I didn’t understand the connection between transgenderism and narcissism until someone explained it to me. Narcissism develops in some people because they experienced a ton of shame and guilt and self disgust during a critical moment in their social development and in response to that they create a false self (I’m the greatest, everyone’s out to get me, I am entitled to everything) and expect everyone to go along with it. It really seems like gender dysphoria develops in the same way in people. I was very ashamed of being a masculine bisexual Black woman and I created a false self (trans man) in order to cope with that shame. And everyone DID go along with it.

I remember being 16 and going to the gender clinic and I was so scared that they were going to gatekeep me. I was so worried that they would be concerned about the fact that I was literally testifying in court against someone who raped me, had an eating disorder, had a history of depression and suicide attempts, had severe lifelong anxiety and panic attacks but they weren’t concerned about these things at all. And when I would say that it was very easy for me to get hormones, people would congratulate me! Yay! You’re in the wrong body and this “medicine” will make your body look right!! But now when I say the same shit, people accuse me of lying. Literally the same people!

Yes, people do not talk about this enough. I went through the same thing OP did and the whole time everyone was telling me that if I didn’t bind, didn’t hide my breasts, didn’t have a mastectomy then I would kill myself. That trying to have a healthy relationship with my body was pathetic, self hating, useless, etc. There’s so much brainwashing in this community.

Yes and since realizing this it really bothers me that this was taught to me in school and presented to me as fact. I now see that FAITH was what drove my transition and losing my faith was the main motivation behind not taking testosterone. Towards the end of my transition I was like a former Christian who still celebrated Christmas and went to church on Easter. Took me a while to realize that I didn’t have to do anything that I didn’t believe in and that practicing gender identity was optional. If only I knew then what I know now.

It is definitely a religious cult. And about your last point, now that I’ve left the cult I know that treating gender dysphoria means eliminating the desire to be the opposite sex. Why would feeding into that desire, letting it tell you exactly how you should live your life and creating an identity around it, make it go away? It makes absolutely no sense.

The further and more successful I got with transitioning and passing, the more I realized that I was never going to be a man.

When people think you’re a man without knowing that you’re trans, it’s not them saying “Your gender identity is valid! You were born in the wrong body and you’ve corrected it!” It’s them saying “Men are adult human males and I incorrectly assume that’s what you are.” The vast majority of people do not think deep down that trans men are men and even the people who claim to believe in this idea will treat you differently after finding out that you’re a woman (female human being, not feminine human being or human with a feminine self perception).

After realizing that I was never going to be a man, I realized that this was something that I had to accept or I was never going to be happy. The way I tried to do this was by acknowledging that I was female but claiming that I was socially/medically/whateverly male. My sex is female and my gender is man. After a while, I couldn’t shake the feeling that trying to convince everyone in my life that I was male and risking my health to do so was silly if I had the ability to accept the fact that I’m female. The only transsexuals I know who are actually better off with transition are the ones who are in complete denial about their sex. Like they HAVE TO believe that having high testosterone makes you a male, that removing your uterus is changing your sex, etc.

This isn’t the only reason I chose to stop taking T but it is the big one. I was chasing an impossible goal. I told myself “I’m not trying to BE male, I’m trying to APPEAR as male.” But the reason I was doing that was because I wanted to BE male. It was silly to pretend like that wasn’t my goal. I just couldn’t let a mental illness control me anymore. I had to let go or be dragged.

There’s a reason why you see people who are completely okay with makeup, cleavage etc one day who are a year later swearing up and down that they will literally kill themselves if they don’t get their breasts amputated. This worldview sucks you in, chews you up and spits you out. It is an inherently miserable way to think about yourself. Some people can make it work. I couldn’t and it wasn’t because there’s some innate difference between me and other transsexual people. I just deprioritized my own vanity and started working on my sanity. It’s worked for me but I know it wouldn’t work for a lot of us.

I think it does! I actually believed that I was a man (adult male human being) despite all of the evidence showing otherwise. I actually spent a lot of time and money and energy trying to destroy the evidence that I’m a woman and I feel like it was psychosis.

For me, the biggest part of detransition was realizing that womanhood and manhood have nothing to do with how many surgeries you do or don’t have, how you look, how people think you look, how you dress, etc. When people look at me and assume I’m a man, it’s because they genuinely believe that I am a male human being. Someone who’s body developed to produce sperm. However I’m a woman because I’m an adult female human being. It’s not much deeper or more complicated than that. Women can look all sorts of ways. I genuinely feel that trans men are a type of woman so I don’t see how cosmetic decisions I made whilst in a delusion state would change my sex.

I understand this way of thinking but I don’t understand how one can call themselves a feminist or a progressive and think that “women” are defined by the arbitrary social role that’s been assigned to us. I really don’t understand how “Women are people who have these personality traits and this aesthetic, etc” is more correct than “women are female human beings”. I don’t entertain the “gender is different from sex” thing anymore. Gender is different from gender roles imo.

I’m supposed to take complete and total responsibility for doing something to myself that someone suggested I do while I wasn’t lucid and a child? Why is it that mentally ill people have to take responsibility for hurting themselves and not that doctors shouldn’t be facilitating self harm? Why are doctors taking advantage of peoples self hatred in order to make themselves feel progressive? Do you really believe that someone who is losing their fucking mind/is disconnected from reality and hates themselves and is miserable is going to be able to think critically about whether or not to trust a DOCTOR’s medical advice?