This story is from the comments by /u/Aggressive-Cry7940 that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on these comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it's a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The user's perspective is internally consistent, offering nuanced, first-person advice and personal anecdotes that align with a desister's experience (someone who identified as trans but did not medically transition). The language is natural, and the advice is tailored to specific situations in a way that is difficult to automate. The passion and criticism of gender-affirming care are consistent with genuine, strongly-held beliefs described in the prompt.
About me
I was a huge tomboy as a kid and even told people my name was Bob, but my parents thankfully didn't make a big deal out of it. As a teenager, I saw many girls my age identifying as male, and I started researching transition, but the reality of the surgeries horrified me. I realized I had to stop feeding those obsessive thoughts and learn to accept myself as a masculine woman. Now I understand my discomfort was never about being the wrong sex, but about not fitting a feminine stereotype. I'm just living my life normally now, and I'm grateful every day that I never made any permanent changes.
My detransition story
My whole experience with gender is a bit complicated, but I never actually went through with a medical transition, and for that, I am incredibly grateful. Looking back, I can see that a lot of my feelings were part of a bigger picture of just being uncomfortable growing up and not fitting into a specific feminine stereotype.
When I was a kid, around 8 or 9 years old, I was a huge tomboy. I even told people my name was Bob and that I was a boy. I remember my parents were definitely weirded out by it, but they just kind of ignored it. They never took me to a gender therapist or tried to socially transition me, and I thank God for that every day. If they had, I might have gone down a path I would have really regretted. I didn't know what the word "trans" was back then; I just knew I wanted to be a boy. It was a phase, and it passed.
As I got older, especially in my teens, I saw so many other girls my age starting to identify as ftm. It felt like a social fad, an absurd jump in numbers. I think for a lot of us, it was a way to deal with the discomfort of puberty and trying to find an identity. I was always more comfortable in masculine clothing and most of my friends were boys, but I never felt the need to take it further. I never wore a binder or asked people to use different pronouns for me.
I did go through a period where I thought about it a lot and looked into it online. The more I read about transition, especially the surgeries, the more horrified I became. Researching bottom surgery was one of the most gruesome things I've ever done. I saw how it could really mess you up, and I realized I was very fortunate not to have gone down that road. I started to see that the more I indulged these thoughts, the more they fed into a cycle, like an obsession. It was like how people describe a porn problem, where you just keep going down a rabbit hole into more extreme stuff. I realized I had to stop feeding that part of myself. I had to ignore it and not dwell on it, the same way you’d advise someone with an eating disorder to stop constantly thinking about their weight. It was a habit I had to break.
I also saw this pattern in other people. I had a friend who was ftm and had a really rough upbringing, including being groomed by an older man and having abusive stepfathers. It made me so sad to see her binding and feeling like she couldn't back out because all her friends were in the LGBT community. It seemed like for many, transitioning was a way to cope with trauma or to escape from something, rather than dealing with the root problem.
For me, the root problem wasn't that I was a woman; it was that I needed to learn to accept and love myself as a woman. A woman who doesn't wear makeup or dresses, a woman who has mostly male friends—but a woman nonetheless. That is my true identity, and it's more in line with reality. Trying to become a man is impossible, and it's a lot easier to just accept who you really are.
I don't have any regrets about transitioning because I never did it. My only regret is that I ever entertained the idea seriously. I regret that I spent so much time in that headspace. I'm so glad I realized it was a dead end before I did anything permanent. My life isn't ruined; in fact, it's gotten a lot better since I stepped back from all of that. I'm just living my life normally now, and those thoughts don't have a grasp on me anymore.
I think a big part of healing is the social aspect, but if people have your best interests at heart, they'll support you. If someone doesn't want to be your friend because you're detransitioning, then they were never your friend to begin with. You don't lose friends; you just find out who your real friends are.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 8-9 years old | Wanted to be a boy, told people my name was Bob. Parents ignored it. |
| Teen years | Saw many female peers identifying as ftm. Felt it was a social fad. Researched transition online but was horrified, especially by surgery details. |
| Throughout teens | Realized I needed to stop indulging trans thoughts. Learned to accept myself as a masculine woman. |
| Present day | Living normally as a woman, free from those previous thoughts. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/Aggressive-Cry7940:
There is that study that shows suicidality is highest 10y after medical intervention, but we shouldn't be in an argument comparing different studies. All the studies showing the 'positive effects' of transitioning kids are made by the people who make a lot of money off of the treatment. It's like Malboro showing a study about lung cancer.
Of course it's totally ok for women to have hairy arms/legs, but if the hair is quite thick, as it seems it is from thee pictures, and you'd like to make sure people around you recognize that you're a woman, I'd say shaving/waxing would definitely help.
I am so sorry to hear that It's especially sad because generally when I hear about parents getting their kids on puberty blockers and the like I feel disgusted/angry at them. It's easy to forget the amount of emotional blackmail they are under-Would you rather have a living son or a dead daughter?. Just devastating for a parent. I think you should talk to your mother about it though. It's her duty as a parent to protect you, she didn't, even though she might've thought it was in her best interest. If your mom keeps asking, I think she senses something is wrong. Next time she asks, be honest. Praying for you
Interesting, I had a teen trans friend who was ftm, she also had a rough upbringing. Was sexually groomed by a much older male friend and has had like 3 stepfathers, at least one of whom was abusive. She also makes me feel so sad, as she binds and I worry is in a situation where she can't back out anymore, because everyone knows her as trans and all her friends are LGBT.
Also, did you consciously identify as trans at 8, or just wanted to be a boy without using the label? I tried to go by the name 'Bob' and call myself a boy at around 9, but thank God I didn't know the term 'trans' and my parents basically ignored it (although were definitely weirded out).
It's great that you've realized this now before going any further. I'm so sorry to hear about your struggle. I don't have any helpful first-hand experience like the other commenters, but I sincerely hope you can work past this and lead a fulfilling life as a woman. I don't think the social aspect will be too hard for others to accept you or think of you as a woman, except for maybe with your fiancee.
A big difficulty with detransitioning is the social aspect. Gotta tell everyone you don't go by he/him, don't use the new name, whatever. You could avoid that by just presenting more as a girl and maybe people will catch on. But either way it's gonna be okay. If the people around you have your best intentions at heart, they'll help you and back you up 100%. If someone doesn't want to be your friend or treats you poorly because of this, dump 'em. You won't lose any friends because of detransitioning; you'll just discover who your friends actually are.
I hope the best for you, write me if you need to talk.
I think a big question is what you think would've happened if you were never introduced to the concept of being trans. Another question is why you feel like this? One of the biggest problems with how we treat trans-identifying people is that we don't treat the problem. If a woman like yourself has a desire to be a man, rather than trying to get the woman to accept and love herself as a woman, we treat her womanhood itself as the problem.
When we start doing one thing, it becomes a habit and we do it more and more. When I was looking into the same stuff you are, the more I did it, it fed into a cycle which drove me to think about it more and more. When I took a break and just started acting, well, normal, it went away. To use a weird analogy, when people look at porn, often times they'll just start going into more and more extreme stuff. When they take a break, that desire for the freakiest crap imaginable goes away. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say through this analogy.
You're still in the honeymoon phase. It's a new, intriguing thing, and it may seem like you are now perfectly satisfied. You are being affirmed by some friends as a man. But eventually, you may look in the mirror, now that you have been so constantly affirmed as a boy, and get upset that you don't look like a boy. This is why social transitions almost always lead to medical transitions in the long-run. But it's impossible to actually become a man. It's easier, better, and more inline with reality to instead accept yourself as a woman. That may mean dressing a bit manlier than most women or something, but it's important to accept your true identity- a woman.
This got long. I wish you the best, I'm open to talk anytime.
From what you're saying, it sounds like you shouldn't transition. I was always a tomboy as well, and I like sometimes wearing somewhat more masculine clothing. So, so many teen girls our age are identifying as ftm. It's such an absurd jump in number, that it's definitely just a social fad. It's unfortunately a really damaging one though. The worst thing you can do right now is feel too embarrassed to socially detransition, since you already told everyone your different name to call you by. It's a good thing you haven't told too many people that you are trans, that would make it so much harder. If I were you I'd look into stopping wearing binders, they can also be pretty damaging to your body. It's a good thing you're thinking about all this and haven't just medically transitioned already. I wish the best for you, please write me if you want to talk.
I'm so sorry to hear how your detransitioning impacted your school life. I don't know how much this helps, but you didn't lose a single friend. if someone hates you for accepting yourself as a girl, they were never your friend. From the sound of it you go to a very, I guess you could say, liberal school with a high percentage of 'trans activist' types who now hate you, but I'm certain there are some who don't feel that way. Hopefully the people at your church get some sense and welcome you. Also, what happened with your dad? You said he was SA'ing you, do you live with him?
I think you should message him if you think it will make a difference, but I doubt you will get the result you desire. I hope you can move past this, please know your life isn't ruined, recovery is possible and it will probably only get better now that you've stepped back from transitioning