This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the comments provided, there are no serious red flags suggesting this is an inauthentic account or a bot.
The user's comments are detailed, nuanced, and show a consistent, personal worldview. They offer specific, self-developed advice (like the writing exercise) and share personal anecdotes (e.g., being autistic, using EFT since 2006). The passion and criticism align with the expected perspective of a desister/detransitioner who is highly engaged with the topic. The language is conversational and varies in tone, which is typical of a real person.
About me
I started questioning my gender because as a male who didn't fit male stereotypes, I thought that meant I was a woman. I realized my real struggle was with stereotypes, not my body, and I proved to myself through a writing exercise that I could be a feminine man without medical transition. Understanding that the gender industry is a profitable business made me suspicious of their push for hormones and surgery as the only solution. I now see I was using the idea of transition to escape from depression and low self-esteem. After working on my underlying issues with different therapies, I am finally comfortable as a man who expresses himself freely.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started from a place of deep confusion. I was born male, but I never felt like I fit into the stereotypical idea of what a man should be. For a long time, I thought this meant I was supposed to be a woman. I spent a lot of time online and in communities where this feeling was immediately affirmed as being trans. I started to believe that my personality and my discomfort with male stereotypes meant I was in the wrong body.
I have high-functioning autism, and for me, that means I need things to make logical sense. The idea that I had to change my entire body to fit a personality type never fully made sense to me. I started to realise that what I was really struggling with were gender stereotypes, not my biological sex. I created an exercise for myself to work this out. I wrote down every reason I wanted to be a girl on a piece of paper. Then, on the left, I wrote where I already had that in my life as a man, and on the right, where I could have it without hormones or surgery. I had fifty pages. It showed me that I could embrace the parts of myself I thought were feminine—like wearing certain clothes or expressing emotions—without needing to medically transition.
I also struggled with the concept of autogynephilia for a while, wondering if my feelings were a fetish. But I came to understand that there's a big difference between being a male who is submissive or enjoys certain roles and actually believing you are a woman. I think a lot of this is tied up in stereotypes—the idea that dominant equals masculine and submissive equals feminine. Those are just roles, not identities.
A huge turning point for me was realising that the gender-change industry is a massive business. Gender dysphoria is extremely profitable for surgeons and pharmaceutical companies. They have a financial incentive to tell you that transition is the only solution. I saw that well-meaning therapists were being trained to affirm these feelings without exploring them, instead of doing the real work of therapy, which is to listen and gently explore the root causes.
I had a lot of depression and low self-esteem, and I see now that I was using the idea of transition as a form of escapism. It was a distraction from dealing with my actual problems. I believe many people, especially young autistic people like myself, are being told they are trans when they are just gender non-conforming. There used to be a place for tomboys and sensitive men in the world. Now, the solution offered is often hormones and surgery, which are permanent and come with serious health complications and infertility.
I benefited greatly from non-affirming therapy, specifically techniques like EFT (tapping) and looking into EMDR for dealing with underlying issues. This helped me more than any affirmation ever did. I don't regret exploring these feelings because it led me to a place of greater self-understanding, but I absolutely regret that I ever seriously considered medical transition. I now see that I would have regretted it deeply.
My thoughts on gender are that it's largely a social construct, a set of stereotypes. If it's just a social construct, why would we alter our biology to fit into it? You can't change your biological sex. A man who has surgery and takes hormones is still a biological man. A woman is still a biological woman. We need to make more space for people to be who they are without forcing them to change their bodies. I am a man, and I am comfortable with that now. I can be a man who has feminine qualities and wears what he wants. That doesn't make me any less of a man.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 25 | Began to seriously question my gender identity, spending time in online communities that affirmed these feelings. |
| 26 | Researched medical transition and considered hormones, but became suspicious of the financial incentives behind it. |
| 27 | Created my own therapeutic exercise to unpack my desires, realizing I could express myself without medical intervention. |
| 27 | Explored concepts like autogynephilia and concluded my feelings were related to personality and sexuality, not identity. |
| 27 | Began using EFT (tapping) therapy to address underlying depression and self-esteem issues, which was far more beneficial. |
| 28 | Fully accepted myself as a gender non-conforming male and abandoned all plans to medically transition. |
Top Comments by /u/AvocadoCatnip:
The danger of defining Gender as "social" is that it's in reference to the world around you.
Are you still a man or a woman if you are alone on a desert island?
Many people seem to be confusing Gender with personality or temperament.
There are certainly particular personality qualities which relate to each biological sex since they are the result of the influence of testosterone, oestrogen, progesterone and probably other hormones.
These create different "temperaments".
Just as women are generally shorter than men, but a certain % of women are as tall as the average man, or a certain % of men are as short as the average woman, it is also true that a certain %age of women have a stereotypically male temperament.
It seems to me this was never a problem until a few years ago, when gender surgeons overestimated their own abilities to re-assign biological sex through surgery. It used to be OK to be a woman who was a "tomboy" or a man who was particularly sensitive emotionally - the latter was slightly less OK to be fair, but no-one was suggesting castration. People seemed to understand that even with surgically constructed genitals and hormones, you would always have an adam's apple, or more masculine facial features, elbow and knee joints, bone structure and muscle density that result from being born male.
If gender stereotypes are social constructs, why would anyone alter their biology to fit them? It really has nothing to do with the stereotype but what the individual perceives to be the difference between being a man or woman.
Glad you've realised this.
Passing is impossible. Some people can pass to someone in the street, but that's it.
I don't understand comments like "my body is now indistinguishable from that of a woman". It's never true. Look carefully at womens hip-to-waist ratio and compare it to mens. Compare elbow joints (women's bend further). Just muscular density and bone structure. Facial features.
Telling people they can pass as the opposite gender is very cruel IMHO. It sets them up for unrealistic expectations that will eventually disappoint. It's basically mis-selling surgery and hormones.
Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with being a "somewhat fem bi man". I've had friends I'd describe that way in the past, they were cool.
My problem is that I don’t want to be seen as a woman because of the behaviour of other women
Has it occurred to you, that it's only YOU that thinks "all women are submissive" etc
Other people might have a much more relaxed idea of what it means to be a woman, and won't automatically see you as that way just because you are a woman.
Is it their ROLE to be feminine and submissive, or is it a behaviour or strategy?
e.g.
James's role in the sandwich factory is to spread butter. He spreads it very thinly and carefully.
Bob's role is also to spread butter. He slaps it on in chunks.
Do you get what I'm asking?
There's a difference in what someone's role is, and how they execute it.
Is being submissive women's ROLE in life, or how they act?
Now I'm just confused I feel like I'm leaving a legitimate part of myself behind
See this exercise is exactly about bringing that part of you into your present and future without damaging your body.
You and I will never have child-bearing hips, we'll always have adams apples, testosterone has tilted every cell of our bodies towards masculinity and we can never change that. Girls jeans still look great on me though and no-one needs to know lol
I'll give you some therapy right here - write down all the reasons you've always wanted to be a girl. This is an exercise I created to clear my own head.
Write each one in the middle of a plain sheet of paper.
Now, on the left-hand-side of that piece of paper, write down where you already had that in your life as boy/man.
On the right-hand-side of it, write down where you can have it in your life, without hormones or surgery, and without anyone else affirming that you are a girl.
I don't know what the things would be, I know what they would be for me, but I've no idea what they are for you.
"wearing colourful clothes" - this goes in the middle of the paper
then on the left:
"my colourful shirts"
"fancy dress"
"body paint" (It can be anything that gives you the same feeling)
"wearing a sarong at festivals"
on the right:
"I can wear women's clothes if I want"
"finally buying a patterned suit"
"getting jeans embroidered"
Does this make sense? I had fifty pages.
I scrolled through some of your posts.
You know, transition is a distraction for you. It won't solve anything. You said here you had a lot of bad experiences in life, and that will just continue during/after transition.
It sounds like you are in a difficult family who don't support you. Well, at 14 that's impossible to do anything about. You will just have to be patient with them and with yourself for a few more years until you can move out. Social services and foster parenting MIGHT be a better idea, but for most people it's really not as it can be just as difficult and dangerous.
You'd be amazed what you can do about your looks, without plastic surgery. Without spending money, even. Sunshine and exercise work on your body chemistry - good looks are actually just a sign of health. Health is what gets you good looks. That's the whole point, see - you're supposed to be attracted to the people who can give you the healthiest offspring, if you want them. That's why it works like that.
Maybe you could look into contact lenses.
I really got the idea that a big part of the reason you don't like being a girl is because you get treated differently to the prettier girls. That can change when you get older. I got way more attention from the opposite sex in my 20s than in my teens. People blossom, they really do.
Also get proper therapy for your bad experiences - EFT or EMDR. Find a practitioner and just work on memories. Or use a video like the "memory release" on Tapping.com. It's old, but works. I've been using that technique since 2006.
It sounds like you're having a hard time being female.
If you think it through you'll probably realise you'd have a harder time as a trans male.
That's a bit weird about your high school; it sounds like they aren't actually that accepting, just excited about the "new thing". It's a bit of a double-standard that they have. They should be just as happy with someone who detransitions as with someone who transitions.
One of the things you'll find out about high school is that once you leave, most of it really is left behind and doesn't matter any more.
In life you really get to re-invent yourself any time you change schools - e.g. to go to college - or any time you change jobs or move towns.
You still get to stay friends with some people, and you show up and tell them what's new and they're like "ok" and that's it. Everyone else is struggling more or less about their own stuff anyway.
It really worries me how many autistic people are being told they are trans when they probably aren't. I am high-functioning autistic myself. For me it just means I need things explaining when they don't make any sense. Maybe this is a good place to get some of those explanations.
Girls can wear boys clothes and play video games, it's really ok.
I know plenty of guys who wear makeup and girls clothes. No-one gives them shit, they basically just get positive attention and respect for it.
Maybe you are just living in the wrong city, rather than the wrong body? If you are in an intolerant culture that could be the issue.
Yes you're absolutely right, HRT is very hard or impossible to reverse.
It sounds like you are quite a close match for my own gender identity, which I am still trying to figure out - the closest I found so far is the rockstar Ƭ̵̬̊ (Prince).