines because they will be able to help you to get to the root of whatever issues you’re having, but you have to be honest with them.

Whether you decide in the end to transition or remain with your biological sex is entirely up to you but you should definitely have a clinician to support you through it. You probably made the right call to detransition if you felt like you should have but of course you may find that transitioning was the right thing after all and you are just trying to do what’s best for yourself and that’s brave. I would go on psychology today to look up some resources for your area or go on your insurance plan’s website to find a psychiatrist (or psychologist, just probably not a therapist since there’s not a whole lot they can do for you and their education is very limited). But the most important thing is to address your depression or thoughts of doing harm to yourself because that is something that needs to be looked at immediately.

In the mean time, just do what you need to do that makes you comfortable. You shouldn’t feel like forcing yourself to present a specific way is causing you harm on either end of that spectrum. Just be careful and take care of yourself. I give you permission to dm me if you need to.

It’s definitely not a go to solution for sure but for some it is necessary and always will be. We don’t see buck angel detransitioning after all. The issue is the need for an intensive vetting process that can better distinguish who is of need and who isn’t. Just because something wasn’t right for you or even right for most, doesn’t make it wrong for all.

I don’t feel it necessary here to go into biological anomalies in depth but I definitely can if need be. For short: the medical community predominantly recognizes true transsexuality as being in the same realm as other intersex disorders. No I’m not talking about “brain sex” as that’s a misconception. What I’m talking about is predisposed hormone sensitivity/desensitivity. Which is the cause also for the majority of intersex individuals as well.

The issue is we actually have no idea how many detransitioners there are because so many just stop accepting care and do not communicate their decision with their doctors. This sub alone has over 14,000 members and if you say there are quite a few here who are simply bystanders, you’ll be able to reintegrate those numbers into the statistics with the amount of people who come by here to share their experiences before leaving once more. It’s estimated that only 2-20% of gender dysphoria in young people is permanent. This leaves us with 80-98% of people who experience gender dysphoria at some point before growing out of it. That is an incredibly high number and gives a lot of weight to the argument that it is irresponsible to allow self-ID and unguided care.

Yes I agree that one should live in their desired sex before medical transitional care. Hormones is not a guarantee to change anything significant for you and it’s not a quick solution. If you are not comfortable living as your desired sex, you should assess why that is. Out of fear? Well then maybe you should try to find a way to be more secure first because it is a process and really it comes down to you either want to live with it or you don’t. If you’re really that unsafe, why are you trying to take those steps while you’re so unsafe?

Unfortunately being seen as your desired sex requires an amount of conformity (unless you pass that well). If you want to be seen as a woman and you make no attempt at femininity or cultural standards for womanhood, you’re not likely to pass and if you don’t attempt to pass, people will not believe you’re serious about it.

Transsexuality by definition requires one to want to live and be accepted as the opposite sex. That requires a significant attempt at passing. Maybe people like blaire white can put on more masculine clothes and still be read as women, but she made significant and successful attempts at passing and living as a woman. She will pass regardless of what she wears and that’s the goal.

I mean you could add that (if she’s bringing up transitioning at all) clinics and professionals as a standard require someone to be transsexual, not transgender. (Obviously informed consent circumvents this) being transgender is an umbrella term to describe someone who feels they lay outside of traditionally “male” or “female” roles. This could be nb intersex crossdressers anything. But none of these (with exception of intersex in some cases) requires treatment. You don’t treat gender.

Since NB identified people usually have a very narrow idea of gender I would help her to expand hers. Being non-binary requires that you feel you can’t be a real girl unless you act very feminine or vice versa but we know that’s not the case. You can be a masculine woman, you can be a feminine man but Nbs don’t really see that. I would just work on providing more examples of healthy female masculinity in a positive light. I feel like if some of these kids were more involved with masculinity as normal for women (being around butch women) I think they’d not so easily fall into this.

I’m not detrans but I grew up around all kinds of people, lots of feminine men and masculine women and anywhere in between and I’m perfectly secure with my identity I know with certainty that I’m not a masculine woman. But I think I’d have a lot of issues revolving my masculinity had I not grown up with these things. A lot of the people I know who turned to being trans under false pretenses didn’t have these experiences, a lot of them growing up with strict gender roles or homophobic parents. Maybe that’s something you could look into. I think spending some time among a motherly group of strong butch women would be incredibly eye opening. Just a thought, I know there’s not always a group to come to your aid. And I wouldn’t structure it as an intervention or anything, just casual exposure. Maybe find an activity or sport to do outside of the young kid school environment. I’ve always done sports and my parents do too so there’s always been a lot of older lesbians in my life.

Simple, ID as transsexual, not transgender. And be insistent about it. People will take you more seriously and be more likely to be able to distinguish you from the large crowd of “transgender” trend people who are incredibly hostile and demanding. Transsexual people notoriously just want to live their lives and not intrude on others. Though a lot of that crowd will likely call you “truscum” for it but honestly who gives a shit what they say tbh.

I think the most likely helpful thing, because kids like this usually run off to informed consent clinics who don’t do a damn thing to question anyone’s motives, would be to seek out a qualified psychiatrist. That is a smart move on many levels:

Psychiatrists can write letters for medical treatment so the kid and bio mom will see this move as supportive.

A qualified psychiatrist (y’know with an MD) will be able to look at the situation critically and get to the bottom of where these issues may be coming from.

A psychiatrist will be able to help the kid to become informed about what their desires actually mean and maybe the kid will be able to come to their own conclusions about how that may be a bad idea.

A psychiatrist will be able to treat the underlying problems and help the child to feel better about themselves in the future no matter what they end up doing, but likely if they’re trying to transition for the wrong reasons, they will start to be more critical of their own motives a little better.

You can also work with the psychiatrist and let them know your concerns ahead of time as well.

I would absolutely present it in a supportive light because so many teens are in the mind that doctors are evil gatekeepers. Present it as a step in the right direction (for them, meaning this doctor could help them with resources and start them on their path) but of course you’ll know that the psych will pick up on the underlying problems and bring them up to the surface. You likely won’t meet a whole lot of pushback about it this way and you’re still doing what is in their best interest without seeming like you’re rejecting them. I can’t see a reason why all parties would not agree to this. Many doctors require a letter anyways from a psychiatrist so it will not make anyone upset.

Maybe a psych could help them to find other solutions. I can’t see that ever being a problem down the line, even if the kid decided to still transition down the line, they will be going in informed and with a better understanding as to why, and they will have healthier coping skills. But if everything is as you describe, I have doubts anything will get that far with a psychiatrist. As long as they don’t have some secret cluster of tumblr friends frying their brain cells. But it doesn’t really seem like attention seeking behavior so much as insecurity and a little mental abuse. Those need to be addressed by a professional no matter what.

Edit: I wouldn’t try to handle this yourself because the child may take it all very negatively and may not trust you in the future especially if it’s about dieting or controlling their behavior or who they talk to. That will absolutely backfire. Just seek a professional with experience. (In case I need to say: not a conversion therapist, just a psychiatrist with specialties with gender and sexuality. Even someone who does write letters.) You can frame it as you want to be sure they’re making the right decisions and that a psychiatrist can help them get there. Don’t say that you are approving of a letter and don’t say you want them to “snap out of it”. Either way is not going to be helpful.

Oh absolutely. I’ve met a lot of people doing unnecessary transitions, most for trend, some because of trauma. But I’ve met maybe less than 10 legitimate transsexuals. Might sound like a lot but I’m comparison to the amount I’ve met that are transitioning for fun or because of a psychological problem which lays in the hundreds. And none that I’ve met of those 10? are in any way involved in any kind of politics. Just regular people. Ones a paramedic and was a firefighter, another owns a little tiling company. None you’d ever guess. It’s a weird cycle we are in that the most visible crazy people go around creating more of themselves and dragging in people who are genuinely confused or struggling with mental issues while all the legit transsexuals are just being normal people. And there’s so few compared to the bullshit statistics based on self-report.