This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic. The user demonstrates deep, nuanced self-reflection about their gender dysphoria, internalized misogyny, and the decision to transition or not, which is consistent with a genuine desister/questioner. The emotional tone is passionate but rational, and the narrative is coherent and personal.
About me
I started wanting to be male at 15, feeling my desire was much stronger than my female friends' general discomfort. My feelings were tangled with a deep hatred for how I was sexualized during puberty and a lot of internalized misogyny. Therapy for my depression helped me realize that medical transition wouldn't solve my underlying mental health issues. I experimented socially by dressing as male and telling a few friends, but I never pursued hormones or surgery. Now, I'm glad I questioned everything, because my real goal was just to become a person I could be proud of.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was pretty young, around 15. I had this deep and consistent desire to be male that my female friends just didn't have. They might have been uncomfortable with the expectations put on women or being sexualized early, but they never wanted to actually be men. I couldn't figure out why my feelings were so different and so strong.
I recognize now that a lot of my feelings were tangled up with internalized misogyny. I was almost mad at other women for being okay with being women, even the gender-nonconforming ones who were proud of it. I had a bias and preferred my male friends, and I’ve had to really work on challenging those irrational thoughts. A big part of my desire to transition felt like it was born from a deep discomfort with puberty, hating the development of my breasts, and being sexualized by older men when I was just a kid. I think a lot of my feelings were a form of escapism from all of that.
I started therapy a couple of months before I made these comments to deal with my depression and anxiety. We barely talked about the trans stuff; the focus was on my mental health, which was the root of a lot of my problems. That non-affirming therapy was actually really beneficial because it helped me see that transitioning wouldn't fix my depression or anxiety—those had other causes I needed to work on.
I was very careful and thoughtful about the whole thing. I knew that if I transitioned, it would fulfill my desire to live as a man, and that would be a positive. But if I chose not to, I would have worked through my issues and become a more confident person. It felt like a win-win if I was careful. I started with small steps, coming out to a few friends so I didn’t have to deal with pronouns that made me uncomfortable. I dressed as male for years without telling anyone, which helped me feel a bit more content.
I was considering a full social transition, hormones, and top surgery. I was realistic; I knew I could never be 100% male and I was worried about serious health complications from surgeries like phalloplasty. My plan was to try living as male when I moved away from my family and high school to see if it was really the right path for me.
Looking back, I think the online community can sometimes be so unconditionally supportive that they ignore other underlying issues, like trauma or internalized misogyny. That unconditional support can cause harm if it doesn't encourage questioning and therapy first.
I don’t regret exploring my gender because it led me to understand myself better, but I am glad I took the time to really question my motives. I never went through with any medical procedures. I realized that my goal wasn't to "become a man" but to become someone I could be proud of, regardless of gender.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 15 | First began experiencing a strong, consistent desire to be male. |
| 17 | Started therapy focused on anxiety and depression, with minimal focus on gender. |
| 17 | Began a period of intense self-reflection, challenging internalized misogyny as a motive for transition. |
| 17 | Came out to a small group of friends and began dressing as male in private as a social experiment. |
Top Comments by /u/AfraidOfSalt:
I feel like over acceptance causes people to ignore the impact of abuse. Or even the impact of a sexist family or early sexualization by grown men.
The rational trans community seems like it wants to help and support, but they lose sight of the possibility that their unconditional support can cause harm. I believe that support should also encourage with questioning and therapy.
I'm glad your girlfriend was able to get better before going further down the path of transitioning.
I recognize that I struggle with misogyny. It's not bad, I'm almost mad at women that they are ok in their assigned gender. Even GNC women are okay with being proudly women.
I do have a bias that could be the result of internalized misogyny (ex. preferring the male friends) and I've been working at that. I challenge a lot of my thoughts so the irrational ones hold less weight until I completely don't believe them, but I wish the process was faster or I had some guidance.
I've been trying to resolve everything I can emotionally (with a therapist and personally) so I can be comfortable deciding to transition or not.
Right now, I've been making small steps by coming out to some of my friends. It's helped because I don't have to deal with pronouns I feel uncomfortable with as much.
I am considering social transition, hormones, and top surgery. I accept that I will never be 100% male. That is just impossible with current science. I'm sure I can reach a threat where I feel content. I would like to get close without the threat of serious complications, like with phalloplasty. If I decide to transition, it makes sense to use the medical resources available to change what exercise can't.
I've kept myself partially content by dressing as male for a number of years, without directly telling anyone or suggesting I have these thoughts. I plan on attempting to live as male when away from family and high school, so I have a better idea of if this should be my future.
I have been worried about this idea of chasing. I can't take many steps right now, so I've been doing a lot of inward reflection. I like myself in areas that don't involve gender. I'm developing a personality and style that I can be proud of. I don't have to wait to "become" a man, I can become someone I'm proud regardless of gender. Thanks for the reminder, it's easy to get lost in the chasing element in trans culture.
If I got everything I wanted, I wouldn't be happy. I need goals and structure. I want to skip school every day but I suck it up. The urge to self-destruct is very present and very counterproductive.
I've been really trying to consider why of transition lately. I look at every reason and if one of them seems to be caused by internalized misogyny, I challenge it completely. Still, I find that I want to live a male even in spaces that were more LGBT friendly and encourage self-expression. I just enjoy looking like a man and being referred to as such.
I know transitioning will not fix my life, especially not the depression and anxiety which has other causes. If I decide to transition, I would be able to fulfill my desire to live as a man and that would positively impact my life. If I chose not to transition, I would have worked through my issues and become more confident. It's a win-win if I approach the situation carefully, which I plan to do.
I really liked your response, thank you!
That's what I'm doing right now. I started therapy a couple months back when I decided I didn't want to be depressed for the rest of my life. I talked about the trans stuff for less than 5 minutes so I could address it, but she doesn't specialize in that so we focus on my anxiety and depression.
I appreciate the concern though.
I am certain that my behavior isn't too drastic, but being male is something I have desired consistently for a couple years. I am still young so it hasn't been that long.
None of my female friends desire to be male in the same way I do. Either it is a small urge borne out of discomfort with harsh expectations of womanhood from family and being sexualized at an early age. Or they don't think about it, despite experiencing worse conditions (street harassment, classmates being sexual).
I don't understand why I could have got this urge to change my gender and they haven't.