This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user demonstrates:
- Personal, detailed anecdotes from their own transition and detransition.
- Nuanced, empathetic advice that acknowledges complexity and avoids black-and-white thinking.
- A consistent perspective and writing style focused on support and shared experience, which aligns with a genuine detransitioner or desister.
About me
I transitioned because I didn't fit a masculine ideal and thought that meant I wasn't a man. For five years, I lived as a woman and passed well, but the external validation never fixed how I felt inside. I realized my journey was more about escaping social roles than a true need to be female. I now carry some permanent regrets, but I'm learning to move forward and build a life in the body I have. My focus now is on forgiving myself and taking things one day at a time.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition was long and complicated, and looking back, I see a lot of things more clearly now. I transitioned for nearly five years, and during that time, I was fully convinced it was the right path for me. I saw so many people in the community, especially those identifying as non-binary, who didn't seem to change anything about their lives. It was confusing, and I even knew some trans women who felt that their experiences were so different from non-binary people that they wanted separate spaces.
For me, a lot of it stemmed from internalizing really toxic ideas about what it meant to be a man. I thought that because I didn't fit a certain masculine ideal, maybe I wasn't a man at all. That was a huge part of my reason for starting. It wasn't a deep, inherent discomfort with my sex from childhood; it was more about not fitting into a social role.
I don't think my experience was black and white. I try not to see transition as all good or all bad. For some people, it might be a last resort they need to be happy, and I understand that. But for me, it turned out not to be the solution. I eventually realized that transitioning hadn't helped me become "who I really am." The changes from hormones were significant, and I passed well—I even told another trans woman that she looked great and had made it further than most—but that external validation wasn't fixing how I felt inside.
I don't regret my transition 100%, but I do have a lot of regrets. I know that some changes, whether physical, emotional, or social, are permanent. I carry that with me. The weight of regret can feel overwhelming, like your life is over, but it's not. I've found that the only way forward is to take things one day at a time. You have to focus on what you can change. For me, that meant setting small goals, like focusing on my physical fitness, and seeking out a good therapist to help me navigate everything.
One of the hardest things now is seeing how people talk about detransition. They'll have nuanced views on other social issues, but if you suggest that social influence might have played a part in you identifying as trans, they suddenly switch to "personal responsibility, it's all on you." The hypocrisy is really obvious and hard to ignore.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's a lot more flexible than we're taught. Men can be feminine, women can be masculine, and that doesn't have to mean anything about their identity. I wish I had understood that better before I started my journey. My own transition was a response to not fitting in, not a deep-seated need to be the other sex. I'm trying to move forward now, forgive myself, and build a life with the body I have.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 19 | Started my social and medical transition. |
| 19 - 24 | Lived as a trans woman for nearly 5 years. |
| 24 | Realized transition wasn't making me happy and began my detransition. |
Top Comments by /u/AlexGo10:
I do see it but it seems just common overall even outside trans stuff. Unfortunately, a lot of these words now mean nothing to so many people because they are used so flippantly to deflect any criticism of ideas or certain behavior. It’s also common with “philosophical” words as well, where people just whip them out like they are some uno reverse card that makes them sound smarter.
It’s actually kind of sad and funny because a lot of them will sometimes take more nuanced views on social issues (sometimes rightfully) to explain why people do certain things or why they turn out the way they do, but as soon as you say that you may have been influenced socially to identify as trans they do a 180 and go full “personal responsibility, it’s all on you.” It’s such a huge deviation from how they normally approach social issues that it’s hard to not see.
I understand your pain to some extent and I think all of here do. While not all of us have certainly gone as far in our transitions as you have (surgery), I think most of us have permanent aspects of our transition that will never go away whether it be physical, emotional, or social. I'm sure you are under the weight of a ton of regret and hurt right now and believe that your life is over, and a lot of us feel/felt that way too, but it is not.
One thing I have found helpful is just taking things one day or one thing at a time. For example, do not worry about relationships right now, just focus on getting yourself in a good place. Consider going to a good therapist or doctor to discuss ways you can go forward. Maybe under the guidance of a doctor you can start taking T if they think it would be helpful and safe. You mentioned physical fitness, try working out (even if it just be half an hour). With the job stuff, try finding a job if you already don't have one, ideally in the field you previously were in. Make a list of goals and try to reach them one at a time.
You don't have to do all these things at once, but I think it's important to have these goals and the necessary medical help to move forward. There are things you cannot change, but focus on the things you can do to move forward. Please go slow and give yourself time to heal and forgive yourself.
What are their reasons for transitioning? Are they just gender non conforming (they believe they are too feminine or like “feminine” things) or are they extremely uncomfortable with their sex (maybe gender dysphoria). If it’s the former, then you can emphasize that men can be as feminine or masculine as they want, and that it doesn’t make them any less of a man. Unfortunately toxic ideas of what being a man should be partially led me to transitioning.
If it’s the latter, it’s a much trickier issue. You could always encourage them to see a therapist or emphasize how life changing transitioning is and how it’s not all rainbows and sunshine. But at the end of the day, if they go through all that and just can’t become comfortable with their sex, I’m really not sure there’s much you can do. I treat transitioning as an unfortunate last result, but unfortunately that’s what some may have to do to be happy, and I try not to take a 100% black or white view of any issue.
If anything, try in your conversations not to make it a religious thing. From experience, I know it will probably come off as condescending and you won’t reach through to them that way.
Your first paragraph stuck with me. I saw this all the time while I was still participating in trans and sadly even the broader LGBT community, especially with the rise of non-binary identities. I would see so many people who you would just assume to be normal, non-trans men and women, but then they would claim they were non-binary, and proceed to make 0 consequential changes to their life. It’s actually really interesting, because some trans women I knew in person wished that they would separate “binary trans” spaces from NB ones because they didn’t feel that most NB people could relate to any of their experiences.
I did look through your profile and to be honest, if the reason you want to detransiton is because you don’t look like a woman, I think you are wrong in that perspective. Unless the photos you posted have been manipulated or something, I think you look like a woman. And to be honest, you’ve made it further in your transition in regard to passing that 90% of the trans women I have met throughout my nearly 5 years of transition before I detransitioned.
I can understand wanting to detransiton over wanting to have kids or feeling like transitioning hasn’t helped you “be who you really are” or something, but I don’t think hormones have done nothing to your body judging on your photos.