This was necessary advice back when transition was gatekept behind years of therapy and doing things in a specific order regardless on if your wanted a particular thing or not. Like when you had to have bottom surgery before getting a gender marker changed. Or when therapists only gave a letter for HRT if you pointed to stupidly gendered events from your childhood.

But now you just keep hearing the same regurgitated ideals with zero critical thinking. It feels like a slap in the face for all the hard work that went into getting the trans community to this level of acceptance and having medical care so accessible. Like they care more about being the victim than actually celebrating, they'll twist themselves up into pretzels playing Victim Olympics with zero regard for who it hurts in the process.

Heh, my BF put this on tonight and all I could think was "I wonder when this will show up on the detrans subreddit."

I was on edge going in, but really the only thing I hated was the lack of effort put into exploring and understanding the detrans experience. Because "it's rare" means "it's worth neglecting"? Do better. Tired of being swept under the rug because it's convenient and trans problems are seen as more important than AND at odds with our own.

I'm grateful that the episode helped me let go of a little bitterness though. I do too much projecting and I forget about the happy moments. While I don't regret the transition the way some do, it's not exactly something I look back on with pride. It was simply a necessity for me. I'd forgotten about forgot the joy that came with acceptance. The confidence. I hope I find a way to get those things back one day, just in a healthier way for me.

I started becoming terrified of losing the female safe spaces that I didn't really use, but I always knew were available to me. Those communities and comfort, the knowledge and resources shared. I thought it was just my poverty mindset kicking in at first. But looking in the mirror and seeing how much I'd changed started becoming uncomfortable. I didn't like that I couldn't recognize myself anymore. That I looked like people that had caused me harm in the past.

Lots of therapy and introspection later and I realized I was using being male as a shield. It made me happy, it made me feel safe, it helped me express myself in ways I hadn't felt capable of before, but it was also just a way to run away from difficult feelings. Once I started unpacking those feelings I realized I didn't feel a desire to be male anymore. Or at least, I wasn't so afraid of being both myself and female that I felt I had to be male. Sometimes I still enjoy being "masculine" or filing roles that are generally attributed to men, but now I realize those things don't have to dictate my gender in order for me to find fulfillment or comfort.

One day I looked in the mirror and realized I didn't like the way I changed. At first I ignored it. But eventually I realized I had to face myself and figure it out.

Turned out I wasn't ready to lose female safe spaces. Didn't know why but I just couldn't cope with the thought of losing them. So I slowly went off T.

Long story short, my masculinity was a necessary shield. I couldn't live as female any more, I couldn't cope. But it wasn't something I wanted to give up on. So I lived as male where it was easier for me to face life and explore myself. For about a decade I explored different aspects of my gender and sexuality. Now I have a clearer picture of who I am internally and I feel little need to have my identity to be validated by outside sources, or even to spend time in LGBT or queer communities beyond the usual celebrations or political support.

Sure I have some discomforts related to the detransitioning. My hormones are not giving me a great emotional experience as they're settling. There's far too much hair on my body for my mental comfort(yay new dysphoria! 🙃). I still don't have my singing voice back, and it sometimes drops lower than I'm comfortable with. But....I think overall I'm glad I went the path I did and explored myself in that way. Kinda wish I didn't go on hormones, but it helped past me and I wouldn't be here without past me so. A worthy trade I think.

So uh ... all that to say that only you know what's right for you. I took the path I did because I followed what felt like the best thing for my happiness at the time, not what everyone else was doing. I didn't make any serious permanent choices while I was still socially transitioning, and processed each step of the journey as I went along instead of just speeding through transition as fast as possible. I even went into therapy, though I wish I'd gone with a specialist.

Wearing some girls clothes and sitting to pee won't kill you. If you've had these feelings for a long time, they're worth listening to and at least exploring what internal parts of you are getting out of it. Find some safe spaces to explore this part of yourself and see what happens.Just take it one step at a time friend.

I went through something similar for a full decade. Was on T and everything. Had some weeks where I slept and showered in one binder, then threw another one on top before leaving the house. The dysphoria was intense.

I think therapy helped. Learning to love myself in different ways. Confronting aspects of the past. Learning how to stand up for myself. My dysphoria was a result of not being able to handle the world seeing me as female, thanks to trauma and the pressure of being female. And while that trauma still isn't fully resolved, I'm actually okay being viewed as I am now. I can handle it this time and actually feel empowered by my own femininity whereas before I was only ever chasing masculinity with occasional bouts of empowerment/euphoria.

For whatever reason, your brain decided it couldn't handle being female. Or maybe it figured being male was a solution to a problem. Maybe it was being trans specifically that seemed safe. Everyone is different, and sometimes kid-brain logic can be not what we expect.

I know you're struggling greatly from this, so perhaps it helps to know that there's plenty of cis-woman who are naturally like this? Like, I know for you this was caused because of T and that it's always going to represent Maleness because of that to your immediate thoughts.

But it's helped me at times to know that plenty of cis woman who have never taken HRT have facial hair/excess body hair and rock it. It doesn't define me in any way.

You're very welcome! Remember that life isn't black and white. There's always a shade of grey that's special for you, as long as you're willing to seek it out. You don't have to decide on anything as big as transitioning if that's too much right now. You can just decide to wear makeup, or buy a special underwear, or to practice pitching your voice more comfortably.

Yeaaaah. You can't really blame folks though. They have a lot of hurt(for very valid reasons) and hurt can easily turn to anger. Anger makes it hard to filter the world through anything other than your own life experiences, it's a protective thing. Combine that with the trans community wanting to silence detrans voices and the only place we can speak openly are a handful of spaces like this? Yeah......

Well said. I'd noticed this trend too and it's why I started distancing myself from general trans communities even way before I even began to contemplate detransitioning, and just stuck to ones that were focused on the actual transition part.

And heck, even other LGBT identities aren't treated as harsh when you realize that perhaps you're not bisexual, you're actually something else. It's just seen as you developing a deeper understanding of yourself and moving further along in your journey. It's even a inside joke that people try out a few sexual labels before settling into one. But try and go back to being cis and suddenly you're the devil incarnate. Sure there's some pockets of hate and phobia w/ leaving sexual identities, but never on the level I see with detrans folk.

When I was first out as trans it was very much the same as now coming out detrans. It took a lot of campaigning and arguments to go people to accept me being trans. To get them to understand that just because I had a perspective and understanding they couldn't wrap their brains around, it didn't mean it was "made up" or unworthy of respect. Of medical resources and educated therapudic support.

The transgender community is the way it is for a reason. We had to fight disbelief with anger. Our grief for the ones we lost fueled the fight to obtain any and all legal support. And unfortunately I kind of see the detrans community going the same way, except now with even bigger barriers to overcome it feels. We DO need advocacy. We need people to care about us and our journey. To give us sympathy and not shame when we confront our anger, grief and regrets. To care about us the same was as when we were trans. To ensure we have the medical care and mental support needed throughout the journey.

We need advocates like you to lead the way just like the trans community had advocates back when no one gave a shit. I'm so greatful and thankful for the people, for you for having that fight in you. Because unfortunately I've spent too much time at the front lines and I don't have it in me anymore.

I've got no clue what I look like in terms of being hot or not, but a big draw towards my transition was because I hated all the sexualized attention I was receiving from an early age. I mean I still received a lot of attention after transition, but it felt easier to navigate for some reason.

I think what you're noticing is simply that the average person is overweight.