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Reddit user /u/Boniface222's Detransition Story

male
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
porn problem
regrets transitioning
depression
influenced online
homosexual
puberty discomfort
anxiety
This story is from the comments by /u/Boniface222 that are listed below, summarised with AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.

The comments display a consistent, nuanced, and personal perspective over many months. The user shares detailed personal history (e.g., desisting 10 years ago, being 34/35, personal trauma, specific sexual preferences) and engages with complex topics in a way that reflects genuine, long-form reasoning rather than scripted talking points. The tone is passionate and critical, which is consistent with the warning that detransitioners/desisters can be "very passionate and pissed off." The advice given is varied and context-specific, showing an ability to adapt to different posts, which is not typical of bot behavior.

About me

My teenage years were so miserable I never thought I'd live to see thirty. I believed my discomfort with being a stereotypical man meant I was supposed to be a woman. I eventually realized the problem wasn't my body, but the pressure to fit into a narrow box, and I learned to accept myself as a feminine man. Now, at 34, I'm happier than I've ever been and I'm grateful I didn't pursue medical transition. I see now that a lot of my struggle was just anxiety, and that life gets so much better when you stop overthinking and start living.

My detransition story

My teenage years were incredibly hard. I couldn't picture myself making it to 30; I was so miserable I was sure I'd die before then. I'm 34 now, and life is better than it's ever been. My 20s started rough but got better, and my 30s are great. I see now that being a teenager often sucks, but it doesn't have to define the rest of your life.

A lot of my struggle came from not fitting into the typical idea of what a man should be. I was a bottom sexually and always identified more with women in porn, which made me feel like maybe I was supposed to be a woman. I never wanted to be the "top" or the aggressive partner. For a long time, I thought this meant I had gender dysphoria and that transitioning was the answer. I felt a lot of pressure to fit into a box, and the trans community seemed to enforce stereotypes even more—you could be a trans man or trans woman, but you couldn't just be a feminine man or a masculine woman.

I also grew up with some messed-up ideas about men. My mother once told me that men are violent and that we'd have world peace if women were in charge. Hearing that as a kid did a number on me. It made me feel like there was something inherently wrong with being male. I think a lot of my feelings were tied to anxiety and low self-esteem, not some innate gender identity. I spent way too much time overthinking and analyzing myself, which just made my anxiety worse. I’ve learned that focusing on yourself too much is a recipe for unhappiness.

I started to question the whole idea of being "cis" or "trans." I don't think most people feel their gender in some concrete way. The idea that you have to "feel" like a man or a woman is a made-up concept. For me, realizing that I could just be a man who doesn't fit the stereotype was freeing. I learned to be comfortable being a submissive man, and that made most of the dysphoria feelings go away. I didn't need to change my body; I needed to change how I saw myself.

I never went through with medical transition. I'm grateful for that now. I see how many people are pushed into hormones and surgeries, especially young people, and it reminds me of a trend that's being encouraged by adults instead of being questioned. When I was a teen, there were trends like kids thinking they were vampires, but adults didn't encourage that—they let us grow out of it. Now, it feels like there's a push to medicalize normal feelings of not fitting in.

I don't regret exploring these feelings, but I'm glad I didn't make any permanent changes. I think a lot of this is psychological, and the solution isn't to alter your body but to work through the underlying issues. For me, that meant accepting that I'm a man, even if I'm not a stereotypical one, and finding ways to embrace my sexuality without feeling like I had to become a woman.

I also think the trans community has become really toxic. It's full of black-and-white thinking and seems to attract people who want to tear things down. There's a lot of resentment and a desire to destroy norms, even if it harms people. I've seen too much toxicity from within the LGBT community to want any part of it. It's not a healthy place for someone who's struggling.

These days, I try to focus on improving myself and my local community instead of getting caught up in politics or online drama. I've learned that surrounding yourself with good, kind people is one of the best things you can do for your mental health. Life isn't about being perfect; it's about moving in the right direction.

Here’s a timeline of my journey based on what I’ve shared:

Age Event
Teen years Felt miserable, couldn't imagine living past 20; struggled with self-esteem and anxiety
Early 20s Began exploring feelings of not fitting in as a man; identified more with women in sexual contexts
Late 20s Questioned gender identity but did not pursue medical transition; started to become comfortable with being a submissive man
30 Went back to college; life began to improve significantly
34 Fully comfortable as a man who doesn't fit stereotypes; no regrets about not transitioning

Top Reddit Comments by /u/Boniface222:

110 comments • Posting since April 28, 2024
Reddit user Boniface222 (desisted male) explains that discomfort with trans art stems from societal gaslighting that obscures the reality of mental illness, but finds optimism in detrans awareness and support communities.
94 pointsMay 28, 2024
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I think it's because of societal gaslighting.

These are mentally ill people struggling. But society tries to gaslight us into not seeing it.

It is massively fucked up. Very bad things are happening to a lot of people.

But there is reason for optimism. I think detrans awareness is going to be a big factor in getting people the help they need. And hopefully to accept and love themselves before they make drastic decisions.

But at least there are spaces like this where you can share and not have to suffer in complete isolation.

Reddit user Boniface222 (desisted male) explains the dangers of parental pressure to medically transition, arguing puberty is not a disease and cautioning against life-altering treatments.
75 pointsMay 25, 2024
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This is really messed up. It sounds like your mother is trying to pressure you into these treatments. And puberty blockers aren't just 'giving you time'. They have all sorts of negative side effects. This situation is full of red flags. I would desist from any further medication or surgery at this point. You are being pressured into these treatments.

This will probably be really complicated as there is a power imbalance between you and your parents, but pressuring your kid to take life altering treatments when they don't want to is messed up.

Not every girl is super girly. There's nothing wrong with that. Your personality doesn't have to be medicated. Puberty is natural and not a disease.

This whole dynamic sounds incredibly unhealthy.

No one should transition due to being pressured into it.

Reddit user Boniface222 (desisted male) comments that transgender activism seems designed to maximize physical, mental, and social harm, arguing this knowledge has been available for decades.
67 pointsMay 17, 2024
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Sometimes I feel like the goal behind this stuff is to maximise harm. The behavior of the activism seems to match the idea of causing as much physical, mental, and social harm as possible.

Specially because these medical facts have been known for decades. Knowledge that these things were harmful existed already.

Reddit user Boniface222 (desisted male) explains why the current wave of transition is more than just a trend, arguing it is actively encouraged by authority figures and adults who provide access to medical interventions.
59 pointsApr 30, 2024
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There's probably some elements of a trend, but it's not only a trend. At least it's not just young people sharing this idea and encouraging each other.

For instance, back in my day there was a trend of teens claiming to be vampires. Some would go as far as having blood drinking rituals. But this was mostly ignored or discouraged.

The difference now is that this new trend is encouraged and pushed by authority figures. Instead of the trend being ignored it gets attention and encouragement.

Trends can be pretty powerful but this would go nowhere without it being pushed onto children at the same time. Children can't distribute sterilizing drugs and perform surgery like this on their own.

People are responsible for this. People have literally done this on purpose. It's not a mere trend.

Reddit user Boniface222 (desisted male) comments that people who base their identity on pronouns act like spoiled children clinging to a postmodern social construct.
54 pointsJan 26, 2025
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When someone claims that pronouns are profoundly important to them, they come off as a spoiled child.

Play with pronouns if you want, but if you choose to base your whole identity on some post-modern social construct that's on you. No one forced you to do that.

Reddit user Boniface222 (desisted male) comments on the high rate of personality disorders in mothers who transition their children, framing it as a legally protected form of abuse.
45 pointsApr 29, 2024
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I remember seeing a statistic like, mothers of trans kids have a 50% chance of having borderline personality disorder.

Even without the trans issue, these kids are being abused. And this abuse has legal protection.

We tend to underestimate how many people are fucking evil and will readily abuse their children. The assumption is always like "Oh no, obviously the parent is supportive" but it's often not the case. This is not being supportive.

Reddit user Boniface222 (desisted male) comments on the historical precedent of using hormone therapy as punishment, citing Alan Turing's forced estrogen treatment and suicide.
44 pointsApr 30, 2024
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Back in the day Alan Turing was given a form of estrogen as a 'chemical castration' after being found 'guilty' of being a homosexual. He became impotent and grew breasts. He committed suicide two years later.

This idea of punishing homosexuality through hormones and sterilization has definitely happened before.

Reddit user Boniface222 (desisted male) explains that gender non-conformity is not a medical problem and encourages self-acceptance.
37 pointsMay 15, 2024
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Women aren't less than men. You are not less than men.

These days with trans culture there's a lot of pressure to fit in stereotypical gender roles. Being different in any way is framed as a medical problem. It's not.

There's nothing wrong with you if you want to be resilient, brave, and funny. There's nothing wrong if you want to have a demanding job.

Nobody fits the stereotype. It's not a real person. It's just an average of societal cliches.

Personally, I felt this in reverse, but I learned to accept myself.

I might be different than average, but that's all that means. Different doesn't mean wrong.

Being different and unique just means you are bringing something new and unique to the world. It's something to be proud of.

Reddit user Boniface222 (desisted male) explains why being trans can feel "contagious," citing the desperation to fit into a group and the harmful isolation from friends and family.
36 pointsMay 12, 2024
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I think statistics do suggest it is contagious.

But also people tend to be desperate to find groups to fit in. People will go to desperate measures to fit into a community. I think the most harmful is when they start to isolate themselves from any friends or family who are not in this new group. Because then when you want out, you have to face the possibility of leaving the group and being alone.

Reddit user Boniface222 (desisted male) explains the political roots of the term "Queer" as being about going against the norm, even if it causes harm.
36 pointsMay 3, 2024
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The term Queer is rooted in politics. The politics of going against the norm. Whether that be going against societal stereotypes, or going against your body's hormones. And it doesn't have to be good for you, or for a greater goal. It's going against the norm for the sake of going against the norm even if people have to be harmed along the way. In a way, the more harm the better because harm goes against the healthy norm.