I think getting out of the headspace of accepting everything the trans community says about itself as 100% true and that you need to tie yourself and your self perception up in knots to accommodate that will help a lot. I have fewer issues now, but when I identified as trans/non-binary it was because I had these very understandable struggles with being female (in my case, discomfort with the hyper-sexualization of the female body and pornography, discomfort with being a lesbian, etc) and everywhere I looked online people were telling me that being "cis" means being comfortable all the time with your gender identity. Even though men and women both have a lot of reason to really hate the expectations that are placed on us.

It made the problem much worse for me to try to chase after this nebulous gender presentation that would finally feel right for me instead of focusing on just being okay with being a woman. Now I have almost no dysphoria and a much broader understanding of what being a woman actually means. It required the really ugly, messy work of examining why I was feeling that way rather than looking for seemingly easy fixes in the form of allowing myself to be taken in by a toxically positive online community that was trying to lay exclusive claim to my experiences and/or medicalization. Whatever happens for you, I wish you well. I know how painful this experience is. But do know, if you're willing to get close enough to the feeling to understand it and empathize with yourself you'll be in a much better position than you would be if you chose to run away from it. At least, that was the case for me. Good luck, sincerely <3

I have a friend that identified as trans for over a decade with a very similar experience, she identified as a man and presented herself as a man online well before trans ideology had even started to take off. She said the same thing around the time she finally desisted, that she was wired to see herself as a man, and related more to men. But things have gotten easier for her as time goes on and she spends more time thinking of herself as a woman, and reflecting on what womanhood is (being an adult human female) and not what it isn’t (gender norms). We both have our hang ups re: the ways we’re different from other women that we’re working on, but we have a better road map now

For one thing, you need to spend a lot less time online and start doing things with your body. Start exercising, take more walks, dance in your bedroom, spend time going to in-person social events, go on dates, take up a hobby that doesn’t just require your brain. Part of the problem with dysphoria is feeling alienated in your own body, and the solution is to become familiar with it so it feels like it belongs to you. You’ve also just got to have more experiences in general. It helps you feel less anxious and gets you out of that cerebral, self-defeating headspace

When I stopped identifying as trans/non-binary I spent a few years identifying as a butch lesbian. I’m attracted to women and felt like because of my prior gender dysphoria and desire to look like a man meant that’s what I had to be, and like you I really got a lot of relief out of being able to signal to other women that I liked women. For me personally it didn’t end up working out— in some ways it made my dysphoria worse, because I felt immense pressure to wear only men’s clothing and the way it sat on my relatively curvy body was a constant reminder of the fact that I don’t look like a man. I ultimately ended up growing my hair out and starting to look more normatively feminine, and while it was uncomfortable at first I found a way to dress that didn’t trigger dysphoria and eventually it kind of just faded away entirely.

That said, I think it’s totally acceptable for women to dress more masculine. I’m very attracted to butches so god knows I have no problem with gender non-conforming women lol. But if you do I’d avoid chasing an identity. Because when I was chasing the butch identity rather than a desire to find a way to express myself comfortably, I made a lot of decisions that made my discomfort worse, and I constantly felt like a failure for not meeting the standards for what a butch was in my head. I think if you want to read as a masculine lesbian, even calling yourself a butch, because it’s comfortable to you and you want to attract feminine lesbians that are into masculine women, go for it! But I’d aim for comfort rather than a certain Look

I missed out on a lot of normal teenage experiences because of gender stuff and social anxiety to the point where I honestly don't remember high school super well, I spent so much of my time alone. I went through college and the first half of my twenties doing the same thing. I regret not taking advantage of that time. But I'm 29 now and have carved out a life I'm really excited about. I finally landed a really good job (not well paying amazing, but allows me to pay the bills doing something I'm passionate about) despite barely making it by for years, I have a girlfriend I'm deeply in love with, and I have longterm aspirations and plans. The baggage and embarrassment from my teen years and early 20s are rear-view shit now that I don't dwell on too much and no one who loves me dwells much on it either. All this to say, you'll be able to move on and get past this initial crisis, and when you do you'll be so happy you were finally able to be honest with yourself even though it really fucking hurts right now and, in some respects, will always be a sore spot. This is an incredibly hard thing to reckon with and you deserve credit for facing it. Most people feel like this when the honesty is still new, and a lot of people stay stuck in it for way longer out of fear of being honest with themselves.

I had to seriously cut back on weed because it was majorly setting me back on my progress re: getting over my social anxiety. I wasn’t able to improve while I was smoking weed every day. I will still smoke from time to time but only when I have a relaxing activity to do while I’m high, in moderation, and no more than a couple times a week (max, I usually go once every week or two weeks) in the evenings. That helped a ton. Ideally I’d love to cut it out close to completely, it’s really not good for your mental health to do it even as often as I do now. Weed, like HRT, is not as harmless as the people trying to sell it to you make it out to be.

Omg I had this problem but with very curly hair that I didn’t know how to style at all 😭 it was frizzy and awful for ages. Very happy to have my mane back, I swear with my hair texture it’s easier to keep it long than it was keeping it under control with a short, traditionally male haircut. That said I think your hair looks pretty good so far!