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Reddit user /u/Bladekind's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 14 -> Detransitioned: 23
female
internalised homophobia
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
trauma
depression
influenced online
serious health complications
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
anxiety
benefited from non-affirming therapy
autistic
heterosexual
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.

The user's story is highly detailed, internally consistent, and emotionally nuanced. It describes a complex, multi-year personal journey with specific medical and therapeutic experiences. The narrative includes common detransition themes like mental health, social influence, and the gradual process of realization, all expressed with a personal and reflective tone that is difficult to fabricate convincingly. The account shows the expected passion and frustration of someone who feels they were harmed.

About me

My journey started at 13 when puberty made me feel completely disconnected from my female body, a feeling made worse by my undiagnosed autism and anxiety. I found an online community that convinced me this discomfort meant I was a trans man, and I spent years consumed by transitioning. Starting testosterone at 20 caused serious health problems, but required therapy for surgery approval ended up saving me by helping me address my underlying trauma. I slowly realized my dysphoria faded as my mental health improved, and I understood my struggle was about accepting myself as a masculine woman. I detransitioned at 23, and finally letting go of that identity felt like waking up and being honest with myself for the first time.

My detransition story

My journey with gender started when I was about 13 or 14. I began to feel really uncomfortable with my body as I was going through puberty. I hated the changes, especially developing breasts, and I felt like no one had properly explained what was happening to me. I was also dealing with a lot of other things: I’m autistic, though I wasn’t diagnosed until I was an adult, and I have an anxiety disorder and some childhood trauma. All of this mixed together and made me feel completely disconnected from myself.

I found a lot of my community online, where I was surrounded by other people who were transitioning. I started to believe that because I was uncomfortable with puberty and had masculine qualities, I must be a trans man. I convinced myself that I was a gay trans man, and that this was the only way I could be happy. The idea was pushed that if you felt this discomfort, you were trans, and that if you didn't get hormones and surgeries as soon as possible, you might not survive. I held onto that belief tightly. I socially transitioned at 14 and my life became completely consumed by it. I thought about transition all day, every day. I refused to try new things or meet new people until I could pass completely as a man. I missed out on so many life experiences because I was just waiting for my life to start after I was fully transitioned.

When I was 20, I started testosterone. It was under a doctor's supervision, but it was a negative experience. My dose was way too high for the first three months, and it caused serious health issues with my liver that I’m still dealing with. My endocrinologist wasn't very helpful when I had problems. Being on testosterone was physically hard on my body, and I was on and off it for about two years.

Around the time I started testosterone, I also started therapy because I wanted a letter for top surgery. My insurance required six months of therapy before they would approve it. I was so frustrated at first, but that requirement ended up saving me. For the first three months, I just talked about trans stuff, but then my therapist started guiding me to talk about other things—my childhood, my anxiety about the future, my interests. I slowly started to rediscover myself. I picked up hobbies like reading, baking, and writing. I started to think about what I actually enjoyed, not just about transition.

This was the beginning of my doubt. It was a very slow process. I started to see my obsession with transition as a sign of how mentally unwell I had been. A big moment for me was when I tried to picture myself in 15 years; I always saw a middle-aged woman, not a man. I realized that my dysphoria had started to fade as my general mental health improved with therapy. The severe body hatred I felt was tied to my depression and anxiety, and to the trauma of puberty and being catcalled. I had internalized the idea that women couldn't be masculine, which was a form of internalized misogyny I had to work through.

When I finally accepted that I am a woman, it wasn't like I had to convince myself. It felt like waking up from a long dream. It was a relief. I’m 23 now, and I detransitioned right before turning 24. Letting go of that identity felt like I was finally being honest with myself. My relationships with my family improved dramatically. I feel free, happy, and like I can finally envision a future for myself.

I do have regrets. I regret the years I lost, from 14 to 22, being so focused on transition that I let life pass me by. My biggest insecurity now is my voice; I really miss my pre-testosterone voice. But I don’t dwell on the past too much. I can’t change it, but I can make sure my future is full and happy. I’m a heterosexual woman, and I’m comfortable with that. I dress more femininely now than I did as a kid, but that’s just because my style has changed as I’ve grown up.

I believe that non-affirming therapy, which helped me address my underlying issues, was crucial for me. I also think the online communities I was in were irresponsible, promoting DIY hormones and a single narrative that any discomfort means you’re trans. I was lucky I stopped before having any surgeries. My view on gender now is that it's complex, and for me, it was never about being born in the wrong body. It was about struggling to accept myself as a woman with a mix of masculine and feminine traits, and dealing with a lot of untreated mental health problems.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
13/14 Started to feel intense discomfort with female puberty, especially breast development. Socially transitioned to male.
14-22 Lived as a trans man. Life was consumed by transitioning and trying to pass. Missed many life opportunities.
20 Started testosterone. Was on a dangerously high dose for 3 months, causing lasting health issues.
22 Began therapy initially to get a top surgery referral. Mental health began to improve as I addressed underlying issues.
23 Realized I am a woman. Stopped testosterone. Officially detransitioned.
23 (now) Living happily as a woman, focusing on my future and new hobbies.

Top Comments by /u/Bladekind:

17 comments • Posting since April 18, 2024
Reddit user Bladekind (detrans female) explains the severe health risks of DIY HRT for minors, citing personal experience with liver damage from a medically-supervised dose.
44 pointsApr 20, 2024
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This is actively putting children at risk and promoting the idea that it is perfectly alright to use DIY HRT, which has a multitude of health risks especially because it is unsupervised. There is a reason why people on HRT have to get bloodwork done every couple of months. There is a reason why I had to get bloodwork and a physical done before I started testosterone. You don't know how your body is going to react to those hormones, what potential hidden or underlying issues they will possibly exacerbate, or even what dose is right for your body. I was on way too high of a dose for three months and I'm still feeling the negative effects on my liver and my body - that was under (albeit negligent) doctor supervision, so I can't imagine how DIY HRT would impact the body.

This is honestly just irresponsible, plain and simple. I would definitely recommend reporting to Discord.

Reddit user Bladekind (detrans female) explains why detransitioning doesn't make someone a conservative or fascist, calling out the projection and hypocrisy of those who support gender exploration only if it doesn't lead back to one's birth identity.
35 pointsDec 28, 2024
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It's so weird when people think that just because you're detrans it makes you automatically right wing. It feels like exploring your gender is ok with them unless you end up identifying as what you started with! Then that means that you're a fascist conservative 😐 Like...why does me being wrong about my gender identity and regretting my transition automatically make me a conservative in your head? It seems like an issue that you should go to therapy for instead of projecting onto me and every other detrans person

Reddit user Bladekind (detrans female) explains how the trans community's emphasis on suicidality statistics, combined with her own depression, convinced her she needed to transition to survive, and how therapy ultimately resolved her dysphoria.
25 pointsApr 23, 2024
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I did think that if I did not get all of the hormones and surgeries during my transition, then I would end up killing myself. And it was definitely a result of the trans community constantly parroting that (I was even told that saying that even when not meaning it would get me hormones/surgery faster) combined with my own depression and body issues. My dysphoria started off as a discomfort in my body as puberty started then it grew to me hating my breasts and wanting them off as soon as possible. I definitely feel like early mental help would have benefit me, because that's exactly what happened when I got my first therapist last year.

There is a strange thing that happens in the community where if you bring up feeling uncomfortable in your body, especially during puberty, you are told that it is because you're transgender. No one ever told me that it could be a result of my depression. No one told me that many people are uncomfortable during puberty and that it might be beneficial to get a therapist to talk to. I was instead told that I was definitely a trans man. And that if I didn't get the surgeries or hormones or social validation as soon as possible, that there might be a chance that I'll kill myself down the line based off of the feelings that I've expressed about my body.

As I got mental help over the past few months, my dysphoria is mostly gone now. And I'm the happiest and most at peace I've ever been with my body and my existence.

Reddit user Bladekind (detrans female) comments on the length of their transition, explaining they identified as trans for ~10 years from age 13/14 to 23.
22 pointsNov 9, 2024
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I actually have never counted out the years. I think I started socially identifying as trans around 13 or 14. Then I began medically transitioning at 20. I detransitioned when I was 23 but about to turn 24. So approximately 10 years. Wow...

It's very strange to me, now that I'm out of it. It was pretty much all I thought about, and I regret that deeply. There were so many enjoyable moments in my life that I did not appreciate as much just because I was so focused on my gender and how to make people see me as a man. There were so many missed opportunities.

I try not to let it get me down too much. The best I can do, and everyone can, is to live my life to the fullest now and be happy. :)

Reddit user Bladekind (detrans female) explains her experience with gender dysphoria, advising therapy and exploring being gender non-conforming (GNC) before transitioning.
16 pointsApr 22, 2024
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I would definitely seek a therapist, if you are able to. There may be reasons for your gender dysphoria that you aren't aware of, and even if that's not the case it's always helpful to have someone give you their outside perspective on what you're going through. Seeing my therapist has also helped me with my gender dysphoria, which was severe. I think that would be a good place to start.

There are many people here who transitioned because they thought that having GNC qualities meant that they're trans (including myself). I believed that because I had masculine qualities and disliked the puberty my body was going through, I was a transman. The truth of the matter was, though, that I thought women couldn't be masculine at all and that I was uncomfortable with my puberty because no one explained to me what was going on and my hormones were all over the place. I was also uncomfortable with my body because of how much it was changing and I disliked the way people commented on my body (getting catcalled, for instance). My point is, you are allowed to be GNC and it might be a good idea to tap into that, maybe test what it does for your dysphoria.

My overall advice is to seek a therapist, spend time outside away from your phone, ask yourself a lot of questions, make sure you have some semblance of support outside of the Internet, and try to not put yourself in a box. I wish you good luck. :-)

Reddit user Bladekind (detrans female) explains how mandatory therapy before top surgery led to her gradual realization that transitioning was a mistake, as she began focusing on her mental health, childhood, and hobbies instead of gender identity.
15 pointsOct 24, 2024
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I remember being very certain about transitioning. There was no doubt in my mind that I was a binary trans man. I don't exactly remember what spurred my thoughts of detransition but it was definitely a slow, gradual process, one that I didn't realize was happening until the end. I started therapy, determined to get a letter for top surgery; that was my only goal in therapy at the time. My therapist informed me that through my insurance, I would need to go to therapy for six months before I could get a letter. Disheartened and frustrated, I agreed to do that.

About three months in, my mental health started improving. I started exploring new ways to manage my stress, figuring out my anxiety for the future, and finding myself and what I liked doing (picking up hobbies such as reading, baking, writing, and making art). I talked to my therapist less about transgender issues and more about my life; what happened in my childhood, how I was treated at school, what I wanted for my future. At a certain point I stopped mentioning anything to do with being trans, and that was when I started questioning.

I started to see unhealthy behaviors in myself with a new lens. The biggest, glaring one was my transition. It started to feel more and more like a mistake I had made. It was kind of like a switch got flipped, if that makes sense? It was definitely a "hey, what am I even doing?" type of moment.

I think it took me three or four months after that to finally realize that I'm detrans but I believe that was the beginning of my doubt.

Reddit user Bladekind (detrans female) comments on persistent high testosterone levels after stopping HRT, suggests checking for PCOS, and shares her own experience with an unhelpful endocrinologist.
11 pointsMay 8, 2024
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It's good that you're getting your levels checked because that's the first step to finding out what's going on.

I didn't have this exact situation happen to me but I did quit T for a year and when I got my levels checked, they were still very high for some reason. My endocrinologist wasn't very helpful and didn't give me much in terms of advice/guidance other than "we have to get your T levels down...somehow." When I asked her why my T levels were still high, she said she didn't know.

I wish I had advice, but if your levels come back high then maybe get checked for PCOS? It's worth a thought because that can cause higher T levels in women.

You're not alone and I wish you good luck and I hope that everything turns out ok for you.

Reddit user Bladekind (detrans female) explains how her transition led to missing out on life opportunities due to a desire to be "stealth," and how she now focuses on self-acceptance and saving her future self.
9 pointsJan 6, 2025
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I tend to feel this way a lot. I don't think that my life would have been perfect and a classic teenage girl life, but I do feel like I wouldn't have missed out on as many opportunities as I missed out on. There were many times when I was presented with an opportunity and I declined it because I wanted to be fully transitioned before I went on with my life; I did not want anyone to see me as anything other than a stealth man. It was an awful way to live and I regret it. I could have made friends with so many people. I could have picked up new hobbies. I could have done so many different things but I kept myself stagnant with the idea that transition would save my life, all while what I truly needed was self-acceptance and therapy.

I'm trying to live my life the way I want to now. I know that there is nothing I can do about it, I can't go back in time and save my past self but I can save my future self. That's how I try to think about it, it helps when I get too in my head about what could have been.

Reddit user Bladekind (detrans female) explains how her obsessive focus on transition from ages 14-22 caused her to miss out on life, and how rediscovering hobbies like reading helped her realize she didn't need to transition at all.
9 pointsOct 24, 2024
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I relate to this a lot. Your experiences are very similar to mine during my transition — I took it step-by-step, I wanted every surgery available, I refused to try new things or meet new people until I passed as a cis man in every way possible, and it was what I thought about all day every day. I missed out on a lot of opportunities and life experiences because of my obsession with transitioning and passing.

Looking back at that part of my life, I can very clearly see how wildly mentally unwell I was. But at the time I thought that I had everything under control. My life was passing me by while I was waiting until I fully medically transitioned to start living. By the time I realized that fact, I was in my early 20s and I spent the ages of 14-22 just thinking about my transition and trying to complete it.

I've found that what has helped me is trying to find myself through hobbies and interests. I realized that it's been years since I've read something for pleasure so I picked up reading as a hobby again. Then that led to me going out more to visit bookstores and book-related events. Then that led to me getting inspired and tapping into my passion for writing again. I slowly started thinking more about what I enjoyed doing and less about transition until I eventually realized - with some therapy - that I didn't want/need to transition at all.

My advice is to start small! Don't automatically expect yourself to be doing anything and everything all of a sudden. It's easy to bite off more than you can chew and then get overwhelmed. I started small by picking up a book again and it gradually led to many other things.

Reddit user Bladekind (detrans female) explains that the OP's comments exhibit misogynistic views, citing examples of calling women weak and inferior, and urges them to look inward and seek therapy.
6 pointsNov 3, 2024
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Well, for starters, you didn't answer my question. Second of all, there are multiple people in your comments of not just this post but other posts you've made that mentioned that they can see misogynistic aspects in your comments (calling women weak and inferior, having a very stereotypical view of women).

I'm not saying any of this out of malice or judgment. I've personally dealt with internalized misogyny for a long time and denied that it was that. I just think that you need to look inward about your behaviors and also look into therapy, it might help you with your gender issues and your view of women.