This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.
Reasons for Authenticity:
- Personal, Detailed Narrative: The comments contain specific, non-generic details about the user's life, including their detransition journey (regrets about surgery/T), coping mechanisms (knitting, gardening), and social interactions. This level of nuanced, personal experience is difficult to fabricate consistently.
- Complex and Evolving Views: The user expresses a range of nuanced opinions, including criticism of a book while acknowledging some valid points, and shows empathy for both detrans and trans individuals. This complexity is atypical for a simplistic bot or troll.
- Consistent Internal Logic: The user's story is consistent across comments, from their motivations for initially transitioning to their reasons for detransitioning and their current state of mind.
The passion and criticism expressed are consistent with a genuine detransitioner who has experienced significant personal hardship.
About me
I grew up believing I couldn't be a strong, smart person if I was a woman, so I transitioned to male. I had top surgery and took testosterone, but living as a man just introduced a new set of problems and expectations. I realized my true goal was to be seen as myself, not a label, so I detransitioned. I now live as a masculine woman and feel more authentic than ever, though I have permanent physical changes I regret. My dysphoria is now manageable background noise, and I've found peace by focusing on my hobbies and accepting that my problem was with society's rules, not my female body.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition was complicated and rooted in a lot of pain I didn't understand at the time. I grew up feeling like there was something deeply wrong with being a girl. I was constantly told that girls weren't good at math and that I should focus on domestic stuff instead. Everywhere I looked, in school and in media, the heroes and geniuses were always men. Even when they tried to get girls into STEM, it was with pink microscopes, which just made me feel like I stuck out even more. I internalized the idea that to be strong and smart, I couldn't be a woman.
I started to believe that society's view of gender was wrong, not me. I got into feminist theory and learned about gender as a social construct. I started looking for strong female role models, both real and fictional, to counteract all the harmful messaging. But by that point, I had already developed a deep discomfort with my body, especially during puberty. I hated my breasts. I felt like they marked me as something I didn't want to be.
I socially transitioned and then started taking testosterone. I even had top surgery, a bilateral mastectomy. For a while, passing as male felt like a solution. But I quickly learned that being seen as a man came with its own set of problems. I was treated as effeminate and small, and people pushed me around at work. I realized that transitioning hadn't given me what I truly wanted, which was to just be seen for who I am, without the constraints of labels.
I started to question what gender even means. It felt like such an energy sink. I realized I could be myself without any labels. I began to detransition socially several years ago. Ironically, now that I'm read as a masculine woman, I feel more comfortable and authentic than I ever did. I finally feel like people see me for me.
I don't regret my transition because it was a necessary part of my journey to understanding myself, but I do have specific regrets about the medical steps I took. I wish I had gotten keyhole surgery instead of a bilateral mastectomy, and I deeply wish I had never taken testosterone. The changes to my body are permanent, and I have to live with that.
I still experience dysphoria, but it's more of a background noise now, something I acknowledge as "a thing with me" rather than a source of crippling pain. What's helped me the most is focusing on other things. I picked up hobbies like knitting and gardening during lockdown. I learned to knit so I could make men's-style sweaters that actually fit my body instead of looking like a tent. I find peace in working with my hands and being outdoors with my dog. It's not a cure, but focusing on things I enjoy makes the dysphoria much more manageable.
My social life is great now; I have lots of friends. My partner has been supportive, though it was tricky for them as my gender journey impacted their own identity. Telling people I was detransitioning was surprisingly easy; most people were lovely and accepting. It hasn't affected my job or education. I don't often tell new people about my past; it's just not their business. The only place I feel different is in locker rooms; I prefer not to change in front of others.
Ultimately, I've learned that my problem was never really with being female, but with what society said being female meant. I wanted to escape those constraints, and I thought transition was the way out. But I found more things to be unhappy about the further I went. For me, detransitioning was about being more honest with myself about my motivations and learning to cope with my dysphoria in a more productive way. We can't undo the changes to our bodies, but we can move forward and find peace with who we are.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| During Puberty | Developed a strong discomfort with my body and hated my breasts. |
| Early 20s | Socially transitioned and began taking testosterone. |
| Early 20s | Had top surgery (bilateral mastectomy). |
| Mid 20s | Began socially detransitioning after several years living as a trans man. |
| Present (Several years post-detransition) | Living as a detransitioned female, managing dysphoria through hobbies and self-acceptance. |
Top Comments by /u/AmbitiousMoth:
I’m not so convinced that’s the case. While I agree with your points I don’t see that the trans community and it’s allies are attacking the book for the details, just that it’s unacceptable as a whole. That’s the impression I got from searching through Reddit posts about it, some comments indicated the user gave up on reading it after a few pages, or claimed that it’s “all lies.”
While it has unsavory content I don’t think it should all be thrown out. The point I was trying to make is about meeting each other half way. If we had empathy for one another’s struggles (I’m sure it’s hard to be trans, it’s also hard to be detrans) then I think it would be possible to have a more honest discourse around all the ins and outs of our related communities.
What I want to get across is that being detrans isn’t a lie or an attack on the trans community.
For what it’s worth I admire how you spoke up against the book. My original post was reacting to just the bits that spoke to me. On a whole I was pretty disappointed with it. You’re right that detrans people deserve more. I was looking forward to reading the book because I thought it would explore the detrans journey, but it ended up feeling exploitative.
I feel like the book explored the most painful parts of our journey and used it as propaganda to scare parents of trans kids.
I’ve been feeling pretty good about my own stuff for several years now. I didn’t realise how hard I would take this book when I got around to reading it :(
There’s nothing wrong with getting to know yourself better. You don’t have to be feminine if it doesn’t suit you.
I passed as male but I was consistently treated like I was effeminate and small. The whole macho thing let people push me around, e.g. for promotions and opportunities at work. Since detransitioning I’m read as a masculine woman, and it’s much easier for me socially. I feel like I’m read for who I am, which ironically is what I wanted out of transitioning.
You can use whatever name you want. I do.
I would recommend sports bras over binding. Binding is safer than tape and ace bandages but it can still be hard on you. You can also layer clothes to look more masculine, that way you’re not preventing yourself from breathing.
One thing I ask myself is what does gender even mean? It seems like such an energy sink. I can be myself without labels.
I’ve been detransitioned for several years now
What is your social life like?
- I have lots of friends and have to pick who to hang out with. It’s great!
What is dating like?
- have the same partner, that’s been tricky but they’re ultimately supportive. They felt like my gender impacts their identity
How did people react when you told them you're detransitioning?
- most people were warm, friendly, and accepting. Anything beyond that has been a one-off. People are generally lovely.
Did they know you'd had surgery and been on t?
- yeah, my old friends did
- most of my new friends don’t ask about it
- one person was curious and quite friendly
What was your worst experience, telling people?
- family who’s worried I’ll ruin my social life only to transition back
Has it ever been an issue when applying for a job?
- nope! It’s been easier because I feel like myself finally. I’m more confident
What have you done if an employer wants to talk to a reference who's only known you by your chosen name?
- talk to my reference about it, everything was fine
Has it ever been an issue in education?
- no, universities are good about transgender and related stuff
How did your parents react? Especially if you have similar experiences to me.
- I did not tell them and I do not plan to
Has a teacher or student ever said anything?
- I got asked if I was trans and I said no, that was the end of it
Are you often assumed to be trans? Do you feel that you stand out among other women?
- not often. I feel different in the locker room and prefer not to change in front of others
Do you often tell people?
- I told people who were closest to me but I don’t broadcast it
Is there anything you wish you would have known before detransitioning?
- I wish I did keyhole instead of bilateral mastectomy. I wish I didn’t take T
- I wish I spoke up more about how I felt and what I wanted sooner
Most people were lovely and supportive to me, and I found that I didn’t have to worry much about telling people.
It makes sense to worry about how people will react, it’s so hard to transition and naturally it feels like it would be the same process de-transitioning.
You should also have a doctor you are comfortable with. I suggest giving it a try with your current one and going from there. Of course it’s up to you how you want to proceed
Hey, please don’t feel frightened or worried. Ultimately you have agency over your own transition. For me I went back because I thought it would help me cope more productively with my dysphoria. It wasn’t like, one day I woke up and felt I’d made a horrible mistake. It was a process. It was painful because I had to be more honest around the motivations for transitioning. I am doing better now after detransitioning but I think I still could have been happy as a trans man.
I would focus on what makes the most sense for you. We can’t unmake the changes to our bodies, we can only move forward.
I’ve noticed a few people saying they “pass 100%.” I’m not trying to be critical, I just don’t really understand the fixation on it. I get that other people’s impressions influence us, but what do we feel like internally? Are we happy? Are we dysphoric? Imho it’s better to focus on our own impressions than anyone else’s. Ultimately what did you want out of transitioning? Did you get it?
What I wanted was to manage my dysphoria and transitioning didn’t get me there. I found more and more things to be unhappy about.
I had to take a good hard look at the environment I grew up in and realize how much crap there was constantly. I was told in school and at home that girls weren’t good at math, that I’d be better off doing domestic chores. There’s ever so subtle messaging in all kinds of media too, like the action hero being so often a man or the boy genius trope. When we started seeing STEM targeted at girls, what did we get? Pink microscopes, as if screaming, you stick out like a sore thumb.
It took a lot to acknowledge that society was wrong, not me. I got into reading feminist theory and thinking about how gender is socially constructed. I got interested in looking at strong female personas — both real and fictional. There’s good influences out there. Don’t just look for what’s familiar and harmful.
For what it’s worth I still have dysphoria. I picked up some hobbies during lockdown and get outside with my dog lots. What’s been helping me is to focus on other things.
It would be great if dysphoria went away altogether but I don’t have any expectation it will. It’s more like “oh yeah that’s a thing with me” more than it being painful.
One of my biggest frustrations has been finding androgynous clothes that fit me. I learned to knit and now I can make men’s style sweaters that look flattering on me rather than a big tent. Plus I like working with my hands. I can make gifts for friends easily now too and I have lots of hats. Lots and lots of hats.
I started gardening and it’s exciting waiting for things to grow and learning about soil quality and controlling all the damn weeds. I get caught up in it.
And my god, it’s beautiful outdoors! It’s too easy to miss when I’m inside commiserating.
It’s not a cure, but when you feel bad, try doing something you enjoy. Or if you’re not in the mood to cheer up, try going on a walk. Just 10 minutes.
It never hurts to try new things
She claims to use pronouns aligning with biological sex for adolescents and preferred pronouns for transgender adults. It’s not always consistent but there was an attempt. I was frustrated that she called Ash an adolescent when they are actually in their 20s according to the book. Then the author went on a rant/tangent about how non-binary makes no sense. It felt like Abigail was punching down.
With respect to OP’s point about reinforcing gender roles, I didn’t find that Abigail was being inconsistent. Towards the end of the book she makes a claim about STEM jobs and CEO positions being male dominated for biological reasons. She dresses it up as if it’s a positive thing but to me it felt misogynistic. Her book did not explore GNC women imho.
There were bit of the book that rung true to me and bits that were just awful.
You don’t have to take T. Who’s forcing you? You don’t need T to be trans, don’t let people tell you otherwise. I have a friend who transitioned you female without hormones, she’s without a doubt trans. Not unheard of. You don’t have to punish yourself.
It’s smart to think of the health consequences.