Not to be “that guy” but if she enthusiastically and consensually engages in sexual intercourse (I.e. without social/individual coercion or comphet) with someone with a penis, she is not actually a lesbian. She is bi/queer with a preference for feminine individuals - which is completely fine and valid.

She might claim the lesbian label and be attached to the idea of having someone she considers a woman (MtF or AFAB) as a partner, and being in a “queer relationship” which could complicate things.

However you probably won’t know how she feels without talking to her. You should do that asap because it’s not fair to either of you to continue with a lie/half-truth especially one that causes lasting physical, emotional and social effects.

I’m a lesbian btw

You are a female and you don’t need to play along with beauty standards just to be respected. Only do it for self expression. FWIW though, you very much look female to me. You look similarly androgynous to my female detrans partner, possibly more feminine than her. She has a large nose and high, androgynous cheekbones. She had significant hair loss from T. She wears 90% men’s clothes and hasn’t worn a lick of makeup for decades, sometimes she even has visible stubble, and people still read her as female. Most of it is in your mannerisms and body shape. Wearing close fitting clothes and having mid length/softer hair helps without having to go through the rigmarole of frilly impractical clothes and makeup which honestly can have the opposite effect in some detrans women.

Your story sounds very similar to mine. I really tried to get rid of my dysphoria and try to fit in by dressing feminine and wearing makeup. It made my dysphoria so much worse, completely and utterly unbearable. The stark contrast between my inner self and outer self meant I didn’t even recognise myself in the mirror. I’d be dissociating constantly.

I got an androgynous, short haircut and started dressing more masculine/neutral. With time, this healed my dysphoria as I started realising I am a masculine female, not a feminine female or a man (those are not the only 2 options!!!). Eventually I realised I’ll only ever be a masculine female, even with medical intervention, so I accepted myself.

It doesn’t need to be OTT - just jeans and a t shirt. Even some women’s clothes can be androgynous if you don’t want to trigger your parents worry. If you’re not allowed to cut your hair short, styles like a low ponytail can be more masc-coded. Don’t wear makeup!! You don’t need makeup to be female! If you have chest dysphoria you can go for a non-padded, non-wired sports bra and it is a bit like a light binder, without damaging your breast tissue.

It can be hard to accept the she/her pronouns and feminine language at first, when you look masc, but you WILL get used to it, I promise! Oh and try to find some masc female role models and friends, it can help you feel far less alone and feel proud of what you are.

Also, I was your age (16) when I went through this situation. Another thing that helped me initially was the knowledge that once I’d moved out away from parents and started living independently, I’d still have the option to transition as a last resort. I had already gone through female puberty so it’s not like a few more years would’ve made too much difference. In the end, by the time I was in my early 20s, I no longer wanted to transition. DON’T think about transition as a “forbidden fruit” that you’re holding out for, as this makes things a lot worse, but having the knowledge on the backburner can help a little while you make a proper effort to come to terms with your body.

I also wanted to say that all women/girls and all transmascs/transmen feel discomfort and dysmorphia around their bodies. You may envy them and the way they make it seem like they’re comfortable with themselves and the gender they’ve decided to present (be it “cis” woman or trans), but inside, they are also dealing with similar body issues and insecurities as you are. You are not alone. You are going through a really volatile life period and I absolutely promise you it will get better as long as you keep moving!

I am desisted, not detrans but even after reconnecting with womanhood I desperately wanted a full mastectomy for years. It wasn’t just the dysphoria (80% of my dysphoria was to do with my chest), I also have severe back pain from large breasts and I’d developed bruised ribs from binding for years and I was still wearing sports bras that were way way too tight at this point. I told myself that I’d never regret it for all these reasons, I became ok with being called she and a lesbian again but couldn’t seem to overcome my chest dysphoria. I made a deal with myself that I would hold out for 2 more years and see if anything changed and if not I would book the clinic appointment, reason being I couldn’t put my breasts back on or reverse a serious surgery, but I could still do it in the future if the pain persisted. Lo and behold I am now here today, still with back pain and ill fitting men’s clothes (I’m butch), but ultimately glad I didn’t take that step and now it is just at the back of my mind, or something that hits me when I’m low, rather than an all consuming obsession that I am hyper fixated on.

I’m a female desister but my partner is a female detransitioner who was on T for years from quite a young age. She is now taking progesterone for medical reasons and is experiencing the lowest sex drive she has ever had (including pre-T and on T). She is also experiencing female pattern hair loss, on top of her male pattern hair loss from when she was on T, and other unpleasant side effects such as weight gain, which obviously is not nice to experience especially if dysphoric. To be honest I don’t know a single female-born person who has had a good experience with progesterone. It ruined my body for life. Try and avoid it if you can.