This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user demonstrates:
- A consistent, deeply personal narrative of medical transition (testosterone, top surgery) and subsequent detransition over several years.
- Emotional complexity, including regret, grief, self-reflection, and a focus on healing, which aligns with the stated passion and pain of the community.
- Specific, lived biological experiences (e.g., changes from hormones, surgical aftermath, menstrual cycles) that are difficult to fabricate convincingly.
- Engagement in nuanced, supportive conversations with others, offering tailored advice and resources.
The account exhibits the hallmarks of a genuine individual sharing their detransition experience.
About me
I started as a young woman who felt my body was betraying me and believed transitioning was my only solution. After four years on testosterone and having top surgery, I woke up knowing I had made a terrible mistake. I realized I was using transition to escape from my deeper issues like trauma and self-hatred. I stopped hormones and am now focused on accepting myself as the woman I always was. My goal is to live authentically, finding peace with the permanent changes and moving forward.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was very young, feeling uncomfortable with my body and with the expectations placed on me as a girl. I hated going through puberty and developing breasts; it felt like my body was betraying me. I was also dealing with a lot of other issues, including depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. I now see that a lot of my feelings were tied to social anxiety and not fitting into a narrow idea of what a woman should be.
I found a lot of my information and community online, and I was heavily influenced by what I saw. I saw older trans people saying that if I didn't transition young, I would regret it, and that created a huge sense of urgency. I felt pressured to figure everything out immediately. I started identifying as non-binary first, but that quickly shifted to identifying as a trans man. I believed that medically transitioning was the only way to solve my deep unhappiness and body discomfort.
I took testosterone for about 4 years and had top surgery. Waking up from that surgery was a moment of pure horror for me. My very first groggy thought was, "I should have gotten a reduction instead." The entire recovery felt like a terrible mistake and a period of body horror. It didn’t bring me the peace I thought it would. Instead, I felt more confused than ever. I realized that no surgery or hormone could actually make me male. I was a woman who had modified my body to look male, and working in male-dominated spaces just made the differences more obvious and painful. I was living inauthentically.
I began to understand that a lot of my drive to transition was a form of escapism. I was running from myself and from dealing with my underlying trauma, internalized homophobia, and self-hatred. I wished I had developed healthy coping mechanisms instead of obsessing over a physical transformation. I also see now that our culture does a terrible disservice to young, gender-nonconforming people, especially lesbians, by offering transition as the only solution instead of helping them love themselves.
I stopped testosterone cold turkey about a year and a half ago. My body was relieved to be off it. Medically detransitioning has been more of a mental and spiritual process than a physical one for me. I still look masculine and often pass as male, which causes its own social anxiety because people get confused when they can’t easily tell your sex. But I’ve found peace through mindfulness, meditation, and daily gratitude journaling. I’ve had to work on accepting myself exactly as I am today and making peace with the things I cannot change, like the permanent results of my surgery.
I do have regrets about transitioning. I regret not dealing with my issues in a different way and not questioning the ideology I was sold. I believe many people share these feelings but are stuck in denial. It’s better to be honest about it. Even though I have these regrets, I am focused on moving forward. My goal now is to live an authentic life, and that means accepting that I am, and always was, a woman. A woman’s value isn’t in her appearance or how she conforms to stereotypes; it’s in who she is.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 19 | Started identifying as non-binary, influenced by online communities. |
| 20 | Began taking testosterone. |
| 22 | Had top surgery. Immediately experienced regret and confusion upon waking up. |
| 24 | Stopped testosterone after 4 years, began medical detransition. |
| 25 | (Present) Continuing to navigate social detransition and find peace with my body. |
Top Comments by /u/ApprehensiveLion9:
Same story for me. My very first thought after waking up from top surgery was, "I should have gotten a reduction instead" and I hadn't even seen my results or fully come-to. It automatically felt wrong, and the entire recovery experience was pure body horror. I threw up and fainted twice during my surgery reveal. Very dark experience that is difficult to talk about to even remember. I think there are a lot more of us that felt this way but keep quiet
Simply go ahead and be normal. Trans ideology is designed to stick in your head and give intrusive thoughts. Reject gender related thoughts and don't let them stick in your head like a virus. Focus instead on the things you do like about yourself, your natural self, and try to nurture your natural beauty (it will reduce anxiety). You don't actually have to try at all to be yourself, you are already yourself without body modification and there's nothing wrong with that. It's a very beautiful and special thing to be as you are, completely unmodified. Try to relax and keep busy doing things that you enjoy. Stay away from trans propaganda or people that tell you that you need to transition. You'll be okay if you let yourself be
Hey, it seems that you're having a lot of urgent yet conflicting thoughts about how you'd like to present or what you identify as. I also want to say that at the age of 16 it's basically guaranteed that you won't have it all figured out, and that's a perfectly okay position to be in! It sounds like you're having a lot of anxiety around how people will perceive you if/when you return to school, maybe your thoughts are running rampant or in circles. Maybe try taking a step back, allow yourself to enjoy a slower process to figure all this out. You don't actually have to know everything about yourself right now, you know? It's okay for this to be a process, a life long one if needed. I'm detransitioned now but back when I first started transitioning I felt a lot of pressure to get on hormones while I was young and do this whole transformative process early on, because I saw a lot of videos of older trans people telling me that I'd live with regret if I didn't figure this out while I was still young. Now that I'm a bit older, I realize that those feelings about having to do all this young were not actually from my own information, those were feelings of urgency put on my by others. You know what I'm saying? Just because other people regret not doing this when they were teenagers or whatever doesn't mean I have to live by those rules. It almost sounds like if you were to make a serious decision around all this stuff at this moment that you'd almost regret it more, since you don't sound very rock solid about what you want. It's okay to not be rock solid, that's just letting you know that you need to give yourself more time and space to figure this out. Rome wasn't built in a day. Let yourself breathe a little, you're going to be okay no matter what people see you as. What's most important is your own sense of comfort. You acknowledged that a lot of your gender dysphoria is a result of social interaction (mine too) and that is a very important thing you've realized. If you can try to remove these ideas of what other people might think, I think you're going to be a lot happier. Pay attention to yourself, your body, your feelings, do some mindfulness meditation and allow yourself a slow process. Because all the while you're letting yourself go crazy thinking about all of this, you're actually still living and breathing. Your body and life will continue on despite who or what you are. It's a glorious and beautiful gift to be alive and here you are! It's actually more simple than you might think, to just be. Let yourself be, the rest will come. Take care of yourself & I wish you well
Peeling back the layers of childhood trauma will be a massive benefit to you, and is worth the effort to understand. Maybe try to forget about all the anxiety around gender for a bit and the superficiality of what you look like, focus instead on your inner child. What does he need? How was he failed, and how can you make up for those failures now that you're an adult? Getting to the core of your issues is crucial and, like an onion, many layers will fall away as you get closer to the core truth. Strike at the root of the issue and things will become more clear. Wishing you the best of luck
Absolutely. This is not talked about so much but my social anxiety/dissociation has also been intensified by years of appearing ambiguously gendered. People really don't respond well when they can't automatically tell what sex you are. It's a truly dystopian reality to live through. However, there are many reasons to continue living and keep going. So long as you are alive, each day is worth living. You will have to make peace with yourself spiritually. I suggest working on mindfulness and gratitude. Meditate and gratitude journal every day, and take care of yourself during your attacks. Reach out and ask for help when you need it. Be gentle with yourself if you need to spend all day in bed crying. You are worth the effort and care. Be well and take care, sister
I went cold turkey off T after 3.5 years and was just fine. My body was relieved to be off it. I wouldn't worry about taking supplemental estrogen unless you've had hysto. Otherwise you should be fine going off T and allow yourself time to readjust back to your natural state. Good luck
You are a woman. You are a woman in every cell of your body. Nothing can or will ever change that. I agree with one of the comments below that this mentality that you are still somehow a "man" is a harmful mindset. Notice how this mindset is driven on preoccupation with superficial qualities, "horse neck", "acne scars", none of these features disqualify your womanhood. You can choose to let go of that mindset, and focus instead on accepting and loving yourself exactly as you are today, as the woman you are. You will have to make changes from within in order to accept and carry on with the beautiful gift of life that you were given. You can do it. You deserve more than to medicate yourself to a zombie existence. If you want to really change your life, learn to look inward. Wishing you the best of luck sister
You're going to be okay. You don't have to transition and you don't have to slip into negative behaviors. It is your responsibility to take control of your life and guide it in the direction you want. Nobody can save you but yourself, and although you are struggling you sound clear that you love yourself and your body, which is a wonderful thing. Remind yourself of that self love every day, every hour if you have to. Write daily lists of things you love about yourself and what makes you feel proud of yourself. Mindfulness meditation and daily gratitude lists are scientifically proven to rewire your brain to be more positive. Meditation has much to offer you in particular, since you struggle to focus and maintain control of your thoughts. It's wonderful that you're reaching out for spiritual solutions, so meditation should be right in line for you. Another idea is to identify the triggers that lead to to these obsessive thoughts around gender. Identify the things that make you feel/think this way, come up with a plan for healthy means of coping with these triggers. You will need to arrange a strategy to tackle these intrusive thoughts and create a safety net of support for yourself with positive behaviors. 12 step groups can be very helpful for addictions and compulsive eating, you might be interested in attending some meetings. Lastly, I want to validate your fears about sharing these intrusive gender thoughts with your therapist. I think that is a wise thing to hide, the therapist WILL most likely affirm these thoughts, sadly. Perhaps you can utilize the therapist for other means, like forming strategies around intrusive thoughts in general. You seem so earnest in wanting a good life for yourself, your clarity and willingness to look inward speaks volumes for your character and I fully believe that you can overcome this. You don't have to live a life outside of your own control. You got this. You're worth the effort.
You're not crazy. It makes a lot to sense to feel the way that you do. I relate a lot to your story, I'm also afab and had medically transitioned for 4 years, top surgery and all. I've now been medically detransitioned for the past year and a half. I still look very masculine and pass as male most of the time as I enjoy short hair and loose comfortable clothes, and I work in a male dominated field so it's just easier to go on continuing to pass as male professionally. I do feel that detransitioning medically has changed my body quite a lot, and that if I really tried I could easily pass as female again. I say, if what you want is to pass as female again & start making changes, to just go for it. It's okay if it's a slow process or experimental. Just keep making small steps towards where you want to be and you'll make it. Do it for yourself, you know? Follow the road that makes YOU feel comfortable, not what you think society expects of you. Even if you remain more of a tomboy or butch, it doesn't mean you're not a woman. The idea that masculinity is only for men stinks anyway. You're going to be okay! There are actually a lot of afab people out there going through this right now and you can get the support that you need if you keep reaching out like this. You are not alone. Wishing you good luck on your journey
There are many women out there with naturally flat chests who live fulfilling lives. We can be like those women. Accepting and loving yourself exactly as you are today is the key, and it seems like you've got that down a bit more than others which is wonderful. Of course I experience grief daily around the loss of my breasts, but working on my overall self-improvement keeps me confident about so many other areas of my life that I feel more at peace with the things that I cannot change. Gratitude journaling every day helps, so does meditation and an overall focus on mindfulness. It sounds like you're going to be okay, as you have the beginnings of a healthy mindset in regards to what happened with your body. I believe in you that you can find peace and live a beautiful life. Take care of yourself, and good luck