This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user demonstrates:
- Personal, consistent narrative: Shares a detailed, first-person account of desisting, studying biology, and being on the autism spectrum.
- Complex emotional range: Expresses passion, anger, empathy, and personal struggle, which aligns with the expected sentiment of a harmed desister.
- Engaged conversation: Comments are responsive, offer tailored advice, and show a clear, developed worldview over time.
This is characteristic of a genuine, passionate individual.
About me
I'm a woman who started feeling out of place in my body when I hit puberty, and I was influenced by online communities to believe I was a man. I socially transitioned, but the initial confidence I felt was actually from within me, not from presenting as male. With the help of a therapist, I worked through my underlying trauma and self-esteem issues instead of medically transitioning. I now see my problem wasn't my female body, but my mental perception of it and a need to fit into a rigid category. I've fully detransitioned and am learning to love and care for my body as a gender non-conforming woman.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was really young, feeling out of place and uncomfortable with my body, especially when I hit puberty. I was born female, and I really hated developing breasts; I felt like they drew too much attention and made me self-conscious. I started slouching all the time to try and hide them. Around this time, I also discovered online communities and was influenced by the ideas I found there. I started to believe that my discomfort meant I was born in the wrong body and that I might actually be a man.
I began to socially transition in my late teens. I cut my hair short and started wearing exclusively men's clothes, which felt freeing at first. I liked the utility and comfort of men's clothing—the pockets, the fit, everything. I felt a surge of confidence initially, which I mistakenly linked to presenting as male. I now see that confidence came from within me; I just associated it with the male presentation. I was also struggling with depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem, and I now realize I was using transition as a form of escapism from those feelings.
I was diagnosed with autism, which I think played a huge role in all of this. I’ve always thought in very rigid categories, so when society presented me with the boxes of 'man' and 'woman,' I tried desperately to fit into one perfectly. It wasn't until later that I realized these categories are made up and I could just be myself outside of them.
I was very close to pursuing medical transition. I was researching testosterone and top surgery. I am so grateful now that I never went through with it. I eventually found a non-affirming therapist who was incredibly helpful. Instead of affirming my feelings of being trans, she helped me dig into the underlying reasons for my discomfort. We worked through my past trauma, my issues with self-esteem, and my difficulties with accepting my body. This therapy was the turning point for me. It helped me see that my problem wasn't my body itself; it was my mental perception of it and my desire to fit into a neat category to make sense of myself to others.
I had a lot of internalized issues to work through. I realize now that part of my desire to transition was a way to avoid dealing with being a masculine woman. I thought that if I couldn't fit the feminine stereotype, then I must not be a woman at all. My mom was a huge support; she always encouraged me to see the beauty in my own body and to cherish my flaws, teaching me that being a woman doesn't mean you have to act a certain way.
I absolutely regret ever starting down the path of transition. I see it now as treating a mental health issue with a physical solution, which is like treating anorexia with liposuction—it doesn’t address the root cause. The confidence I felt was temporary, a placebo effect. I believe that if I had undergone surgeries or taken hormones, the dysphoria would have just come back, but directed at my new, altered body.
Now, I’ve completely detransitioned. I embrace being a gender non-conforming woman. I wear what I want, which is often a mix of men's and women's clothing—whatever is comfortable and practical. I’ve learned to love and care for my body by seeing it as a separate entity that does so much for me; it fights off illnesses, it allows me to experience the world, and it deserves my love and respect. I look in the mirror and see a person I need to take care of, not change.
I’ve become very critical of the current medical approach to gender dysphoria, especially for young people. I think more research is desperately needed, and I'm concerned that the healthcare system is failing people by rushing them into medical treatments without exploring other mental health issues first. I feel like I dodged a bullet, and I want to share my story so others might avoid the same pain.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Started puberty, began to feel intense discomfort with my developing female body, especially my breasts. |
| 17-18 | Began socially transitioning; cut hair short, started wearing men's clothing exclusively. |
| 20 | Started seeing a non-affirming therapist who helped me address underlying trauma and self-esteem issues. |
| 21 | Realized I was not trans and began the process of detransitioning and self-acceptance. |
| 22 (Present) | Fully detransitioned, embracing life as a gender non-conforming woman. |
Top Comments by /u/AionNefelibata:
its so sad that in this day and age you have to apologiase so profusely about these things, but thank you for doing it anyway. You are completely correct, in fact you nailed it in the head. Gender disporia can never be cured by simply changing the outside because thats not where the problem lies, like ripping down a wall because you dont like a couch.
Il leave this here, helped me make sense of it all.
https://4thwavenow.com/2017/12/07/gender-dysphoria-is-not-one-thing/
Thank you so much for sharing all of that, i know it came from the bottom of your being.
You seem already on the right path to healing, maybe not of the body (but who knows?) but at least of the mind. Uncover all of the reasons, uncover why you felt what you felt, root it out and look at it straight in the face. And look back. You could have gone down a different road, IF you knew what you know now. But you couldnt have, because you didnt know. You did what you thought was right with the informations you had at the time, it would be unjust to be mad at yourself for that. You can pity that younger self instead, understanding where it came from, and forgive them.
You have now what you should have had before, and even if for you getting to that information was a tortuous path, you are here now.
You are rightfully mad ad the sistem that betrayed you, but now you have the exact tools it takes to change it. You have your withness, your experience you can relay, be the shortcircuit for other people, sharing whats over the hill for the ones at the base of it.
Reach out for the people around you, reach out and let your story touch them, even just to let it out, to make connections and making a bigger family of support for yourself. It will fall on many deaf ears, surely, but it will be worth it if even one person listens.
Not to say of what help medicine could offer in a couple of years, if you ever feel the need to have something changed back, wich is not necessary for your worth to be seen, i can assure you.
Now, look at the person in the mirror. Look at Her. Take care of her, make peace, she loves you even if you didnt, keeping you safe from shattering your teeth with the strength of your jaw, keeping you straight up when you close your eyes, fighting every intruder that breaches your skin. Now is time to take care of her, even if she is not like she was born, even if she has scars (she is the best one at making those! Animals die so much faster because they dont have the regeneration we do), even if she is not like the others, she is yours, love her like you would your cat. Maybe one if those rescues people feel sorry for, and yet, so many find so much love in those battered lovebugs. You two will be whole again, but it will not be because of lack of scars, but because of them.
Safe journey ❤️
sounds to me you already know what you should do. You already saw where the need to transition was coming from, and it wouldnt be healty to just keep running.
Take your time, ask around for a therapist that is not gender affirming, live your sex however you feel, masculine, feminine, you decide. Transitioning is just a confermation of gender stereotypes, and you might not like them. Im a woman dressing unisex or male clothes, and they are the shit, You know, it might even be just because male clothes are designed for fukn humans, with pockets, larger crotches so you can sit without your crack showing XD
Feel yourself, get some health days, bounce naked around the house dancing to music. And more importantly, dont be afraid to color putside the lines, they are made up anyway.
Safe journey! ❤️❤️🖖
you wouldnt be ruining anothers life because of your own decisions, quite the opposite, you could be saving another child from experiencing what you did. And it was not your decision, as you were not old enough to make it. As for the affordability of a lawyer, that is another whole deal.
If no body ever sues them, they are gonna keep doing it. No snowflake feels guilty over the avalanche.
One thing: before people can really love you, you need to learn to love yourself
My suggestion would be to talk to a non gender-affirming psychologist.
There is no such thing as too late to change your mind on this subject, as you are still figuring yourself out,
Dont expect yourself to conform to gender normes, it wouldnt be healthy for anybody, since they are not real or based on people.
Im a woman who dresses unisex or masculine most of the time, and completely outside of the feminine stereotype for anything else.
Spending any time worring if you "pass" for anything is only gonna lead to more depression, leave that unhealty thing behind if you can, just live, and leave gender to other people to worry about.
Safe journey ❤️❤️
Sending some girl power immediately! ❤️❤️
You said you are seeing two terapists, may i inquire if they are gender affirming?
Take a break from the gender thing for a while. Look at the mirror. Take care of the person you see there, just like it is, for a while. She did so mich to keep you safe, its your time now. Dont try to change her (would you demand such change from another person after all?), for now. I know it might seem like im making it easy, Its not: spend some time just being. Every time you find yourself thinking about "am i passing? what is that person thinking?" and the like, think instead: everyone is a different species of alien. Every one is their own, and every one is an opportunity for some xenoanthropology. This dissociation from generalizations will help you see past the boxes that you may nkt fill or want to fill. After all they are quite made up. In my case partial face blindness helps, (i see faces kinda messed up anyway).
safe jurney❤️
I dont know if this applies to the Tra side (it probably doesnt) but i found that the majority of radfems are absolutely not "all trans are pedos" or anything this harsh. Its a heterogeneous bunch, and it gets declined based on the platfom and nieches. Radfems i have seen online now (like today today, not just in general) are focusing on womens problems and safeguarding from all sides, and deal with the Trans issue only when it comes their way. Im allergic to conflict, like my body literally cant deal with adrenaline well, but i found following the big heads on twitter, the more poised and focused on law and women was refreshing, since they tend to coalesce around them refined arguments, politeness and coherent debate. I am against sexism from all sides, even the radfem side, so i have found myself sometimes excluded there too, since i think we shouldnt fall into stereotypes no matter the subject.
My overall point is: Radfems are a diverse bunch, please dont be discouraged, the loud ones often deafen the discourse, when we need all voices, expecially the kinds from this sub, to be heard. Its a thorny subject, but we need all sides, so that everyones needs are met. (its a bit like the 'please vote' thing.)
But first of all, its important to find a safe place in the storm, and im happy you found us here. Welcome!
as soon as i embraced gender non conformity, it felt like a curtain was lifted. No more i had to be described by gender, fluidity or not, but just a whim, will i wear pants or a sarong today? I also learned how to accept my body, by comparing it to other animals, instead of other humans. We cherish chubby cats, and chonky dogs, we find them adorable! I looked at my weird skin and compared it to a mighty alligator (i have weird skin). The light is there at the end of the tunnel.
Safe journey, traveller!
im so happy you are in this state of mind now! I can relate! I always slouched because of my breasts, and was always paranoid it was getting too much attention. Thank the stars my mom didnt do what yours did, im so sorry to hear about that! I hope its better now.
But after i started being unique for other things (in my town i was the first to wear blue strikes, kinda, and before that i had feathers in my hair, not to count what i invented afterwards), and started getting looks for expressioms of my psyche, i started to make a game out of it. 1 point for a look, 2 points for a double take, 3 points for a look and an elbow to the frend walking with, 4 points for the lid shamelessly eyeballing (3 years and above is the best).
its so sad to see what happened to the Gay people to be used to basically foster a cult mentality that is hurting people. We need to make a stance, fight for those who cant fisht for themselves. My mom always encouraged me to see the beauty in my body, to cherish even the flaws, and to find my own way to be human, and that being a woman doesnt mean what you should act like, just an indicative idea of what your body looks like and funcions (vagina, boobs of any shape and size, periods and the like) I wish i could offer more than mere words on the internet. I wish we could make up a movement to regain safety ahainst the gaslighting of this generation for the next