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Reddit user /u/AlviToronto's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 30 -> Detransitioned: 34
male
took hormones
regrets transitioning
autogynephilia (agp)
got top surgery
now infertile
benefited from psychedelic drugs
This story is from the comments by /u/AlviToronto that are listed below, summarised with AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the comments provided, the account appears authentic. The user shares a detailed, consistent personal history of being MTF on HRT for four years, detransitioning, and discussing ongoing physical and psychological challenges. The language is personal, nuanced, and shows development over time, which is not typical of bot behavior. The passion and occasional anger align with the expected demeanor of someone who has experienced harm from transitioning and stigma. No serious red flags suggest this is an inauthentic account, a bot, or someone who isn't a desister/detransitioner.

About me

I was born male and my desire to transition started around age 30, fueled by a romantic and sexual obsession with the idea of being a woman. I lived as a woman for four years, but maintaining that performance became exhausting and I never felt truly at ease. I realized I was a man chasing a fantasy, so I decided to detransition to reclaim my natural self. Now, I've learned to accept my male body and integrate my femininity without needing to change who I am. I feel more grounded and confident, focusing on my health and inner strength instead of my appearance.

My detransition story

My journey with gender started when I was around 30 years old. I was born male, but I always had a strong fascination and admiration for women. Looking back, I now understand that a lot of my desire to transition came from a place of Autogynephilia (AGP) – I was sexually aroused by the idea of myself as a woman. It felt like more than just a fetish; it became a romantic obsession. I fell in love with the fantasy of being a woman.

I started hormones and was on estrogen for four years. I was fully socially transitioned and even had FFS (facial feminization surgery). I was very fortunate in terms of how I looked; I was 5'5" with a small frame and I passed very well. For a while, it was incredibly euphoric. I received a lot of validation and privilege from looking and feeling pretty. People treated me so much nicer; I went from feeling invisible as a man to getting tons of attention. It was a huge thrill.

But after a few years, that excitement started to wear off. Maintaining that female performance every single day became exhausting. It went from being fun to feeling like a constant, low-level stress. I had to always be aware of my voice, my mannerisms, how I was being perceived. Even though I passed, I never felt fully relaxed or natural. I started to feel like a slave to this persona I had created. Deep down, I knew things felt wrong. I realized I was chasing a fantasy that I could never actually fulfill. I was a man chasing an idea of womanhood, and it was never going to feel completely right.

I hit a breaking point from the sheer exhaustion of it all. I began to understand that just because something feels pleasurable and euphoric doesn't mean it's good for you or what you truly want deep down. I missed the feeling of being free, of not having to perform a gender. I missed my natural body and the energy that testosterone gave me. I took my health and my male body for granted.

I made the decision to detransition. It was a difficult process, both physically and mentally. Letting go of that validation was hard. My body changed a lot after stopping hormones. My testosterone and fertility came back to 100%, which was a huge relief. My breast tissue shrunk significantly, but not completely—I was left with gynecomastia that I eventually had surgery to remove. Some of my facial hair grew back, but it's still a bit sparse, which I actually don't mind.

The harder part was dealing with my psychology. I had to learn to separate my AGP fantasies from reality. I learned that an urge or a fantasy is not who I am; it's just a part of me, and I don't have to take it so seriously or build my whole identity around it. I worked on removing the shame I felt about those urges. I also had to learn to appreciate being a man and find my own confidence that wasn't based on external validation or how I looked.

Psychedelic drugs actually helped me a lot in this process, helping me see things from a different perspective and dissolve my attachments to identity. I learned to stop trying to "identify" as anything. I feel best now when I'm not performing any gender at all. I just am. I'm a man, but I can express femininity freely without needing to be a woman. I integrate those feminine parts of me in healthy ways now, like keeping my hair long and wearing what I want.

I don't totally regret my transition because it taught me so much about myself and helped me integrate my feminine side. But I also know it wasn't a healthy path for me in the long run. I believe that for most people, medical transition is an unhealthy way to cope with deeper psychological issues like dysphoria, low self-esteem, or in my case, AGP. It's better to do the hard work of self-acceptance and learning to love your natural self.

Now, I feel a lot more healthy, grounded, and at peace. I have a new confidence that's based on what's inside me, not what's outside. I focus on what my body can do—being strong, healthy, and capable—rather than how it looks. I’ve moved on to more meaningful things in life.

Age Event
30 Started taking estrogen and began social transition.
34 Detransitioned after 4 years on HRT.
34 Testosterone and fertility returned to 100%. Breast tissue shrunk significantly but not completely.
37 Had surgery to remove remaining breast tissue (gynecomastia surgery).

Top Reddit Comments by /u/AlviToronto:

176 comments • Posting since April 1, 2019
Reddit user AlviToronto (detrans male) explains how modern culture equates criticizing a concept with hating its adherents, using his own critical but empathetic view of medical transition as an example.
125 pointsOct 9, 2022
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The thing is, it's become impossible in modern culture to disagree with a concept or lifestyle, without that being equated to hatred for people that subscribe to it. Because they've fully identified themselves with the idea; so to criticize it is to attack their ego.

We've lost the ability to have constructive discourse, where we can disagree with each other and still respect each other.

For example, I think that using medical technology to co-opt features of the opposite sex is profoundly unwise and unhealthy; yet I think people should be free to do as they please and I don't hate people that do it. In fact I have a lot of empathy because I've been down that road and I know how gender dysphoria is.

Reddit user AlviToronto (detrans male) explains that historical fantasies about being the opposite sex didn't cause confusion because sex was immutable, and advises ignoring modern transition methods as a response to dysphoria.
89 pointsJan 12, 2023
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For thousands of years humans have been fetishizing and fantasizing about what it might be like to be the opposite sex. But they had no confusion, because sex was completely immutable, so they just got on with their lives. There were no surgeries, no HRT nonsense, hardly even clothes or mirrors if you go far back enough.

I suggest you ignore this modern idiocy and don't take it too seriously. You cannot change sex, nor do you even really want to deep down; it's just dysphoria or euphoria yanking you around.

Reddit user AlviToronto (detrans male) explains why he believes there is no such thing as "being transgender," only having gender dysphoria, and argues that medical transition is an unhealthy coping mechanism.
58 pointsSep 16, 2022
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There is no such thing as "being transgender".

You're just a man that has gender dysphoria. And modifying your body to look like a caricature of the opposite sex is just one option to cope with that, and an unhealthy option at that.

Gender dysphoria itself is generally driven either by pain (dysphoria), pleasure (euphoria) or a combination of both. And you can deal with those urges in better ways, by questioning and resolving them at their core.

Reddit user AlviToronto (detrans male) explains that medical transition is a coping mechanism, not an identity, and that one can oppose it without hating those who choose it.
55 pointsMay 25, 2022
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It's possible to think that medical transition is generally wrong/unhealthy and yet not hate the people that choose to do it.

Heck I was one of those people and I was just doing what I thought would serve me best, so I can empathize.

I don't believe anybody is inherently trans, as trans is not something you are, it is something you do, as a coping mechanism for other issues.

Reddit user AlviToronto (detrans male) explains how a "humans = meat legos" ideology and a society disconnected from nature victimizes people, urging for healing and sharing stories to save others.
47 pointsSep 27, 2022
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Deeply sorry that you've been victimized by this "humans = meat legos" insanity. We live in a profoundly sick society that has become very disconnected from nature.

I feel angry on your behalf. All we can do is try to heal and speak our stories, so that others may be saved from this.

Reddit user AlviToronto (detrans male) explains that nobody is inherently "trans" or "cis," arguing that "trans" is an action, not an identity, and that he will always be male regardless of his choices.
46 pointsDec 24, 2024
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Nobody is trans or cis. Trans is not something you are, it's something you do. I will always be male no matter what I choose to do.

While I was chasing transition, I was a "trans identified" male.

Now I am a "detrans male" , because I am detached from that obsession and ideology.

Reddit user AlviToronto (detrans male) explains his journey from transitioning for external validation to finding peace and fulfillment in accepting his male identity, focusing on competence and self-worth over appearance.
39 pointsSep 21, 2022
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Being seen as a girl was a thrill for me, as a man no one gave a shit about me, but as a girl people treated me super nice, I loved all the attention and validation, I felt really valued and attractive.

But after a few years, in the end it all felt empty and I felt I was lacking deeper meaning in my life, and I was tired of chasing those things and tired of pretending to be a girl all the time.

I feel a lot more healthy and at peace now that I accept I am a man and I am grateful for it.

Put aside all of society's nonsense, and realize that we are simply the sex that isn't saddled with all the baby making equipment like women have, that's all.

Yes, being a man is harder in many ways. Yes, we are mostly just valued for what we can do, rather than for what we are. But maybe that is a good thing, deep down do you really want the easy way? I get a lot of fulfillment from doing hard things now. I prefer now to focus on what I can do rather than how I look, it makes me a lot less self obsessed and self focused. I enjoy training my body now and learning new skills and being more competent.

There is also the advantage of being sovereign and having your own value in yourself and not being dependent on external validation.

Remember, yes you are a man, but you can be a man in whatever way you want, you don't have to impress anyone or be macho. I found my own way to be a man that felt authentic to me and that I loved.

Be grateful for what your body can DO, for being healthy and strong. Let go of envy and be grateful.

AlviToronto, a Reddit user with the flair "detrans male," responded to someone questioning if they are actually nonbinary in the /r/detrans subreddit. In their comment, which has a score of 35, AlviToronto affirms the original poster's gender identity by stating, "You're a woman." They further express the perspective that "There's no wrong way to be a woman," indicating support for the validity of different ways of being a woman.
35 pointsOct 8, 2024
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You're a woman.

There's no wrong way to be a woman.

Reddit user AlviToronto (detrans male) comments on overcoming shame and embracing empowerment after detransition.
34 pointsOct 5, 2022
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Can't wait for you to get to that point in the future where you no longer give a single fuck what anyone thinks about you. Empowerment is awesome. Look forward to it.

Feel no shame about your journey, learning from trying things out is the whole point.

Reddit user AlviToronto (detrans male) comments that while adults should be free to choose, he believes humans are not wise enough to safely alter their endocrine systems and that it's a bad idea to try to solve a "software" (mental) problem at the "hardware" (physical) level.
33 pointsMay 29, 2024
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I'm of the opinion that human being probably aren't wise enough to be playing around with their endocrine systems.

And that it's generally a bad idea to mess with healthy bodies. In other words, don't try to solve a software problem at the hardware level.

That being said, I belive in adults being able to make their own choices, and I can make the argument that some people might end up happier by taking hormones and surgeries, so it could be a seen as a net benefit.