I wonder if it's due to the changing landscape surrounding these issues in the last decade or so, esp. with regards to teenagers and younger people? When I was gender-confused, I was not encouraged to transition, but had I been coming of age now? Absolutely.

I'm going to just leave this site here.

It's enormous and a bit unwieldy, but there is a LOT on there, going back pretty far (20+ years) that shows Lupron (the 'puberty blocker' that people are talking about) has a host of really bad side effects that often times don't show up until later in life. The truly abhorrent thing is that this is being sold as a 'pause button' that kids can start taking very young and stay on for years. That is scary because we don't even fully understand what blocking puberty does to kids long-term- we don't even know 100% what all development is being blocked- it isn't just "Oh they're not having a period or growing breasts" or "Oh, his testicles aren't dropping" "Oh, he isn't going to grow facial hair so he won't be dysphoric", it's potentially "Their brain might not be developing correctly" or "Oh shit they might wind up with osteoperosis in their 20s and wind up having surgeries in their 30s to correct bone problems" or "This might cause fertility problems that we don't know about, even if they don't go on cross-sex hormones"

The problem is, it's being sold as completely reversible, but we know from other groups that lupron has been given to- that there are serious, long-term side effects that are often not fully explained. Go look up women who were given it for endometriosis, or how about the people a decade ago who were being given Lupron for autism? (Holy shit!)

As a bonus, have some fun fuckery courtesy of the NWHN.

This is the NWHN's page on Lupron's effects on women's health. Okay? Like that's pretty fucking telling- they obviously think there's something there and maybe Lupron needs to, at the very least, be looked at with more scrutiny. Oh, here's another page about it being used in uterine fibroid treatment- again, the NWHN is explictly calling for this drug to be more scrutinized, and women need to be more informed before taking it. They say there is not enough data that has been gathered over its long-term effects, okay?

So what does NWHN, on the very same exact website, say about Lupron for trans youth? Take a look here.

Choice quotes:

​

For this reason, hormone blockers are now being used to suspend the natural development of puberty by inhibiting the pituitary’s release of gonadatropins. The medications are called “GnRh agonists” and are fully reversible. Within six months of discontinuing GnRh agonists, the patient’s body resumes puberty at the point it left off.

and

Some practitioners have ethical concerns about administering these medicines because they fear they are interfering with destiny or are afraid of legal concerns stemming from suppression or redirection of puberty in a minor. In gender clinics in the U.S. and around the world, however, puberty-blocking medications are being used without any adverse effects being reported, and with full reversibility of their effects. Because these medicines may save lives and reduce trauma, some feel the medical provider has an ethical mandate to provide them.

​

Apparently those "long-term effects" of lupron magically don't apply when we use it to "temporarily put a pause" on puberty in perfectly healthy, gender non-conforming kids. Really mysterious. Also I love that the practicioners' concerns are about the "legal aspects" or painting them as having magical thinking by phrasing it as "fear of interfering with destiny", as if no clinicians can be concerned that this drug, with a laundry-list of side effects, is being treated as no worse than a sugar pill?

I'm not sure if this is going to be the best subreddit for this particular post, but I don't disagree with you, for sure. Have you ever been able to find someone (a therapist- not a gender-affirming one) with whom you can talk about this safely and maybe find ways to cope with it that don't involve transition? I believe there is a subreddit somewhere for people with AGP/other similar fetishes and working through them, but I don't know it off the top of my head- someone else in here might, though!

And for what it's worth, being frank, I don't personally buy the idea that fetishes, unlike sexual orientations (Gay, lesbian, bisexual, straight) are immutable. I had some really fucked-up fetishes when I was younger that colored my view of sexuality in a very negative way. I truly didn't believe I was going to be capable of having a 'normal' relationship because of them, but after a lot (a LOT) of time spent working through my feelings and working to re-route some of those neural pathways, I've developed a much healthier attitude toward sex that has allowed be to carry on a much more normal and sexually healthy relationship than I ever thought possible, tbh!

Hope that helps!

You cannot, will not, ever be female- full-stop. Anyone who is telling you otherwise is reinforcing a dangerous, unhealthy delusion.

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with wanting to be the opposite sex. Hell, I don't think there's anything wrong with crossdressing or having a fetish, but the thing is- you can't change your sex, period. It sucks, but nothing can change reality.

Here's something to chew on that might help you better understand your feelings. Why do you want people to perceive you as female? If you were given a button to press and became female overnight- 100%, what do you think would change for you? Would some things be easier? Would you feel more desired as a partner? Would you be able to do things that you currently can't do because of stigma?

Well, given that you had a completely different kind of procedure (zero depth), yeah, your outcome IS going to be different. It is kind of dishonest to come in here where many folks HAVE had really bad experiences, or felt they were not fully informed of just how serious of an undertaking it is to get the typical MtF SRS procedures, and claim that you didn't have these complications because, well of course, you have had a totally different procedure. Obfuscating this by painting it with the same brush is dishonest.

I don't really know what 'valid' means- esp with regards to this whole issue. (I've always found it a tricky and sorta a 'gotcha' word in very woke left discourse that I just don't 'get') Do I validate the idea that people can change biological sex? Nope. Do I validate the idea that certain thought patterns, and a skewed sense of self make you something you literally cannot be? Again, no.

Do I care, personally, if someone (adult) wants to take HRT, change their name, wear what they want, and tell people they're the opposite sex? Nah, that's really their business. If presenting to society a certain way and adopting a different name is what makes you feel confident, or comfortable, or even beautiful or sexy, I don't inherently have any problem with that. Like, you do you, free country, etc., whatever.

It's the other stuff that starts to get me to side-eye the trans movement. The magical thinking, the denial of reality, the compelled speech, the vitriol, the outright lying and skewing stats to make people seem more vulnerable than they actually are (re- suicide/murder rates, which I feel like is really bad esp. for trans-identifying people), the emotional manipulation and emotional blackmail...the list goes on. I also feel like as a society we're doing huge disservices to trans-identifying people right now by medicalizing identity and going about how we handle it the completely wrong way.

So on a macro-level? Not a fan of the movement right now. I find it genuinely vitriolic and toxic. Plus the whole push to rope kids into it is really sick to me.

On a more micro-level, I've met plenty of trans folks- MtF, FtM, NB, whatever. Just speaking anecdotally, every trans-identifying person I've met had major, major problems well beyond gender dysphoria, often times they'd had severe, debilitating mental illnesses and most of them had some sort of very extreme traumatic event in their life. (Abuse, PTSD from military, etc). For that, I feel a lot of sympathy and compassion for them, and felt that they were using transition to 'start over', so to speak. I feel like that's not inherently wrong, but for these people it was done at the expense of trying to alleviate and work through trauma that just led to a new kind of misery and anxiety over being 'outed'. But as people, that's why I hung out with them- we often shared hobbies and I liked chatting about whatever it was that brought us together (usually gaming/anime stuff) However, I also had issues with all of them having a serious lack of (Sexual) boundaries, so I ended up cutting ties with all of them.

On a personal level, I understand what it feels like to have crushing depression and anxiety over feelings of being 'born wrong'. I was hurt by a man as a little girl and wanted to be male or sexless when I got older to protect myself. But it was a farce that ultimately would help nothing. I would cry and cry and stomp my feet about it, but ultimately, nothing could truly change the cards I was dealt when I was born. I eventually came to terms with why I felt the way I did, and ended up just accepting my sex. I am happy I did and I'm happy that medicalization wasn't the route that doctors took 15-20 years ago. Now? I have no desire to do any of that, and I'm pretty gender non-conforming in a lot of ways ("male" hobbies, "male" clothes, whatever) but accept my bio sex happily.

I kinda get what you're saying and where you're coming from. I feel the same way as a female- people often times see someone for their sex first and don't see them as just a "person". Sometimes I feel sad because I just want to 'be', and not necessarily be perceived as a certain sex because a lot of times, the assumptions that come along with it are painful and hurtful. Plus it hurts inside knowing that the 'female' side of things is often times considered weak or lesser.

​

When you think about your life if you were female- what stands out to you as "better"? Do you feel like you'd be able to be more free to express yourself? Do you feel that if you were able to live your life as a woman, you'd not have to carry around a stigma of being male and doing certain things? When you think about why you don't feel like living as a male is the 'real you'- why? What comes to mind? I think the first thing you ought to do is really dig down into your feelings- as uncomfortable as it is, and try to pinpoint and articulate what your reasons are. I think that regardless of what path you take re: transition or no, you should do this. It is important to understand your motivations and be realistic. There are legitimate, frustrating, agonizing struggles that biological females face in the world that males can't understand. Likewise, there are tons of things men deal with that I do not understand because I'm not male. If you transitioned and ended up passing, there are a FUCK ton of things that will happen to you that are going to really, really suck ass.

​

When I was dysphoric about my sex as a younger girl, I remember thinking that males lived life on 'easy' mode. That they didn't have to worry. That they were all in control and dominant. As a person who was hurt sexually, I felt so vulnerable, being female in a world that I saw as evil to my sex. So I just wanted to be male and be left alone. I thought that men didn't have pressures in this world- I, of course, now see that both sexes have different pressures and expectations placed upon them by society.

​

Okay, back more on topic. You cannot EVER control other people's perceptions of you. We can't go into someone else's brain and just change how they're going to see us. I want to tell you that how we present ourselves doesn't matter- but that's not 100% true. We live in a world that IS very sexist and there are strict boxes that people are put into against their will. And that is unfair- it sucks. The world we live in has some depressing realities. But running away, trying to chase an impossible dream- none of that will change the facts that you were handed certain cards (being born male) in life. It sucks and is unfair- but it is reality and nothing you do will change the fact that we cannot morph into the opposite sex. Many people want to shut their eyes and plug their ears because they want to live in a fantasy la-la land that they've created where they can escape from the cruel realities of their life and painful feelings of dysphoria, but nothing changes the material reality.

​

Going back to your post, it is really interesting that you bring up being more able to relate to female characters in movies, etc. I relate to men and male characters all the time, despite being the opposite sex. Relating to someone, or feeling sympathy/empathy for them doesn't mean you're the same as them. It means you can see them as a human being. Maybe you feel that women can express themselves in a way you'd like to, so you feel 'connected to them?

​

Have you spoken with a counselor? I'd recommend someone like Lilviolin suggested- someone who knows and understands treating OCD conditions. I'm curious- and you definitely don't have to answer this, but how old are you? Do you have a job/school/hobbies to fill your time with? Are you seeing someone, socializing with friends, spending time with family or coworkers or classmates?

I was going to say this but have trouble articulating it in a gentle way. She is manipulating you because she knows suicide threats work to help her avoid what she's worked up in her head into a very uncomfortable subject. She's also likely been groomed (by friends/social media/news sites maybe) into thinking that because she's LGBT, she is more likely to kill herself.

IMO, you will need to place some pretty strict limits on her internet/ social media access, and work on getting her into healthier hobbies in the real world.

Honestly, you're not wrong. I think OP should do what they can to help their friend, but sometimes, yeah, you have to let people hit rock-bottom before they will wake up and realized how fucked they are. I've seen it with addicts in my family- you do everything you can, but know that ultimately, they have to feel the hurt before they'll straighten up and change. You just hope that they won't dig too deep and wind up killing themselves from their vice of choice.

It's such a shame, though, that with trans stuff, people push this along and encourage it. Like- could you imagine it with any other addiction? Like a therapist or doctor telling an alcoholic to just keep binge-drinking? Christ it hurts to see.

I read through your comment history a bit and can very strongly relate with you on trauma and wanting to opt out of your sex (in your case maleness- I wanted to not be female because I believed it was what led me to be sexually abused as a small child). Trying to opt out of sex, or self-hatred of sex/genitals in children is actually one of the biggest red flags for sexual abuse that people watch out for, and it logically makes a lot of sense. I wonder if it's a manifestation of PTSD that's being confused these days for gender dysphoria? (and by extension...causing a hell of a lot of traumatized kids to fly under the radar and not get proper help)

2. Maybe start with looser-fitting clothing? Slightly larger hoodies and more relaxed- fit bottoms/tops could be a good middle-ground if you're comfortable. Sports bras to hide breast growth if it makes you uncomfortable.

3. Hair grows back- this isn't a huge deal, and shoulder-length is not so long that there's a lot sunk in , time-wise, if you choose to grow it back. That said, maybe try starting with a chin-length bob and go from there? It sucks that you've run into some difficulties, but surely there's gotta be someone out there willing to let you get a cut how you please. Plenty f women get pixie cuts and bobs!

4. This will likely require surgery eventually, but for the time being, how about a sports bra and loose-fitting tops? Sports bras should help keep them less shapely without harming you like a binder would.

5. From what I understand, if you ever receive T, this will likely change.

6. HRT is probably making it difficult for you to get an erection, so once again, I think if you chose to detransition and get off HRT, you'd have some return to functionality of your genitals. (I have no clue if they'd grow more though- that is honestly not something I know anything about tbh)

7. It'll be hard to say what will happen either way, but think of it like this- let's say your body doesn't ever produce T at the levels it would have had you not gone on grnh agonists then HRT, and you have to get TRT. Is that really that different of a situation than having to take E for the rest of your life if you do choose to continue down the transition path? It's hard to say if your fertility is permanently effected since you started blockers and E around 15/16 and have been on them for several years now. But only time (and a doctor!) can tell you for sure.