This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic. The user expresses a nuanced, personal, and emotionally conflicted internal debate that is consistent with a genuine desister questioning their gender identity. The language is natural, and the advice given to others is specific and empathetic.
About me
I was born female and my deep discomfort with my body started when I began puberty. I spent years online thinking I might be trans, believing it would solve my anxiety and depression. I realized my feelings were a mix of escapism, a possible kink, and other personal issues, not a true male identity. Stepping away from all online communities gave me the peace to just be myself. I am now a woman who doesn't conform to stereotypes and I'm grateful I never medically transitioned.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and confusing, and it’s only recently that I’ve started to find some clarity. I was born female, and from a young age, I felt a deep discomfort with my body, especially when I started going through puberty. I hated developing breasts; it felt like my body was betraying me and becoming something I didn't recognize or want. This feeling was a constant source of stress and unhappiness.
A lot of my questioning was tied up with other issues. I’ve struggled with low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression for most of my life. I now also suspect I might be autistic, as the way I relate to my body and social expectations has always felt different from others. Looking back, I think a lot of my desire to transition was a form of escapism. I thought that if I could just become a man, all my problems—my insecurities, my discomfort, my feeling of not fitting in—would be solved. It felt like a way to escape being me.
I spent a huge amount of time online, and I was definitely influenced by what I saw in trans communities. While there was support, there was also a lot of pressure to figure things out quickly and to see any discomfort as proof you were trans. At the same time, I was terrified of being part of a "trend." I was so scared that my feelings were just for attention or validation, like I saw with some other insecure young girls online, and not a real internal sense of being male. The only reason I wanted to transition was to feel happier with myself; I planned to be 100% stealth, with no one knowing my past. I didn't want any attention for it.
I also had a lot of practical fears holding me back. I was terrified of what my family would think and worried that transitioning would ruin my dating life. I have an amazing girlfriend who was my only confidant through all of this, and her support was crucial. She helped me test what made me comfortable without judgment.
A major turning point for me was learning about Autogynephilia (AGP). When I heard it described as a man getting aroused by the idea of being a woman, it made me pause. I realized that for me, some of my feelings might have been tangled up in a kink or a sexual fantasy, and I was confusing that with a sign that I was truly trans. I think it’s normal for people to occasionally envy traits of the other gender, and most people dismiss it quickly. I had blown those feelings up into something much bigger.
What ultimately helped me the most was stepping away from the entire conversation about gender. I left all online communities, both pro-trans and trans-critical. It was the only time I felt peace. Without the constant noise and pressure, I could just be. I could be a woman without overthinking what that meant. It allowed me to see that my discomfort might have been more about body dysmorphia and a deep-seated unhappiness with myself, not an innate gender identity.
I never took hormones or had any surgery. I only ever considered transitioning socially, and I am incredibly grateful that I never took any permanent steps. I don’t regret exploring these feelings because it led me to a better understanding of myself, but I absolutely regret that I ever seriously considered transitioning. I believe it would have been a catastrophic mistake for me, fixing nothing and only creating new problems.
My thoughts on gender now are that it is incredibly complex and deeply influenced by society, our personal insecurities, and other mental health factors. For me, it wasn’t about a true internal gender identity but about trying to solve other problems in my life. I’ve benefited from realizing that I can be a woman on my own terms, without conforming to stereotypes that made me uncomfortable.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on my experiences:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 12-13 | Started puberty. Felt intense discomfort and began to hate my developing breasts. |
| 16-18 | Spent a lot of time online in various communities. Depression and anxiety worsened. Began to seriously question my gender and consider if I was trans. |
| 19 | Confided in my girlfriend about my gender questioning. She helped me explore my feelings. |
| 20 | Learned about Autogynephilia (AGP) and realized some of my feelings might be related to that. |
| 20 | Stepped away from all online gender-related communities. This brought me peace and clarity. |
| 21 (Now) | Recognized that my desire to transition was rooted in escapism, body dysmorphia, and other issues. Accepted myself as a female and decided not to transition. |
Top Comments by /u/Alone_Draw1338:
Hi, thank you so much for approaching in a nicer way. It makes me wanna read and listen to what you say a lot more lol!
This is incredible research and i’ve actually never heard it before. In a way, it alleviates a lot of my stress. Thank you so much for sharing and including sources, especially credible ones like the .gov. Im sorry for the misinformation i spread, i’ll delete that immediately. Thanks again, that’s super interesting and good to know!
Hi, I highly doubt you’re trans. This sounds like Autogynephilia, which is a man who gets aroused to imagining himself a woman. It’s nothing more than a kink. It’s very very likely for any person to occasionally want to be the other gender. Most people though, they stop thinking about it really fast and call themselves ridiculous. Both genders have desirable traits that can be envied by the other. It sounds to me you’re just getting a kink confused with a sign of being trans, which does make sense. That’s just not it though, this is pretty normal.
This is pretty interesting. I feel like you’d get downvoted for calling it trendy, but you’re absolutely right. Unfortunately a lot of kids (especially insecure young girls) have been turning to being trans as a way for attention and validation (this makes sense as they grew up with social media where judgmental views have surrounded them and internalized in them all their life) and many of them don’t do it to feel comfortable in their internal sense of gender, but rather socially comfortable.
I do like your test! The answer for me would be 100% no. I feel embarrassed for even considering being trans, i feel like i’m part of the trend to other people. The only reason i question myself is because of genuine dysphoria. The only reason I want to transition is to be happier with myself, i would be 100% stealth. The only person in my life who knows i’m even considering being trans is my amazing girlfriend who’s supported me the whole way to help me test what makes me comfortable. Infact i,f detransitioning became a trend, I would only be happy. It’d likely mean that people who don’t detransition are taken more seriously. Not only that, but tons and tons of people would cease believing they’re trans because of internalized issues. It’d save the future of a lot of lives and spare people the pain that comes with unnecessarily debating gender.
I cant tell who you are, all I see is a ton of insecurity. Both in your natal gender and transitioned one. It seems like everything is bouncing you back and forth.
A lot of a persons internal sense of gender is influenced by society. How they wish to be viewed, and how they wish not to be viewed. Some people don’t care about “the bad package that comes with being the other gender” and transition anyway, others consider it a deal breaker and don’t even consider transitioning. Others, like me and you, are constantly bouncing back and forth.
I can’t really tell you “you shouldn’t be insecure for this and this and this reasons!” as to be honest, i don’t really know. And it definitely depends on the person. All I can really recommend is to perhaps find a therapist to talk to this about. Maybe even a friend. Sometimes just writing out your feelings can help you better sort out what you truly want. Sometimes not, and a therapist can help with that. Especially if a lot of what you’re feeling is fueled by insecurity. Best of luck, I hope you can find more peace with yourself soon. :) ❤️
Im really sorry to hear all this. I think im in a similar boat to you to be honest. I desperately don’t want to transition for a world of reasons, many similar to the ones you listed. I also do want to transition though because it would make me feel so much better, it would clear so much stress that weighs down on me in the daily. But also if i were to transition, what would my family think? Would i really want to live with a messed up dating life? I just can’t take the jump.
If i had any advice, it would be to get away from the trans community. Get away from anyone talking about gender and all the communities you might involved yourself in. That goes both for transphobic and pro-trans communities. I’ve done that a few times in my life and it made me feel at peace like I could just be a woman again. That’s just my own personal advice though and I don’t know how well it’d work for you, especially because pride and pronouns are being plastered all over the place both in politics and social media.
Oh really? Thats a super interesting take actually, thank you for sharing!
In a way I do agree with that and see how that could be the case. It’s natural to question things, especially with such huge and personal changes it’s important to question if its truly for you or not. Giving no time to think about those things and diving right into it could definitely cause a lot of problems, and arise issues you didn’t think about before.