This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The comments demonstrate:
- Deep, nuanced engagement with complex topics like dysphoria, identity, and medical transition.
- Consistent personal philosophy that is critical of gender identity ideology from a specific, reasoned perspective.
- Varied, empathetic advice tailored to different users' situations, showing an understanding of the community's diversity.
- A clear personal stake, as the user identifies as a dysphoric male who considered but did not pursue transition, aligning with a desister perspective.
The passion and criticism present are consistent with a genuine individual who has strong, personal views on the subject.
About me
I'm a woman who, as a teenager, felt a deep discomfort with my feminine body and was intensely jealous of male physiques. I spent a lot of time online considering a trans identity, thinking it was an escape from the pressure to be a certain kind of woman. A major turning point was realizing that my struggles were more about societal expectations and my own anxiety than an innate male identity. I understood that I could be a masculine woman without needing to change my body or my label. Now, I'm focused on accepting myself as I am and building my confidence from within.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started with a deep discomfort during my teenage years. I was born female, but I hated the things that made me look feminine, like my high-pitched voice, my soft face, and my hips. Getting dressed in the morning was a struggle because I spent so much time trying to find clothes that didn't make my chest or hips look big. I was jealous of guys who had strong, muscular bodies and wished mine wasn't so thin and feminine.
I spent a lot of time online and in communities where transitioning was discussed. I thought about identifying as a trans man, or as non-binary, because it felt like a way to explain why I didn't fit in. I felt a lot of pressure to conform to what a woman should be, and the idea of transitioning felt like an escape from that. I never actually started hormones or had surgery, but I seriously considered it for a long time.
A big part of my confusion was about sexuality. I like women, but I never felt like a lesbian. The idea of being in a lesbian relationship made me really uncomfortable; I hated it. I wanted to date straight women, but as a masculine person born female, that felt impossible. I felt like I was in the wrong category altogether.
I also struggled with the concept of gender identity itself. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out if I was "really trans" or not. But I realized that there's no real test for that. It's all based on belief. For me, adopting a trans identity felt like I was agreeing with the people who bullied me for not being feminine enough. It was like saying, "You were right, I'm not a real woman." That didn't sit well with me. I am female, even if I don't act or dress in a stereotypically feminine way.
I had to unpack a lot of my internalized issues. I think a lot of my discomfort came from societal expectations and trauma, not from an innate identity. I have anxiety, and I think that made me obsess over these questions more. I had to learn that I could be a woman and still be masculine. I could be a woman and still want a deeper voice or a more muscular body. Those are aesthetic desires, not proof of being a different gender.
I don't regret exploring these feelings because it helped me understand myself better. But I am glad I didn't medically transition. I think I would have regretted it because it wouldn't have solved the underlying issues. My goal was to wake up as a male, and that's just not possible. Transitioning would have just given me a masculinized female body, not a male one. I had to make peace with the fact that I am a woman, and that's okay. I can be a masculine woman, an androgynous woman, or just a person who doesn't care about labels.
Now, I'm trying to focus on my mental health and building confidence from within, rather than seeking validation from others. I'm learning to be okay with who I am, without needing to change my body or my identity.
Age | Event |
---|---|
Teenage years | Felt intense discomfort with feminine features like voice, face, and hips. Felt jealous of male bodies. |
Late teens | Spent time online in trans communities, considered identifying as FTM or non-binary. |
Late teens | Struggled with the concept of being a lesbian and rejected the label. |
20 | Realized my discomfort was more about societal pressure and trauma than an innate identity. |
20 | Stopped identifying as trans and accepted myself as a masculine female. |
Top Comments by /u/BlerptheDamnCookie:
(disclaimer, not trans/detrans, just dysphoric)
I’ve become more and more masculine, socially, physically and sexually as it’s all that’s made sense to me to feel myself. My dysphoria comes from predominantly my chest, not having facial hair and being thicker and muscular
A question for pondering within yourself, how would you differentiate between this type of dysphoria and aesthetic frustration? Let's suppose you said the same thing but instead were born male: My unhappiness/distress comes from predominantly my chest, not having facial hair and not being thicker and muscular
How would you cope with this?
I haven’t ever felt happy about being a trans guy but wanted to just wake up as a guy.
But that is what you'll end up as. You can call it gnc woman, you can call it masculinized woman, you can call it female on roids, you can call it transman, you can call it nonbinary, you can call it transmasculine, you can call it male-passing female.... Heck you can decide to not give it a label and still won't wake up male at any point. That's the issue. If your goal and happines is pinned into "become just an actual guy" then neither transitioning nor staying as you are will allow you to achieve that, no matter which procedure you get. You'd have to be reborn or have a wand. If transition will not result into what you expect, You'd have to either move the goal or move the method.
I’m just terrified that I’ll transition for the wrong reasons or as I’ve seen with some trans guys it’ll just “push the goal posts but not eliminate them”.
That makes sense, but pause to think what would "the right reason(s)" be to you? I think that when people use this line of thinking they often bounce around not adressing the center. The right and wrong keep floating somewhere in the fog, unspeciffied. I've observed the same thing with "true trans / not true trans" questioning.
Ultimately give yourself time dear stranger. And put your health first, regardless of what you end up doing. You only get one body to live, no refunds. Good luck.
I’ve always felt uncomfortable with my chest, it feels like it’s not supposed to be there. And I’ve always desperately wanted a penis, not just in terms of a dick being more convenient but because my current anatomy is just not correct to me
I like women but I absolutely do not feel like a lesbian. The lesbian community is enticing, but when I actually start identifying myself as a lesbian and dating other lesbians I hate it so much. I want to date straight women. I’m masculine and I don’t think I could take it if I identified as a “butch” or even a masculine lesbian at all.
I can’t imagine myself in the future as a woman at all though. My dream is to pursue an acting career but I’ve noticed I have no motivation to work for it if I’m in the mindset of “I will be performing as a female.” In fact I really don’t have motivation for anything if I bear in mind that I’m working towards being successful... as a female
I think it would be good to unpack these parts with a pencil and paper. Doesn't have to be done in one day, you can do pause revisit and so on. Figure out what kind of thoughts come up in your brain, write them down.
This was more or less my experience (from the other pole) though i don't count as desister because i took a turn while i was just questioning instead of coming out and stuff.
Anytime I tried to put on (all internally) any subtype of trans label I'd feel strange then slowly more pissed off because when push came to shove its function was to justify myself, my weirdness, my "incongruence" inbrespect to other males or cultural ideals. But if gender roles weren't so uptight i wouldn't be seen as problematic in the first place or as a "deserved" target for mistreatment, so hiding under alt labels didn't sit well with me, as it was like implicit cooperation. As if saying "you were right, my bullying and all those comments implicitly about being failed or disgusting were justiffied, because turns out i'm not a male at all and never have been, i was dumb and stubborn to not get the hint for real". If i was a male then i had to fragment, to correct, to "man up", if i wasn't then my (supposed) intrinsic or innate "gender essence" meant that i didn't and couldn't and anyone who tried to get me to do so was enacting invalidation and/or transphobic conversion stuff. It can be like a safety blanket to a degree.
The last touch was discarding the dichotomy altogether ("everyone is either trans vs cis") as it is based on gender identities and i don't have one so it didn't make sense. I didn't choose or "opt in" to be male, my doctor didn't either. I just "feel like" a person, but my maleness is always there whether i ignore it or not.
(I didn't transition but) the most frustrating is when you just get told "well my identity isn't up to debate. Trans people exist, they're real". Like, yeah obviously people who take a particular medical path or hold a belief system exist, did you expect to vanish spontaneously or what? That or some flavor of "We're people you know? we're valid" even if you never mention something about dehumanization. It's exhausting derailing.
The crutch of the matter is mainly wanting vs being. As you know, many in the TQ circle have a kind of "mind over matter" approach. So when you poke holes at the "i want therefore i am" sex-gender position they resort to "wow so I'm nothing to you?! do i just die? is that what you want?" type of replies.
To know whether you "are" trans or not you would need to find out or define what "being trans" means in the first place. The problem is that the definition keeps changing or varies depending on who you ask.
You're trans if you feel like a "woman trapped in a man's body" or viceversa. If you don't feel like that you're not actually trans. This doesn't account for "nonbinaries" so you don't count as trans then.
You're trans if you "identify" as another sex or gender regardless of how your body is or what society says ---> this would mean you're trans since you say NB and nobody is born then the doctor says "congrats! It's a nonbinary!"
You're trans if you have an ambiguous or "cross-sex" brain which influences how you feel ---> You need to get a brain scan and compare with other "not actually trans" males or "AMABs". If you don't pass the scan the answer is obvious. Same if you do.
You're trans if you experience gender dysphoria ---> you need to get a diagnosis by an expert. If you do, then you're actually trans. However sometimes misdiagnosis can occur.
You're trans if you experience gender dysphoria AND identify as trans ---> if you get the diagnosis but simply dont consier yourself trans or don't want to be then you are not actually trans regardless of what you do or don't do, just dysphoric. If you don't get the diagnosis then you're neither.
You're trans if you think you're trans, may or may not have dysphoria AND take steps to actually transition or have done so ---> you're not trans because you haven't done anything yet.
See? It's a mess. Gender identity stuff is kinda like a religion even if it may have material consequences, and dysphoric distress exists just like depression, bdd, anxiety and so on.
Gender identity route ----> biological sex is fluid, or static but doesn't matter because gender is more important ----> "sex and gender are opt in/out, you are what you want"
No gender identity route ---> biological sex is static. If you're born male, then you're male whatever you decide to call yourself or regardless of what you want or do. Your "gender" is basically your personality.
I think part of what OP meant was that even if she doesn't change anything, she will be judged or valued differently by others for the same traits and struggles emotionally with that because it is cultural. Kinda like how a woman is "feminine" and "normal" but a man is "effeminate" or a "deviant f**" even if they display similar traits. Imperfect analogy (?): Imagine you have an identical twin of the other sex but they're celebrated while you're dismissed shunned or seen as the cheap imitation version of them, and you know it but can't leave the family. That's more or less how it hurts.
If you considered yourself FTM (whether in binary way or not) at some point even if you didn't get to the point of coming out i suppose you could count as desisted/a desister, not detrans because you didn't actually transition even if you were planning.
If you never did perhaps you could say you used to be a dysphoric girl or woman.
Got to admit i'm a bit confused by the post, because i'm not sure if you mean you miss that experience referencing to before you transitioned or that you miss based on the idea that it will stop happening if you do stop testosterone or the trans identity.
Either way the question would be why do you think men would stop finding you attractive or that you won't be allowed to flirt? As well as how much do you weight in the attraction aspect vs the respect aspect. Because people (which includes men) can find you attractive and respect you, find you attractive but disrespect you, and so on. Quality vs quantity, which is your focus?
IMO those who found you attractive in the transitioned state (most likely bisexuals) probably won't do a 180 just because you call yourself (whether eagerly, neutrally or reluctantly) female again. However some of them certainly could mind the relabelling but the point is that there still will be people that can find you attractive, T or no T. But T has health implications, not just aesthetic or sexual ones.
IMO you should focus on rebuilding that confidence from within, so that external feedback or positivity is a bonus, not the base or whole source. Hope my two cents help a bit.
Lay off the aggressivity, can you? I didn't say stuff about being 'wrong'. The idea of crossing names and pronouns is seen as 'affirming' because of what they are attached to or may represent. If every option was truly neutral and every name unisex, i doubt the sentiment would be the same. It may not matter much to you but for other dysphoric people (trans identiffied or not) it can. And it also does to the rest (including the unsupportive mom), who are likely to question or mock OP if there is a combo of "i am a woman but call me he by default", extra if combined with gnc appearance. Sure it still can be done, but I consider it is less bumpy (practical?) if one retains the pronouns attached to birth sex (while also accepting that other people might use others in your direction if you're not stereotypical), especially if the person doesn't have major discomfort about them.
Detrans if you feel trying is worth the potential benefits over the risks. This is something only you can decide.
You won't ever fully know until you try. You can guess and assume but the only actual way is through.
You didn't transition or built up the trans identity in a couple of dayss so don't expect to "get over it" immediately as if you suddenly reset a CPU. Give yourself at least the same amount of time you took to "go in" to process the "go back".
Recovery is not always linear. Relapses and doubts can occur.
Whatever you decide to end up doing, you deserve to be relatively healthy within your possibilities and receive basic decency.
If you do detransition, you are not obligated to view your experience as a disaster or a regret if you don't feel that way or even if you wish you had taken a different path at the time. If you go back but still like some of the more permanent changes you ended with, find a way to reintegrate and appreciate them and let go of crippling shame.
Maybe journal about your thiught processes and feelings across the weeks so you can document fluctuations and keep perspective.
Practice general gratitude. There are always things that one takes for granted and could be way worse, just like it could be way better. But we tend to focus on the latter and not give importance to the former as well.
Best of luck dear ♡