This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. The user, "Aripotheosis," identifies as a desister and their comments are consistent, emotionally nuanced, and reflect a personal, introspective journey. There are no red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The narrative is cohesive, detailing a struggle with social maladaptation, a period of identifying as trans online, and a subsequent desistance. The language is personal, self-critical, and contains specific, relatable details about shame, fear, and motivation that are not typical of scripted bot behavior. The passion and anger present are consistent with the genuine experiences of detransitioners and desisters.
About me
I started identifying as a woman at 17 because I felt like a complete failure as a man and was deeply depressed. It was really an escape from my anxiety and a way to get the positive attention I was starved for, even though the online communities always felt repulsive to me. I never wanted to physically transition and my "dysphoria" would vanish whenever I was actually happy in a social situation as a guy. Giving up that identity at 19 was terrifying because it felt like losing my security blanket, and I'm still recovering from the whole experience. Now I see it was a way to avoid my real problems, and I'm trying to move forward and just learn to be myself.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started because I felt like a complete failure at being a guy. I never fit in, I was terrible at socializing, and I couldn't talk to women. I felt like I was failing at everything. Around 16, I started spiraling into a really bad place. I was depressed, had incredibly low self-esteem, and my anxiety was through the roof. I felt completely maladapted to society and was starved for any kind of positive attention.
I found a lot of this stuff online. I started telling myself I was a woman, and for about two years, that's what I told people online and a few close friends in real life. I grew my hair long, but that was about it. Looking back, I see it was a form of escapism. It felt like a way out of the misery I was in. The trans communities online offered this sense of belonging and instant affirmation, but honestly, from day one, their constant affirming language and the whole vibe felt repulsive to me. I should have taken that feeling more seriously as a sign.
I never actually wanted to physically transition. The thought of having breasts or getting bottom surgery mortified me. I was absolutely terrified of presenting as a woman in public; the idea of being hate-crimed petrified me. My "dysphoria" was really confusing. Whenever I was actually in a social situation that made me happy as a guy, it would completely go away. I’d forget about being trans entirely. But instead of leaning into those moments, I shut myself in and isolated myself further, using the trans identity as a comfortable excuse to avoid the world.
A lot of my motivation was also tied to how I saw myself. I had serious body dysmorphia and convinced myself I was too ugly to ever have a clear life as a man. I thought transitioning would fix that. I even starved myself, trying to lose weight to look more feminine. I almost went on hormones multiple times, but I had doubts from the very beginning. My fantasies about being a woman were almost entirely sexual; it wasn't about living a whole life.
Realizing it wasn't for me felt like going back to square one, to that feeling of having no way out that I had when I was 16. Giving up the identity was hard because it felt like giving up that escape route. It was like a security blanket, and letting it go was terrifying. I see now that it was a cop-out, a way to avoid dealing with my real problems. I'm 19 now, and I'm still recovering. I'm ashamed that a few people, like my parents, know about that part of my past, and I keep my life now very separate from it.
I don't think I ever really understood gender. I just knew I didn't fit the male social box, so I tried to force myself into the female one instead of just learning to be myself. I do have regrets. I regret the time I lost, isolating myself and missing out on my high school years. I regret the mental energy I poured into something that wasn't real for me. But I'm trying to move forward, learn to adapt, and figure out who I am without any labels.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 16 | Started spiraling into depression and anxiety, felt like a failure at socializing as a male. |
| 17 | Began identifying as a woman online and to a few close friends. Grew hair long. This lasted for 2 years. |
| 19 | Realized my identification was a form of escapism and isolation. Stopped identifying as trans (desisted). |
Top Comments by /u/Aripotheosis:
Plenty. I’ve genuinely put myself out there and tried to interact with trans people over and over. I wanted to find my place in the “community”. I have a handful of trans friends still, they’re pretty alright all around, when it comes to what the post is about.
I by no means wanted to denigrate anyone, I’m more mad at myself than anyone else, and was pointing out in parallel something I noticed with the greater trans community, a pretty worrying phenomenon.
It’s a little jarring to never see this side of the conversation even asked in trans communities online. One of the things that always bothered me was how they instantly brush off the fact that most trans people were incredibly maladapted in society before, and were starved for attention and interaction.
Not to be pedantic, but it’s not just “the country” (assuming you mean America, and I’m not American), but a global issue, and yeah I agree. The mental health crisis is a massive issue and I more or less feel like this is an effect of it, at least to the extent that it has gotten.
I forced myself down the whole trans path thinking I was too ugly to ever have a chance at a clear life as a guy, among other things. I almost went on hormones multiple times, but had doubts since day 1. I’m still recovering, but I’m seeing clear signs I never was ugly, even if I probably could have “passed” easily since I’ve always been on the softer end physically.
Transition is really never the answer for body dysmorphia, and to think only “ugly” people suffer from it is shortsighted.
It’s me. I’m young trans people, though I technically desisted since all I did was say I’m a woman online for 2y and to a few close people irl, and had long hair. It was just another excuse to isolate myself comfortably since I never managed to fit into society as a male. I still struggle with it, but obviously I realised I have to learn to adapt.
Just wanna say, I wish I could lose the final 2-3kg and get closer to that pic on the right. You look great.
I also went through the same thing. I genuinely starved myself in order to try to get my body to be more feminine. So, I suppose you’re not alone, but I wouldn’t say you wasted anything. No HRT means you didn’t really hurt anything long term, so just keep your head up :)
It feels like a form of self harm. Truth is, we all have a long way towards self-understanding and improvement, but being trans is a cop-out, at least to me. I feel like I’m back to square one, just like I was when I was 16 and felt like I failed in socialising as a guy, in talking to women, in everything, and I started spiraling. I still don’t know how to do much of that, but now I have a different outlook. I do have friends who care, I do have people who care. It’s so weird how I failed so hard to fit into a box and felt like the solution was to push myself into another. Good luck to you, though.
They literally do. And it’s encapsulating, trapping in a way. You felt like you had no way out before, and now that you’re trans you do. Realising that being trans doesn’t work for you, then, feels like going back to having no way out, or the feeling of it at least. That’s why I feel like it’s so hard to give up on it.
• Complete lack of cohesion with the general trans “community”. From day 1 their constant affirmation and general lingo was repulsive to me. I should’ve taken this sign especially more seriously. • Never ever explicitly feeling like I wanted to have breasts, nor bottom surgery. • Having a lot of purely sexual fantasies. • I was mortified of actually presenting as a woman in public and never actually did it. I kept clinging on to my family and friends, not wanting to alienate them and also was petrified by the idea of being hate crimed. • I shut myself in and deprived myself of almost all the very few social contexts that made me happy as a guy, but whenever they did happen still, my dysphoria would go away. I’d forget about being trans.
Hey, you’re not alone. I’m 19 now, and I struggled to integrate as a guy for years and eventually told myself I was a woman, which also made me miss out on basically all my highschool years. Never had a girlfriend either.
It’s alright. I know it’s hard to come to terms with, but realistically life has only just begun. You’ve got plenty of time to figure it all out, and see what works for you best. Don’t let anyone force you into any labels.
And as another comment said, do get your back checked, binders can have serious consequences if worn too much.