This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user provides a highly detailed, consistent, and emotionally complex personal narrative spanning over a year. The story includes specific medical details (schizoaffective disorder, specific medications, HRT timeline), logistical hurdles (changing documents, finding surgeons), and evolving personal reflections that are characteristic of a genuine human experience. The account's tone is passionate and frustrated, which aligns with the expected demeanor of someone dealing with the real-life consequences of detransition.
About me
I was a teenager struggling with severe mental illness when I became convinced I was meant to be a man. I took testosterone for five years and had surgery to remove my breasts, but my depression only got worse. After a mental health crisis, I finally admitted I missed being a woman and stopped hormones. I now realize my gender dysphoria was a symptom of my untreated psychosis and trauma, not the cause. I am a lesbian woman again, working to reverse the physical changes while finally addressing my real problems.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I was born female, and around 16 or 17, I came out as trans. I was really struggling with my mental health at the time; I had severe depression, anxiety, and I was self-harming and having suicidal thoughts. I thought all of that was because I was meant to be a man.
Looking back, I think a lot of things pushed me toward transition. I had some sexual trauma and I know I struggled with internalized homophobia. I’ve known I was attracted to women since I was 12, but it felt weird and wrong. I thought that if I became a man, it would make my attraction to women feel more normal or acceptable. For a while, I even thought I was bisexual, but I realize now I was only ever truly attracted to women. My mental health played a huge role, too. I was later diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, and I experienced periods of derealization and dissociation where nothing felt real, like I was in a movie. I think I was also in the early stages of psychosis when I sought out hormones. I also have traits of borderline personality disorder, and I think that constant lack of a stable sense of self made it easy to latch onto a new identity.
I first went to a gender clinic when I was 18, but they turned me down because I was too depressed and didn't have a social life. A year later, when I was 19, I went back. I was barely going to school and still had no therapy, but that time they gave me a prescription for testosterone. I started taking it, and a few years later, when I was 21, I had top surgery—a double mastectomy. I changed my name and gender marker on all my legal documents.
But my depression never got better. I was on testosterone for five years and I still felt awful. I had two serious suicide attempts during my transition. I started having doubts around age 22, first about the social side of things. I missed being seen as a woman and doing feminine things. I’m actually a pretty gender-conforming person; I like wearing dresses and makeup, and I never felt like I fit in with men. Then, the physical regrets started. I began to hate the effects of testosterone: my facial hair, my deeper voice, my changing hairline. I desperately missed my breasts.
The big turning point came when I was hospitalized during a suicidal crisis. A nurse asked me if I had any regrets about my transition, and for the first time, I admitted that I did. I missed being a woman. That was the start of my detransition. I finally found the right antipsychotic medication for my schizoaffective disorder, and as my mental health stabilized, my gender dysphoria completely went away. It was replaced by a new dysphoria about all the male traits I had developed.
Stopping testosterone was scary. I was worried about my mood swings because of my mental health condition. My endocrinologist had told a friend of mine there was "no going back," so I was apprehensive to talk to him. I ended up telling him I wanted to stop, and he had me lower my dose slowly. I stopped testosterone for good in May 2020. I’ve been off it for over a year now.
Going back to the gender clinic to tell them I was detransitioning was frustrating. They didn’t really listen and kept trying to push a non-binary identity on me instead of accepting that I just felt like a woman again. My current psychiatrist, who was never involved in my transition, has been neutral through it all.
Now, I’m working on reversing what I can. I’m getting laser hair removal on my face and body. My period has only returned once, so I’m getting my hormone levels checked because I might need treatment to get my cycle back. The biggest thing is my top surgery regret. I’m on a waiting list for breast reconstruction surgery, but it’s a long process and I’ll have to pay for it myself. I’m also in the process of changing my name and gender marker back to female on all my documents, which is exhausting and expensive.
I don’t really have dysphoria anymore in the same way. I just feel like myself. I’ve realized that most people don’t spend every day thinking about their gender or feeling euphoria about it; they just are. I’m comfortable now as a lesbian woman. My parents have been supportive; my mom is happy to have her daughter back.
Do I have regrets? Yes, I deeply regret the physical changes, especially the top surgery. I wish I had listened to my doubts sooner instead of powering through. I don’t think anything could have stopped me from transitioning at the time because I was so sure and so unwell. But I really wish the doctors had asked me more questions about my mental health and my life trauma before giving me hormones and surgery. My transition was a symptom of a much deeper problem, and I’m only now, in detransition, finally addressing the root causes.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 16-17 | ~2013-2014 | Came out as trans. |
| 18 | ~2015 | First went to a gender clinic; was denied hormones due to depression. |
| 19 | ~2016 | Went back to the gender clinic; was prescribed testosterone. |
| 21 | ~2018 | Had top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 22 | ~2019 | Started having social regrets about transition. |
| 24 | 2020 | Admitted physical regrets while hospitalized; stopped testosterone in May. |
| 25 | 2021 | Living as a detransitioned female, undergoing laser hair removal and pursuing breast reconstruction. |
Top Comments by /u/Akroga:
For a while I was confused because I did not feel like a woman or a man, I just felt like me. My parents both told me they did not feel like either, they just are and don’t think about it. My psychiatrist told me the same. So I guess cis people just don’t think about it, and don’t have euphoria every day.
They were accepting but wanted me to take it slow and not make any rash decision. I knew I wanted to get rid of my facial hair and get breasts again. 8 months later I’m about to get laser hair removal but I haven’t made much progress on the breast reconstruction. My mother was kinda relieved and happy to get her daughter back. My father hasn’t said much, he just wants me to be happy.
I wish I had stopped when I had doubts instead of keeping taking T and power through. I would have less to undo right now because I did in fact end up detransitioning. If you don’t you can just resume if that’s what makes you happy. I just wouldn’t keep taking it were I to do it again.
I was hospitalized many times both while trans and while cis. The nurses and the staff were always very respectful of my pronouns and situation. Actually, it was what a nurse said that triggered my detransition. Granted I was on the edge (wanting to die) but she asked me if I had any regrets regarding my transition and it’s how I realized that yes, I did. A few months later I actually stopped HRT. I had been transitioning for 7 years at that point. Testosterone for 5, mastectomy for 3, name and gender changed legally on all of my documents. I’m glad she actually questioned it even though it wasn’t exactly her place. I was there because I was suicidal and psychotic.
I’m on a waiting list for breast implants. I should have my consultation in about 5 months. I’ll have to pay out of pocket and stop smoking 3 months prior. Other than that I don’t know much. I’m aiming to get the same size I was before but I don’t know if that will be possible.
I just wanted to tell you I pretty much feel the same way. I didn’t want to take hormones for the rest of my life and damage my reproductive system any more than what had already happened. I was taking testosterone inconsistently for a while as well. I also really miss my breasts and want to be seen as female again. The only difference would be that I am pretty much gender conforming and not straight.
I don’t have much else to say because I’m new to this as well, I only stopped taking hormones for good two months ago. I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone in feeling this way. My legal documents are changed too and I constantly worry about wanting to maybe transition again even though I feel strongly about detransitioning (I would even dare say even more strongly than about my transition). Hang in there!
Personally I changed where I go for small things like getting my hair cut. But there are things I can’t escape, like the dentist or optometrist. I was stealth before but I’m just going to say that I used to be trans but changed back and show my name change and gender marker change documents once I get them. Other than that, I just changed my name on Facebook and those who had questions asked me. Most if not all were happy for me. I’m not gonna lie, it helped that most of my Facebook friends are people from college that I’m never gonna see again anyway...
I have to go to a hospital to get assessed every 2-3 months anyway so I didn’t mind adding endocrinologist appointments to that. But my doubts started out social. I felt alienated from other women despite having been close to many before and never really fitting in with cis guys. I never felt like I had my place. Losing my hair scared me a lot, it started thinning and my hairline changed. I ended up taking finasteride but that has its side effects. Atrophy and other possible health issues scared me. I didn’t want to get a hysterectomy so atrophy was worrying. I felt like I needed to get bottom surgery to be “done” but I realized I would never feel “done” and there would be constantly shifting goalposts. I managed to accept myself as a woman after a while. I noticed my dysphoria was almost self made and that I kept myself in that state semi voluntarily. Right now I’m only dysphoric about the effects of T and the surgery I had (double mastectomy). I don’t really wish to go back to being a guy.
My case is kinda weird. Internalized homophobia and sexual trauma definitely played a role in my transition. Although it wasn’t so much as being gay than being attracted to girls. I’ve known I’m attracted to girls since I was like 12 but it felt weird. When I was trans I thought I was bi. I thought I could never satisfy a straight woman as a trans guy but I could easily be a “bottom” for a bi/gay guy so it wasn’t really internalized homophobia. I later realized (and came to terms with it when I detransitioned) that I really only liked women and gradually became more comfortable as a lesbian. So I guess my shame was more about liking women than being gay.
I wish I had been prodded more by the psychiatrist who was supposed to refer me for HRT. When I first saw her she sent me back because I had no social life (I wasn't going to school or working) and she wanted me to experiment a bit more socially. I saw her again a year later and she was okay with me going on hormones simply because I was going to school. No questions like what it meant for me to be a man, if I had any bad experiences with being a woman (I did), if I had weird ideas (this one isn't the case for everyone, but I believe I was in the prodrome phase of psychosis at the time). That was back in 2014-2015, can't remember quite exactly. In 2020, when I started wanting to detransition, my counsellor wasn't really at ease with the whole trans-detrans thing so she wanted me to see that psychiatrist again. So I did. I had to convince her I did not think I was trans anymore or was not non binary. I never really had to convince her I was trans in the first place so it annoyed me. I unfortunately have to go back to her to get a letter to change my name and gender marker back. I'm not looking forward to it.