This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's history shows a consistent, years-long narrative of questioning their gender identity, starting HRT, and actively seeking perspectives from both transition and detransition communities. Their language is nuanced, self-reflective, and emotionally varied (confusion, fear, hope), which is consistent with a genuine person navigating a complex and deeply personal issue. The account's behavior aligns with a desister (someone who considered but did not pursue medical transition) or a very cautious individual in the questioning phase.
About me
I was born male and started questioning if I was a woman because I felt disconnected and put femininity on a pedestal. I began low-dose HRT to explore these feelings but was terrified I was just running from my problems. Therapy was no help, so I turned to detransition stories to understand my own motives better. I now see my gender questioning as a complex process of gathering information, not a mistake. I'm still on low-dose HRT, somewhere in the middle, and just trying to understand myself better every day.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been a long and confusing one, and I'm still figuring it out. I was born male, but for a long time, I've felt a deep disconnect from that. I started questioning if I was a trans woman a few years ago. I related a lot to the feelings people talked about in online trans spaces, like the "egg_irl" memes, but something always held me back from fully committing.
A huge part of my questioning came from my beliefs about men and women. I had this deep-seated idea that being a woman was just… better. I thought femininity was more flexible and accepting. Women could wear whatever they wanted, act however they wanted, and hold hands with their friends without anyone batting an eye. I saw masculinity as fragile and weak, something that broke if it touched anything pink or frilly. I also just thought the female form was more aesthetically pleasing from an artistic standpoint; more curves are more interesting to look at. I genuinely believed, for a long time, that all men secretly wanted to be women but were just tolerating their roles because they had to. I put women on a pedestal.
I was also tired of hiding. I had a crossdressing hobby I kept secret, and I was exhausted from trying to "man up" and act like everyone else. I thought transitioning would let me live authentically and stop hiding. But then I'd get this scary thought: if I transition, wouldn't I just be pretending to be a girl? Would I ever stop pretending? It felt like no matter what I did, I was destined to feel inauthentic or be seen as a weirdo.
This led me to a lot of deep questioning about the nature of my feelings. I became obsessed with the why. Why did I feel this way? I was terrified that I was just trying to run away from my problems or my old identity. I worried that my desire to be a girl wasn't coming from a true, innate gender identity, but from logical, rationalized reasons about why life would be better as a woman.
I sought out therapists hoping they could help me dive into these root causes, but I was consistently disappointed. They all seemed to just have a checklist of symptoms. They'd ask about my history and my feelings, but they never asked me why I felt that way. They never tried to explore the origins. It felt like a complete failure of mental healthcare. If a checklist on the internet could tell me if I'm trans, why did I need to pay them?
Because of this, I found immense value in detransition spaces. Hearing from people who had actually lived the experience and then realized it wasn't for them was crucial for me. It provided a necessary counter-narrative that my therapists weren't giving me. Their stories, often involving trauma, internalized misogyny or homophobia, or other underlying issues, made me scrutinize my own motives even more.
For me, sexuality wasn't a big driver. It wasn't a sexual thing; I wasn't turned on by the idea of being a woman. I just felt overwhelming envy. I'd see women in beautiful clothes and gorgeous dresses and just ache inside, wishing I could wear them too. I knew I didn't want to wear them as a man; that thought was unacceptable to me. This envy felt like a constant trigger that I didn't think would ever go away.
I started low-dose HRT about three months into my questioning, around late 2020. I wasn't regretting it, but I was still constantly doing my due diligence, checking in with myself, and reading detrans stories to make sure I was on the right track. I was always looking for red flags in my own experience.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's incredibly complex. For some people, it's a clear-cut, innate sense. For others, like many of the detransitioners I've read about, it can be a solution to a different problem—trauma, self-hatred, internalized homophobia, or a desire to escape. I don't think there's one single narrative.
As for regrets, I don't have any about the path I've taken so far because I've been so cautious. I haven't had any surgeries. Starting low-dose HRT felt like a way to explore without making irreversible changes immediately. I see my journey not as a mistake, but as a process of gathering information. I made the best decisions I could with the information I had at the time, and as I get more information, my path might change.
I'm still on this path. I'm still questioning. I'm not a detransitioner, but I'm not fully transitioned either. I'm somewhere in the middle, trying to understand myself better every day.
Here is a timeline of my journey so far:
| Age | Date (Approx.) | Event |
|---|---|---|
| ? | Before 2020 | Private crossdressing, feeling a need to "man up" and hide my true self. |
| ? | July 2020 | Actively questioning gender identity, relating to online trans communities but feeling hesitant. |
| ? | Late 2020 | Began low-dose Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) while continuing to question and research. |
| ? | Early 2021 | Actively seeking therapy and engaging with detransition communities to understand all perspectives. |
| ? | Present | Still on low-dose HRT, still questioning, and continuing to learn about myself. |
Top Comments by /u/AlmondsOverSalmons:
So I’m not a detransitioner, and I’m 3 months into transition.
I personally feel like detrans spaces has been immensely valuable in my journey as you just can’t do this without consulting the other side of the fence as well. It’s so so so important I hope this sub will never get banned or deleted and people who wish that is outrageous.
I personally feel there’s a LOT of insights from people who’s actually tried and then decided it wasn’t for them, for whatever reasons. It’s not like people who detrans are transphobic since you guys and gals actually identified as trans at one point.
I genuinely fully believed in my brain (up until the age of 27!!!) that every gay man was really just a closeted trans woman. To me, ALL gay men wanted to be women. Who wouldn't? And why wouldn't they??
I (MtF) relate to this, with a difference. I’m not a gay man. But I grew up with a deep seated belief that all men want to be women, but since we can’t, we’re all just tolerating being males, and doing our best to fulfill our roles.
I also genuinely didn’t understand that the world is largely misogynistic because my entire life I just put women on a pedestal.
I haven't done any transition yet. I'm still puzzling over my identity if I'm MtF. And I relate to this so much.
I have, and feel like, I had to learn how to 'man up' and behave like the rest of them. I hide my crossdressing hobby. And I'm so tired of that. I want to stop hiding and just live authentically. So I decided I might transition. But wait, then I'd be pretending again. Pretending I'm one of them girls now. And nothing is going to change. I'd still be pretending... and it seems like no matter which path I take, I'm destinied to feeling either inauthentic, or be seen as a weirdo.
People say be yourself, be authentic, and while I agree that it's liberating to feel that way, it's a lot easier said than done to ignore like 99.9% of the people looking at you weird, or not willing to get to know you better.
I don't know how I myself am going to, but I hope you're able to find your peace and happiness soon.
Having the realisation that you have now if I transitioned is like one of my nightmares. I haven't done anything to myself yet, precisely cause I'm pondering if, like you, I'm just trying to run away from my old identity/problems.
The thing is, I don't know how to tell anymore. And it's so... messy. Our minds work in the strangest ways and a lot of people think they can believe their thoughts, and if they have their thoughts, they must be real and valid. Even psychs that I've visited so far haven't been able to give me the deep dive into my mind that I was hoping they'd be able to provide.
I've asked around and I get a worrying amount of "If you feel happier as a girl, then you're trans!", and things similar to that. Maybe that is enough for them to transition, but to me, I think the why behind those feelings or thoughts are so critical.
For example, women who were sexually assaulted when they were young often mistakes that they are trans and want to be men, not because they didn't want to be women, but because they've come to associate with women being weak, vulnerable, and they didn't want to feel that way. But at the point of their lives when they were thinking of transitioning? Those feelings and thoughts were real.
And my point is, I don't know when and how to trust my own thoughts. I genuinely believe I am trans, and want to be a girl, at this moment. But I can't speak for myself 5 years later. 10 years later. Even if I am able to tell you, I do want to be a girl for the rest of my life, I can't trust those thoughts.
Sorry for the long reply. Your post just really related to me because that's like something I'm really worried about if I decide to transition... finding out that I wasn't really trans, and would've been happier if I just accepted myself (though, I don't see it being the case now).
Thanks for taking the time for a detailed reply, and for sharing your story.
On hindsight, I see how my phrasing can be misunderstood. Sorry, that's not what I meant.
I don't think trauma can change gender identity. But what I was trying to find out with my question was if I, too, may have trauma that are undiscovered that gave me a desire to be a different person/gender, and if so, I wish to find out so I don't make the mistake of transitioning. And to the best of my knowledge, I don't have any such trauma. But if it's repressed, I wouldn't know, hence me asking what methods they employed for you.
Were there any red flags for yourself when you identified as a different gender?
While I haven't suffered any abuse, I didn't like my father growing up. So I can relate to not wanting to grow up to be one parent. But for myself, it seems to manifest much too late if that's the reason.
Thanks for replying, truly appreciate it. I’m glad I asked because I few like you’ve given me a few things to think about.
I too wondered if I am simply want to be a girl because of life experiences as opposed to biological reasons. I relate to what you said about feeling worthless as a man and finding more value as a girl. I’ve always felt that girls are more precious, more cherished by everyone.
Though, at this point, I really don’t quite care for being a guy and I really don’t see any reasons why anyone would prefer to be a guy (not invalidating anyone, but just showing extent of my perception that being a girl is better). I just don’t see the attraction of being a guy save for some few practical purposes like not having periods.
If by self image swings you mean feeling good about myself one day and not the other day, yeah I do have that sometimes. But I can’t say I relate to the rest.
I’m exploring possibility of BPD/misplaced transgenderism(?) because I feel like I’m always trying to be somebody else, trying to better myself.
This shit is confusing as hell and I’m really glad you got yourself out of this identity crisis. I can only hope to find some peace someday...
i'd love to hear more on this issue as well.
but this particular video was a waste of time. the video basically introduced him as an endocrinologist, and then he goes onto basic stuff on what hormones are and the verrrry basic flow of how transition works.
then he talks about how there are side effects and prefer people not to take medication if possible.
erm, yeah, of course. no one wants to be on medication for life. no one wants to be trans, lol. this video basically offered nothing of value.
We're probably from different countries, but I totally relate when you say
I told them the truth about how I felt, but they never asked me why I felt that way.
I've went to several psychs to clear up my gender identity issues. And they all seemed to have some kind of checklist, asking me factual background and my history of behaviour etc. And I'm just waiting and hoping they'd ask me why I feel that way, and how I come to feel that way, etc, but nothing. They don't. It's like they only look at the symptoms, but never bothered to get to the root cause of those symptoms.
I am absolutely disappointed at the standard of mental health care "professionals" and honestly, it doesn't seem like they even begin to understand human psychology. Why do I need them? I can find checklist on the internet! If a checklist can easily tell me if I am trans or not, why do I need to pay you $150 an hour?
I'm so sorry that the mental healthcare has failed you, and you didn't meet one that might have a better way of handling trans issues. I'm pre-transition, so I don't really have any advice. I'm so sorry. But IDK if you already know of this YouTube who's also a detrans female. Search for Ryan Barnes.
I relate to missing the beautiful clothes and hairstyle so much. Like just last night I was shopping online and I'm just squealing at all the gorgeous dresses and skirts.
And... I don't think my overwhelming envy of women wearing nice clothes will subside no matter how much I work on mindfulness and alternatives of being happy. I feel like sure I could be happy with other things as well. But I'd probably get so many triggers when I'm out and about, or even just on the internet, when I see nice clothes and just wishing I could wear them, etc.
I definitely think my life'd be simpler if I wasn't trans (duh!), but at the same time, I just don't see how I can live a life constantly hiding myself. And no, I don't want to wear skirts and dresses as a man. Just no.
If you felt it was a "mistake", I think that's normal that you're feeling regret. But here's the thing. You wouldn't know it was a mistake until you done it. We all make the best decisions that we could with all the information that we had at that point.
You gathered as much information as you could, you evaluated all the clues you had, and you made the decision that you believed was right at that time. During this transition, you've gained more insights into yourself, and you have even more information to work with now, which is leading you to a new decision.
Definitely easier said than done (which is why we all need support from communities), but maybe this wasn't a mistake. Maybe this is part of the journey.