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Reddit user /u/AshleyBackAlley's Detransition Story

female
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
hated breasts
homosexual
puberty discomfort
anxiety
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account "AshleyBackAlley" appears to be authentic.

There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or an inauthentic person. The user consistently identifies as a butch lesbian who never medically transitioned, which aligns with being a desister. The comments show deep personal reflection, emotional nuance, and a coherent, evolving perspective over time, all of which are difficult to fake. The passion and anger expressed are consistent with the genuine viewpoints found in the community.

About me

I was born female and never fit in, and puberty made me hate my body and feel completely alone. I now realize my discomfort was just normal puberty struggles, made worse by having no butch role models to show me another way. If I were a teenager today, I'm certain I would have tried to transition, believing it was the only escape. Instead, I found feminism and lesbian artists who showed me I could be a masculine woman and still love myself. I'm now comfortable as a butch lesbian and I advocate for other young women to know that being gender-nonconforming is a beautiful and valid path too.

My detransition story

My journey isn't one of transition and detransition, but of finding my way as a butch lesbian without ever medically transitioning. Looking back, I see how easily my path could have been different if I were growing up today.

I was born female and never felt like I fit into the typical idea of what a woman should be. Puberty was incredibly difficult for me; I hated the changes and felt deeply uncomfortable with my body. I had a lot of self-esteem issues and anxiety. I didn't have any lesbian or butch role models in my school, and I felt completely alone. I now realize that a lot of my discomfort was just plain old puberty discomfort, amplified by not seeing anyone who looked or felt like I did.

If I had been a teenager in today's social climate, I am certain I would have tried to transition. Hearing the stories of young detransitioners, I identify with them so much. I can easily picture myself finding transgender communities online, seeing my own feelings reflected back at me, and believing that taking testosterone and getting top surgery would fix all my problems. It would have felt like an escape from the male gaze, heteronormativity, and the body dysmorphia I struggled with. The grass would have seemed greener on the other side. I am lucky that when I was that age, the internet wasn't what it is today. Instead, I found feminism and lesbian music artists. Bands like Le Tigre and Sleater-Kinney, and shows like The L Word, became my lifeline. They showed me that I could be a woman and still be masculine. They were my role models when I had none in real life.

Learning about gender roles through feminism was what truly helped me. It taught me that my problem wasn't with being female, but with the rigid boxes society tries to put women in. I learned to love my body through yoga and feminist ideas, understanding that my relationship with my body is always growing and changing. I’ve been morbidly obese and happy, and I’ve been 21 with a little belly and unhappy. It’s a process.

I have facial hair and a deeper voice, and I’ve been misgendered a handful of times. At first, it made me angry, but I learned to handle it. Now, if someone were to mistake me for being transgender, I’d probably ask them if they’ve ever seen a lesbian before. My butchness doesn't make me any less of a woman.

I don't regret not transitioning. I regret that so many young butch lesbians today don't have the role models I found and are being pushed down a medical path instead of being shown that it's okay to be a gender-nonconforming woman. It breaks my heart to see young girls in online forums talking about getting binders and starting testosterone like it's a normal part of growing up. They are in echo chambers, and I worry for them deeply. I started a YouTube channel because I felt I had to speak up and offer the representation that I was lucky enough to find.

I believe strongly that our society is failing young lesbians by systematically erasing butch women and offering transition as the only solution to their discomfort. I am now comfortable in my identity as a woman who defies gender roles, and I want others to know that is a valid and beautiful path too.

Here is a timeline of my significant realizations, based on my reflections:

Age Event
13-18 Experienced intense puberty discomfort, low self-esteem, and anxiety. Felt isolated with no lesbian or butch role models.
18 Began to discover feminism and lesbian riot grrrl music artists, which provided crucial validation and alternative role models.
21 Reached a point of being comfortable expressing my gender in a masculine way as a woman. This was a key age of self-acceptance for me.
(Present) Reflecting on my past, I realize I strongly identify with the experiences of many FTMTF detransitioners and am advocating for better support for young GNC women.

Top Comments by /u/AshleyBackAlley:

27 comments • Posting since February 21, 2020
Reddit user AshleyBackAlley comments on a post about a girlfriend's transition, expressing sadness at seeing young girls on LGBT subreddits excitedly discussing binders and testosterone as if it were a casual decision.
45 pointsFeb 27, 2020
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This post was beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I was looking through posts on the non-binary and LGBT subreddits and I almost cried seeing all these young girls talk about how excited they are to get binders and start T like it was a casual, common thing to do.

Reddit user AshleyBackAlley comments in support of a questioning woman, affirming that being a gender non-conforming female is valid and equally okay as being transgender.
12 pointsMar 15, 2020
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Hi there. After such a traumatic experience, I respect that you can accept that your sex is female. If you were not taught that being a gender conforming woman is okay, that's not your fault. It's the fault of the adults for teaching you so.

As a masculine and gender non-conforming woman, your experiences will never be erased by the fact of you presenting in a masculine way. I can say this as a masculine non-gender conforming woman. Your experiences are valid, and I'm so incredibly sorry for the trauma you've faced recently, and as a child.

Being a GNC woman is totally okay, despite the lack of role models. You ask what if you are just an androgynous or GNC female... My answer is this: This is equally okay as you being transgender. If you ever need a friend or someone to talk to, feel free to DM me. Though I'm not a detransitioner, from anecdotal experience as a GNC woman, I have gone through similar things as per some of the people on this subreddit.

Reddit user AshleyBackAlley explains the systematic erasure of butch lesbians and the lack of role models as a reason why some young women consider transition.
12 pointsFeb 25, 2020
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I don't need to be a detransitioner or trans in fact to notice I personally identify with a lot of the FTMTF detransitioners stories growing up.

The fact that I've been hearing people say they don't have any butch woman as role models to show them it's okay is why I'm posting here. Someone just posted saying their daughter was in the same situation. If you don't find my post helpful, move along. Someone else might. That's why I'm posting. Being a woman isn't easy, and there is systematic erasure of butch lesbians.

Reddit user AshleyBackAlley explains how reading FTMTF detrans stories made her realize the universal agony of puberty, leading her to start a YouTube channel to discuss it, and expresses relief she didn't have the option to transition when she was younger.
11 pointsApr 30, 2020
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I love Elle so much. Reading the FTMTF detrans reports made me realize how much puberty sucked - I started a youtube channel because of that. Because older people really forget how freaking agonizing puberty is - I resonated with this 100% and I'm glad I didn't have the chance to transition at my age.

Reddit user AshleyBackAlley explains why telling a man giving unwanted attention to "fuck off" is empowering, especially in a support space for detransitioners.
10 pointsFeb 25, 2020
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Fuck right off. Hey girls, it's okay to tell men that give you unwanted attention to fuck off. :) I find that kind of empowering, too! Not the time nor the place buddy. I'm not a stranger to unwelcome male attention, but this really isn't the fucking place.

Reddit user AshleyBackAlley explains to a parent why she didn't transition, sharing that she's rarely misgendered and uses those moments to feel more like a woman, crediting her confidence to non-intersectional feminism.
10 pointsFeb 25, 2020
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Hi Sara :) Ask me questions anytime. I was lucky enough to have feminist role models and girls these days don't have them.

I have never gotten stopped entering a bathroom. I've rarely had the odd look. My advice, people really don't care about other people. They're not looking at other people, they're focused on themselves. I had to learn that. People really don't care. The more experience you get, the better you know how to handle it. It's great she has a supportive parent like you!

Have I been misgendered? A handful of times. And rather than take insult to it, it makes me feel more like a woman. The best example I can think of - I was having dinner with my parents in college. The waiter kept calling me sir. I didn't know how to react, but it made me angry. I went inside my car and put on a tank top so it was painfully obvious I was a woman. The awkward look on his face was priceless.

I have never been mistaken for transgender. I'm honestly worried those comments will come, and if they do I'll probably ask them.. .you ever see a lesbian before?

Learning about gender roles through feminism, NOT intersectional or neoliberal feminism was most value to me learning to love being a non gender conforming woman.

Reddit user AshleyBackAlley comments on a user's gender confusion, advising them to take time to explore their doubts without pressure.
8 pointsMar 23, 2020
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You're not alone. You're allowed to take your time to decide what is right for you. Do you have any idea what made you begin to doubt yourself? Maybe begin there. You have all the time in the world to decide, so try not to pressure yourself. I hope your anxiety starts to decline.

Reddit user AshleyBackAlley explains their sadness upon seeing young girls in LGBT forums excitedly discussing binders and testosterone as a normal part of growing up, and asks if it's okay to private message them to warn them about echo chambers.
6 pointsFeb 27, 2020
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I was reading the nonbinary and LGBT forums and honestly almost cried with all these young girls getting excited for binders and T like it was a normal part of growing up. :( You think it might be okay to private message these people? It actually made me INCREDIBLY sad, these kids are in echo chambers and the moderators are enforcing that. :(

Reddit user AshleyBackAlley explains that while psychedelic mushrooms are not a quick fix for gender dysphoria, they can be great tools for self-growth when used properly, but warns of potential false enlightenment and the risks of overuse.
5 pointsMar 8, 2020
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I have a lot of experience with mushrooms and disagree that they are a quick fix. I think if used properly they are great tools of self growth, however it can cause false feelings of enlightenment too. That's really sad they've had problems from them. Overuse is definitely not a healthy thing. Also it's not appropriate for just anyone.

Reddit user AshleyBackAlley explains how lesbian and feminist music (Le Tigre, Sleater Kinney, Team Dresch) and watching 'The L Word' provided pivotal role models and empowerment when she lacked real-life support.
5 pointsFeb 25, 2020
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Also I'd like to mention that lesbian and feminist music was one of the most empowering things for me back when I was her age. Artists like Le Tigre, Sleater Kinney, Team Dresch, other riot grrrl artists. I went to a school with no other lesbians or gays that were out, and they were pivotal as I didn't have support in these regards they became some of my role models.

Edit: Also I watched the L Word around her age, and it gave me tons of different lesbian role models. It's a very sexual show, but it might be a good idea and let her bite the bullet and watch it.