This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's posts are highly specific, emotionally raw, and internally consistent, detailing a deeply personal and traumatic experience with medical transition and detransition. The language is nuanced, with complex emotional reasoning and physical descriptions (e.g., the feeling of skin on the chest during exercise) that are difficult to fabricate convincingly. The account expresses anger and pain that align with the known experiences of many detransitioners.
About me
I was a depressed teenager when doctors told me my body hatred meant I was a boy and that I needed to transition to survive. I now understand that hatred came from sexual mistreatment, a trauma no one ever explored with me. I took testosterone and had my breasts removed, which I now see as a terrible mistake and a betrayal of my own body. I’m off hormones now and live as a woman, but I am forever grieving the loss of my intact female body. While some things have improved, the permanent damage is a hell I have to live with every day.
My detransition story
My whole journey started when I was really young and in a very bad place. I was a teenager and I was deeply depressed and suicidal. The adults and doctors in my life at the time told me that my feelings of discomfort with my body and with puberty were because I was born in the wrong body and that I was actually a boy. They said that without hormones and surgery, I would kill myself. That messed with my head so badly and I trusted them to help me, but they just made everything so much worse.
I now realize that my initial discomfort with my body, especially my breasts, was driven by sexual mistreatment I had experienced. I hated my breasts because of that trauma, not because I was a man. But no one ever explored that with me. Instead, they affirmed that my hatred for my body meant I should change it. So I took testosterone and I got top surgery.
The testosterone did make me feel better for a while, but I’ve come to understand that’s because it’s a steroid. It chemically alters your mood, gives you energy, and acts as a powerful placebo. It pushed me out of my depression for a time, but it was just a distraction from the deeper issues I had, which were never addressed. It wasn't a real solution.
Getting top surgery feels like a massive betrayal of my own body now. It was driven by that mistreatment and the surgery itself also feels like a sexual assault. I was just a kid and I never got the chance to become my adult female self. Now I’m stuck like this forever, missing body parts, and I can never get that back. I think about what was taken from me every single day. All these other women have their bodies intact and I never will. I feel like my value has been lowered and it’s a hell I have to live with.
Everything is triggering for me now. I can’t even exercise because the way the skin on my chest moves and the lack of weight there is magnified when I move my body. I’ve tried to distract myself with hobbies, but the moment I stop, the suicidal feelings come right back. People who haven’t been through this don’t get it. We literally are missing body parts and we missed extremely important developmental milestones we can’t get back.
I don't have any regrets about detransitioning and stopping testosterone, but I have enormous regrets about ever transitioning in the first place. I regret the hormones and I deeply, deeply regret the surgery. As far as I’m concerned, what happened to me was abusive. This should never have happened to us.
There is a little bit of hope, though. My voice dropped on T and never fully reverted, but it has softened a lot since I stopped. I’ve been off testosterone for a few years now and I get gendered female on the phone consistently. In person, I don’t get misgendered anymore. So some things can get better, even if the physical changes from surgery are permanent.
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 14-15 | Experienced sexual mistreatment; began hating my body and breasts. Deep depression and suicidality began. |
| 16 | Doctors and adults affirmed I was transgender. Started testosterone. |
| 17 | Had top surgery. |
| 19-20 | Stopped testosterone and began to detransition. Realized my transition was a mistake driven by trauma. |
| 22 (Now) | Off testosterone for a few years. Living with the permanent physical consequences of surgery. |
Top Comments by /u/BubblyAd2099:
The secret is that testosterone is a steroid. It is literally chemically altering your mood. It gives you energy and makes you stronger and that, with its effects as a placebo in ftms, is why it often pushes them out of their depression and suicidality. You can be functional on your natural hormones but you need to fix your brain first. pretty much guarantee there’s something deeper going on beneath the surface and the testosterone is a distraction from that.
Fuck em. Say what you want. You may not agree with them or have opinions they find “problematic,” but so what? We got into this mess because people were scared to speak up. As long as you don’t include very specific life details, nobody will even notice anyway.
I’ve had people say similar things to me about not being lazy or getting my act together, when I’ve been getting a LOT done and have been successful in life up to the past few months. They don’t get that what we went through is traumatic. We literally are missing body parts. I think about what if I just committed suicide every day. I don’t want to keep going on like this either.
I dunno man. It’s hard to not feel basically worthless if you go through this, especially if you’re a child or teenaged transitioner and realize it was wrong as an adult, which it sounds like your timeline fits that. We missed extremely important developmental milestones we can’t get back, and now we’re physically changed forever. Sorry to be all doom and gloom, but I’m just saying I really feel where you’re coming from. We’re stuck in this hell hole but we’re in it together at least.
People constantly affirmed id kill myself as a teen without hormones and surgery either. It messed with my head so badly. This should never have happened to us and as far as I’m concerned it was abusive.
How have you coped with the pain? The physical pain that is, but also just not having the body you were born with anymore? It just feels like such a betrayal. I was in bad shape back when I started transitioning and trusted the adults in my life and doctors to help but they just made it so much worse. And the way they acted was so perverted too. I just hate that I didn’t get the chance to become my adult self and now I’m just stuck like this forever.
I don’t know about breast recon because my initial surgery was driven by sexual mistreatment and the surgery itself also feels like an assault. I feel like another surgery would feel like an assault. I don’t want tattoos.
I’ve tried to distract myself with hobbies but the moment I stop whatever it is, the suicidal feelings just come back. Exercise of any type is also triggering because the way the skin on my chest moves and the lack of weight there is magnified because I’m moving my body around. Everything is just triggering because all these other women have their bodies intact and I just never will have that. I feel like my value has been lowered.
The good news is that detrans female voices tend to soften off T, even tho they never revert. I’ve been off T for a few years and my voice sounded 100% male, if a bit soft. I also didn’t really get that T voice effect, it just dropped. But now my voice is just kinda low for a woman’s. I get gendered female on the phone consistently. In person I don’t get misgendered anymore. So there’s definitely hope. The only potential complication is if you live in a super liberal area people might they/them you because they’re terrified of being wrong, but I’ve learned that people like that do that to women with short hair, GNC women, women with deep voices… they’ll be able to tell you’re female even if they act gender blind.