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Reddit user /u/Big-Ergodic_Energy's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 14 -> Detransitioned: 34
female
low self-esteem
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
depression
influenced online
puberty discomfort
anxiety
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
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Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or inauthentic.

The user's language is highly personal, emotionally charged, and contains specific, complex anecdotes about their long-term detransition experience (e.g., starting in '98, changes in terminology over 20 years). The raw, unpolished emotional reactions and nuanced personal reflections are not typical of automated scripts. The passion and anger expressed are consistent with a genuine detransitioner's perspective.

About me

I started identifying as trans back in 1998 because I felt completely alone and was desperate to find a safe community. My journey was driven by a deep discomfort with my female body and other issues like depression and low self-esteem. Learning about female hyenas years later was a strange but major catalyst that made me rethink my body and begin to detransition. I'm still on testosterone now as a practical choice for my own comfort, not as an identity. While I don't regret finding the community I needed to survive, I deeply regret the path I took and the cultural shift I see hurting others.

My detransition story

My journey with transition and detransition is long and complicated, and it’s deeply tied to my need for community and safety. I started identifying as trans a long time ago, back in 1998. I felt completely alone and was desperate to find a place where I belonged. I remember saying that I absolutely could not lose my online connections because they were my only safe place. Moving from Florida to California felt like a search for safety, and without that, I felt I had no life. I needed to not be alone.

A lot of my initial feelings were wrapped up in a deep discomfort with my body, especially during puberty. I hated my breasts and felt a strong disconnect from being female. Looking back, I think a lot of this was mixed up with other issues like depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. I took testosterone for many years. I never had any surgeries, but I thought about them constantly.

A major turning point for me was when I started reading about female hyenas. It might sound strange, but learning about them really kick-started my detransition. It made me think about my body and my genitalia in a completely different way. I have a couple of inches of growth from the testosterone, and it used to make me very self-conscious. I worried about how it looked and how it would affect any romantic relationships. But I’ve come to realize that it’s just a part of my body now. The sensitivity can change over time, and it’s something I’ve had to learn to live with. I tell people not to worry about their genital shape regarding romance; I’ve known lesbians who have been with men, so truly, anything is possible. It’s just a part of you.

My thoughts on gender have changed dramatically over the decades. Twenty years ago, the culture was so different. If you weren’t planning on getting a phalloplasty with implants, you were pressured to have a very detailed, convincing story about why you were transitioning. The language was different back then too; "bio" was the acceptable term, not "cis." Now, I see things have swung to the other extreme. I see it as a kind of social contagion, especially online, and it makes me feel sick. I see doctors on TikTok doing dances about top surgery, making jokes like "yeet the teets," and it feels like a mess. It makes me feel like the community I once found safety in has been twisted into something I don't recognize.

I see kids now being bullied for the smallest things, like a girl being told she isn't intersex or trans just because she wants to wear boys' shoes. It feels like everything started to fall apart, and that was a big part of why I began to contemplate detransition after so long. I feel a deep regret for the way things have gone, both for myself and for the younger people getting caught up in it now.

I am still on testosterone. I made the choice to stay on it because I know I simply don't like my body; it’s not about believing I was "meant" to be male. It’s a practical choice for me now, not an identity. I don't regret the community I found, because I needed it to survive, but I have many regrets about the path I took and the cultural shift that I feel has hurt so many people.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
14 (1998) Started identifying as trans. Felt alone and sought community online.
15-30 Took testosterone consistently. Experienced significant body changes, including genital growth.
32 Began reading about female hyenas, which was a major catalyst for questioning my transition.
34 Started actively contemplating detransition, influenced by changing online culture and community dynamics.
Present (41) Still taking testosterone as a personal choice for body management. Identifies as a detransitioned female.

Top Comments by /u/Big-Ergodic_Energy:

5 comments • Posting since April 24, 2024
Reddit user Big-Ergodic_Energy (detrans female) explains how top surgery requirements have changed, contrasting the need for a "detailed story" 20 years ago with today's "social contagion" and "yeet the teets" TikTok culture.
18 pointsApr 25, 2024
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If I can add, 20 years ago if you weren't also  getting a phallo with implants, you had to have a detailed story. A big reason. (Back then cis was the bad word, bio was good, things were different)

Now people are allowed to express butch and femme, all their gender, but with this twisted social contagion attached and it makes me nauseous. 

Like those doctors on tiktok doing top surgery dances going yeet the teets, and deletus the whatever the hell. It's a mess and I don't know how to help dig us out except run my mouth about the ship of thebes? What can I do?

Reddit user Big-Ergodic_Energy (detrans female) explains her decision to seek community on Discord after feeling unsafe on Reddit and in states from Florida to California.
9 pointsApr 24, 2024
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Same feeling. Almost asked for ioc.

 I found the discord and will try to make online friends in this vein. I absolutely cannot lose these connections or I'd have no safe place, Florida to California. No safety for me, means no life.

I needed to not be alone.

Reddit user Big-Ergodic_Energy (detrans female) comments on the distinction between disliking one's body and believing one was "meant" to be a different sex.
4 pointsJun 29, 2025
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It's like the presence or awareness of dysphoria, or the lack thereof- roleplaying as a bad brain that'll die without 'mones unaware of psych. 

I believe that should be a distinction because hell we all det differently, I'm still on t. Because I know I don't like my body, not that I was 'meant' for something.

Reddit user Big-Ergodic_Energy (detrans female) discusses the shift from using "bio" to "c*s" and laments the loss of open discussion, linking it to a broader cultural decline and bullying over gender identity.
4 pointsJun 27, 2025
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That's around the time chronically online kids changed the good word from bio to c*s. Did y'all know that? We used to know and be able to discuss it openly ... Just got done telling people we'd lose family and friends for using it. Still can't type it.

We acknowledged it. We were still proud of ourselves. Now we have kids being bullied out of school because one tries to tell the other girl she isn't intersex and trans because she wants to wear blue boy's shoes. That is indeed the time around everything falling to shit. Part of why I started contemplating setting after starting way back in 98

I just learned right now.... It was removed. I ca....I j......

Fuck.

Reddit user Big-Ergodic_Energy (detrans female) explains how to deal with bottom growth from testosterone, comparing it to a female hyena and noting sensitivity can decrease over time.
4 pointsApr 25, 2024
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I have just shy of a couple inches. It's obvious in cloth shorts at the right time. I refer people to the female hyena. Reading about those really kick started my detransition.

The sensitivity has a chance to go away over time with contact and rubbing. It will come back if you restart hormones because of course.

I don't know your sexuality but don't worry about your genital shape regarding romance.

 For reference, in my decades I've known OFAB lesbians being with natal and OMAB men so you'll be okay. If they can do that you can do anything.  It's just a lil nubbin that some women have a bit of, and some have more. Like that wrassler Chyna.

Hope I helped.