I'm sorry, but I have to disagree. Take your time away from the influence of the internet. Focus on your healing and what brings you fulfillment in life. Putting your vulnerabilities out into the void can only really cause you harm. You don't owe it to anyone to try to convince them of anything. We are not saviors or teachers, we are hurt women and men in recovery.

100% agree. While not every trans group should be deemed a "cult," undue influence is key to this movement.

Check out Steven Hassan's BITE Model, which indicates qualifying factors to determine if something is a cult. The BITE Model

I also recommend Janja Lalich's book Taking Back Your Life. This book helped me when I first began to detransition and helped me realize how I'd been removed from my own ability to think critically and form my own opinions.

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Unfortunately, synthetic testosterone can cause blood clots as well as cardiac issues. I had 3 mini-strokes immediately following my cessation of testosterone. I was 27, and I was very lucky to have not had a full stroke. I immediately changed my health habits, and I haven't had one since. Even if you can't see a therapist about the emotional side of this, I'd highly recommend trying to get into an urgent care or some clinic to help you taper off. Going entirely off all at once can be dangerous for your thyroid, among other things. Again, I'm very sorry for your friend. Personally, I wish more people understood just how dangerous these drugs are.

Lol "Steroids were killing me, but no one actually regrets this!" Yeah, no, there's no such thing as being "transphobic." There's homophobia, like when a trans-identified male tricks another male into sleeping with him, knly to reveal he has a penis and then the other male reacts with violence. That's HOMOphobia. Otherwise, there's correctly-sexing a person, observing secondary sex characteristics, and stating facts.

Take some deep breaths and take a step back. What happens to them isn't your fault or your responsibility. It hurts to watch someone killing themselves, but they've been indoctrinated to take any criticism as a challenge to meet. Take care of yourself and those who have already made the decision to prioritize their own health. We can't save them, nor should we. All we can do is be there for them if they come to us.

Buck and I had a lot of constructive dialogue a few years ago, when I was more public. One of the things he says a lot that I've called him out on is "the doctors didn't know anything and treated me like guinea pig!" which he usually brushes off with laughter. I've told him before that doctors still don't know and are actively repressing further research, that I, too, was a guinea pig and it's wrong. No person should be experimented on and this shouldn't have been a good thing. He and I have talked a lot about how ftms encourage each other to avoid paps and sexual health and he's gotten better about promoting ftms to take care of their health. We disagree on a LOT of things, but Buck has always been pleasant to talk with and I am grateful he and I have had our conversations. I do think, though, some of his support for detransitioners is self-preservation and he's a bit condescending when trying to empathize with us (see: telling us transition "saved his life" Yeah, Buck, that's what we thought, too). All-in-all, I'm glad for the dissenting opinion and that he, as a very public trans person, is voicing critique. It doesn't mean he's flawless, though.

"How does testosterone effect bone health?" "What is the risk of developing diabetes and what measures are taken to prevent that in patients?" "Do you pre-emptively prepare patients for vaginal atrophy and the possibility of needing to apply estrogen cream so that they don't tear?" "What research do you have on the effects of Testosterone on the thyroid and the pituitary gland?"

Just a few questions I have for these "doctors."

Yep. I was the first female transitioner that my doctor worked with and the whole time she'd casually mention how she didn't know things or that we'd have to "experiment." Had I not been mentally ill and vulnerable at the time, I might've seen this as a sign to hold the f*ck up. Now that I'm detransitioned and have had countless health problems due to long-term testosterone use, I find myself reiterating the same speeches to educate doctors on how testosterone has effected my body.

Edit: a word

As others have said, your social group greatly impacts your thinking, even subconsciously. Waiting until you have more independence and space away from that community would be an ideal way to test your true feelings.

Additionally, I think it's important to examine why you feel more comfortable being referred to as "he" and looking more masculine. Something that was important for me in my detransition was learning that no woman "feels" like a woman. Many women are uncomfortable in their sex for various reasons, including but not limited to: sexual orientation, history of abuse and sa, gender non-conformity, sex-based oppression, eating disorder and body dysmorphia, and societal expectations of women. I believe that "gender dysphoria" is really a symptom of other things and cannot be worked on and treated without addressing those origins.

Finally, I want to give you some difficult facts: Synthetic testosterone can cause irreparable damage to your health. Initially, I detransitioned after almost 6 years on testosterone because I experienced liver and kidney failure. A year after stopping testosterone, I had 3 mini-strokes. I got endometriosis with no prior signs of having it prior to t. My bones are extremely brittle and I have arthritis at 31. I have vaginal atrophy to the point where I cannot have penetrative sex even after treatment because I will tear. Testosterone also raises your chance of heart attack and certain cancers. It might seem like if these things happen at all, they won't happen to you until much later and you'd rather live a short and happy life. But the truth is that you can work through the things that cause you discomfort with being a woman without sacrificing your health. It is hard and there are fewer resources to go this route, but you owe it to yourself and no one else to choose to healthiest path.

Some of the things that have helped me are finding community with other women are gender non-conforming or who have experienced sex-based oppression but come out as stronger women. They encourage me to want to change the world around me instead of changing myself for the world. Also, learning more about how my female body works has been enlightening. Learning how the parts that make up my body are all connected and work to acutely to keep me alive against all odds has been empowering and taught me to value all the individual parts as essential to my overall health.

I can't make the decision for you and there is no one sign anyone should detransition. That being said, I think young women are be sold that the cure to fighting a world not made for them is to cut away at themselves until they fit into something the world can deal with. That's unfair and you deserve to live your best, healthiest, most enriched life. The world can frankly fuck off. Being a woman is to be an adult female. That's all it takes. There is no wrong kind of woman. There is no "gender euphoria" in recognizing that our sex has been placed 2nd in this world. BUT hope is not lost when we gather together and support each other.

Take care of yourself first. The others can wait.

I feel you 100%. It drives me crazy a little bit to have to watch what I say around people, irl or online. I identified as a transman for 5 1/2 years and took testosterone the entire time. My body is amazing, but it is badly scarred. I've had a lot of health problems. When I first detransitioned I lost almost all of my trans friends. I had been an active member in trans groups, led a peer-support group at the gender clinic, led the local group from Amazon for the Pride parade (a particularly cringe embarrassment for so many reasons). My boss at the time told me when offering me the job that she wanted to give more trans people jobs and she thought it was so cool I was trans. My entire life was sucked up into it. I got really sick and my kidneys started to shut down. Then my liver started to go. My doctor told me to try stopping testosterone, so I did and I got better. My trans friends called me a liar. I confided in my best friend (tw) that I wanted to start embracing my femaleness. He threatened to kill me if he ever saw me again. He stalked my work and my therapist. He encouraged our mutual friends to beat me up for being a terf. It was...dramatic.

I've come a long way from that and I'm happy with who I am, now, but I still can't talk about that journey with any of my friends. They're all "allies." Being desisted or detrans can be a very humbling and lonely thing. I'm happy that I've at least finally broken a lot of my misogynistic and homophobic beliefs. It's not always easy, but I love being a woman.