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Reddit user /u/Buying_Bagels's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 17 -> Detransitioned: 25
female
low self-esteem
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
depression
influenced online
influenced by friends
got top surgery
now infertile
body dysmorphia
retransition
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
benefited from non-affirming therapy
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.

The user's comments are highly empathetic, emotionally nuanced, and offer personalized, practical advice drawn from lived experience (e.g., discussing surgery results, therapy, and a gradual detransition process). The language is consistent, natural, and reflects the passionate but supportive tone common in the community. The advice about focusing on non-gendered aspects of life and the mention of a personal therapist are particularly strong indicators of a genuine person sharing their own perspective.

About me

I started transitioning in my late teens because I was deeply unhappy and thought I was born in the wrong body. I took testosterone for years and had top surgery, which I now seriously regret as it left me with permanent changes. I’ve realized my discomfort wasn’t about being male, but was just a girl struggling with body image and societal pressures. I’ve stopped hormones and am slowly trying to live as a woman again, which has been really difficult. With my therapist's help, I'm now focusing on accepting my body and finding joy in life beyond gender.

My detransition story

My journey with gender has been long and complicated, and it’s only recently that I’ve started to really understand it. Looking back, I think a lot of my decision to transition was influenced by a deep unhappiness with myself that I mistakenly thought was about being born in the wrong body. I had really low self-esteem and was dealing with depression for a long time. I didn’t feel good about who I was, and transitioning felt like a way to become someone completely new, to escape from myself.

I started out identifying as non-binary in my late teens because it felt like a comfortable middle ground. But the online spaces I was in, and even some friends, kept pushing the idea that if you were really unhappy, you must be trans. I got influenced by that thinking. I started believing that my discomfort with my body, especially during puberty when I developed breasts, was a sign that I was meant to be male. I hated my breasts and felt like they didn't belong on me. I now see that this was probably more related to body dysmorphia and the general awkwardness of puberty that a lot of girls go through, but at the time, it felt like a clear signal.

I ended up taking testosterone for several years and got top surgery. I don’t want to go into all the medical details, but the surgery didn’t go perfectly. My chest is flat, but it doesn’t look the way I hoped it would. I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I’m now infertile, which is a difficult reality to face. I have serious regrets about the medical side of my transition. I made permanent changes to my body based on a temporary feeling of unhappiness.

My thoughts on gender have changed completely. I don’t really believe in it the way I used to. I think most people just are who they are, and things like clothes and hobbies shouldn’t be tied to being a man or a woman. I see now that I was just a girl who was uncomfortable with the pressures of being female and who didn’t fit the stereotype. I think if tomboys were still as accepted as they seemed to be years ago, I might never have gone down this path.

Detransitioning has been hard. I’m slowly getting off the hormones and trying to reverse things socially. I’m growing my hair out and wearing more feminine clothes, even a little makeup, to feel more comfortable as a woman again. My therapist has been a huge help; having someone who didn't just affirm my every thought but helped me question them was something I really needed. I’m trying to focus on things that have nothing to do with gender, to find things to look forward to in life, because I am so much more than just my body.

Here is a timeline of my journey based on my memories:

My Age Event
14-15 Started feeling intense discomfort with my body during puberty, hated my breasts.
17 Came out as non-binary, influenced by online communities and friends.
19 Started taking testosterone.
21 Had top surgery.
24 Began to question my transition, started therapy.
25 Stopped testosterone, began socially detransitioning (growing hair, changing clothes).
26 (Now) Living as a woman again, working on accepting my body and building a future.

Top Comments by /u/Buying_Bagels:

13 comments • Posting since October 13, 2022
Reddit user Buying_Bagels (desisted female) advises a questioning user to contact their doctor to stop HRT first, then reverse their social transition at their own pace.
36 pointsDec 20, 2022
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I’d say talk to the doctor who prescribes stuff to you ASAP. Get off the drugs. Once you do that, you can slowly start to detrans as you see fit. Kinda like reverse transitioning. When you became trans, you probably started with dressing like a girl, got a girl name, started doing girl things, then medical. This time, get off the medicine, start playing with different clothes, maybe change your name. It’s all on your timeline, but I’d say that medicine is the part that will/has changed you the most, so if you want off, get off.

Reddit user Buying_Bagels (desisted female) comments that families often resist new names, using their cousin Nicholas who is still called "Nicky" despite preferring "Nick" as an example.
32 pointsOct 23, 2022
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I feel like even non trans people don’t get new names/nicknames respected. The family sees it as “this is your name I’ve called you for years, it’s too late to change it/I don’t want to”. I have a cousin named Nicholas. 26, big buff guy, has a job, moved out. Most people call him Nick. But lots of the family calls him Nicky. Even though he prefers Nick.

Reddit user Buying_Bagels (desisted female) questions the necessity of a 14-year-old's knee surgery and comments on the prevalence of medical malpractice posts.
31 pointsOct 16, 2022
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But why did he have knee surgery at 14? Normally something is wrong to have knee surgery, like sport injury or birth defect. Sounds like it may have actually been for survival, ironically, or giving him the ability to walk.

Also, medical malpractice posts/articles are a thing. So yes, people post about regretting other surgeries.

Reddit user Buying_Bagels (desisted female) explains that 90% of people assign pronouns based on appearance and voice, only using "they" if unclear, and clarifies that "I don't use pronouns" means they assume gender based on looks.
28 pointsFeb 18, 2024
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90% of the population will not ask for pronouns. They see you and go for he or she based solely on your look, maybe your voice. They tend to only use they if it is unclear or if it’s a group. And when someone says “I don’t use pronouns” thats basically what they mean, that they just assume you are the gender you look like.

Reddit user Buying_Bagels (desisted female) explains to a detransitioning woman that she is still a girl, advising her to focus on non-gender based activities, try feminine clothing and makeup, and reassuring her that her hair will grow back.
21 pointsJul 24, 2024
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You’re still a girl. No one, not even your past self, can’t take that away from you.

Give yourself time. Try you hardest to focus on things that aren’t gender based. Lots of people don’t even think about being there AGAB cause they just are, no matter what they wear, how they cut there hair or what they do to there body.

Your hair will grow back. Give it time. For now, look into short styles for women. Wear more feminine clothes, and wear some makeup. Even a little mascara may do wonders. Sending you love.

Reddit user Buying_Bagels (desisted female) asks about breast development and reassures that all sizes are normal, in a comment offering support.
14 pointsNov 15, 2022
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Not to make it weird, but want to help. Are they significantly smaller than what they would’ve been? For example, I have an extra bone in my chest, I was told as long as I wasn’t flat chested, it wouldn’t be obvious, and it’s not. Are you completely flat, A cup, etc? Boobs come in all sizes :)

(Not trying to be negative or make it sexual, trying to be helpful and positive)

Reddit user Buying_Bagels (desisted female) explains that a cheating partner is solely to blame and offers reassurance that the OP is worthy of love and should forgive themselves.
12 pointsNov 15, 2022
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Don’t blame yourself. It’s on him. He shouldn’t have cheated. If he wasn’t happy, he could’ve left the relationship, but he choose to hurt you even worse instead.

You are worthy of love. Idk you, but I bet your a great person, who like many others, is still figuring things out. Forgive yourself for choices you made you are unhappy about. You can’t change it.

Reddit user Buying_Bagels (desisted female) comments on the inevitability of gendered roles in a relationship, distinguishing between strict traditionalism and a natural division of labor like cooking vs. home repairs.
10 pointsDec 24, 2022
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I think there is a difference between her staying home to cook/clean/watch kids with you working and having a few gendered things like she cooks/clean more often and you fix the cars and house problems. The world will always be a bit gendered, and even if not, one person is going to end up doing more traditionally masculine things and the other will do traditionally feminine things. Such as one does dishes while the other mows the lawn.

Reddit user Buying_Bagels (desisted female) advises a "soft" coming out for detransitioning, suggesting steps like stopping binding, growing hair, and wearing feminine clothes before announcing being FTMTF.
10 pointsNov 18, 2022
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Maybe try a “soft” coming out? Like doing some of the things you want, while keeping the Male pronouns a bit longer. Stop wearing a binder, growing our your hair, wear more feminine clothes. Then once you’re slightly more comfortable, tell everyone you’re now FTMTF.

Reddit user Buying_Bagels (desisted female) comments on breast insecurity, relating her own experience with feeling self-conscious after watching American Pie and realizing breast appearance is a spectrum.
5 pointsNov 15, 2022
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Hmmm. I’m not 100% sure what tuberous is, but I can imagine what you’re describing.

Personally, I’d say that everyone’s boobs are different. I remember watching American Pie in high school and feeling self conscious cause my breasts didn’t look like hers. But I’ve had boyfriends and I look like my female friends. It’s all a spectrum.