also; it seems like your acne/skin got a lot better after stopping t. unless it's just makeup! i struggle a lot with acne after coming off, but had totally clear skin before. how long did it take for your skin to get better? did it get worse before it got better? mine seems like it's doing that haha

yes, two!

the first one, funnily enough, was "I Saw The TV Glow". usually that's people's trans awakening. it was my detrans awakening. i felt like i was being buried alive, and i needed to be honest with myself to live again. the second one is probably funnier, but it was Jersey Shore. the whole series. i realized how much i envied jwoww, and just all the girls and their girlhood. i wanted to feel like that too.

The issue with this is controlling someone else's trip will almost only have bad effects. You can't do that to someone. The point of tripping is self-discovery, not you discovering something for her. Please do not bring this up while she is tripping. You could instead ask questions, like "how are you feeling about yourself right now?" but DO NOT offer your own input on anything about her unless it is positive. You can save it for later. Do not get argumentative or combative. I promise it will fuck her up. She is young, you both are.

Ooh okay I understand! I unfortunately don't believe there would be any reliable and safeguarded way to reduce bottom growth without leaving you permanently altered in ways that would likely be worse than just accepting your bottom growth (complete loss of sensation, complication, etc.) I don't think such a surgery is even possible in any general practice. You'd probably have to find a surgeon who is an absolute master of their craft to ever accomplish such a delicate surgery. I will say though, I believe seeking surgical intervention would be a thin veil of more pain and discomfort to cover deep rooted insecurities that we as detrans people often have. The only way to get the identical body you want and the exact appearance you dream of with no faults is to accept yourself without altering yourself further. It sounds so fucking impossible but I promise it is. Your body is just your vessel. Such a private and intimate part of your body is something so vulnerable that needs more acceptance and attention than anything else. Not in like, a creepy way, but idk. Just in the sense that you need to be kind to it. It isn't evil or bad, no part of your body is ever or will ever be inherently wrong for the way it is. It's just who and how you are. The space you take up. Someone will love it more than you could even dream, whether it's you or someone else or hopefully both

Hi! I understand how confusing these feelings are. I want to start off by saying you're not any less of a female (if that is what you detransitioned to) for having bottom growth. There is no "treatment" for reducing or reversing bottom growth besides further surgical intervention

I'm going to be honest, this really does just sound like intrusive thoughts. I completely understand what you're going through, I struggle with OCD due to trauma and the thoughts that come with it are nothing short of just torturous. I know what it's like to feel paralyzed from this sort of thing. I think this is something you should take to a professional. I promise it will help so much. I know what it is like to feel dysphoria. You will be ok. Like you said, no one is forcing you. Everything will be ok. Take a few deep breaths

hi! i've never had surgery so please take everything i'm saying with that in mind. but your thought processes sound very similar to the ones i have regarding many things in my life. just like the constant anxiety thought loops, it's terrifying. i would say almost all of this is connected to trauma. surgery in itself can be a very traumatic experience for anyone. but especially given that a lot of your trauma surrounded your previous surgery (most of what you're describing seems a lot like extreme dissociation) it's possible this is a result of (c)ptsd. ptsd manifests in very strange ways. i have c-ptsd myself and my thought patterns are exactly what you are describing regarding different events, i'm pretty sure that exact feeling of dissociation the first time -> hyper vigilance the second time is something i've gone through. it just sounds very familiar. as for what to do, therapy could be useful to talk through it, but i would treat your anxiety like it is a ptsd reaction. for example, try to use grounding skills, try to have a phrase that you tell yourself every time you get the urge to research down a rabbit hole (i know why i'm doing this, it's because my brain is worried. it's going to be okay. there's nothing i can do until the surgery's over. i just have to take it one day at a time.) you can also research different methods for recovering from flashbacks that i think would really help!

i understand completely. i can imagine how much grief you must feel. you were so young, you didn't deserve any of this. do you have a good relationship with your mom now? does she know you have detransitioned? if you're comfortable talking about it of course. i really hope you can get reconstruction.

hi! we seem to have had kind of similar issues although mine are not testosterone related they happened before t. what you are describing is very likely vaginal atrophy + vaginismus. you can try vaginal stretching, that helped me, you can buy dilators that help the pain

that is still an insanely high dose. that's triple average dosage, even 0.3 is really high... the max is usually 0.25 for 100mg/mL. is there any reason you went on such a high dose? that's probably why you're feeling so awful. your muscles are atrophying like crazy