This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. The user demonstrates consistent, nuanced, and passionate engagement with the topic of detransition, offering personalized advice and support. The language is complex, empathetic, and varies in tone, which is not typical of a bot. There are no serious red flags suggesting it's inauthentic. The perspective aligns with a desister who is critical of medical transition and advocates for self-acceptance.
About me
I was deeply unhappy and thought changing my body was the only answer, but it was a big misunderstanding of myself. My discomfort wasn't about being the wrong sex; it was about my terrible social anxiety and belief that everyone was judging my female body. I was also using the idea of transition as a form of escapism to run from my other problems. I now see that true peace comes from accepting my natural self and challenging rigid boxes, not from surgery or hormones. I'm finally addressing my underlying anxiety and building the confidence to just exist as I am.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender was, I see now, a big misunderstanding of myself. I never actually transitioned medically, but I spent a long time deeply unhappy and thinking that changing my body was the only way to fix it. Looking back, my discomfort wasn't really about gender; it was about a lot of other things that I was misreading.
A huge part of it was that I had very low self-esteem and bad social anxiety. I was convinced that everyone was constantly judging how I looked. I hated my body, especially my breasts, and felt like they made me a target for attention I didn't want. I thought if I could just look different, that anxiety would go away. I now realize that the problem wasn't my body, but my belief that other people's opinions mattered more than my own peace. I needed to build the confidence to just exist as I am, without needing to change for anyone.
I also see now that a lot of my feelings were influenced by escapism. The idea of becoming someone else, of shedding the person I was, was incredibly appealing. It felt like a way to run away from all my problems. I spent a lot of time online, and I was definitely influenced by the communities I was in, which presented transition as the obvious solution to any kind of body discomfort or unhappiness. I think for me, it was a way to avoid dealing with the root causes of my depression and anxiety.
Another significant factor was my relationship with porn. I noticed a pattern where consuming certain types of "weird porn" would trigger intense feelings of wanting to be the opposite sex. It was like a temporary high that would then crash, leaving me feeling confused. I came to believe that I was overwhelming my brain's reward system and creating a false connection. It wasn't a real, stable identity; it was a reaction to sexual stimuli. Stepping back from that helped me see things more clearly.
My thoughts on gender now are that we put way too much pressure on it. We're taught to embrace who we are, but then society has all these rigid boxes for what men and women should be. Instead of changing our bodies to fit those boxes, I think we should have the courage to be gender non-conforming and challenge those standards. Why should I have to get surgery or take hormones to be accepted? True peace comes from accepting your natural self and telling the world to deal with it.
I do have regrets. I regret all the time and mental energy I wasted hating my body and planning a future that wasn't right for me. I regret almost falling for the idea that plastic surgery and pharmaceuticals were the answer to my pain. I'm grateful that I never went through with any medical procedures. The real work was learning that the problem was never my body, but the broken world I was trying to navigate. Addressing my underlying anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem through therapy and self-reflection is what actually helped.
Age | Event |
---|---|
Throughout teens and early 20s | Intense body discomfort, social anxiety, and depression. Felt influenced by online communities to see transition as a solution. |
Early 20s | Recognized a link between porn consumption and transient gender feelings. Began to question if my dysphoria was authentic. |
Mid 20s | Started to critically examine my beliefs. Realized my discomfort was rooted in low self-esteem and a desire to escape, not in a true transgender identity. |
Present (Mid-late 20s) | Detransitioned socially. Now focused on building self-acceptance and challenging societal standards without altering my body. |
Top Comments by /u/Congadonga:
You KNOW that your thoughts are toxic? Good grief, when did we transition into a society where having concern for one’s partner is considered “toxic?”
Anyway, your thoughts are beliefs are completely justified, OP. It’s sorta cringe that you use “transphobe” like a slur, and I’d try to stop thinking in those terms. Are you afraid of trans people? Do you actively fear them? No? Then there’s no phobia. You are simply a rational human being, critically examining the social structures that we live under. Keep that discerning eye; it will pay dividends throughout your life.
Put 2 and 2 together, bud. You watch the porn or see someone who reminds you of the porn, and the feelings come on. Under any other circumstance, it seems, that’s not the case.
I’m not a psychologist or a neuroscientist, but based on what little I know on those topics, you’re overwhelming your dopaminergic system with sexual stimuli.
From a biological perspective, sex is what we were born to do, and everything else we do is done in search of sex, so you can procreate and help sustain the human race. That’s why it feels so good — the release of dopamine reinforces that sex is something you should want to seek out. You confuse that system by introducing, in your words, “weird porn,” which distorts how your brain views sex and how that dopamine gets released.
Don’t do that. It’ll only get worse in the long-run. You’re young. Preserve your brain as best you can by at least limiting your porn consumption to some degree. You’ll recalibrate and be able to clearly decide one way or the other about whether you’re trans. From my view, it doesn’t seem like you are.
Good luck, OP. 💜
Acquiescing to a bigoted society with unnecessary plastic surgery and pharmaceuticals instead of protesting the standards of said society by…doing nothing and remaining steadfast in who you are.
What a brilliant world we live in. You’ve confirmed OP’s point.
I guarantee that no one cares how you look even a fraction of how much you think they do. You aren’t god, and exercising some humility and courage in embracing your natural self would probably serve you well. Step back from what you’ve established as the “conventional ideal,” evaluate why you’re so obsessed with it (ugh, critical thinking, I know…), and try to address the root cause of your dysphoria. Putting a bandaid over a broken bone will do nothing.
Yes, I get the same treatment for looking more masculine. So what? You need to build the confidence to either ignore them or tell them to fuck off. Either way, that process involves constantly reminding yourself that humans are hair-brained most of the time, and first impressions are formed out of the lowest-level mental processes we have at our disposal.
In essence, it’s threat assessment. Women in the bathroom see you as a threat because most men are bigger, stronger, and more violent than most women. You know better than they do about who you are, so you could politely inform them that you are, in fact, a woman. And if it continues, go to management of whatever place you’re at and have THEM removed.
People are slow to let go of these primal instincts. They require prodding. And you have to find the humor in the situation along the way. You’re not hurting anyone by existing in your current state. Only you are at risk, if you allow it to fester within you.
Good luck.
Im not advocating for HRT. Quite the opposite. If you’re GNC, then be GNC, if it’s generally safe to do so. Who cares if people look at you? Why are you so concerned about what strangers think? Have some cojones and stand proud in who you are. You shouldn’t have to change anything about your natural self in order to find peace. The world needs more people embracing themselves for who they are to reach a better, kinder place. Isn’t that what we were all taught growing up?
There are plenty of men who have the hair you envy, but since they are considerably outnumbered by women with long hair, maybe you’re not encountering them. I live in California, and the dudes with luscious locks are everywhere. I have short hair now, and sometimes they make me jealous lmao.
But ultimately, man, your flesh bag is just a vessel for the mind inside. Take care of it so the mind can keep minding, but you shouldn’t feel pressured to modify it to conform to some arbitrary and elusive beauty standard. There’s a reason women desist from conventional femininity. It’s taxing on the brain and body to constantly be seeking a higher status through looks. Don’t fall for it!
First off, you’re definitely not an idiot. You did the best you could with the tools you had at the time to mitigate your pain. As you know now, transitioning doesn’t really alleviate that pain, so I just want to commend you for the strength it has taken to endure it thus far.
Now is the time to find new and better tools to manage and eventually work through the pain for good — therapy is the cliche answer, but for a reason: it works. You may have to go through a few therapists, Goldilocks-style, until you find a person who understands and can help you. Check out art and music therapy, if talking to a practical stranger doesn’t sound like a good fit. There are plenty of options to choose from!
Remember: you are not the problem and never were. It’s the world you were born into, and the best thing you can do is care for yourself to prepare and defend yourself from the darker parts of that world. I’m so sorry for all that you went through, and I hope you’re able to find the peace you deserve soon!
We’re here for you, OP. If nothing else, you have a community here of people who understand what you’ve been through and can help support you. Maybe there’s a way we can organize a meet up of folks in this subreddit who are local to you?
There’s just so much to see and do in life, and notably, much of it can be done away from society! Idk if you’ve been doing this already, but perhaps it’s worth taking some time to go be in nature, a proper vacation to reset and distance yourself from the often-harsh human world.
It’s clear you have been already, but I encourage you to reflect more on where these thoughts are coming from. I’ve never looked that obsessively at someone’s brow line, of all features, and I don’t know anyone who has. I’ll be honest, it’s pretty strange, and it’s worth rooting out. I think it’ll bring you a great deal of peace to put this thing to rest, once and for all. You’re expending soooo much mental energy worrying about something that no one else is worried about. You’re just a person. You can’t be perfect a) because perfection is subjective, thus can never be achieved, and b) because nobody is! I promise, no one is scrutinizing your hair and brow line even 0.001% as aggressively as you are.