This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on these comments alone, the account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it's a bot or a bad-faith actor. The narrative is highly specific, emotionally nuanced, and internally consistent over time. The user describes a complex, painful, and evolving relationship with their transition, detransition thoughts, medical history (puberty blockers, Lupron, numerous surgeries), and internalized homophobia. This level of detailed, contradictory personal struggle is very difficult to fabricate convincingly. The passion and confusion align with the genuine experiences of someone questioning their transition.
About me
I was a feminine boy who started transitioning at 15 to escape bullying and internalized shame about being gay. While I'm comfortable with my body now, I feel guilty and realize my dysphoria might have actually been internalized homophobia. A recent major surgery made me question everything, and I'm terrified of the idea of stopping hormones and masculinizing. I'm stuck in a confusing middle ground, hating being trans but fearing any further change. I'm now trying to figure out if I'm really just a feminine gay man.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this has been long and complicated. I was born male, and from a very young age, I was feminine and got bullied a lot for it. I grew up in a very Catholic environment, and I think I internalized a lot of shame about being attracted to men. I first came out as gay when I was 11, but a year later, I told my parents I was actually trans. I started medical transition pretty young, at 15. I went on puberty blockers, so I never really went through a male puberty, and then I started hormones.
Medically transitioning did help with a lot of my dysphoria. I hated the idea of looking like a man or masculinizing. I like the way I look now and I'm comfortable being seen as a woman and with she/her pronouns. But lately, I've been having a lot of confusing feelings and a lot of guilt. I feel like my whole existence is offensive to biological women, and that's a really awful feeling to sit with. I would never want to invade women's spaces or compete in female sports; it just feels wrong to me.
A big part of my struggle now is in dating and my romantic life. I'm attracted to men, and I always tell any man I'm interested in that I'm trans right away. You can see them change immediately, and a lot of them lose interest. Even the ones who are attracted to men often just see me as a novelty, which feels weird and dehumanizing. I've tried making online profiles as a gay man instead of a trans woman, but I'm still read as very feminine even when I try to present neutrally. Because of the blockers and hormones I started so young, I think I'll always look fem unless I stop hormones, and the idea of going off them and masculinizing is terrifying to me. I know I don't want that.
Lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking and realizing that a lot of my original dysphoria might have actually stemmed from internalized homophobia. I was bullied for being a feminine boy and I hated being gay, so becoming a woman felt like an escape from that. Now I'm wondering if I'm really just a very feminine, gender non-conforming gay man. This realization has sent me into a kind of crisis mode. It's scary to think about.
I was absolutely sure I wanted bottom surgery until very recently. I had a major stomach surgery for a chronic illness about a month ago, and something in me changed. Being off my Lupron injections for a bit longer than usual might have contributed, but I also think my body is just tired of being medicalized. I've had 19 surgeries that aren't related to my transition, so my body has been through a lot. The idea of another major surgery now feels overwhelming, and I'm no longer sure it's what I want.
So now I'm stuck in this confusing middle ground. I hate being trans. I feel a lot of disgust about it and I wish I could have just been happy as a feminine gay guy. But the fear of detransitioning and my body changing into something I don't want is intense. I feel comfortable with my body as it is now, but I feel like a bad person for having transitioned in the first place. It's a really complicated mix of feelings, and I'm just trying to figure it out one day at a time.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 11 | Came out to my parents as gay. |
| 12 | Told my parents I was trans. |
| 15 | Started medical transition (puberty blockers and hormones). |
| Now (Adult) | Had a major stomach surgery for a chronic illness; began questioning my transition and considering if I am a feminine gay man; became unsure about pursuing bottom surgery. |
Top Comments by /u/Calvina18-:
I agree with this and her so much! That’s how I feel! I do have a picture on this profile I posted on a gayrateme with my hair up trying to present as a boy, but I’m still seen as very feminine.
It is very complicated, you’re so right, I feel like that I feel better with my dysphoria having medically transitioned but sometimes wonder if it would’ve been easier to just have been gay
Thank you so much :), you’re right. I always tell men immediately the truth, and you can see the change immediately which has caused (understandably, ofc) many men to lose interest, unless they also have an interest in men. And even the ones who are attracted to men, see me as a novelty, so it’s weird.
I’ve tried making accounts where I post not as a trans woman but as a gay guy but I’m still read as very fem even when I have my hair up and dressed neutrally without makeup. I think because I went on puberty blockers and transitioned as a teenager I will still look very fem unless I go off hormones, which I’m scared to do. I’m sorry for ranting.
Ty so much :) and it’s very weird to me, bc I’m feeling like I want to try to live as gay man for a bit, bc even though I have so much dysphoria part of me is thinking now how much you of that is stemming my internalized homophobia from being bullied for being feminine at a young age and hating being gay, and being in a very Catholic environment ( I transitioned at 15 but I had come out first as gay at 11 then told my parents I was trans a year later) like I know I don’t want to look like a man but it’s getting like weird bc for example I actually prefer talking/ flirting with men who identify as gay rather than bi or straight.
I’m sorry I probably don’t make any sense
Ty :) you’re right, I was sure I wanted it until the last month. I think my body is also tired of being medicalized bc of all my surgeries that aren’t related to transition and all my chronic health issues. So I think that’s a factor too. I feel like I’m a complicated case lol
Thank you so much!! You’re right :) I’m definitely going to think about it, I kind of posted this impulsively bc of bad experiences, but you’re right that my comfort with my body is more important than outside relationships, and hopefully I’ll find a man that loves me just for me :)
Ty so much :) I’m sorry for posting again. I’m just realizing new things. Even though I’m happy as I am rn I do feel like Lately I’m realizing that I’m probably just a very fem GNC gay male. And it’s like causing me to go in crisis mode. Like making me afraid and scared lol
Thank you I will, that’s good advice :) . I think the two things are my dating/ romantic life and feeling like a bad person for transitioning, it’s also that guilt too lately. It’s a mixture of factors.
And you’re so right, it must be hard for both masculine women and feminine men
Thank you so much and you’re right :) I feel comfortable with being seen as a woman and being referred to she/her pronouns but I do feel like I’m doing something wrong lately. Like it’s this weird guilt I feel, I feel like my whole existence is offensive to biological women and I Just feel So bad about that. It’s very confusing to me
Im sorry, and I understand what you mean. I do think the people who can probably tell the most who is or who’s not trans ( for those who pass) are women and people who know what to look for. But at least for my friend it can come to a point where she now thinks every other person she sees on the street is trans.
Thank you :) things changed too. Like a month ago before my stomach surgery for a chronic illness I was absolutely sure I wanted bottom surgery, now I don’t know. I was also off of lupron injections for a little longer too and I feel like that contributed as well