This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The comments demonstrate a consistent, nuanced, and passionate perspective that aligns with a desister's experience. The user discusses personal motivations (autism, social anxiety), engages in detailed debates with cited sources, expresses empathy for others, and shows a deep understanding of the complexities and regrets surrounding transition, which is typical of genuine detransitioners and desisters.
About me
I'm an autistic man who started considering transition because of social anxiety and the pressure I felt to be a certain type of man. I thought becoming a woman would be an escape, but I learned the grass isn't always greener and that each gender faces its own unique struggles. I realized my discomfort wasn't with being male but with society's narrow expectations for men. After detransitioning, I lost friends who couldn't accept my choice, which felt incredibly hypocritical. Now I understand my journey was about finding self-acceptance as an autistic man, not about changing my gender.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started because I was an autistic guy with really bad social anxiety. I saw a lot of other people like me, especially in online spaces like gaming communities, who were transitioning from male to female. I started to think that maybe that was a path for me, too. It seemed like there were advantages to being a woman, like people would care about you more and you wouldn't be expected to be this invisible, accomplished man all the time. The idea of being a man felt like a very narrow box, and I thought transitioning would be an escape from that pressure.
I spent a lot of time online, reading and debating about gender. I saw a pattern where a lot of the people transitioning were transwomen, and a lot of the people detransitioning were transmen. It made me skeptical. I started to believe that gender is mostly a social concept. It’s not something you can touch, but it’s real because we all participate in it. We have these expectations for men and women that are hardwired into society. I thought people should just be able to do what they want without having to fit into a box. If a man likes poetry or a woman likes sports, that should be fine without anyone pressuring them to transition.
But I also saw that transitioning isn't a simple fix. Each gender has its own set of challenges. Men are expected to be providers and protectors, and they often get ignored or viewed with suspicion. Women live in a more emotional world and face a lot of pressure about their appearance. I read about a woman who lived as a man for a year and ended up in a mental hospital because of how hard it was. It showed me that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
I started to question the idea that being transgender is always a biological, brain-based thing. I saw studies, but they were small and inconclusive. They said there "could be" a link, not that there definitely was. I realized we can't just tell everyone with gender dysphoria that transitioning is the answer. For some people, like many I've seen here, their dysphoria was linked to other things like mental illness, trauma, or internalized homophobia. They went through with transition and found it didn't solve their problems; it just created new ones. They ended up with a different kind of dysphoria and sometimes serious health complications like infertility.
When I finally made the decision to detransition, it was tough. I lost friends who I thought would support me. They labeled me a TERF and ostracized me just for making a personal choice about my own life. It felt incredibly hypocritical. It confirmed my feeling that we’ve gotten to a point where you can’t even suggest ruling out other issues before transitioning without being called transphobic. Sharing my own experience was seen as an attack, when I was just being honest.
Looking back, I don’t think I ever had a true, innate sense of being the opposite gender. For me, it was more about social anxiety and looking for an escape from the pressures of being a man. I don't regret exploring it because it led me to a deeper understanding of myself and the world, but I definitely regret not looking more critically at my own motivations sooner. I benefited from stepping back and realizing that my issues weren't about gender identity. My thoughts on gender now are that it's a powerful social force, but we should be careful not to medicalize every discomfort with gender roles. I'm glad I detransitioned, even though it cost me friends, because I'm finally being true to myself.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 22 | Started seriously considering transition after observing online communities and feeling pressured by male gender roles. |
| 23 | Began identifying as a transwoman and socially transitioning. |
| 25 | Started having serious doubts after researching detransition stories and the social challenges of being a woman. |
| 26 | Decided to detransition back to living as a male. Lost several friends as a result. |
| 27 | Now, reflecting on the experience and understanding it was linked to autism and social anxiety, not an innate gender identity. |
Top Comments by /u/AmuseDeath:
Not gonna lie as an autistic socially anxious guy this was a major contributing factor for why I decided to transition in the first place.
This sort of confirms my theory as to why so many transgender people are transwomen. Of course not every person does it for this reason, but I wager it is a strong consideration.
With all due respect, I can't accept your claim without some data or strong evidence. It's very possible that most transwomen may not seek care at gender clinics, as those who grow up as men tend to not seek as much care as women do. There is a huge amount of transwomen posts over in the trans subreddit and in many gaming circles such as Magic the Gathering, the majority of the trans people are transwomen. And as the original post shows as well as the poster I replied to, there are clear advantages you get when you identify as a women, namely that people care about you more than if you identified as a man. Most of the posts here are from transmen that are transitioning back to women such as this post.
You see mostly transwomen posts in that subreddit and most posts you see here are detransitioning out of being a male. So the trend is then that many men are happy transitioning into becoming a women and women are regretting transitioning into men. That's why I'm skeptical of the claim that most trans people are transmen or at least stay as transmen.
But again, I'd be happy see the data.
EDIT: And the data suggests that there are likely to be more transwomen than transmen out there:
https://tgmentalhealth.com/2012/02/13/the-prevalence-of-transgenderism-an-update/
The article is old, but you see various amounts of data from different time periods and different parts of the world. And most, if not all of the numbers point to there being more transwomen than transmen.
When I detransitioned 3-4 years ago, I was ostracized by my friends and labeled as a terf.
So we're only friends with you if we all agree on the same things. I guess being a decent human being isn't enough.
It just doesn't even make any sense. I mean detransitioning your personal decision to make that is independent of what they do. It does not attack them; it's a personal choice. If they were actual friends, they would be happy to have you do what is best for you and at the end of the day, be glad to have you around no matter what gender, age, religion or race you are. It's crazy reading up on the hypocrisy people face here.
I'd wager that a lot of FtM people do so because they perceive certain benefits that come with it such as being the gender that is able to take lead without question, being able to avoid unwanted attention, etc. But then when they go through with it, they realize that while you avoid unwanted attention, you simply get... no attention. The average male simply doesn't exist. And there are many other difficulties such as being considered the suspicious sex. While transitioning seems like the right idea at the moment, actually doing it can bring about a different kind of dysphoria; it's not all rainbows and ponies on the other side.
From what I've read of some accounts of MtF people, they chose to transition to have an identity that is more accepted in society rather than an invisible male who will only exist if he's accomplished. It's a very narrow identity that men have. Many of them feel better in their new identities than their previous one.
You see a lot of MtF (90%!) in the trans subreddits and you see mostly FtM detrans here (90%!).
If I had to be honest, I can't fathom what the big deal is sometimes. I guess I can't care what society says about gender and I just think people should just do what they feel like.
If you're born male, then do what you want. If you like video games and sports, than that's cool. If you don't like that, that's cool too. If you prefer to do more traditionally feminine things like poetry or decorative things, that's fine too. I guess I don't know why there's pressure for that person to transition.
Likewise, if you are born female and like things that are more masculine like beer, action and stuff, that's great too. I don't know why there's pressure there to transition into a male.
I think as far as what an individual can do, they can just do whatever they want to and not worry about fitting into some box.
At the same time, I think there are gender roles that society places on us that are uniquely male or female. Men are still expected to be the primary breadwinners, the ones to sacrifice themselves in an event of the catastrophe. I think that's one aspect that people who envy men don't seem to understand. It's not all fun and games here because men are expected to fight at the end of the day. And you can't escape these roles 100% because we have to be around people. Like if I'm a male teacher and I teach kids, I would always have to watch my back because society will think there's a higher chance I'm a creepo because I'm a dude teacher versus a female one.
At the same time, it's not all great being a woman either. Women have a different experience than what men go through. They live in a much more emotional world and part of this is due to how women are wired. They also have to deal with more reproductive maintenance and there's a sense of lookism that all women seem to adhere to. I don't know.
So my points are that people should get help so that they can learn to be happy with who they are and that they need to tell themselves they don't need to fit into a box. At the same time, it's hard to go into the real world at times because even though we personally may not have strict internal gender roles, the people we run into tend to have them. And these people can be your parents, your friends, your co-workers, your boss, your church community, etc. And transitioning isn't all pros with no cons; there are unique challenges that each gender faces, that you may not see from the other side. It's about the full aspect about being a woman or a man, not just how you think, how you look or what hobbies you may enjoy.
Here's a good read where a feminist lesbian goes undercover as a man for a year, to see what being a man is like as well as the benefits men enjoy.
https://abcnews.go.com/2020/Entertainment/story?id=1526982
She sees how it is for both groups and acknowledges that issues that men face.
Men are suffering. They have different problems than women have, but they don't have it better," she said. "They need our sympathy. They need our love, and maybe they need each other more than anything else. They need to be together.
After her ordeal, she checked herself into a mental hospital for a while.
There's a high chance you can become sterile if you go through with HRT, so it's something to consider if you want kids:
Also, transitioning may not necessarily solve your gender dysphoria. You may get a new form of it as the other gender.
It's not all upsides being one gender or the other; there are unique challenges for each side.
Gender exists as much as any society allows it to. It doesn't need to have a physical entity to be real.
It exists because of how we all participate in it. We expect men to protect their families, bring home the paycheck and ask the girl out. We expect women to find a good partner, take care of kids and so forth. It's so hardwired into society that it's something that is normal and not questioned.
Gender isn't something that we can see, smell or touch, but it's definitely a concept that everyone has in their minds across all cultures.
Your source's conclusion says:
"Some of the first biological evidence of the incongruence transgender individuals experience, because their brain indicates they are one sex and their body another, may have been found in estrogen receptor pathways in the brain of 30 transgender individuals."
The study shows that for the people tested, there is an observation that the gender dysphoria that some transgender people experience could be linked to estrogen receptor pathways in the brain. You can't then use this to claim that every transperson is that way because of this study for several reasons. The first is that it's only a study on 30 individuals. The study even claims that it's only a preliminary study. Secondly, the study is not conclusive, which is why it says there "might be" or "could be" a connection. Of course, there could be further studies that support a more biological reason, but even then you can't then claim that every transperson transitions for those reasons.
So I'm going to have to stop you there and say a couple things.
First of all, you need to stop speaking on behalf of all trans people and understand that each experience can be different. Not everyone who transitions does so because of biological wiring. There could be many others reasons: some might be experiencing a lot of stress in their lives or they might be gay and feel pressured to assume the other sex. It's better to ask and listen to trans people individually than speak over them to tell them how they are supposed to feel.
Secondly, you need to not promote theories as a fact. The researchers themselves say that genetics are a possible cause of gender dysphoria, but not a definite fact. Studies rarely ever say "this is 100% proof X happens". Instead, they go out there to see if there is a connection between factor Y and conclusion Z. And even then, there are always going to be limitations and exceptions. There are many studies done in the world seeing if some factors have certain effects and likely most of them see weak conclusions. And even if there is a link, there could be other factors that could describe it that need to be considered. So what you have shown me isn't "proof" of anything. It's just some scientists that think that genetics could play a role in gender dysphoria not that it always does. Nothing is proven here other than it being a possible maybe, which is weak or essentially nothing.
So the problem with what you are saying is that there isn't a scientifically proven definition of transgender. The researchers your mention say there could be a link, but again, it's a COULD, not a definite. So that means you can't then say who is or isn't actually transgender. And because of the uncertainty, we also cannot recommend everyone who has gender dysphoria into transitioning. What they may think is dysphoria could be a result of some other reason. Some people who have gone through with it (as many people here have) regret doing so and admit that going through with it did not solve their issues; they just created a different dysphoria.
The point is that it's a very loose topic with a ton of conflicting anecdotes and barely anything scientifically proven. If that's the case, we should not walk around and point out who is actually transgender or not because it's not actually scientifically defined. Not to mention, it's insensitive and rude. It's best to remain open-minded and inform people about the pros and cons of transitioning.
https://tgmentalhealth.com/2012/02/13/the-prevalence-of-transgenderism-an-update/
Here's data that I managed to find. It's pretty hard to find any data on this as it's a relatively new topic for study plus it's many transgender people are not comfortable coming out with that information.
On all data points, it suggests that there are in fact more transwomen than transmen around the world.