This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's posts display a consistent, nuanced, and deeply personal internal conflict about their transition and potential detransition. The emotional depth, self-reflection, and specific, lived experiences (e.g., describing a breakdown in a car, dating struggles, the pain of not passing) are not typical of scripted bot behavior. Their perspective aligns with a known subset of detransitioners/desisters who stop due to social pressure and difficulty passing, rather than a loss of trans identity. The passion and anger expressed are consistent with someone who has been personally harmed.
About me
I was born male and started taking hormones four years ago because I deeply wanted to be a woman. I love the physical changes and feel more at home in my body than ever before. But the constant social rejection and difficulty of life as a non-passing woman makes me want to detransition. I've tried to go back to living as a man, but it made me unbearably depressed and dysphoric. So I'm stuck, living as a woman for now but always considering detransition not because my identity changed, but because the world is so harsh.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and confusing, and I’m still in the middle of it. I was born male, and for the last four years, I’ve been on hormones as a trans woman. But I haven’t fully detransitioned, even though I think about it all the time. It’s like being stuck between two impossible choices.
I started transitioning because I had a deep desire to be a woman. In private, I love what hormones have done for me. I love my body more now than I ever did before. It feels right. But out in the world, it’s a different story. I don’t pass perfectly, and I’m constantly aware of the stares and the hate. People don’t treat me like a regular woman; it’s always with an asterisk. They walk on eggshells around me or are just plain rude. I miss being invisible as a man, when nobody cared what I was doing. Now, I feel like a freak, an outcast.
This pressure from society makes me want to detransition. I’ve actually tried to go back to living as a man three separate times. The longest I managed was about three weeks. The first day or two would feel okay, like maybe I could just go back to having an easier life. But then the sadness would hit me like a ton of bricks. I remember one time, I was dressed as a guy and went on a picnic with my girlfriend. I saw a group of girls just happily being themselves, completely free, and it broke my heart. I had to pull the car over and cry. I realized I couldn’t walk around as a man because it felt like I was hiding the real me. The dysphoria and depression that comes from trying to live as a man is overwhelming.
So I feel completely stuck. It’s like being in love with someone who is toxic for you. You know leaving would make your life better, but you love them too much to let go. I think one day I might “fall out of love” with being a woman and detransition for good, but that day hasn’t come yet. Maybe it never will. Maybe I’ll just be like an old married couple that stays together out of habit, even though they’re unhappy.
A big part of my struggle is that I believe there are different kinds of people who transition. I think “real” trans people just want to transition, blend in, and get on with their lives. But I think a lot of people, especially young women, are influenced by friends or online communities or past trauma into thinking they’re trans when they’re not. They make their whole identity about being “queer,” but eventually, it feels inauthentic and they detransition. For me, it’s the opposite. I never felt pressured by friends; this was something I wanted for myself. My desire to detransition comes purely from not being able to handle the social rejection and the difficulty of life as a non-passing trans woman.
Dating is impossible now. I feel like lesbians are repulsed by me, which I understand. It’s a horrible feeling. If I detransitioned, at least I might be able to find a partner again. But then I’d be giving up on my dream.
I don’t really identify with any label anymore. I just am. I think identity can be deceptive. I know some people talk about autogynephilia (AGP), but I think it’s narcissistic to project one person’s experience onto everyone. People are different.
Ultimately, I don’t regret transitioning because it showed me who I am. But I regret that the world makes it so hard to live authentically. My detransition wouldn’t be because I’m not trans; it would be because I’m giving up on a dream that feels impossible to achieve.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 26 | Started taking estrogen (HRT) |
| 29 | First attempt to detransition (lasted 3 weeks) |
| 30 | Second attempt to detransition |
| 30 | Third attempt to detransition |
| 30 (Now) | Still on hormones, socially transitioned, but constantly considering detransition due to social pressure |
Top Comments by /u/CherryPieCandyThighs:
I agree. I haven't detransitioned yet. But think about it all the time because I'm sick of being a freak.
But I also realized that its societies fault too. In a vacuum. I'm 100% happy with my results and I love my body now more than I ever have.
Out in public though.....I see that everybody hates me. And that feels very bad.
Its a wierd place to be. Because on the one hand I wanna detransition to be normal again and fit in and have people like me again......but on the other hand I hate that society has so much power over me and I should just stick middle finger up to everyone and say fuck it!!!
Fuck fitting in! Ya know???
Ugh .....its hard
Why do social contagion affect AFABS more than AMAB.
Most of the FTM detrans stories are... "I realize I was never trans and Tumblr made me trans cause body issues/ trauma along with all my LGBT friends doing the same".
Most MTF detrans stories are... " I couldn't pass, people treat trans women like garbage. Being a man is safer/easier. Still trans tho" (no group/pressure pushed them to be trans)
Hinting that AFABs are catching contagion at a far greater rate than AMABs.
Why?
Also....this is just my opinion based on aggregating the data I have found on this subreddit and extrapolating. I could be wrong and of course #notallFTMs #notallMTFs.
If I do. It will be because I cant handle being visibly trans and the hate and stares that come with that. I cant handle feeling like shit everyday.
I want to be a normal woman not an abomination. I want to be able to leave the house and do things again.
So if I do....it will be because I miss being able to just do things without mental overhead.
If I passed this wouldn't even be a question. But reality is different.
My guess is that a large majority of male deyransitioners are actually only detransitioning due to not passing or discrimination or wanting an easier life. Not because they figured out they weren't trans.
Therefore....alot might start on the journey of detransition thinking its the right thing (myself included) and then realize it sucks and continue on with transition. Something that I've noticed among male detransitioners is that we might do this 3-4 times before either one sticks.
Whereas AFABs are usually.like....."I dunno why I thought being a boy would help me escape my childhood trauma and sexual abuse and body hatred'. And detransiton comes swiftly when they realize their error.
AmABs are generally operating more along the lines of this is something they really really want but life and certain bodily circumstance makes it extremely hard and mentally.challenging. which leads to detransition thoughts.
And therefore.....cover ups/deletions if they flip-flop between these two states.
I say this because I've detranaitoined and retransitioned 3 times already. I haven't posted images or anything but I can imagine that if I did I might also cover my tracks.
Just my opinion. Don't take what I'm saying as truths.
The reason behind this phenomenon is that people have been trained to view transition as "being authentic". Therefore if you transition you have found yourself.
Going back is now seen as being disingenuous to them, and they all want you to remain "authentic". They see it as a form of self denial or self harm and want to protect you.
I get the instinct.....but as long as you explain yourself most people eventually get to the point that they support you. Ita more of a protective instinct than anything
Its a similar instinct as a parent trying to Stop their child from transitioning. Protective.
Im on hormones 4 yeara. I haven't fully detransitioned yet. But have been on the verge 3 times and have done it once for a period of 3 weeks before as well.
The reasoning behind the feeling of wanting to.....is internalizing that what I want is impossible. I want people to see me as a woman. But they never will. Its a pipedream. Ill forever be a trans woman.
Sure people are nice and call me she and don't necessarily treat me like a dude....but they also don't treat me like a regular woman. Its always woman with a asterisk. Or they treat me like a broken toy. Walk on eggshells. Or are rude.
And I don't think I can deal with the feeling of being a societal outcast for the rest of my life.
If I passed and could be stealth....then detransition wouldn't even cross my mind. Because then I would achieve what I want. Just to be treated as any old girl.
But society coupled with how I don't fully pass 100%.....makes me hate what I am.
In private I don't care. I love the effect of hormones and I love how I look and am. But in public....I'm constantly reminded that people think its disgusting and that I'm a freak.
And that hurts. Enough to make me wanna give up.
Still trans though and always will be. My detransition won't be a case of "finding out i wasn't trans". It will be a case of giving up on a dream and accepting a bleak future as a man....but with the added bonus of actually possibly being able to attract a woman to date.
Because in the state I'm in now....dating is impossible. Nobody wants this freak of a mess.
This isn't meant to offend anyone and im sorry if it it does, but this is something I've noticed about this whole situation.
"Real" trans people just wanna transition and get it over with and blend in with the cis. If they don't then MAYBE they'll detransition. (Where im at)
"Fake"/mistaken/transtrender/trauma influenced people, usually make their whole identity about being trans/queer and wanna be the most unique/woke and flaunt their "queerness" at every chance they get. Eventually that gets old cuz they realize they can't actually run from themselves. Cuz being "trans" when you're not actually trans, feels gross and inauthentic after a while. Detransition is inevitable for all these people.
I can easily spot future detransitioners by this metric.
Not saying that was you. But it seems to fit the picture I've built in my head based on the description of yourself and your motivation that you gave.
Glad you could move away from that and find your authenticity. :)
They probably see you as MTF. I'm MTF and I feel like all lesbians are absolutely repulsed by me.
Which is fair....given the whole situation with forcing girl dick on them and expecting them to like male bodies. Super straight is a thing for a reason.....cux trans activists went too far with that shit.
If I wanna feel like absolute shit about myself....llI hang out with lesbians. They'll do it without saying a word
You sound exactly like me. I miss my old body. But long to be a woman.
I miss being desired as a male and having sex as one cuz my energy is also masculine. But now my libido is nothing and sex feels gross.
I miss being invisible the most. And unjudged. As a guy nobody cares what im doing and its great.
All the things I miss though.... are just as strong as the desire to continue. Its so confusing
HRT isn't really working that well on me. So that will help me decide easier. I can imagine if it worked well on me I might actually end up more confused.
Meh. People who are gonna "be convinced" or resonate with transitioning wouldve found a way regardless of seeing it on a local news or whatever.
Transitionjng is like tattoos.
There are people who would never get tattoos no matter how many people have them or how many celebrities they see with them. (Synonymous with cis people)
There are people who get a million tattoos and love it and didn't even need to see anyone else with them they just knew they wanted them. (Synonymous with real transexuals)
And there are people who get one and regret it and get it lasered. Usually because their friends also got one (synonymous with confused gender non conforming people)
We can't just remove all influences of anything from society in the hopes to stop the few from following suit and regretting it.
Same with transition.
Transition is a viable method for treating gender dyspgoria and many go on and live fruitful lives after transition. Most distance themselves from trans communities and treat it more like a medical issue.
Some transition, because they see others doing it, or had trauma, or found an explanation for why they didnt have a full grasp on their own identity and were swayed into transition one way or another. Its nobodies fault that this happens....it just does. More exposure or less exposure won't stop things like this happening.
Do you think if we started photoshopping tattoos out of all magazines and movies people would suddenly stop getting them??? Haha nope.
And even if we did.....there would still be people who get one and regret it.
Same thing.
Its just a thing that happens. Is happening. And does happen. Doesn't mean we should stop talking about it or worse, ban it.
Transition helps many people. Its sad that it doesn't work for everybody or that some people mistakenly follow that path, without actually being trans, or being trans but regretting a certain surgery, but thats the reality with anything. Not just transition.
Regret vs Satisfaction is a universal human truth regardless of what area of life you look at. It can apply to love, career, transition, children.....anything.
Like for instance. If all my friends around me started having kids and I felt like I should follow them and then regretted it. Do I blame them? Or do I blame myself??? Should we stop others from having kids just because we regretted having them??? Think about how stupid that sounds.
Same thing applies here