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Reddit user /u/Conscious_Effort_655's Detransition Story

female
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
took hormones
regrets transitioning
trauma
anxiety
doesn't regret transitioning
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

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Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's comments are highly personal, nuanced, and emotionally consistent. They share a detailed, long-term personal history (20 years on testosterone), discuss their evolving feelings and therapeutic practices (EMDR, yoga, affirmations), and offer empathetic, non-dogmatic advice that aligns with the complex experiences of long-term transitioners and desisters. The perspective is critical of current medical practices but from an internal, lived-experience viewpoint.

About me

I transitioned from female to male twenty years ago and was happy living as a man for a long time. I’ve started to question if my drive to transition was really about escaping the mistreatment that masculine women face. Through EMDR therapy and positive affirmations, I'm slowly making peace with my female self. I don't regret my transition, but I am concerned about the long-term unknowns of testosterone. An inner voice is now guiding me to stop, and I'm listening to it.

My detransition story

My journey with gender has been long and complicated, and I'm still figuring it out. I transitioned from female to male about twenty years ago. I started testosterone and have been on it for two decades. At the time, I knew it was a bit of a science experiment because there weren't any real long-term studies on its effects, and that's something that concerns me now. I went into it figuring that one day I might want to stop, and that day seems to be getting closer.

I was really happy with my transition for a long time because I genuinely wanted to live as a man. I liked a lot of the changes testosterone gave me. As a butch female, I felt I was often seen as unattractive, but after transitioning, I was suddenly regarded as a cute guy. All that positive affirmation made me feel better about myself. But lately, I've started to question if a lot of my drive to transition was actually about escaping the misogyny and mistreatment that masculine women face in society.

I’ve been working on making peace with my natal sex, and it’s been happening slowly over time. A few things have really helped me. I started doing positive affirmations focused on my body several years ago, committing to loving it, or at least certain parts. I also have a spiritual practice that grounds me. Lately, I've been doing EMDR therapy to process some old trauma, and that has helped me be more at peace with my female self. There's just an inner voice now guiding me in this direction, and I'm listening to it.

I don’t really see gender as a performance. I think your presentation, whether masculine or feminine, should just come naturally. It’s okay to be a masculine woman; that doesn’t make you trans or non-binary. Looking at the community now, it makes me really sad to see so many young women and girls who are just uncomfortable with themselves falling into a trans pipeline. There are far more young trans men today, with fewer guardrails, and far more people detransitioning. It tells me there are major problems with the current medical model.

I don’t have regrets about my transition; it was the right path for me for a long time and I benefited from it. But I am concerned about the long-term use of testosterone and the unknowns. My experience has shown me that for some people, transition alleviates their dysphoria and they feel better, but for others, it doesn't help and can even make them feel worse. It's not about being "real" or "fake" trans.

I think a lot of this comes down to self-esteem and confidence. After you transition, you still need to participate in the world and do things that build your confidence outside of just queer spaces. For me, that’s been volunteering, like doing yoga with kids in a low-income area. It gets you outside of your head. Obsessing over gender is often related to anxiety, and things like yoga, talk therapy, and relaxation techniques have helped me become more grounded and clear-headed.

I also believe that transitioning to avoid dealing with internalized homophobia is a form of suppression. It might feel good for a moment, but it brings suffering in the long term because you’re wasting parts of your life being someone you’re not. It's best to deal with your issues head-on.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
20s Started taking testosterone (FtM transition).
40s Began intentionally focusing on my body with positive affirmations.
40s Started EMDR therapy to address past trauma.
40s Began seriously questioning long-term testosterone use and started working on making peace with my natal sex.

Top Comments by /u/Conscious_Effort_655:

22 comments • Posting since January 15, 2024
Reddit user Conscious_Effort_655 (Questioning own transgender status) comments that there are no "real" or "fake" trans people, only people with gender dysphoria for whom transition either alleviates symptoms or fails to help, sometimes making them feel worse.
33 pointsFeb 2, 2024
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i don’t believe there is real trans or fake trans. There are people with gender dysphoria and for some of them transitioning alleviates those symptoms and they feel better. For others, transition does not alleviate gender dysphoria and they do not feel better. Sometimes they actually feel worse.

Reddit user Conscious_Effort_655 (Questioning own transgender status) explains the shift from more detransitioning MTF individuals 15-20 years ago to the current surge of detransitioning FTMs, blaming the modern medical model and lack of safeguards for leading vulnerable young women into a "trans pipeline."
32 pointsJan 28, 2024
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15-20 years, i would agree there were way more trans women than trans men, and i would occasionally meet some trans women who would later detransition. i knew maybe two trans males who detransitioned. No one in the community hated or rejected them. We all also transitioned as adults and had to jump a lot more hoops to transition from than you do today.

Today it’s all the opposite, there are far more trans men, with fewer to no guard rails and far more detransitioning. All this tells me is that there are major problems with the current medical model, and young women/girls who are prone to be uncomfortable with themselves are mistakenly falling into this trans pipeline. It has made me really sad to see these changes and i have immense empathy for our detransitioning young people.

Reddit user Conscious_Effort_655 (Questioning own transgender status) comments on making peace with one's natal sex, citing concerns about long-term testosterone use and the help of therapy, spiritual practice, and body acceptance.
21 pointsJan 15, 2024
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i can relate to you- i am not tired of being trans, but concerned about my long term use of testosterone and the unknowns of its effects.

in the meantime i’ve been working on making peace with my natal sex, and it’s been happening overtime. therapy,and having a spiritual practice have helped, also committing to loving my body, at least certain parts, have helped alleviate some dysphoria. so yes, i think it’s possible to make peace with your birth gender.

Reddit user Conscious_Effort_655 (Questioning own transgender status) commends a teen for questioning their identity before making permanent changes, calling it a normal part of growing up.
20 pointsJan 19, 2024
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not stupid at all, questioning things and figuring out identity is a normal part of being a teenager. its actually great you figured this out before making any permanent changes - that’s something to be proud of and when you look back later in life few you’ll be glad.

Reddit user Conscious_Effort_655 (Questioning own transgender status) explains that for many women on the subreddit, identifying as trans is a trauma response to events like SA, not a pursuit of equality.
20 pointsJan 29, 2024
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it’s not always an equality question- on this sub there are many women who suffered serious trauma such as SA that start identifying differently. people suffering trauma often aren’t in a position to push for equality- they are looking for coping mechanisms and healing

Reddit user Conscious_Effort_655 (Questioning own transgender status) offers encouragement to a young detransitioner, assuring them that physical changes will come with time and this period will one day be seen as a small blip in their life.
19 pointsFeb 3, 2024
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Absolutely! In the big picture you’re still young and didn’t take T for a very long time. Stay patient and the changes will come in time. you have your whole life ahead of you and in one day in the future you’ll look back on this as a blip in your teenage years.

Reddit user Conscious_Effort_655 (Questioning own transgender status) explains how building confidence through volunteering in mainstream social settings helped them after transitioning FtM.
14 pointsJan 16, 2024
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i transitioned FtM a long time ago, some things are different today but i can see a lot of younger FtMs today seem to have the same issue you are speaking of, in my view it comes down to self esteem and confidence.

after going through through the hoops to transition, you then need participate in the world, doing things that build your confidence in social settings (outside of queer/lgbt). one way is to go volunteer somewhere connected to an activity you enjoy - for example if you like animals you can volunteer at an animal shelter or something like that, so you’re interacting with others and doing something that benefits others. my current thing is i like yoga and i go volunteer to do yoga with kids in a low income area. it gets you outside of your head and you forget your worries

Reddit user Conscious_Effort_655 (Questioning own transgender status) comments on the lack of self-doubt in transitioned individuals, suggesting it's a defense mechanism that hinders developmental growth.
13 pointsFeb 5, 2024
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i think you hit something there about how they seem on the verge of it and lash out. it seems like when you transition you can never feel any kind of self doubt, which just isn’t human. Being able to self-question without getting insecure is part of developmental growth.

Reddit user Conscious_Effort_655 (Questioning own transgender status) explains how societal acceptance as a "cute guy" on testosterone, contrasted with the misogyny faced as a butch woman, contributed to their initial transition.
13 pointsFeb 1, 2024
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not really a right or wrong thing, i like a lot of the changes T gave me too and have been starting to think about why. my guess is that as a butch female i was generally regarded as unattractive by most people but after T, suddenly i was regarded as a cute guy and the affirmations made me feel better about myself. the misogyny and mistreatment of masculine women in society has been more on mind as i think this through.

Reddit user Conscious_Effort_655 (Questioning own transgender status) comments that gender isn't a performance, arguing that masculine/feminine presentation should be natural and that being a masculine woman doesn't make someone trans.
13 pointsFeb 11, 2024
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tbh i don’t see gender as a performance and i know that’s unpopular opinion, but i think your presentation as masculine or feminine is something that should just come naturally. it’s ok to be a masculine woman/female - that doesn’t make you trans or non-binary.