This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments demonstrate:
- Consistent, nuanced perspective: The user maintains a coherent, long-term focus on the social construction of gender, the psychological experience of transition/detransition, and the pitfalls of seeking identity through medical or social alteration.
- Deep personal reflection: The arguments are complex, abstract, and rooted in a first-person understanding of the topics, which is atypical for bot-generated content.
- Appropriate passion: The tone is analytical, frustrated, and critical in a way that aligns with a genuine desister or detransitioner who has deeply contemplated these issues.
The account displays the hallmarks of a real person sharing their considered, if passionate, opinions.
About me
I was born male and started transitioning because I believed being a woman was the only escape from the pressures of masculinity. I took hormones, but it felt like an alteration of my emotions rather than finding my true self. I realized I had idealized femininity as a fantasy and was actually trying to become a feminine man through a medical path. My detransition happened when I understood that the pursuit of any gender identity was an empty competition. I am now a man focused on living my life outwardly, free from the need to fit into a rigid box.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition is complicated and deeply personal. I was born male, and for a long time, I believed I was meant to be a woman. A lot of my initial feelings were wrapped up in an idealization of femininity and womanhood. I saw relationships between women as being inherently sweeter, more sensitive, and more loving than anything I saw in the straight world. I now realize I was looking at a fantasy, amplified by media and only seeing the public-facing, perfect parts of other people's lives. The truth is, there are hetero relationships that are deeply kind and gay couples who can be abusive. I was idealizing something that wasn't entirely real.
I think a huge part of my desire to transition came from a place of low self-esteem and an anxious, obsessive need to analyze myself constantly. I felt like I could never be a "good" man. I saw masculinity as this nebulous, unachievable competition that I was destined to fail at. It felt like there were no real ways to feel validated as a man, and that the mindset was designed to make you feel like you didn't belong. I thought becoming a woman was the only way to escape that constant, inward-looking pressure.
I took hormones for a period of time. It was a strange experience. I don't think it's as simple as people say, that testosterone makes you angry or estrogen makes you emotional. Your brain's reaction is influenced by your whole life of socialization. For me, introducing estrogen felt like I had to recontextualize every feeling I had, including love. It didn't feel like a purer version of myself; it felt like an alteration, not that different from how someone might use an SSRI or even rely on a habit like drinking to change how they feel. I started to prefer the understanding of my emotions that I had before HRT.
Eventually, I realized that what I was really doing was trying to become a feminine man, but through a very complicated and medicalized route. I saw that feminine men and masculine women are both treated poorly, but in different ways. People seem more able to rationalize a masculine woman as a "normal" woman, even if they don't like it. But a feminine man is often seen as uncanny and irregular. I think that's why you see more older trans women than trans men; the figure of a feminine man, while demonized, is at least something people can contextualize in the world.
My detransition wasn't about suddenly becoming masculine. It was about realizing that by stopping my feminine presentation, I was losing whatever social benefits I thought I had gained. There was little incentive to keep going with it. I came to see the pursuit of masculinity itself as an empty and precarious identity. It’s an absurd, unspoken competition. I had to learn to step outside of myself, to stop the constant navel-gazing and comparisons, and find validation in a lifestyle that wasn't all about my identity.
I don't regret my transition because it was a necessary path for me to learn these things. It brought me to a point of understanding myself better. I don't believe I was ever truly a woman; I was a man who was deeply uncomfortable with the pressures of masculinity and who idealized femininity as an escape. I now see my gender as just being me, a man who doesn't have to fit into a rigid box. My goal now is to live a life focused outward, on things bigger than myself, rather than being stuck in an inward obsession with who I am supposed to be.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on the events I can recall:
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| Late 20s | ~2021 | Began seriously considering transition, started idealizing female relationships. |
| 29 | 2022 | Started taking estrogen (HRT). Began living socially as a woman. |
| 30 | 2023 | Began to recontextualize my emotions on HRT and question my idealization of femininity. |
| 31 | 2024 | Stopped HRT and detransitioned. Realized my pursuit was an escape from the pressures of masculinity. |
Top Comments by /u/Alternative_Road3694:
Masculinity for natal men is nebulous and unachievable because it's a weird, subjective competition. An mtf who detransitions doesn't become masculine when they stop presenting feminine, they just lose their own perceived social benefits of presenting feminine so there is little incentive to change. I think many ftms eventually realise how empty and precarious masculinity is as an identity and the absurdness of the unspoken competition they enter into by choosing to pursue it. There really aren't that many ways to truly feel validated in masculinity and there are many who will attack your masculinity unprovoked, it's a mindset that seeks to drive people out by design.
The precursor to mtf and the end of ftm transition boil down to life as a feminine man. While feminine men and masculine women are both treated cruelly, I think people are capable of rationalizing the latter as normal, if undesirable, but often see the former as uncanny, irregular, inert etc.
While women are encouraged to be feminine, there is an expectation that they will "hit a wall" and lose their femininity. A woman can lack or possess femininity and still be a "normal" woman. A man is supposed to "age like wine," retain and transform his masculinity into something more refined. I think that is why you see a lot of older trans women vs trans men - although they are more demonized and gawked at because people see them as feminine men, the figure they see themselves as is easier to contextualize with the world around them.
Remember that what you're transfixed by is a fantasy amplified by the media as well as the public facing aspect of other individuals relationships which cannot possibly tell you the whole story. There are hetero relationships where both parties can be sweet, sensitive and giving and there are gay couples who beat and abuse each other. You're idealizing
I think that's true but the issues are in different parts of the zeitgeist at this point. Which might actually be why the definition of lesbianism is becoming so fluid while male homosexuality remains primarily defined by biological males. "Classic" male homosexuality is very tied up as a commodity at this point. Women want to watch Ru Paul, they want to hear male characters speak valley-girl on Netflix, they want bait in their fandoms etc, it's uncontroversial. I think we've acknowledged male voyeurism of lesbians for what it is, fetishization, which is why people have developed so many weasel words to allow men to participate in it
Nobody ever will be a "good guy." It's a matter of inward obsession and self analysis, the shittiest examples of men in the world can feel like Adonis because they're not afflicted with anxious navel gazing and constant comparisons. I really urge you to look to a lifestyle that makes you step outside of yourself, from one sensitive man to another
Nobles were often exposed to high stress from politics and combat, fat rich diets, and medical conditions from inbreeding. A noble was basically a heart attack waiting to happen whereas eunuchs were sourced from outside of the bloodline and didnt produce testosterone levels that predispose men to heart disease
I think people forget that your brain's reaction to hormones, biologically or artificially introduced, is influenced by socialization and unconscious self training. It is a generalization to say that T will make someone angry or stoic and estrogen will make someone emotional and sentimental. If you spend your formative years learning to emote and perceive things influenced by the hormones your body naturally produces, then you partially rewrite and adapt your behavior when you introduce something different to your system and the adaptations will vary from person to person.
If you have a strong understanding of what love is based on your experiences off of HRT, you might prefer that version to the one you've had to recontextualize during your transition. Alternatively a person's learned/experienced version of love could be so negative or uncompelling that they feel they benefit from alteration (not just HRT - SSRIs, alcoholism, better sleep, adderall, a hearty breakfast etc)