This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user shares highly specific, personal, and emotionally complex trauma narratives that are consistent with known detransitioner experiences. The writing style is nuanced, self-reflective, and contains internal consistency across posts made over several months. The passion and anger present are appropriate for the subject matter and the user's described history. The account exhibits the hallmarks of a genuine person processing a difficult lived experience.
About me
My transition started because of severe trauma from my mother's abuse and brutal bullying at school, which made me feel like I could never be an acceptable woman. I thought becoming a man was the only way to escape the pain and take back power over my life. After years on testosterone, I realized I was trying to solve my trauma by changing my body, not because my body itself was wrong. I stopped hormones and began to heal by finally accepting that I am a woman, defined by my own existence and no one else's standards. I now live with permanent regrets, but I am finally learning to make peace with myself.
My detransition story
My entire journey with transition started with severe trauma. I was born female and suffered years of child abuse and torture, including sexual abuse from my mother. This abuse was heavily tied to forcing me into a "girly girl" mold, which made me feel like my only value was as a perfect, submissive object. At the same time, I was brutally bullied at school for being an "ugly girl," and the bullies often called me male names and treated me like a boy.
Because of this, I felt a deep disgust towards anything male or female. Being called "she" reminded me of the violation and abuse from my mother. Being called "he" hurt my feelings and brought back the pain of being bullied and called ugly. I felt like I couldn't win. I came to believe that identifying as male was the only way to take back some power, since I had learned from a very young age that I could never win against my mother. A failed murder attempt by her when I was a toddler sealed in me a feeling of absolute revulsion and disgust towards being female, which I associated with death and violation.
For years, I didn't see this trauma as connected to my gender dysphoria at all. The early internet communities I was in as a teenager told me it was just about being born in the wrong body. So, I embraced a male identity. It felt like the only way to get respect from peers and to escape the feeling of being my mother's "rape doll." It was a form of escapism from my depression, anxiety, and extremely low self-esteem.
Another big part of it was internalized misogyny. I hated arbitrary female beauty standards. I remember thinking, "knitting doesn't make me a girl!" and using that anger to justify my transition. I felt rejected by womanhood because I couldn't fit a perfect stereotype.
I socially transitioned and took testosterone for several years. I never got top surgery or bottom surgery, but I desperately wanted to. I believed it would finally fix the deep discomfort I felt with my body, especially my breasts, which I hated because they felt like a symbol of everything I was running from.
Eventually, through a lot of self-reflection and pulling away from online influences, I realized my transition was a trauma response. I was trying to solve the problem of my abuse by changing my body, but the problem was never my body—it was the trauma I endured. I benefited greatly from non-affirming therapy that helped me work through this.
I began to detransition. I stopped testosterone. The most important part of my healing has been learning to see myself as a woman by no standard other than my own existence. I don't have to be a "beautiful woman" by anyone else's definition. My new mantra is, "fuck you, I am a woman! No one is entitled to me and I exist exactly as I am." This has helped me finally accept my body and stop rejecting parts of myself.
I have serious regrets about transitioning. I believe I was sold a "cure" that was actually part of the problem, like a snake oil salesman. It implanted itself in my identity and prevented me from healing from my trauma for many years. I am now infertile due to the hormones, which is a permanent consequence I have to live with.
My thoughts on gender now are that it doesn't have to define who you are. I am a woman because I am female. My interests, my style, my personality—none of that changes my sex. I wish I had learned that sooner.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Toddler | Failed murder attempt by my mother; first feelings of disgust and revulsion associated with being female. |
| Throughout Childhood | Ongoing child torture, abuse, and sexual abuse by my mother tied to feminine stereotypes. |
| School Age | Brutally bullied; called an "ugly girl" and male names. |
| Teenager | Found early online trans communities; began to believe my trauma was unrelated to my growing gender dysphoria. |
| 19 | Socially transitioned to male; began using male pronouns and a new name. |
| 20 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 24 | Began to realize my transition was a trauma response; started non-affirming therapy. |
| 25 | Stopped testosterone; began the process of detransitioning. |
| 26 | Fully accepted myself as a woman and began to heal from my trauma. |
Top Comments by /u/ChemicalMachine1042:
Look up “schrodingers trans cat” on YouTube. Production quality videos, incredibly small interaction base it seems. Mostly focusing on mtf, but there is a video of theirs. Something about green/orange type/pill ??
You might gain some insight from watching them, but don’t let the internet think for you
Here’s the video in specific I’m talking about, it includes an actual study https://youtu.be/JTRhUUge6so
Your question is specifically relevant to this video, I think
For real. Not even giving guns to people with homicidal ideation, its more like encouraging them to find realistic ground for their homicidal ideation. “You have a right to defend your self and you have a right to feel safe and you have a right to believe that your clinically disturbed thoughts are real and legitimate” THEN prescribing access to a lethal weapon.
This is such a mind fuck. Growing up one of the things that made me hate being female was the belief that there were male and female activities (not directly tied to strength differences like sex segregated sports).
I would have “hates women” at the idea that knitting is a feminine activity and used that emotional upset as justification for transition.
First it’s “knitting doesn’t make me a girl!” Now it’s “knitting makes everyone a girl” meanwhile my girl-ness has never been Just made clear that I am a girl(woman) just as I am. Always waiting for a definition in order to accept my self Huh
Have you ever heard, read, seen, watched, etc a story of a snake oil salesman who sabotaged his audience into buying the “cure” that was actually in part the thing that they were buying a cure for? Something along those lines?
The American opioid* epidemic.
Probably the only unsuccessful iteration of this that I think I can safely bring up, because many of the others succeeded in implanting themselves within people’s identities. I am not excluded from this.
I don’t have any advice to offer specifically on Adam’s apples, that hasn’t already been said in the comments.
But! I do have something else to offer.
For me, yet another of many many pieces that led me to identifying as a trans man, was feeling rejected by/because of arbitrary female beauty standards. What I have been doing in the path of detransition is recognizing myself as a woman by no other definition or standard than exactly what I am. No holding myself to something that I feel I’m not, that’s what got me here in the first place twice over!
So this time, I’m choosing to learn how to see my self as a woman. Not a “beautiful” woman by what I assume to be other people’s standards, not by what other people even communicate to me or I observe of them.
So if I find parts of my self that don’t look perfect this time around, I am done rejecting my body period. A little mantra of sorts I hold internally is like “fuck you I am a woman! No one is entitled to me and I exist exactly as I am”
I wish you well and good luck !
A good practice I am no expert at following: never give unwanted advice. Because when they don’t want it, and react with insult and ungratefulness you are only showing yourself that it hurts to help others. And really, it isn’t helping anyone at all if no one wants the help to begin with.
So, yeah, definitely wouldn’t say any of this to anyone unless I trusted that the relationship allowed for this type of talk. And definitely as a result of that, would not likely be saying this to strangers in person lol
I said this to a friend who I had a history of exactly such open minded/objective thought being a huge part of our friendship. Who was also coming to me for solidarity and welcoming experience as they were beginning a journey they knew me to already be far ahead of them in.
I never felt these were connected but I’m guessing that is due to cognitive dissonance, being extremely bullied during the second most violent period of years of child torture domestic violence by my parents, The bullies made fun of me for being an ugly girl and would call me male in all types of ways. My mom also a P 3 d of il e as a means of modeling her own trauma, and a major and often part of her abuse was about “girly girl” and “girl” things towards me in all manner of ways.
Felt disgusted towards both male and female anything for years, but it only “hurt my feelings” and reminded me of being called ugly when someone uses male pronouns towards me. While it made me feel like a raped child (duh) when someone used female pronouns towards me.
I guess I decided I can take power back over one of those, and went with male. Because it was proven to me repeatedly starting with a failed murder attempt when I was a toddler by my mother- that I can never win against her. Also in that failed murder attempt, very early on sealing in a notion of disgust, death, and absolute revulsion towards “female” in me.
Spent years thinking that has nothing to do with gender dysphoria what so ever lol, because it’s what I had read on the early internet as a teenager.
I know this sounds like “trauma dumping” but I do not need anyone else’s sympathy or validation or even feed back at all on my experience. I am sharing it because these are specifically the things most deeply involved with my path in to and back from trans-ness.
Very obvious red flags , to sum it up:
-Child abuse, child torture, child sexual abuse on going for years by parents- particularly by my mother (I am female, born female)
-And tandem bullying where I was called male, and an ugly girl etc. but being a girl meant being my mother’s perfect rape doll, being an ugly girl meant being bullied, so becoming an apathetic male was the only time “friends” respected me enough to not treat me like female (which I had already associated with immediate violation of my humanity)