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Reddit user /u/Bearenfalle's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 18 -> Detransitioned: 24
female
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
trauma
depression
influenced online
got top surgery
now infertile
body dysmorphia
homosexual
puberty discomfort
anxiety
benefited from non-affirming therapy
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, there are no serious red flags to suggest this account is inauthentic, a bot, or not a detransitioner/desister.

The comments demonstrate a consistent, passionate viewpoint common in the community, with personal reflection, specific opinions on medicalization, and shared articles to support their arguments. The writing style is coherent and varies between copy-pasting information, sharing quotes, and offering personal advice.

About me

I started transitioning as a teenager because I was deeply uncomfortable with my developing female body and saw it as a solution to my depression and anxiety. I was heavily influenced by online communities and went on to take testosterone and have top surgery in my early twenties. After a few years, I realized I had made permanent changes to escape my problems instead of solving them, and the depression came back even stronger. Through therapy, I worked through my trauma and internalized homophobia, understanding I had used transition to avoid accepting myself as a lesbian. I now see myself as a woman who made a mistake and deeply regret the irreversible changes, especially losing my fertility.

My detransition story

My journey with transition started when I was a teenager. I was deeply uncomfortable with my body, especially during puberty. I hated the development of my breasts; it felt completely wrong and foreign to me. I now believe this was a mix of body dysmorphia and a deep-seated discomfort with growing up, rather than a true feeling of being male. I was also struggling with depression and severe anxiety, and I had very low self-esteem. Looking back, I think a lot of this stemmed from internalised feelings I had about being a lesbian. I wasn't comfortable with that idea at the time, and I see now that transitioning felt like an escape from that reality.

I was heavily influenced by what I saw online. I found communities that affirmed my feelings as being a sign that I was trans, and it gave me a clear, if difficult, path to follow. I started to socially transition in my late teens, asking people to use a different name and pronouns. It felt like a solution to all my problems at the time. I started testosterone when I was 19. I was absolutely sure it was the right thing to do. I later got top surgery when I was 21.

For a while, I felt better. The initial high of finally "fixing" my body was powerful. But after a few years, the old feelings of depression and anxiety came back, even stronger. The testosterone didn't solve my underlying issues. I started to realise that I had made a permanent change to my body for what might have been a temporary problem. I began to deeply regret my transition, especially the medical parts of it. I am now infertile because of the hormones, and that is a profound loss that I have to live with every day.

What helped me most was stepping back from the online communities that had once influenced me so heavily and starting non-affirming therapy. My therapist helped me work through my trauma, my low self-worth, and my internalised homophobia without automatically assuming everything was about gender. I had to confront the fact that I had used transition as a form of escapism from my other problems. I also benefited from thinking about my future self. I asked myself, when I'm 64 years old, who do I want to be? The answer wasn't the path I was on.

I don't believe children or young teenagers can truly understand the lifelong consequences of medical transition. I certainly didn't. I think the current approach is far too quick to affirm and doesn't spend enough time exploring other reasons for a person's distress, like autism, OCD, or past trauma. I now see my gender discomfort as something I needed to work through psychologically, not something that needed to be fixed medically. I don't identify with the word "queer" either; I see myself as a woman, a lesbian, who made a mistake trying to escape herself.

Age Event
13-17 Experienced intense discomfort with puberty and breast development. Struggled with depression and anxiety.
18 Began social transition, using a new name and male pronouns. Heavily influenced by online communities.
19 Started testosterone hormone therapy.
21 Underwent top surgery (double mastectomy).
24 Began to experience deep regret. Stopped testosterone. Started non-affirming therapy to address underlying trauma and internalised homophobia.

Top Comments by /u/Bearenfalle:

5 comments • Posting since May 30, 2024
Reddit user Bearenfalle (detrans male) explains how sustained stress and depression increase cortisol levels, leading to cardiovascular risks like high blood pressure, cholesterol, inflammation, and plaque buildup.
22 pointsMay 30, 2024
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Stress and depression and distress increases cortisol levels. It’s not specific to trans people, every human experiences complications from high levels of sustained cortisol.

Blood pressure Cortisol can increase blood pressure, which can lead to heart attack, enlarged heart, and heart failure.

Cholesterol Cortisol can increase blood cholesterol and triglycerides, which are risk factors for heart disease. Cortisol may also affect cholesterol metabolism to alter HDL cholesterol formation, which is strongly associated with cardiovascular risk.

Inflammation Cortisol can lead to increased adiposity and inflammation, which can increase the risk of cardiovascular disease.

Plaque buildup Stress can cause changes that promote plaque buildup in the arteries.

Reddit user Bearenfalle (detrans male) explains why they believe HRT and surgery should be banned for minors under 13, heavily restricted for teens 13-16, and require extensive therapy before 18.
13 pointsJun 25, 2024
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No child has the cognitive capacity to comprehend what HRT is and what it costs.

It’s impossible to separate what is standard childhood exploration and/or other mental health issues from gender dysphoria until the child has more life experience to draw from.

HRT, including blockers and especially surgery, should be banned for anyone under the age of 13.

Blockers should be allowed in extremely rare circumstances between ages 13 to 16, but no other hormones or surgery.

After the age of 16 HRT could be administered but only after 2 years of therapy from a none-gender specialist who then refers the patient to a gender specialist and endocrinologist.

Surgery of any kind should be postponed until the person is 18 or older.

Reddit user Bearenfalle (detrans male) comments on the evolution of LGBTQ+ labels, quoting David Sedaris's criticism of the term "queer" and its lack of a community-wide consensus.
7 pointsMay 30, 2024
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David Sedaris on why he hates the word “Queer”:

“What bothers me is not that it used to be a slur. I just don't see why I have to be rebranded for the fourth time in my life.

I started as a homosexual, became gay, then LGBT, and now queer. And for what? Why the makeovers? And what will it be next? I read an interview with a woman who identifies as queer because she's tall. That's it — she's never had a relationship with another woman, doesn't care to for all I know. So, what does it mean that we're both suddenly queer? I'm not tall. Just the opposite. There are parking meters that stand higher than I do.

Like the term "Latinx," "queer" was started by some humanities professor, and slowly gathered steam. Then, well-meaning radio producers and magazine editors thought, Well, I guess that's what they want to be called now! But I don't remember any vote being taken.

I'm told that queer is about inclusion. It's an umbrella that lesbians and nonbinary people and bisexuals and tall women can all stand under. But why not just say, "I'm intersex," "I'm trans," "I'm a lesbian," etc. Why do we need an ever-changing umbrella? Is it just to make the parades easier?”

Reddit user Bearenfalle (detrans male) explains the thought exercise that helped him most: envisioning his future self at retirement age and considering whether a difficult transition is worth it versus finding an easier way to live with oneself.
6 pointsJun 16, 2024
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The thing that helped me the most was this:

When you’re 64 years old and you’re about to retire, how do you see yourself? If you have family, how will they see you when you’re older?

If that all seems too far flung, then how difficult is your life right now? Is it worth it to live a life that is extremely difficult in a world that is uniquely unkind to our lot, or is it better to take the easier route and find a better way to live with yourself?

Life rarely hands us decisions where you can choose between good outcomes. It’s usually about making the bad choice you can live with.

Reddit user Bearenfalle (detrans male) comments on how the Queer movement capitalized on the AIDS crisis, quoting an activist who said it provided a platform through the "mass death of gay men."
4 pointsMay 30, 2024
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If you want another really good reason to hate the “Queer” movement here you go:

How Queer Theory Turned Its Back on Gay Men

“AIDS allowed someone [Queer] like myself to be able to have a kind of visibility or platform for my voice that historically the sexism of gay men would have not allowed for … there has been some material equity that’s been able to be achieved because of the mass death of gay men.”