This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The comments demonstrate deep personal reflection, a consistent and nuanced philosophical argument against gender identity theory, and a clear personal history with transition and detransition. The language is complex, emotionally varied, and shows development of thought over time, which is not typical of bot behavior. The user's passion and anger align with the expected sentiment from someone who feels harmed by their experience.
About me
I was a sensitive boy who never fit in with other males, so I created a tough mask to survive. I later mistook my desire to be my gentle, true self for being a woman, thinking transition was my escape. I took hormones for a year and a half, but it only left me more confused. I finally realized that "gender identity" was a harmful idea that preyed on my insecurities. Now, I am learning to accept myself as a male who is simply gender non-conforming, and I'm working through the trauma that started it all.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition was long and complicated, rooted in a lot of pain I didn't understand at the time. Looking back, I can see that my desire to transition was a way to cope with a deep sense of self-rejection. I was a soft, sensitive boy who never fit in with other males. I felt oppressed and alienated by my peers, my brothers, and my father, and I learned to suppress that softness and put on a tough, masculine mask just to survive. After a while, that mask started to feel like it was really me, but it was exhausting.
I now believe that my "egg cracking" was really that sensitive inner child wanting to be liberated. Because of misogyny and naivety, I confused that soft, gentle part of myself for something feminine and concluded I must have a female gender identity. It felt like an escape hatch from the pressures of compulsory masculinity. I looked at my past and saw all the classic signs the trans narrative talks about: a sensitive child who didn't fit in with boys, drawn to more feminine things. It all seemed to fit.
I took hormones for about 18 months as a test, hoping it would clear up my confusion and show me who I was meant to be. But even after all that time, I was just as confused and stressed as I had ever been. The hormones didn't solve the underlying problem.
The problem was that I was trapped by the very idea of gender. I came to realize that 'gender identity' is a made-up concept, a mind virus built from language. It latches onto your psychological sore spots and convinces you it's real. It makes you hurt and feel desperate and incongruent. But it's not real. Gender is just a set of stereotypes we created about male and female bodies. 'Gender identity' is just a label we assign ourselves based on how we relate to those stereotypes. They are completely arbitrary.
Letting go of that construct was the most freeing thing I've ever done. I realized I am simply a male body with gender-non-conforming personality traits and behaviours. I can express myself however I want, and that has nothing to do with my sex. I don't need to be a woman to be soft or gentle. I can just be a man who is those things.
I have a lot of regrets about my transition. I regret not understanding that my feelings were driven by trauma, internalized homophobia, and a profound rejection of myself, not by being born in the wrong body. I regret the time and mental energy I wasted obsessing over gender, which is as useless as obsessing over a "favourite-food identity." I believe gender-affirming care was the last thing I needed. What I needed was psychological help to address my underlying issues: the trauma of not fitting in, the dissociation, and the self-hatred.
I still have a lot of work to do processing my trauma, internalized homophobia, and body image issues. But now I can see my pain for what it really is, and I'm not misinterpreting it as a problem with my sex. I believe the only way to truly help people like me is with therapy that focuses on accepting your given body, validating gender non-conformity, and learning to cope with dysphoria, all while helping society loosen its rigid gender roles so people like me don't feel the need to change their bodies to fit in.
Age | Event |
---|---|
Childhood | Felt like a soft, sensitive boy who didn't fit in with other males. Felt oppressed and alienated by male peers and family members. |
Early Adulthood | Developed a "masculine mask" to survive. Later, my "egg cracked" and I misinterpreted my sensitive inner child as a female identity. |
18 months on HRT | Took hormones as a test for 18 months. Remained confused and stressed, realizing it didn't solve my underlying problems. |
(Age not specified) | Detransitioned. Let go of the concept of "gender identity" and found freedom in accepting my male body and expressing myself however I want. |
Top Comments by /u/AloneCheek:
I imagine for virtually all cases the treatment should be psychological. Also, society/culture itself needs to change by loosening gender roles, norms, and stereotypes, so that gender non-conforming people aren't compelled to either hide themselves away or 'transition' to another gender.
Psychological treatment should start with a thorough assessment of the person's history and current psychological condition. It should focus on building rapport and establishing trust, so the client can have faith in the therapist and in the treatment plan (it probably won't work if a male persistently insists he's a female or vice versa or 'nonbinary').
Therapy should address whatever psychosocial issues are contributing to the gender dysphoria, such as body dysmorphia, posttraumatic dissociation, internalized homophobia, internalized misogyny, internalized misandry, paraphilias, disorders of sex development, etc...
Most of these potential causes already have their own established treatment approaches in psychology. They should be applied keeping in mind the overarching goals of this therapy, which are to (a) cultivate acceptance of one's given body and sex features and their associated gender role; (b) validate gender non-conformity and encourage its healthy expression; and (c) learn to cope effectively with any residual gender dysphoria.
But for all that the happen, we need to rid ourselves of the harmful pseudoscience of "gender identity" and the lie that "transitioning is the only effective treatment."
This is a huge issue. It's no surprise that so many trans people are into children's animations, little space, diaper play, etcetera. I strongly suspect that many trans women were soft and sensitive boys in childhood, rather than tough and competitive, and that they felt oppressed and alienated by other males (peers, brothers, fathers). They learn to adapt by suppressing their softer side and developing a tougher, more 'masculine' mask to survive. Eventually that masc mask starts to feel like their actual selves, until one day the egg cracks and the sensitive inner child wants to be liberated. As a result of misogyny, naivete, and other factors, they confuse the soft and gentle inner child for something 'feminine' and conclude that they must have a female gender identity. They look into their personal history and see all the classical trans narrative markers; sensitive child who didn't fit in with boys and felt drawn to more feminine activities, perhaps even engaged in cross-gender dreaming as an early escapist fantasy for coping with the pressures of compulsory masculinity.
At least, I know all of the above is true for me.
I don't know how it works for trans men, but I've heard lots of detrans stories of women who felt weak and ugly and broken after childhood experiences of sexual abuse, or the trauma of initiating womanhood in a profoundly misogynistic society, which obviously contributes to gender dysphoria as well.
This is why gender affirming care is the last thing trans people need. They need to address the underlying psychological issues.
Self-hatred and gender dysphoria are two sides of the same coin. Wishing to be a different sex/gender is a way to cope with profound self-rejection by fantasizing about escaping and reinventing yourself as an idealized other. The reason people have such strong emotional reactions to being misgendered, not 'passing', and transphobic 'microaggressions' is because they threaten to unleash all of the intolerable psychological pain that is covered up by the fragile delusional construct of (trans)gender identity. It takes tremendous mental resources and emotional investment to safeguard what is essentially a house of cards.
An important step in your healing will be to recognize that obsessing over 'gender identity' is just as useless as obsessing over 'favourite-food identity'; it's not a concrete 'something' that is innate to 'who you are,' it is literally just an idea residing in your mind. An idea that gets reinforced by other trans people and the gnawing feeling that there is something terribly wrong with you. But the problem is not your 'gender identity' or your sex, it's the underlying internal conflict and dissociation. Let go of the make-believe construct called 'gender identity'; realize that anything other than accepting the reality of your biological sex is insanity; and find freedom in the recognition that gender (expression, roles, identity, etc.) is completely manmade and arbitrary.
You can express yourself however you damn well please as a biological male, and that is liberating. As a detransitioner I found tremendous freedom in the recognition that gender is make-believe. I am simply a male body with gender-non-conforming personality traits and behaviours. In the meantime I still have a lot of trauma, internalized homophobia, body image issues, and other bullshit to process, but at least I'm able to see my pain for what it is now, and not misinterpret it as meaning there is something wrong with my sex/'gender.'
I think you're very astute in recognizing the negative family and cultural influences that may have shaped your gender dysphoria. It's really hard being gender-non-conforming and same-sex attracted, especially in a conservative environment.
What you're telling us is that you're feeling unsure or ambivalent about some aspects of your body and physical changes, and also that you're aware that your upbringing may have deeply shaped your relationship to your body and perception of your gender role. What if you took a break from hormones to spend time exploring those psychological and social issues, and if you're still interested in medical transition after that, make sure you are really well informed about the long-term changes and risks?
I understand where you're coming from. I struggled with similar questions and wanted to use HRT as a test to see which direction I should choose, but even after 18 months of hormones I was as confused and stressed as ever. The thing is, you can't find a way out of that conundrum as long as the illusion of "gender" still has you in its grasp.
The concepts of gender, gender identity, gender dysphoria, and gender transition are like a mind virus. The virus is made of language, and because it has infected so many people and latches onto your own psychological sore spots, it convinces you that it's real; it makes you hurt; it makes you desperate; it makes you disintegrate under the pressure of feeling incongruent with yourself.
You are trapped by the language of gender. Such as, 'presenting as', which necessarily entails that you're trying to be something you're not; trying to control how others perceive you; trying to figure out where you belong along a "spectrum" of... nothing. My friend, 'gender' is just stereotypes we created about the behaviours of male and female bodies! And gender identity is simply a label ('masculine,' 'feminine,' etc.) that we assign to ourselves based on how we relate to those stereotypes! They are totally arbitrary constructs, yet they have infected your mind like a virus that demands 100% of your mental resources and emotional investment.
When you say that your personality "does not fit a mold, male, female, or other," you are right. But nobody else's does either. Nobody is a walking stereotype, nobody exists along a "spectrum" of a make-believe property of humans. We exist on a height spectrum, that's a measurable property of humans. Or a weight spectrum. Or a spectrum of cake baking skill. Or a spectrum of neuroticism. Those are measurable properties. But 'gender identity' is not measurable, visible, substantive, or even coherent. At best it's a reification of an oversimplification of an abstraction from sex-based stereotypes. At worst it's a ghost in the machine, there is no spoon, there is no one behind the curtain.
You could try to challenge yourself to stop using the words/ideas of gender, gender identity, gender dysphoria, gender roles, gender spectrum, transgender, transition for a few weeks. Only refer to sex, sex traits, sex-based stereotypes, sex-based norms, etc. Sex is real. Gender is make-believe. It creates problems out of thin air. Take back your power to just be female in whatever way you want, and to hell with how the world deals with that. Try to remove gender from your vocabulary completely. It's toxic.
Ugh. You might be onto something here. I have not really let out any sadness or grief related to my trans experience. While I believe my anger is justified, its persistence and resentful flavour does suggest that it's driven by something else—at least in part. It also fits my M.O. in terms of resisting anything that feels like 'self-pity.' Doing this emotional work will involve addressing other traumas first. Thank you
There's a huge difference between saying that people should be free to modify their bodies however they wish (should be a universal truth), versus claiming that there is "nothing wrong with" cross-sex medication and surgeries (patently false from at least a health perspective).